


The Butterfly Effect

by a_banana_for_your_thoughts



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Eventual Relationships, F/M, Gen, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-28 14:18:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 114,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7644280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_banana_for_your_thoughts/pseuds/a_banana_for_your_thoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes in life we are presented with choices that can not only change our lives, but alter the course of history. We can make things better or stop the earth from revolving. The butterfly in Asia causes a tornado America. But when she was thrust into such a decision against her will and without guidance, would she be able to change her world for the better, or make the events that were set into motion 100 years ago even worse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the TV miniseries Band Of Brothers, of which this story is based on. I base this story purely on the HBO miniseries, with a few facts that I have looked up in books and online that have to due with dates and time lines. Other than that, this is purely a fan fiction based on only the miniseries and the actors that portrayed them. No disrespect is intended to the real E Company men. This is purely fictional.

 

 

 

"Captain! Captain!" A young medic yelled at the young woman with bloodstained ACUs.

"Bit busy here, private... can it wait?" Her hands were covered in the prone man's blood as she spoke without really seeing the corporal's face.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but the CO needs you to hurry it up, the line is falling back and the enemy is pushing up further and further. They'll be here soon." The young man, boy really as he couldn't be far past 18, said as he nervously twisted his UCP cap. "The rest of the wounded have already been loaded and transferred to the e-vac hospital. Your and the Sarge are the only ones not on their way to the back."

"Soon to be our new front." She said sarcastically as she used a hemostat to pull out a piece of metal shrapnel from the mess of intestines.

"Yes ma'am." the corpsman said, not noticing the sarcasm in the statement. " The Major said, 'You and the patient need to be loaded up in the trucks and out of here ten minutes ago!', ma'am."

"Therein lies the problem, private. You see the man here with my hands sticking inside his abdominal cavity?" She asked as she clamped off a piece of intestine.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Well, I happen to be digging around in his intestines at the moment. Not for fun, mind you, I much prefer a friendly game of soccer... but apparently someone thought his guts would better suit him outside of his body. Now you and I both know that's not quite true. So I need to to fix it so that those intestines stay right where they are supposed to be until someone else can rummage around in there and put everything back where it belongs. And to do that I need at least ten more minutes."

"But Ma'am-"

"My unit is still at the front trying to buy us more time, right?" She asked. The private glanced at the Airborne Ranger insignia on the woman's sleeve.

"Yes ma'am."

"Good, then radio them, tell them when they pull back to do a tailgate drop and pick us up before they head off. I should be done and he should be ready for transport by then, understood?"

"Yes ma'am." He saluted and scurried off the do as he was told. The woman listened as the sound of trucks roared off and dissipated like smoke into the background as the sounds as mortar rounds got closer and closer. Finishing with her task of stabilizing the man a few minutes later, the young Captain sighed and stuck her head out of the dingy tent that had be used as a temporary e-vac hospital. She was instantly hit with the feel of the scorching desert heat and the acrid smell of sulfur.

"Well Sarge, here's hoping we see each other again in the states." She said as the roar of a truck came up and stopped in front of the tent.

"Hell Captain, fancy seeing y'all here!" A man with a strong southern accent said as he and another ran to the table and pick up the gurney that served as an improvised operating table. "Always took you as more of a four star kinda person."

"You know me, Sergeant, always been a four goat girl myself, it's the Navajo blood." She joked as she grabbed her kit and her rifle. She gave instruction as to the care of the patient to those lucky enough to get a spot in the truck, then slammed the gate and waved them off.

"Well ma'am, looks like that desert training might actually pay off!" her non-com joked as they started their long run to the new HQ.

"Outstanding." She mumbled, sarcasm coloring her voice.

The Captain and the Sergeant had been lifelong friends, both growing up as army brats and traveling around the world with their families, somehow able to keep in touch after many years and thousands of miles. While the Sergeant had gone into service right out of high school, the Captain chose an alternative rout, going to West Point and becoming an officer. She was one of the first groups of women to be allowed the privilege to train as an Army Ranger and had been one of the 20 of who had what it took to make it through. Now, at nearly twenty-two years of age, they had been reunited under the same Ranger unit, which had been deployed nearly 8 months ago. They were at the end of their deployment, his fifth, her third.

Just the other night, though it now seemed like weeks ago, they were talking about what they were going to do when they get home. He had a wife and a son he had never met waiting at home for him. She envied him for that, all she had was the Single Officers quarters and the return to her residency to look forward to, having been called up to the front before she could finish due to troop shortages.

"So, they actually let you carve into somebody huh?" He panted, reaching into one of his many pockets to find his canteen. She gave a grunt that was somewhere between a laugh and a sound of pain.

"They didn't have a choice. Some head-up-his-ass Colonel ordered all the docs be evacuated at the first whiff of trouble and that left only me and a few medics to stabilize the wounded enough to get them the fuck outta here."

"I love the army, hooah!" He grinned as they finally caught up with the rest of their unit.

"Captain Benally." the Major greeted her as she came up. "Good to have you back."

"Sir." she nodded. "Good to be back." He smiled at her then pointed out their location on the map.

"We are to hold our position here until instructed otherwise. We are ordered to impede the enemy advancement as best we can until the trucks and the rest of the troops are safely inside the green zone, here." He pointed to another part on the map.

"That's thirty miles from here, sir."

"It is, Captain. Once across, they are going to send armor back to get us."

"Won't be holding my breath for that one, sir."He grinned.

"Me either, kid."

0000000000000000000

Night came and brought the title wave of insurgents with it. The Ranger unit fought with all its might, the only thing keeping it going was the thought that this was their last mission, after this it was a blissful 4 months of peace before they had to came back to this hell. Now, with the morning sun coming up over the sandy dunes, the promise of an armor escort was looking less and less likely.

Just when all hope seemed lost, the unmistakable roar of engines could be heard. The unit quickly and efficiently started their evacuation of the small town like the well oiled machine they were.

"After you, Captain." the Sergeant said to her. She grinned, slapped his back, and ran to the building down the road as he supplied covering fire. Once there, she poked her head around the corner and signaled for the Sergeant to follow as she supplied the covering fire.

POP!

"Sniper!" yelled someone as the sergeant fell face into the ground mere feet from the shelter of the building.

"Will!" The Captain cried as the blood started to form a crimson bloom on his ACU. Her eyes frantically searched for the sniper seeing a slight glint off the scope. "There!" she pointed. "Second building on the left, third floor fourth window over." She turned to the specialist. "Don't miss," and bolted from the safety of the build towards her downed friend.

POP. POP.

BANG!

The sniper fell from the window as she assessed the wounds of her friend.

"You're going to be okay! Just hold on!" She told him as she motioned for a stretcher. Turning, she provided covering fire and waited until it was safely loaded in the truck with the Sergeant on it.

"Lets go, Captain!" Someone yelled. She turned to run, but only got a few steps before an explosion hit behind her and she was propelled the remaining five feet to the truck. She opened her eyes, dizzy from the loud roaring in her ears that was not coming from the truck. Her men were above her, screaming out something to her, trying to keep her still as she fought to sit up. She couldn't hear what they were saying... they seemed frantic. She wanted to tell them it wasn't that bad, it didn't even hurt much... just a slight pinch in her back, but her mouth was unwilling to cooperate with her brain. The Major came into view and firmly pushed her back down, saying something softly to her as a stretcher was placed down next to her and she was gently lifted onto it. She looked down at where she had just been laying and only vaguely realizing that there seemed to be way too much blood for just a small pinch before the roaring went silent and the world went black.


	2. Little Bo Peep has Lost Her Jeep

I felt an all encompassing darkness overcome me. I fought hard against it, fought to find my way out of the shadowed corners of my mind. I struggled, reached upwards as the pin-point of light bloomed into a full out flame. A red hot feeling came over me, like a bad sunburn.

"You okay, Jo?" Someone asked me, an unrecognizable voice ringing in my ears. I realized that there was no fire, it was just the sun burning red behind my blood filled eyelids. "Jo?" I grunted in affirmative as I brought my hand up to block out the light. "Damn kid, you took a hell of a fall."

"Wh-" I swallowed as I cracked my eyes open a fraction. My voice was rough and strained and I would have given Will's left nut for a drink of water. "What happened?" I heard a few snickers.

"You fell off the edge of a hill, Jo." A new voice said as it leant over me and blocked out the harsh sunlight. Slowly, I opened my eyes against their protest. Everything was blurred and I only vaguely made out an undefined head topped with bright red hair. "Are you alright?"

"I-I think so..." I blinked hard, trying to clear my vision. I breathed deep and tried to stand up to get my bearings but everything around me started to spin and I felt myself drop backwards, unable to stop my inevitable fall.

"Whoa!" Someone exclaimed as I felt several pairs of hands grab me and keep me from falling. I groaned as they stood me up. I closed eyes, trying to stop the world from spinning and stomping down the sudden urge to expel the previous day's lunch. A pinching feeling overwhelmed me and my hands flew to my lower back. I hissed in pain as I rubbed the ache in the small of my back.

_POP!_

_"Sniper!" yelled someone as the sergeant fell face into the ground mere feet from the shelter of the building._

_"Will!"_

The memory flooded me as everything that happened before I had passed out came rushing back to me.

_"Let's go, Captain!" Someone yelled. I turned to run, but only got a few steps before an explosion hit behind me and I was propelled the remaining five feet to the truck. My men were above me, screaming out something, trying to keep me still as I fought to sit up. The Major came into view and firmly pushed me back down, saying something softly, as a stretcher was placed down next to me and I was gently lifted onto it. I looked down at where I had just been laying and only vaguely realizing that there seemed to be way too much blood for just a small pinch before the roaring went silent and the world went black._

The sudden onset of the memory brought back the dizziness in spades and I pitched forward, emptying the contents of my stomach out on somebody's shoes.


	3. Long Ago and Far Away

"What the hell are you thinking, Corporal Benally!" The man with the vomit on his shoes screamed.

"Corporal?" I whispered to myself. I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear my vision. Blinking several times before the blurs turned into figures and faces... faces of soldiers I had never met before. I knitted my eyebrows in confusion.

"Answer me, Corporal!" The man, a Captain, yelled again.

"Sir, he just fell 10 feet and landed on his back." The man who I surmised was the red haired blur answered.

"I did not ask you Lieutenant Winters, I ask the scum of a Corporal who puked on my shoes." The Captain yelled.

"Corporal?" I asked. They both looked at me. "I'm not a Corporal." My voice was still rough. I looked around confused as to my surroundings. I was no longer in a desert, but a lush forested area. The air was humid and smelled of mildew, a vast contrasted to the arid, sulfuric smell of the desert town I was last in. "Where's Will?" I asked as a growing concern for my best friend mounted.

"Who's Will?" The redhead, Lt. Winters, asked.

"He's, uh, his brother, sir." Another man answered, coming forward from the crowd.

"Brother?" Winters asked the man as I mumbled the same question.

"Yes, sir." The man nodded and elbowed me in the side. Winters turned his concerned eyes back to me.

"Luz, I think you better take him to the infirmary." He ordered the man.

"Lt. Winters, I say who goes to the infirmary and who doesn't!" The Captain growled as he glared at me.

"Yes sir, Cpt. Sobel." Winters snapped to attention. Sobel sneered at him then turned his look of disgust back to me.

"It is his own fault that he fell and if he cannot take that small drop then he does not deserve to be a paratrooper." He shoved his face into mine. "Do you want to give up, soldier?" He spat the last word with so much contempt that my mouth worked without conferring with my brain.

"No, sir." I tried to sound strong, but it came out weaker than I wanted.

"Good. Your weekend pass is revoked." Cpt. Sobel glared at me then looked out of the corner of his eyes at Lt. Winters. "You are to put on full gear and run up Currahee. Now." He was punishing Winters by punishing me. He grinned sadistically as he stalked off. I stared in confusion at the spot he had just vacated.

"Roe." Lt. Winters called, "time to put those new skills of yours to work." I turned to the man, Luz, who had said Will was my brother.

"What's a Currahee?" He patted my shoulder and looked at me in concern as another man came over and took my face into his hands. He gently turned my head to and fro, then turned my face towards the sun, pulling my eyelids open when I closed them, assessing how my eyes dilated "Ow."

"You're head hurt?" The man, I assumed he was Roe, asked.

"More and more by minute." I answered as I took in the unfamiliar surroundings with furrowed brow. Roe turned my head to face him and used quick, light fingers to check my head for any injuries.

"What do you think?" Lt. Winters asked Roe sane completed my torture.

"Well, sir, honestly? I think he should be checked out by a real doctor." Winters nodded and sighed.

"Go on and get your gear on." He turned to Luz. "Take him and make sure he's okay." Luz nodded. I started to walk off, a thick cloud of confusion dulling my senses. Luz grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me in the other direction. As we passed, I saw Winters watching me with a worried brow.

0000000000000000000

"You're one lucky son of a bitch, you know that?" Luz growled when we had made it to the safety of the barracks. "Do you know what an injury like that could have cost you if Sobel hadn't intervened?"

"Where am I?" I asked him in confusion. He looked over at me.

"That must have been some hit to the head." He walked over to me slowly. "You really don't know?" I shook my head. He knitted his eyebrows. "You're in Camp Toccoa."

"Georgia?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "The hell am I doing here?"

"I've been trying to figure that out since you told me." He chuckled.

"Told you what?" I was beyond confused.

"That you're more of a Joanna than a Joseph." I blinked and looked at him blankly. "You're a Dame." He said slowly. "A woman."

"Well, yeah." I was even more confused. "So..."

"So, you're impersonating a man so you can fight in the war."

"Why would I need to impersonate a man?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Because women can't join the army." He was starting to look really worried.

"But women have been in the army since 1978." He put his hand to my forehead. "What?" I cried and pushed his hand away.

"Darlin' its 1942."I stopped and looked him up and down. He was wearing an old style of uniforms, ODs instead of the normal ACUs. I looked out the screened in window to the neat lines of perfectly uniformed barracks to the men either dressed in PT gear or similarly dressed to Luz. I walked over to the calendar on the wall 27th November, 1942. I flipped through it but it all said the same, day, month, 1942.

"Oh holy crap." I felt dizzy again.

"Hey! Put your head between your legs and breath." Luz rushed over to me as I started to hyperventilate. He rubbed my back for a bit. "I'd love to sit here all day and listen to the no doubt fascinating story you're about to explain to me, but you really need to get geared up. You still gotta run Currahee."

"What's a Currahee?" I asked as the dizziness passed. He rolled his eyes and pulled me out the door.

"You see that hill there?" He pointed. I nodded. "That is the bane of our existence, also known as Currahee." He pulled me back in. "Now," he opened up a footlocker at the end of the very last bed and started tossing things out at me. "You need to get your gear on before Sobel comes back and court-martials ya." I blearily started to strap on the gear he tossed to me, wondering just what in the hell was going on.

0000000000000000000

Lt. Winters came in about five minutes later just as I slipped my canteen into place. Luz jumped to attention and I quickly followed.

"At ease." He nodded as took off his helmet and fixed his hair. He looked over at me. "How you doing, Corporal?" He asked. I stood there blankly before Luz elbowed me in the ribs.

"Uh, fine, sir." Remembering I no longer had double bars on my chest but now had double chevrons on my sleeve. Winters nodded but looked me over worriedly.

"Right, well let's get going." He exited and Luz and I followed. "Alright." he took a stopwatch out of his pocket and pressed a button. "Go." I took off towards the small hill on the horizon.

0000000000000000000

Forty minutes seven point three one seconds later I stood panting in front of Winters and another of the Lt's. They looked at me in slight surprise. I wanted to tell them that it was nothing compared to Ranger school, but figured after what Luz had told me I had better keep my mouth shut.

"Well done, Corporal" Winters nodded to me. I was about to take a drink from my canteen when Sobel stalked over to us.

"Lt. Winters. Lt. Nixon" he nodded to the men and then turned a sneering look to me. "So, tell me. How bad did he do?"

"Uh, well sir," the other Lieutenant, Nixon, started. "He ran a 40 7 3." Sobel looked at him in disbelief.

"That has to be wrong." Sobel replied.

"No, sir." Winters answered, showing the Captain the time on the watch. "You see, sir." Sobel stared at it for a moment.

"No. It must be wrong. He couldn't run it without gear in that time yesterday. He sure as hell couldn't have run it in that time with full gear today." He turned to me. "Do it again." He ordered.

"But sir..." Nixon started.

"That's an order!" Sobel yelled. Nixon looked strangely at me then turned to Winters for help.

"Sir, can he at least have a short rest?" Winters asked.

"No. If he can run it in that time, then he should be able to run it again without rest." he turned to me. "Right Benally?" I stood straighter, wanting to glare at the man but my Ranger training kept me from doing so.

"Yes, sir." I saluted. He looked shocked a moment, then ripped the watch out of Winters' hand.

"Good." He pressed the button. "What are you doing here still?" I saluted then took off back towards the hill.

0000000000000000000

It was 20:00 before I fell blissfully onto my bunk. My stomach growled but I refused to pay it any mind. I had completed the second run in slightly more time than the first and was promptly told to run it again, Sobel still convinced I couldn't have made it that fast so I must have cheated. Half way through I was joined by Luz along with several NCOs and most of the men. I thought about slowing down just so I wouldn't have to run it again, but I decided I wouldn't give Sobel the satisfaction. I made it back 1 and a half minutes later than my first lap, the rest of the company at me heels. I smiled as I came upon Sobel, Winters, and Nixon all sporting a stopwatch, the two Lieutenant's making sure that there could be no disputing the time. Sobel was ticked off, but couldn't do anything about it. He whispered something to Winters which caused the man's mouth to curve into a frown, then stalked off. Nixon smiled at us and ordered everyone to dinner.

We got to the barracks and I dropped my gear with a grateful groan. The men slapped me on the back and joked about how my dinner was on them. I gave a tired smile then waved them off as they left for chow. It cleared out until only Luz and I were left. He walked up to my supine position on the ground and nudged me with his toe.

"You know, the showers will be free with everyone at chow." He casually told me. A small smile played on my lips as I looked up at him.

"Good idea." I struggled to sit up but fell back down. He laughed as he grabbed my outstretched hand and hauled me up.

"Just make it quick." He said in all seriousness. I nodded to him as I grabbed my shower kit from my footlocker. He was on his way out when I stopped him.

"Hey Luz?" I called.

"Yeah?" he turned to me.

"Why?" I asked. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why do you want me to succeed?" He had protected me since my rather odd entrance into this world and seemed to have protected me before I came here... if that was even possible.

"You haven't given up. You've endured everything we have and haven't complained once, even if all the guys around you have. You've proven yourself." He frowned slightly. "I thought about turning you in when you first told me, but you had already lasted nearly 3 months. I figured I'd let you stick it out if you could." He thought for a moment before he grinned. "Besides, I could use a Dame to cuddle up next to when the lonely hard nights come 'round." I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless.

"Thanks."

"Sure thing." He grinned and left for the mess. I grabbed my gear and made my way to the showers. Once there I checked to make sure all was clear before stripping down and removing the bandage that wrapped around my chest. I winced as I felt the raw skin from where the tight wrap had rubbed the flesh away. Having set all my clothes right by the shower in case I had to dress in a hurry, I washed the sweat away then dressed quickly, a huge knot of worry in the pit of my stomach the entire time. I only relaxed when I finished tying my last shoe string. Checking myself in the mirror I saw a more boyish looking me staring back. I started to stuff my dog tags in my shirt when something caught my eye. I pulled the object up and saw that it was my West Point class ring. I read the tags and found that they were my original ones that still read Cpt. Benally, Joanna on them. At least now I had some proof that I wasn't from this time. I tucked them safely under my shirt, put on my winter coat, and made my way out the door.

"You should get something to eat, Corporal." I heard a voice from behind me. Startled, I whipped around to see Lt. Nixon leaning just to the side of the door. My stomach dropped to the floor and cold sweat started to make it harder for me to grip my shower kit. My mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping out of water. He took a long drag from his cigarette before stubbing it out on the wall. He looked my fish impersonation and raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry, I kept watch. Nobody came in." In the clouded haze of my mind I managed a slight nod. He grinned at me and walked off towards the officers' mess. I numbly made my way to the barracks.

So Nixon knew as well? I had to remember to question Luz as to who else know, but that could wait until later. I tossed my kit into the footlocker and fell blissfully onto my bunk.

Wait… Nixon watched me shower? Did he see me naked? Oh, we were going to have words...

0000000000000000000

I was asleep the moment my head hit the pillow, but alas, it was not to last. A low hum started to tickle my ears before it became a dull roar. I thought I had woken up to the sound of the armoured division and the strange experience at Toccoa had been nothing but a fever induced dream due to blood loss, but the roar started to turn into voices, shouts and laughs. I heard a crack as the screen door to the barracks was thrown open and smacked off the wall.

"Jesus Perco, the kids trying to get some sleep!" I heard Luz's voice, then the sound of skin on skin contact.

"Ow, the hell was that for George!" A second voice sounded irritated. Luz answered. Ah, so his first name is George.

"The kid just ran up Currahee three times in full gear and you come barging in, banging things around and wakin' him up."

"He ain't awake!" The voice, Perco, complained.

"Yeah, he is." I groaned as I pushed myself up.

"Ya see?" Luz gestured to me. Perco said something about it not being necessary for George to hit him which spurred on an argument between the two. I watch in amusement as they traded good natured barbs.

"Alright, settle down boys." One of the noncoms grinned.

"Whatever you say, Lip." George sat on the bed next to mine and lit a cigarette. Lip walked over to me and sat beside me on my bed.

"Didn't see you at chow." He said. "Feelin' alright?" He asked in concern. He reminded me of Will in the way he looked after the men. He had been one of the noncoms that had run the last Currahee excursion with me. It was something Will would have done for his boys. I smiled tiredly and nodded.

"Sure, Sarge. Just a bit tired."

"How 'bout your head." I nodded. "Your back?" I nodded again.

"Both fine." He smiled then patted my knee.

"Good." He stood up as another man came over.

"Don't baby the men, Lipton. They might get soft." He playfully scolded. Lipton grinned.

"Don't see that happening anytime soon with this one, Martin." Sgt. Lipton smiled at the man as he walked off.

"Hell of a job, kid." Martin grinned at me.

"Thank you." He nodded.

"Get some sleep, huh?"

"Yeah." He walked off too, leaving George and I facing each other. I looked around the room and noticed the guys dressing in clean clothes, some in their dress browns. I looked at George confused.

"Their passes weren't revoked... only yours." He grinned.

"And you?" I asked him.

"Bah, I have all weekend. I figured I'd stay at least one night with my poor pathetic friend." I was glad to hear it because there were so many things I need to ask him, so many things I needed to tell him. We sat in silence until the room cleared and the distant roar of the men faded in the dark.

"Penny for your thoughts?" George asked me. I looked over at him and took a deep breath.

"You're going to think I'm nuts." I started.

"More so than you already are?" he buted in, "not likely."

"Wanna bet?" I shot back.

"Alright, give it your best shot."

"Well, for starters. I wasn't born in 1921," I paused a moment, gauging his reaction. "I was born in 2020."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a review!


	4. Pack Up Your Troubles

George sat and looked at me in disbelief. I had just told him everything, from my birth in December 2020, to my dad, to Will, to my older brother, to our graduation from West Point (his being two years earlier), to med school and Ranger school; the beginning of WWIII, the troop shortages, the four combat jumps I had made; the operating on men without my licensed; the sniper; the mortar that flung me through the air and finally waking up here. He lit another cigarette and looked at me.

"You're shittin' me. Either that or you hit your head on your way down." He blew out a puff of smoke.

"I can prove it!" I cried, ripping off the chain that held my tags and my ring. "Here, look." He took them from my hand gingerly as if they were going to bite him. He looked uncertainly at me before examining my class ring. It had a large Sapphire in the middle and two diamond spacer that broke up the words West Point 2040 wrapping around the jewels. The ring itself was made up of antiqued white gold with the West Point Crest on one side and the class crest on the other. He looked pallid as he took everything in.

"This doesn't mean anything," but his voice held uncertainty, like he just needed one more push to believe it.

"Here, then look at that." I showed him my tags. I could tell by the look on his face that they were like nothing he had ever seen before. The matte black synthetic information screen on the tags was only slightly bigger than his thumb and as flat as a sheet of paper. The tiny microchip inside ran on solar power and when touched flashed my information across the screen in white lettering. Captain J. Benally. 759328716. O Pos.

He was quiet for a while as he just sat there and studied the tags, rotating through the screens at an ever quickening pace. Finally he stopped and took a deep breath, opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but just closed his mouth and studied it again.

"But I remember the day we all arrived here" He finally spoke. "I remember the past 6 months." I thought for a moment.

"What do you remember? Any specific details?" He thought a moment and I waited on pins and needles. I knew there was something else going on, something that I should know.

"I remember the day we met. I thought you were a scrawny kid who would end up quitting and heading to a desk job before the month was over. I remember those assholes from Dog makin' fun of you and fucking around with you just because you were an Indian. You sittin' there, not saying a word, not even acknowledging them like they didn't exist." He took a long draw from his cigarette. "I remember that Lieutenant, the one with the crazy eyes coming over and start yelling at the men before giving them extra guard duty. You stood toe to toe with that Lieutenant, unflinching until he turned and left the mess. Then I walked up to you, sat next to you and you finally spoke to me, the first time I think that any of us had ever heard you speak. You said 'their ass must be fucking jealous of all the shit that comes from their mouth.'" George let out a deep belly laugh almost involuntarily. "None of us thought you could speak any English and there you were cursing like a sailor on leave."

"That does sound like me," I snorted.

"You don't remember any of this?" There was a hint of sadness in his voice.

"No, all I remember is getting hit in the future and next thing I know I'm awake and it's 1942." I growled in frustration knowing, feeling that there was a huge piece of the puzzle missing and knowing that it was locked somewhere in my mind and I just couldn't access it.

"So, what?" george asked, "how did you get here if you're from the future?" He rolled his eyes, "I can't believe those words just came from my mouth," he muttered.

"I don't know." I rubbed my forehead. "This has got to be some science experiment gone wrong."

"They have that power in your time?" he looked a little sick.

"I don't know, maybe? I haven't heard anything about it if they do." I thought for a moment, millions of different scenarios running through my head. I tossed my hands up in frustration. "I have no idea. All I know is that one minute I'm on a battlefield with my men in the year 2042, and the next I'm laying flat on my back in the year 1942."

George puffed his cigarette and flinched, having smoked it down to his finger. He dropped the butt and stubbed it out with his toe, then lit another one.

"So, what now?" He asked after a time. I shrugged.

"Assuming I was sent here for a reason... then I need to figure that reason out... right?" My eyes begged him to agree as I grasped at the only explanation that I had.

"Oh, yeah... right... must be." He was trying to convince himself as much as I was trying to convince myself. We were quiet for a while. "We should tell Lt. Nixon," he finally said. My head snapped up.

"We told him I was a woman?" I asked. "He didn't just figure it out?"

"You don't remem- oh, right." He grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, we told him about a month ago. He noticed something suspicious and confronted you. I was with you at the time, and we told him the whole story. Of course in that story you were an orphan who didn't belong to no one and you were born in 1920, but yeah, we told him."

"And he didn't turn me in... didn't tell Sobel or Winters?"

"We were persuasive." He shrugged. "He agreed to keep the secret as long as you continued to excel." He took a puff then stood up. "And as long as we keep him well supplied with Vat 69. Come on, he should still be up." He pulled me to my feet.

"What, right now?" I was apprehensive.

"Sure, better to get it all out now." he pulled me out and over to the officers barracks. He peeked through the window then ducked down, pulling me with him. "Don't move." He told me. He peeked through the window again, then stood and started waving his arms wildly.

"Subtle." I snarked quietly. He kicked me and continued trying to get Nixon's attention. He suddenly dropped down and winced. "What?" He shushed me.

"I think he saw me."

"Then why did you-"

"Shush!" He scolded. "Winters looked over, probably trying to see what Nixon was staring at.

"Why, did he look like some crazy person was having a seizure through the window?" I whispered back. He glared at me and pulled me around the edge of the building as the door screeched open.

"Don't worry, I'm just going out for a smoke." Nixon yelled back into the room before coming out and around the building towards us.

"Corporal Luz." He raised an eyebrow in question. "It there a reason you were waving at me like a madman?" I snickered and Luz shot me a glare.

"We need to talk to you, sir." Luz whispered, both of us still crouched down out of the sight of the other officers. Nixon nodded to us and then gestured over to the woods. George and I took off in the direction of the tree line, still crouched low. We moved swiftly until he stopped me at the edge of a clearing. He stooped behind a bush and peeked out, looking for the faint outline of Nixon who was no doubt just strolling along as if following a couple of running midgets into the forest was an everyday experience. "He's coming," he whispered.

"Good." I whispered back. I paused for a moment and thought out our situation. "Is there a reason we're still playing spies?"

"Yeah." He whispered back. "I think I threw my back out." He said in a normal tone of voice. I stood up and smacked him on the shoulder as Nixon made his way to our position.

"You needed me?" Nixon looked amused. George grinned.

"Oh yeah, you're gonna love this, sir."

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Nixon took slightly more convincing that Luz did, but an hour and a half later he was staring blankly at Luz and I.

"Jesus Christ." He sighed and lit another cigarette. I noticed he and Luz did that a lot when they were around me. I was amazed they could run like they did without hacking up a lung.

"Yeah." Luz was still grinning. He threw his two cents in during my tale and seemed delighted at the Lt.'s confusion. Nixon handed the chain with my tags and ring on it back to me. He blew out a puff of smoke and looked at me.

"Well, it looks like this plot just thickened."

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Three days later on December 4th 1942, the company arrived in Frying Pan area at Fort Benning for jump school. I had to admit it was a bit easier than the school I gone through in the past… my past… the future? Anyway, at least here we didn't have to slide down a rope from a hovering helicopter or practice high altitude drops.

I watched in slight amusement as the men went through the training with an air of unease. I had done this all during the summer of my Cow year at the Point, and had put it into practice since I made my first combat jump of WWIII and three subsequent jumps since then. So most of my time was spent trying to fly under Sobel's radar since that day I had been placed at the top of his shit list. He found every little thing wrong he could and punished me by revoking my pass at every turn.

Not that it really mattered if I had a weekend pass or not. I spent my weekends on post unless George physically dragged me from my bunk. He seemed to get a big kick out of seeing the local girls flirt with me and I found it amusing how he squirmed when I flirted back.

As January rolled around we made our last training jump and the men finally became the paratroopers they had been training so hard to become. There was a huge party for Easy that night where all the enlisted men celebrated their hard earned jump wings and the right to blouse their trousers.

Easy company had gone on it first furlough shortly after we received our jump wings. Having nowhere to go, Luz insisted on dragging me home with him. I pretested the whole way, but was secretly glad I didn't have to find somewhere to stay in a time that was still so alien to me.

After our furlough was over, we continued training at Fort Benning before setting out for Camp McKall where we lost Nixon to a promotion to S2. Luz and I were understandably worried about losing our only other ally in the company but we soon found out Lt. Welsh was a good man and a good leader.

From McKall we went to Kentucky, Tennessee and then Camp Breckenridge where I was dragged home with Luz for another furlough. Then back to training at Ft. Bragg. In August of 1943 we were transferred by train to Camp Shanks in New York where we were processed, placed aboard a transport ship called the Samaria and sent on our way to merry old England.


	5. This is the Army Mister Jones

"Well, this looks fun." I remarked dryly as we entered our sleeping quarters on the Samaria. There were two long lines of cots hung five deep and holding two cots per section. Luz grinned and slapped my back as we scrambled to claim two of the top bunks for ourselves.

The cargo ship that served as our temporary barracks was terrible. There was no way to bring fresh air into the room other then the two doors on either side and the small windows up top, which made the top bunks even more desirable. The smell of sweat, body odor and vomit was so unbearable that I found myself outside on deck more often than not. As the days grew longer and the temperature grew hotter, so did the tempers. Men started fighting about any stupid thing that came along. There was even a fight between Liebgott and Guarnere that started over a conversation about Sobel of all people. The arrival in England was such a blessed affair that more than one man kissed the ground.

We were quartered with families in and around the town of Aldbourne, England. Luz and I were lucky to be placed together in small house along with four other Easy men. The woman, Mrs. Kennedy, treated each of us as her own. Her husband was a Sergeant in the British Army and had been away from home for almost a year along with her two sons who were both Corporals. She said it was refreshing having a house full of boys again and proceeded to spoil us as much as she could with the rationing England had on their foodstuffs. She had her own vegetable garden and shared what she could with the rest of the community, but she made sure to keep enough to make one of the most wonderful soups I had ever tasted. She fussed over us when we came home late from training and celebrated with us when I was promoted to Sergeant thanks to my "natural affinity" to military tactics and leadership and Luz's promotion to Technician 5th grade radio ops thanks to the natural ability when it came to this era's technology.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly… until one training mission that set in motion a course of events that would throw the proverbial shit into the fan.

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We had been splint off into groups, first battalion under the command of Cpt. Sobel, second battalion under the command of Lt. Winters. Our objective was to take a T intersection and secure it. I had previously been transferred out of first platoon and into second which, lucky enough, was under the command of Winters.

We had arrived at our objective only to find ourselves alone and without first platoon, being led by Cpt. Sobel. Winters waited as long as he dared but eventually ordered us to go ahead and take the intersection by ourselves. We cut the road in all directions, Lipton went right with first squad, Guarnere went left with second squad and I went with Winters and third squad up the middle. Winters motioned for me to stop next to him as I hurried the men across the street. I grinned as a man on a bike raised his hands in mock surrender. We had effectively cut the poor man off from reaching his home.

"You done it now, yanks. You caught me." Winters smiled at the man and check his watch.

"Hi Ho, Silver!" A cry arose from the right. I turned and caught sight of Sobel as he and the rest of the missing First Platoon came running down the road.

"Would that be the enemy?" The man asked.

"As a matter of fact, yes," Winters tipped his helmet to the man. "Good work 2nd platoon. We took the objective."

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"And then Luz told him to cut the fence!" Perconte chuckled as we all sat around the table. The room erupted in laughter urging Luz on as he imitated Sobel.

"Where's my Goddamn wire cutters!" He patted his body in an over exaggerated way, turning around in circles trying to look at his back. Later on I pulled Luz aside.

"You know, when Sobel learns that Horton was in London, there will be repercussions." Luz waved me away.

"Nothing we can't handle." He laughed.

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"We lost Winters to battalion mess." Sgt. Lipton told us. I smacked George on the back of the head.

"Why?" Luz asked.

"Sobel's court-martialing him for disobeying orders." Lipton replied. I found that hard to believe. From my experience in the Army I had found that few officers, in this time or mine, were as capable or responsible as Lt. Winters. In fact I had studied him extensively during my time at The Point. His name came up several times during the study of WWII and his capture of the guns at Brécourt Manor was still taught as one of the single greatest maneuvers in military history. Lipton caught my eye and walked over to me.

"NCOs are having a meeting in five minutes" He whispered looking at me with a very serious expression on his face. I knew right away what it was about. "You don't have to come, we wouldn't think any less of you."

I bit my lip as my immediate thought was to stay away. Part of the Ranger Creed was courtesy to superior officers and that had been drilled into me during Ranger training and during my four years as a Cadet. I was never against ignoring a stupid order, I had done it in the past (future?). But I had never committed willful treason, however something greater was tugging at me the more I thought of it.

I was thrown into this world, but it wasn't really my world, it was theirs. I realized I had to do what was right for these men and not what was right for me. So with a deep sigh, I nodded to Lip and followed him to the barn that served as our mess.

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"So we're going through with this, right?" Grant asked. Not all the NCOs had come to the meeting and none of us held it against them.

"We gotta do something."

"Yeah. Alright." Lipton looked around the table. "Okay. But we all better be clear of the consequences."

"I don't care about the consequences." Martin said.

"J. W." Lipton turned to him. "We could be lined up against the wall and shot. Now I'm ready to face that... and every one of us better be too." He looked each of us in the eye.

"I will not," Wild Bill began, "follow that man, into combat."

"Me neither." Bull Randleman agreed.

"I won't either." Even as I spoke the words my stomach did flips. What we were doing was insurrection, a crime punishable by the highest order.

"Alright, then let's do it." We all pulled out our pencils and began writing.

"I hear by, no longer, wish to serve... as a noncommissioned officer... in Easy Company." Bill said aloud as we copied his words. I signed my name at the bottom and as I handed it to Lipton a cold chill of fear ran down my spine.

"Alright boys." Lip nodded to us as he stood up. "Good luck." We sat around for a while. No words were passed between us as the depth of what we had just done began to weave its poisonous vines around our thoughts. We knew what we were doing was the right thing to do, but at what cost?

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"I ought to have you all shot!" Colonel Sink growled. We had been called to his office shortly after our letters had been delivered. The older noncoms made sure that the youngest of us, including Bill and myself, were placed in the back and well out of the 'line of fire.' "This is nothing less than an act of mutiny while we prepare for the God damn invasion of Europe." He looked to one of the noncoms who was the mastermind behind our insurrection. "Sgt. Harris."

"Sir."

"Turn in your stripes and collect you gear. You are hereby transferred out of my regiment."

"Sir." Harris saluted.

"Get out." Sink ordered and Harris formally marched out. "Sgt. Ranney."

"Sir."

"Consider yourself lucky, I'm only busting you to Private." He addressed the rest of us. "All of you NCOs have disgraced the 101st Airborne. You can consider yourselves lucky that we are on the eve of the largest action in the history of warfare. Which leaves me no choice, but to spare your lives." He gave us all a disgusted look. "No get out of my office and get out of my sight."

We saluted simultaneously. "Get!" We executed a perfect left face and formally marched from Colonel Sink's office. We remained silent as the grave as we left the house that provided Sink his office. I walked quietly next to Bill, a cold relief making its way down my back. We came across Winters on our way off of the grounds, the man for whom we risked our lives for. He looked taken aback when we saluted him on our way back to the town, but returned our gesture.

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The next day we heard that Sink had reassigned Sobel to a parachute school to train doctors and chaplains. I had no doubt he believed me to be one of the instigators of the letters and my suspicions were confirmed as I met his transport jeep along my way to meet with George. He glared hard at me as he passed and refused to return my salute.

We were introduced to the new commander of Easy. A man named Thomas Meehan, the senior Lieutenant from Baker Company.

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"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" George yelled at me. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking Sobel was going to get us all killed if we didn't do something." I tried to calmly forced through my gritted teeth.

"Don't you know what could have happened?" He continued to berate me. "He could have had you all shot! Then what would I have told my mom? 'Sorry mom, Jo isn't going to be coming home with me anymore, she was shot for mutiny.' Yeah, that would go over real well."

"I'm fine. Look!" I stood up and patted myself then did a little spin so he could see all of me. "See? Fine. No holes, other than where Sink ripped us a new one." Luz glared at me and lit a cigarette.

"Jesus, aren't you supposed to be keeping attention off of yourself?"

"Well, yeah. But-"

"But, but, but," he imitated me. "But nothing." He turned serious again. "You're supposed to be keeping a low profile, but now the whole company is talking about you and all the other noncoms. This is just the kind of attention you don't need." He threw his hands up in frustration. "And now that you're in 2nd, I can't be there to watch over you all hours of the day and night!"

"I'm a big girl, I can han-"

"That's just it! You're a girl!" He got in my face. "You are a girl and you have no one you can turn to when the going gets tough!"

"Fuck you. I don't fucking need you! I'm strong enough to handle this by myself!" I pushed him away and stomped out of the house.

Once I was outside I took a deep breath of the cool England air, trying to calm my frazzled nerves. But it didn't work and I found myself itching for some sort of release from the tension that was burning deep inside of me… So I ran.

Back home, when everything was going to shit, I would always go for a run. Just something about the feel of the air as it hit my face, the burn of my muscles as the strained under the pressure, the rhythmic breathing that was in time with my steps, it always helped me clear my mind. When my mother had died, I ran. When my father was MIA, I ran. And when my brother and I were in a fight, I ran. Which I supposed I was doing at that moment, I was running off the steam from a fight with my brother.

Three hours later I returned to the house dripping in sweat. My muscles started screaming at me at mile eight, but I pushed on. As I stumbled my way into an empty house I felt my legs quake and tremble as the lactic acid built up and I struggled for the oxygen I was sucking in and out of my lungs with tremendous effort. I managed to make my way into the room George and I shared before I dropped to my knees.

For the first time since I had found myself in this strange and uncertain predicament I let my fears, worries and exhaustion get the better of me. I couldn't stop the tears that ripped from my eyes as they mixed with the great beads of salty sweat that ran from my forehead and stung my already watering eyes. I wrapped my arms around my stomach in effort to quell the great shivering sobs that shook my body and made my gasps for breath even that more painful.

I cried for my family, for my dad and my brother, for Will, I cried for the life I had left behind. For the men I had left without a leader. I cried for the tremendous fight that George and I had. I cried for the men that I had come to know and love who would never make it home again. But most of all, I cried from the sheer mental exhaustion that seemed to seep into every nucleus of every cell of every inch of my body, the sheer depression and feeling of hopelessness the likes that I had never felt before. I was broken, physically and mentally, I was a heaping pile of uselessness.

That was how I was found five minutes later. I heard the door creak open, but I didn't care who it was. It could have been Sobel standing there in a skirt and high heels singing "I'm just a girl" and doing the cha-cha and I still wouldn't have cared.

I barely heard the sound of rushed footsteps coming towards me before I felt myself pulled into a warm, strong embrace.

"Shh. It's okay." George whispered into my hair and ran his fingers through my short, sweat soaked locks. "Every thing's going to be alright." I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder all the while he caressed my hair and whispered words of comfort.

Finally my tears subsided and I was able to take my first deep and easy breath in hours. I sat up from George's arms and used my shirt to wipe the tears and mucus from my face. I turned towards George and felt my cheeks go from deathly pale to red with embarrassment.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I ducked my head and played with the hem of my PT shirt.

"Me too." George stood up and pulled me to my still wobbly feet. We stared at each other as an unspoken truce came between us. George grinned and I returned it with my own watery smile. He slapped me on the back and then rubbed his nose. "Went for a roll in the cow shit did we?"

I managed a half-hearted glare and stomped out of the room and into the bath as George's laughter followed me down the hall.


	6. Rendezvous with Destiny

May 31, 1944

We were moved to Uppottery England for final preparations for the invasion. I was starting to get nervous. In six days, we were going to drop under the cover of darkness deep into the German occupied territory of Normandy. It was something I had only ever read about, maybe seen a movie or two about. But now I was on the eve of one of the greatest military movements ever recorded in history...

And I was terrified.

I knew what was going to happen on the night of June 5th. I knew what was going to happen on June 6th. What I didn't know was if I was going to live to see D plus 1.

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June 4th 1944

We were dressed for the jump. I knew it wasn't going to happen that night, but kept up the farce that I was as ignorant to the future as the rest of the men.

"Why are they springing these things on us now?" Malarkey complained as he tried to figure out the new bag.

"It's just an extra 80 pounds strapped to your leg." Luz deadpanned. He lifted up one of the straps to the new bag. "Does anybody have, any idea, how the hell this thing works?" He asked looking at me. I scrunched my eyebrows together and shrugged.

"Colonel Sink." Vest said as he handed out fliers to each of the men.

"Soldiers of the regiment." George began, imitating Colonel Sink. "Tonight, is the night," He realized the depth of what he was reading and turned serious. "Of nights. Today, as you read this, you are in route to the greatest adventure to which you have trained for, for over two years."

"So that's why they gave us ice cream." Bill said as handed the letter off.

"EASY COMPANY!" Lt. Meehan yelled. "LISTEN UP!" We gathered around the jeep he was using as a platform. "The channel coast is socked in with rain and fog. No. Jump. Tonight. The invasion has been postponed. We are on a 24 hour stand down."

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June 5th, 1944.

"So, this is really happening." George said to me. We were headed from our tents to the airfield where in just a few short hours we would be dropped into Normandy. "No stand downs this time."

"Yeah, this is happening." I had told Luz when the invasion was actually going to happen, as someone I trusted so much I saw him as my brother, I knew I had to tell him the truth. We stopped as Lt. Welsh called 1st platoon, Luz's platoon, over to one plane, and Lt. Winters called second, my platoon, over to another.

We stood there, two still figures in the middle of a flurry of activity, and stared at each other for a moment. A sick feeling started creeping through my stomach. George lifted his hand and I grasped it.

"See ya on the other side." He told me as he firmly shook it. I nodded.

"You better." The truth was, I didn't know what was going to happen. I feared for my life, but even more so, I feared for Luz and all the men of Easy. I knew that the loss of paratroopers was great, but when I was studying this moment in history, I'm ashamed to admit, these men were just statistics. They were brave soldiers, who gave their life for the freedom of others, and I had learned to respect that.

But most of them didn't have a name, just a number. They would be written in history books as just that, a number, a statistic, a nameless face in a photograph of a Times magazine. I looked around me and wondered who was going to make it, which of these men were going to see D plus 1. I hoped with my whole heart that George would be one of those men. That Nixon would be one of those men. That Lipton, Martin, Toye, Guarnere, Perconte, Roe, Talbert, Popeye, Bull, Cobb, Web, all of them, all of Easy would make it to see D plus 1. I know it was a fool's errand to hope that they would all make it, but I did nonetheless.

Luz looked me in the eye before bringing me into a brief, but needed, hug.

"Love you kid." He told me. I smiled.

"Love you too, Luz." He nodded at me and squeezed my hand before letting go. We both turned away, refusing to look back at each other as we made our way to our platoons.

"Gentlemen, Doc Roe is handing these out for airsickness. Orders are every man takes one now, another thirty minutes in the air." Meehan said to us as Doc handed us the packets of pills. Meehan shook Winters' hand and left for his own plane.

"Second Platoon, listen up." Winters began. "Good luck. God bless you. I'll see you in the assembly area." He nodded and then helped us stand, one by one, shaking our hand as he went. I was next to Doc Roe, in the line and Winters grabbed my hand and pulled me up as he did with the others. I knew right then that what we did, that going to Sink at the risk of our own lives, was worth everything. He was always destined to be a great leader of men. He was worth risking my life for, as he would risk his life for any of the men here. I nodded and gave his hand a firm shake.

"Sir." He nodded back. I smiled slightly and took my place in line. We had to shoved each other up the ladder because the cumbersome leg bags made it awkward to walk, let alone climb, but we finally pushed our way in and I briefly wondered how Luz was fairing, climbing into the plane with a child sized radio stuck to him.

Winters was the last person on and Doc Roe and I reached out our hands and helped him into the plane. He gave us a grateful smile and we settled in for the too short ride to the DZ, my airsickness pills forgotten in the depths of one of my numerous pockets.

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The ear shattering roar of the engines sent shock waves through my body. I could feel it as it reverted in my chest and made breathing difficult... or was that because of the adrenalin that was coursing through me? I looked at each man, studied their face, saw the fear in their eyes, but also saw the adrenalin, the excitement. They had been training for the last two years for this... they were ready.

00:00 my watch read as I glanced at it, using the red light to see the hands as they ticked out a rhythm that seemed to match the beating of my heart. I looked out the open door as night settled in around us. Black shapes were outlined in the star stained water below us. The fleet, carrying thousands of soldiers to the single greatest invasion in US Military history.

And I was not only going to be witness to D-Day, but I was going to be smack dab in the middle of it.

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June 6th 1944

1 oh 1st went to war

From the skies of Normandy

Rendezvous with destiny

\- "World War II" Running Cadence


	7. Coming in on a Wing and a Prayer

My shaking hand brought the cigarette to my lips. I drew deep and blew the smoke out of the side of my mouth. I wrung my hands and shook them, then rubbed them on my pants, trying to get rid of the muck. I was starting to come off the adrenalin high that had kept me alive and kicking for the past twenty-four hours. I kept a straight face, even managed a few smiles and laughs. But now that I was alone, I was able to reflect on the events of the longest day of my life.

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I can't remember much of the drop. It all went to shit so fast. I knew what was to come and I told George what to expect, but I still wasn't completely prepared.

My feet finally hit the solid ground, followed shortly by my ass. I quickly got up and released the buckle of my jump harness. The euphoria of feeling good 'ole terra firma underfoot was cut short as I found I had landed in the middle of an open field. I dropped to the ground and pulled out my knife, the only weapon that hadn't been ripped from me in decent as the plane we were in had dropped us too high and too fast. I belly crawled across the field.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." I heard someone whisper in distress. I padded my pockets for my cricket, then, realizing I must have lost it during the drop, I called out.

"Flash!"

"Thunder! God damn it! Thunder!" I crawled over to the owner of the voice, a young Private from C Company.

"Sergeant." He nodded to me.

"Private." I whispered back, bringing my fingers to my lips and signaling him to quiet his voice. He continued with his struggle to remove his jump harness. I stayed his hand and used my knife to cut him loose.

"Stay low and head for the tree line." I said before crawling away. I looked back once to see him following my lead and then made for the closest grove of trees. Once we were safely covered I stopped and listened for anything before standing and turning to the private.

"Do you have your sidearm?" While I was fairly skilled in hand to hand with only a knife, I didn't fancy meeting my enemy head-on, especially if they were in the possession of bullets and guns.

"No, Sarge." He held up his rifle. "This is it. I lost everything else in the drop." I nodded and sighed in frustration. "Where the hell are we, Sarge?"

I looked around, noting that there were no distinguishing landmarks or anything around that could aid me in determining our present location. I pulled out my compass, figuring we were way the hell off course. I picked the way opposite of the beach and pointed.

"Let's find out."

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I rolled my eyes in frustration as Pvt. Charles from Charlie Company and I stared up at the sign of the small town we had just come up to.

"Fuck, we're miles from the DZ." I turned to him. "We better go. We need to get to Sainte-Marie-du-Mont before morning."

I took my map from my coat and adjusted the light of my torch to blue before lining up our destination with the landmark we had just found. When our path was finally clear we took off towards our DZ, staying hidden as best we could.

"Sarge." We had been walking for a while when Pvt. Charles nudged me and pointed ahead of us. We came upon a paratrooper who had landed in a tree, his neck twisted at an odd angle. I stowed my knife and scaled the tree grabbing his weapon and sidearm. As an afterthought I also detached his tags and jumped back down.

"Shouldn't we at least cut him down, Sarge?" the kid asked.

"We have to be in Sainte-Marie-du-Monte before the invasion starts. We don't have time." He looked at me and I realized the dead soldier was from C Company as well. "Look, kid, after we take the beach someone will come around and collect him and everyone else, but we have a mission objective to meet or those guys on the beach are going to be walking into a massacre." I rested my hand on his shoulder. "We've got to go."

He nodded and we continued on our way. We met up with a couple of Privates from Dog Company and a Corporal from Able. It took me a minute, but I fell into the role of the leader fairly quickly, the only difference being I was no longer the officer I had trained so hard to become in world I knew little about.

It was close to dawn and by my estimation we were only 10 clicks from the Sainte-Marie-du-Monte when we came upon a small contingent of about 15 men. I help up my hand to stop our group then signaled for the four to take up flanking positions around the group and wait for my signal. I pulled out a cricket I had confiscated from one of the Dog Privates and used it to signal to the group.

My worst fears were confirmed as my signal was met in silence and I heard a faint whisper in German.

"Scheiss Grille."

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We arrived at the town of Sainte-Marie-du-Monte a little after daybreak. The town had already been occupied by U.S. troops so I sent the men off to find their companies as I looked for Easy.

"Benny!" I heard someone cry before an arm was slung around my shoulders. I turned and found myself eye to chin with "Wild Bill" Guarnere. "'Bought friggen time you decided to show your ugly mug 'round here."

"Good to see ya' too, Bill." I managed a small smile. "Have you seen Lt. Meehan?"

"No, he aint shown up yet."

"So, who's leading Easy?" Knowing the answer as soon as the question left my lips.

"That Quaker, Winters." Bill said with some contempt.

"Quaker?" I asked confused. Bill just waved me off and pointed me in the general direction of the officers.

I saw Winters' red hair first, then Buck and Sergeant Lipton.

"Sir." I nodded to Winters as I came up to the group of men.

"Hey Sergeant, it's good to see you." Winters returned with a smile relieved smile.

"It's good to see you too as well Lieutenant Winters, Contain, Sarge." Lipton nodded at me and Buck threw a quick smile in my direction.

"You didn't happen to run into any other Easy men, or Lt. Meehan, did you?" Winters asked.

"Sorry, sir."

"It's alright, Sergeant." He nodded then addressed both Lipton and myself. "We're going to need to regroup our men and get a head count. See who's made it and who's still missing. Benny, Lip you try and find as many Easy men as you can and report back to me." We nodded and went off to get the count.

"You alright, Benny?" Lip asked me. I nodded, my thoughts not really computing what he was saying to me. "Benny!" He barked in my ear. I broke myself out of my daze.

"Sorry Lip. Lot on my mind." He was looking concerned, but said nothing as we went off in search of Easy. I found myself, not for the first time, very annoyed at not having personal communicators and GPS locators to utilize in a situation like this. It would have been so much easier if we could just call and get a twenty on the men or pull out a handheld and find their location anywhere on the planet. I had to shake myself back into the moment as I almost ran head first into one of the Dog Company officers.

"Sir." I acknowledged with a nod.

"Sergeant Benally, correct?" He asked. "Of Easy?" His deep predatory eyes gave me the once over and any sarcastic answer I had in return fell silent at my lips.

"Yes, sir." I had a feeling that if I were not in fact Sergeant Benally of Easy, he would have just ignored me and walked away.

"Two of my men, Davis and Michaels, they say you're the one that got them here. Is that true?"

"Yes, sir." He looked me over once more, this time taking in more than the first glance.

"They also say you lead them in an attack against 15 Krauts with only 5 men using a tactical maneuver they hadn't seen before." I hoped that my mental cringe hadn't shown through on my face.

When I saw that we were outnumbered and had no other way past the German soldiers I had used a maneuver that I had learned during one of my training exercises with my Ranger Squad. The maneuver hadn't gained popularity until the Third World War began. It was used when our soldiers were at a disadvantage due to the troop shortages. We were forced to fight against much larger militant groups than our troops could handle, so we had to find alternative methods of engaging in combat.

"It was the only way I could see going at that point, sir." His heavy gaze sized me up once again and I suddenly felt as if he could see straight past my well built façade. I felt like I was standing in front of him completely naked and exposed. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had shouted out right then and there that I was a woman and that he was going to court martial me. But his piercing eyes found my face again and he nodded.

"Thank you for seeing to the safety of my men." And just like that and before I could say anything, he was gone. I blinked at the empty space that was now occupying the spot where the Lt. had just been.

"Jesus, Benny," someone slung their arm around my shoulders. "You know you just looked death in the face, right?" I looked up to see Joe Toye and Bill.

"What?" I was, to say the least, confused after my encounter with the Lieutenant.

"That was Speirs." I shrugged. "You haven't heard?"

"Heard what?" Bill slapped my back and grinned.

"Ya see, Benny. It all started with 10 Kraut prisoners and a pack of cigarettes."

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I had just given my dismal report of the head count to Winters. He sighed and ran his hand through his bright red hair. He looked between Lipton and I whose report wasn't any better than mine.

"Alright," he sighed. "There's a German battery of 88's that are firing on our boys at Utah beach. Our orders are to destroy it at all costs." Both Lipton and I nodded and went off to gather the men. When all was said and done we had had gathered 11 men equaling a grand total of 15 including Winters, Compton, Lip and myself and we headed north out of the city.

I'll admit it, I had to stop myself from grinning in excitement. I had learned, studied and lived this very moment hundreds of times during my four years at The Point. Outnumbered and outgunned Lt. Winters was about to lead an assault on the battery, capture the guns and retrieve valuable intel in the German defenses surrounding the beachhead. I was almost giddy that I was going to be here to witness this first-hand.

The sound of the guns firing was almost deafening and the smell of gunpowder and sulfur lingered thickly in the air as we approached the German battery. Winters position a pair of machine guns to provide covering fire while he and the rest of the men drew the Nazi fire from the position of a broken truck. He sent Compton, Malarkey, Guarnere and myself to flank and destroy one of the machinegun nests that protected the 105's, not the 88's that we had previously been lead to believe were there. We snuck up just behind some brush, hiding us from view of the nest and threw our grenades. Once they did their job, we jumped from our cover and finished off the startled Germans before they had a chance to regroup. We used our position to provide covering fire as Winters lead most of the remaining company in a flanking maneuver and overtook the first gun. Using the trenches, which were the German's greatest weakness, we were able to safely meet back up with the rest of the company at the first gun.

"I'm sorry, sir." I heard Popeye repeat over and over. "I fucked up!"

"Popeye?" I questioned Bill as we returned fire on the Germans.

"Shot in his ass." Bill said.

"No shit?" I shrugged and continued to fire. "Well fuck, there are worse place for one to be shot." I mumbled to Bill who let out a short, surprised laugh.

"Grenade!" I heard Winters yell, "Toye!" The grenade went off. I looked over to see Toye's body covering the wounded Popeye. He sat up and checked himself over.

"You are one lucky bastard, Joe." Guarnere said as he stood up and continued to return fire.

"Guarnere, Malarkey, Lorraine, secure that gun!" Winters ordered. "Buck, Benally, covering fire!" We followed orders as Winters shot two Germans along the trenches before coming back. I continued to fire on the German Soldiers while he and Buck helped Popeye over the edge.

"Grenade!" Compton yelled as we all piled out of the trenches. "Toye!" There was an explosion sending dirt and grass everywhere, we jumped back in as soon as it was safe. "Toye!"

"…Fucking twice." Toye grumbled as Buck helped him up.

"Jesus… calm the fuck down, Toye. You've got the whole fucking war to get blown up, maybe not do it on the first day, yeah." He glared at me and I shrugged. We followed Winters down through the line of trenches, coming up one of the German OPs.

"There's the second gun," he pointed out. "Grenades first, then keep going." Winters ordered us. "Go!"

We tossed our grenades and ran towards the second gun as they went off, killing several enemy soldiers and leaving only a few that we quickly disposed of once we reached them. One of them held his hands up in surrender and spoke rapidly in German, then repeated the phrase, "No make dead," over and over again. Toye punched him with his brass knuckles, knocking the man out. We started to take fire as Winters yelled for Lipton who had the TNT. I watched as one of the machine guns began to fire on the third gun thinking that it had been taken as well.

"Toye, cover the Lieutenant! Benally, on me!" Compton shouted. I moved up beside him. "Hell of a day, huh Benny." He shouted at me.

"Don't know what you're talking about, sir!" I shouted back. "Been a walk in the fucking park for me." He chanced a glance at me before looking back towards the German line.

"You're a strange one, Benny." He grinned. "If this is a walk in the park, I don't think I want to see where you grew up." I grinned back at him, glancing something out of the corner of my eye. I figured it was Winters or Lipton with the TNT, so I turned to greet them. It was a surprise when I realized that the man I thought was one of us was, in fact, a German Corporal... and he had his knife raised high, poised and ready to deliver a fatal blow to the fair-haired Lieutenant.

"BUCK!" I yelled causing him to whip around just at the right moment, avoiding the knife and throwing the man off balance. Before I could even contemplate what I was doing I dove onto the German and grabbed the hand that held his knife. We grappled on the ground as time seemed to slow down around us. He was swearing in German, I was swearing in every language I could think of and Buck watched on in confusion, still dazed from the near death experience.

I was finally able to gain enough ground over the young German to chance a grab at the knife I had stowed in my belt. I whipped it out and, in one fluid motion, stabbed it in the man's left side between the ribs twisting the blade as I did so. The German let out a gurgled moan and then his eyes went flat as he dropped like a rock, his sightless eyes staring up at me.

"Jesus Christ," Buck looked at me with wide eyes. "Thanks Benny."

"Don't mention it." I panted as I stood back up and started shooting again. We continued firing on the Germans as Winters made his way back to us.

"Running a little low on ammo, sir." Buck yelled over the pops, bangs and whizzes of the gunfire.

"What about you, Benally?" Winters asked.

"Not too bad, sir!" I yelled back. Winters asked Malarkey the same question.

"Think you got enough to take that third gun?" He asked Buck.

"We'll soon find out, Dick." Buck turned to Don and I. "Malarkey, Benny let's go! Toye, covering fire!" he ordered.

We ran along the trenches that took us right up to the third gun. Buck threw a grenade and we quickly made our way to the third gun after it went off and killed the remaining Germans.

"Malarkey, cover the front. Go to the cannon, go!" I followed Buck as we fired on the Germans in effort to defend our position. Winters made his way over to the gun with TNT and a potato masher and blew the gun. I couldn't stop myself from turning and watching as Winters stumbled across the maps containing the location of all the German guns in France.

"Winters!" a new voice called. "Hester said you needed ammo."

"Malarkey! As much as you can, everyone!" Winters ordered.

"You mind if D Company takes a shot at the next gun?" I heard as Malarkey tapped me on the shoulder.

"All yours!" I turned to accept the ammo Malarkey offered me and saw the officer from D company, Speirs. He ordered his company to take the last gun.

Once all the guns were disabled Winters ordered us to move out the machineguns first while the rest of us maintained our base of fire. Once they were safely on their way he ordered us all back to battalion.

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We all crowded into the back of a transport truck, the canvas covering up the light from the fire that Malarkey was using to cook a substance that contained whatever we were able to scrounge up.

"Jesus, Malarkey!" I coughed as said man let out a fart. The young man's flatulence was so bad that it forced Liebgott to leave.

"What the hell you know about cooking. You're Irish," Buck said as he looked into the ammo tin that was doubling as the pot that cooked our dinner.

"Sir, if you have a reservation someplace else I'd be happy to join you."

"Just serve it." Malarkey passed out each of us a portion of the slop. We ate and shot the shit as a bottle some kind of alcohol someone had found was passed around. Malarkey let out another loud fart.

"Christ!"

"Fuck."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Jesus, what crawled up your ass and made residence?."

"Jesus Christ, give me some air!"

We all complained and laughed like school children.

"Evening," Winters popped up underneath the canvas. He was greeted with various "hellos" and "sirs." "Did something die in here?"

"Yeah, Malarkey's ass." We laughed.

"Any word on Lt. Meehan yet, sir?" Buck asked.

"No, not yet." Buck glanced at Guarnere.

"Don't that make you our commanding officer, sir?" Guarnere asked.

"Yeah, it does." Guarnere nodded to him.

"Sir," Toye passed Winters the bottle.

"Joe, the Lt. don't drink." Winters took the offered beverage.

"It's been a day of firsts," he took a swig and swallowed hard, making a face as the burn hit him. "Don't you think, Guarnere?" He passed the bottle to Bill.

"Yes, sir."

"Carry on." Winters ducked down, but came back up a moment later. "Oh Sergeant."

"Sir?" Guarnere answered.

"I'm not a Quaker," and with that, Lt. Winters ducked out of sight. We all looked at each other and laughed.

"If he's from Lancaster County he's probably a Mennonite," Bill laughed.

"What's a Mennonite?"

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My shaking hand brought the cigarette to my lips. I drew deep and blew the smoke out the side of my mouth. I wrung my hands and shook them, then rubbed them on my pants, trying to get rid of the muck. I was starting to come off the adrenalin high that had kept me alive and kicking for the past twenty-four hours. I kept a straight face, even managed a few smiles and laughs. But now that I was alone, I was able to reflect on the events of the longest day of my life.

"Benny." I was brought out of my memories of the day's events by the arrival of Lt. Compton.

"Sir." I nodded and he returned.

"Didn't know you smoked." He sat down on the rubble beside me.

"I don't." I took a long drag from the offending item. Bick snickered.

"We're moving out soon." He uncrossed his arms and took the cigarette that I had passed him. I nodded in understanding and continued to stare off into the distance. "Everything alright, Benny?"

I sighed as he handed the cigarette back to me. I drew a deep breath of burning tobacco into my lungs, holding it in and letting the nicotine sooth my nerves.

"I lost a man today… yesterday. Whatever the hell day it is." I took another drag. Buck nudged me with his shoulder, prodding me to continue. I handed the cigarette back to him and rubbed my hands across the top of my thighs, a nervous tick I thought I had rid myself of as a child.

"He was a Privet from C Company." I gave a humorless, bitter laugh. "Pvt. Charles from Charlie." I kicked at the dirt. "Fuck, he was just a kid." I looked up at the sky, watching the flashes of the guns light up the dark skyline.

"I found him wandering in an open field. We were on our way here when we came across a small company of Krauts. We engaged them…" I paused, looking down at the filth that covered my hands. "He jumped the gun, started shooting before I gave the signal… they shot him. The bastards shot him, Buck. The rest of us cleared the area and ran to his aid. He was bleeding," I turned to Buck. "He was bleeding and crying out for his mom." I swallowed hard, pushing the lump that started to form in my throat back down. "He just kept yelling "Mamma, Mamma," over and over again. I tried to stop the bleeding, but there were just too many holes…" I trailed off. We sat in silence for a while, lost in our own thoughts.

"You did your job, Ben. That's all you can do." Buck clapped me on the shoulder. I gave him a halfhearted smile. "Thanks, by the way," He grinned. "You know, for saving my life." I smiled a genuine smile this time.

"Yeah, well I couldn't let that bastard stab you in that pretty little head of yours, now could I?" Buck laughed and passed me the cigarette.

"No. Wouldn't have wanted that to happen. That would have been a tragedy."


	8. All of Me

"Did you see that?" I stared at Buck with wide eyes. "I just saved your life!"

"I was two feet from the ground, Sergeant," Buck rolled his eyes. "I'm sure I would have survived the fall, thanks." I gave him a cheeky grin and he just pushed me away.

"I don't know, Buck. They say a grown man can drown in two feet of water," I called after him, walking fast to keep up with his naturally long strides. "I'm sure two feet of air can be just as deadly."

"I don't think you can drown in air, Benny."

"That depends on the chemical saturation of air."

"What?"

"What?"

"… You're a strange kid… really." He gave me a sidelong look.

"Why d'y'all think mamma sent me to the Army?" I drawled in the thickest Southern twang I could muster.

"Smart woman," Buck laughed.

"She called me the devil on more than one occasion."

"That doesn't surprise me." I ignored him.

"So, I started using it as an excuse to get out of church."

"Did you?"

"Yup, I would walk into the sanctuary, yell out 'It BURNS,' and then run back out."

"And the Army not only gave you a gun, but promoted you too," Buck laughed.

"Eh, nobody ever accuse the Army of being smart. Just look at him." I pointed at a Sergeant from another company who had somehow managed to get himself tangled in his own rifle strap and was spinning in circles trying to find a way loose.

"No, no they did not." Buck laughed and clapped me on the shoulder.

Easy Company had just stopped to rest for the first time since D Day and we were currently trying to locate a group of Easy men that had been spotted wandering around town.

In the past days following the battle at Brecourt Manor we had come upon quite a few "E" men as we went from town to town securing them and driving out the German forces. Among the men we had gathered on D+1, one in particular sergeant was amongst them.

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"Luz?" My heart dropped to the general vicinity of my stomach as I spied the familiar looking figure of my best friend.

"LUZ!" I yelled as I jogged through the crowd, pushing them aside as I made my way over to said man. He turned sharply as I shouted his name again. I watched as his eyes took on a light I had never seen before and he hurried over to meet me halfway. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me into a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you, kid." He whispered before pulling away from me and checking me over. I laughed and pushed him away,

"I'm fine, George." I rolled my eyes.

"I was worried sick about you, Jo." Luz looked me dead in the eyes and I smiled at the sincerity and concern I found in them.

"I'm alright, really. Buck and I have been watching each other's backs."

George's look of curiosity prodded me to tell him about the events that surrounded the new found friendship Buck Compton and I had struck up. It had started when I saved him from the Kraut at Brecourt, then he saved me at Coup du Ville when he pushed me to cover just before a grenade went off at the spot I had been standing only moments before. I had then saved him by pulling him out of the way of a mortar blast and then he knocked me out of a machine gun's line of fire. The combination of hunger, exhaustion, stress and these events had triggered the start of a running joke between the big man and myself. Which lead back to the current situation we had found ourselves in.

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Winters had ordered me to see if there were any Easy Company men around town that had yet to rejoin us and Buck decided he wanted to tag along.

"So, a man walks into a bar…" Buck began.

"Ow, that must have hurt." Buck looked at me confused. "Did he go see Roe? He might have a concussion."

"Wiseass," Buck muttered as he caught on to what I was jesting at. I grinned at his annoyance. We continued our banter as we searched for any wayward men.

The friends you make in a time of war are like no other friend you will ever have. A person can say that their best friend will have their back in a sticky situation but you can put your life in the hands of a friend you make in war and you know, without any doubt in your mind, that they will defend you with their life if it comes down to it. They would willingly give their life to save yours and you would do the same for them in a heartbeat. That's what makes it more than just a friendship, it's more like a kindred, a love that goes beyond that of friends, even beyond that of family. They become an extension of you, they share your soul. It's a beautiful thing but it is also terrifying. Terrifying because at any moment that friend can be ripped from you and it feels as if a part of you is ripped off, as if your soul has been ripped in half and it's something you can never recover from. I pondered this as I made my way over to Winters.

"Good work." Winters nodded. I had gathered up as many Easy men as I could find in and around town and reported the numbers back to the Lieutenant. Buck had grown bored and walked off after about an hour and a half stating 'Officer… things' as his excuse.

"Come on, Benny." Welsh clapped me on the shoulder as he started to walk off.

I raised my eyebrow at Buck, but he just shrugged. Welsh was now in charge of 1st platoon and since we were still trying to recover our numbers and running short on NCOs I was ordered to join first as we attempted to take another town. I shrugged at Buck, who was now in command of Second, and followed after Welsh.

"Where we going, sir?" I asked as I caught up with him.

"Carentan." He replied as he stopped in an archway to take a sip from his canteen. I figured it held something a little stronger than water and I declined when he offered me a drink. He shrugged and took another swig.

"LET'S GO FIRST PLATOON!" Welsh yelled without warning. I had to rub the ringing in my ears out as I glared at him. He took another swig from canteen. "EASY'S MOVING OUT! ON YOUR FEET!" I rubbed my ear again and he grinned at me.

"Listen up! It'll be dark soon. I want light and noise discipline from here on. No talking, no smoking. And no playing grab-fanny with the man in front of you, Luz." I grinned at George and he just chuckled.

"So where we headed to Lieutenant, huh?" One of the men asked.

"We're taking Carentan." Welsh replied.

"That sounds like fun," Hoobler commented dryly.

"It's the only place where armor from Omaha and Utah Beach can link up and head inland. Until we take Carentan they're stuck on the sand. General Taylor's sending the whole division."

"Remember boys…" George snorted and imitated the General's voice. "Give me three days and three nights of hard fighting, and you will be relieved!" We laughed and the mood was instantly lifted. It was always good to have a person who could lighten the mood and give ease to everyone, even if was short lived.

Hoobler volunteered to take point and I took my place beside George, patting Blithe on the shoulder as I passed him and Welsh welcomed him back. We moved out with second and third following behind.

"Another thing to remember boys… flies spread disease. So, keep yours closed." George mocked. I rolled my eyes but I laughed along with the rest of the men.

It was dark by the time we made it to a small lake close to the town that was surrounded by dead Germans and bombed out trucks and carriages.

"Hey, Perco, why'd we stopped?" George asked as Perconte as he walked down the line.

"We lost F Company." He replied.

"What, again?" I rolled my eyes. If I had pulled a stunt like that in Ranger school the Sergeants would have had my ass roasted on a spit regardless of my officier status. I relayed as much to George.

"Can we not talk about roasting things on a spit? I'm so damn hungry I could eat a horse." He complained.

"Well, if you really think you can," I pointed to a blackened beast that was still attached to its burning burden. I smirked at George as he sent a rude hand gesture my way. We were still on light and noise discipline so there wasn't much we could do other than taking the small respite that the little hold-up offered us. It was entirely too soon when the word was passed down the line that we had found F and our little break was over.

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It was D+6 and full light by the time we finally reached the town of Carentan. I was still stuck with first platoon so I was staying close to Luz. At least we could keep tabs on each other this way.

I was next to George and Welsh when the order went out, a whispered, "Let's go, First! Let's go!"

I jumped to my feet and ran at the town. The call went up, a German order, and the bullets started to fly. Welsh, George and I made it to the cover of a bombed out building but when we turned around we realized we were the only soldiers around.

"God damn it!" Luz exclaimed as he turned to fire his gun around the corner.

"Where the fuck is everybody?" Welsh yelled over the din of machine gun fire. "Where'd everybody go?"

"I have no idea!" George yelled back in a panicked voice.

"I think they took cover!" I yelled to the Lt. as I fired around the corner of the building. Without the rest of the Company for support we were pinned down in our present location. All we could do was shoot blindly around the corner, switching out places when one of us had to reload our rifles.

"Oh shit!" George cried as we took cover from a grenade blast.

"I think we found the rest of the company." I remarked. Both men took a moment to glare at me before they continued firing.

"We need some covering fire," Welsh yelled. "Ready, Luz, Benny?" Luz and I fired around the corner of the building as Welsh grabbed a grenade. "Okay, I'm out!" We covered him as he ran to the building with the MG, he popped the grenade and threw it through the window taking the gun out of commission and freeing up the Company so they could move freely into the town.

"Let's go, Luz!" I yelled as we joined Welsh in clearing out the building that housed the MG. When we were finished, Welsh ordered Tipper and Liebgott to start clearing the rest of the building.

"Benny, meet up with others and tell them to start clearing the buildings, two per house." He ordered.

"Yes, sir." I nodded to him, chancing a glance at George before I took off down the street. I ran to everyone I could, relaying Welsh's orders and shooting as I was being shot at.

"THEY GOT US ZEROED! SPREAD IT OUT! SPREAD IT OUT!" I heard Lip yell from somewhere. I jumped from the road and pressed myself close up against the wall of one of the buildings.

"They zeroed in on us!" I yelled at the men still in the street. "Get out of there!" I jumped up and ran along the wall. I turned the corner and bumped into a solid figure, ducking as he whipped his gun around.

"Jesus, Benny! I could have killed you!" Buck yelled at me. I ignored him and pulled him into the safety of the building across the sidewalk just before a mortar landed at the spot we had just vacated. He turned to me wide eyed.

"I'm two up on you now!" I grinned.

"That one where I almost fell doesn't count." He snarked.

"I say it does. You owe me two!" With that, I ran out of the building and started to yell at the men to get off the street. I had managed to meet back up with George and Hoobler and we continued our task of clearing out the buildings.

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"Benny, you're back with me!" Buck ordered. I turned to George and shrugged then grabbed my gear and jogged to catch up with Buck.

"Sir," I nodded. "What's up?" He looked at me a moment. I'll admit that I still got a kick out of using some of the idioms and slang words of my day for the very look that Buck gave me at that moment.

"We need to keep Carentan, so we're going to have to cut them off at the pass." He told me.

"So we're going east, to the high ground." I deduced as much after I took stock of the town and realized that the fields were flooded on the other three side of the city and that east was the only direction that had the high ground. It was a perfect position to hold off the advancement of the enemy. I relayed my train of thought to Buck as we walked along the streets of the town.

"Yeah… you should have been an officer, Benny." Buck smiled. I laughed at how close he had come to the truth. I was an officer, I had all the training, but it frustrated me to no end that I couldn't use it. I squashed that little green-eyed demon before it was able to rear its head too high.

"Lt. Compton, Sgt. Benally." A voice greeted us. I glanced up and found myself looking in the face of Lt. Speirs. I nodded and answered with a "sir."

"Speirs, we're going to be moving out soon to the high ground at the east." Buck informed him. Speirs nodded his understanding then stalked off. "Well, nice to see you too." Buck muttered.

"Not one for words, eh?" I nudged Buck.

"No he is not." Buck said slowly as he shook his head.

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We had almost reached the hedgerow when the first shot was fired followed by a barrage of bullets. We ducked down and made our way to the safety of the trees that offered a ditch for cover from the onslaught of German bullets.

"Fucking hell!" I growled when I had made it to safety. I took a moment to collect myself then rose and started to fire back.

The rain made that night even more miserable than it needed to be. The exchange of bullets between us and the Germans had come to a lull sometime ago, affording us the opportunity to dig in and create foxholes for ourselves to provide enough cover to keep us somewhat safe.

I sat in one such hole cold, miserable, muddy and grumpy as I listened to those bastards sing songs in German.

"The fuck do they have to singing about?" I growled as Buck slid back into the foxhole.

"I don't know." He replied, equally as grumpy. "But I wished they would shut the fuck up." He took a swig from his canteen and offered some to me.

"That wouldn't happen to be Lt. Welsh's canteen, would it?" I asked, remembering that the Lieutenant kept something a little stronger in his canteen that would leave a warm and welcome sensation pooling in the pit of my stomach.

"No, why do you ask?" I waved away his question and took a sip from the cool water.

"Doesn't matter."

Winters came by sometime later to let us know what s2 found out and that the plan was to attack at 0530 tomorrow.

"How's the leg, sir?" I asked as I noticed his slight limp.

"I'll live, Sergeant." He nodded to me. Buck ordered me to go about 2nd and let them know about the attack and that we needed to fix our bayonets when the time came.

"Medic!" Someone yelled as I was making my way back to the foxhole. I ran towards the call and was the first to arrive on scene to find Roe and Liebgott crouched over a bleeding Talbert.

"What the fuck just happened?" I asked as I knelt down beside the three.

"Smith stabbed him." Liebgott replied.

"I'm sorry, Sarge! I thought he was a Kraut." Smith looked absolutely horrified at having accidentally stabbed Talbert.

"Yeah, well that's what happens when one wears a Kraut raincoat in the dark." I eyed the offending item. "How is he?" I asked Roe.

"He'll be fine." Roe said as he applied Sulfa to the wounds.

I nodded and filled in the officers as they came to find out what the commotion was all about. I thought I had glimpsed Speirs in all the excitement but if he was there, he left just as quietly as he came. After Floyd was safely on his way back to Carentan I found my way back to the foxhole and settled down for the night. I wasn't sure how long I it took for sleep to overcome my exhausted body but I remember the feeling of Buck's body bumping into mine as he slid back into our mud filled shelter before everything went black.

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It was morning and we had made it through the night without much drama after the Talbert/Smith incident. Buck had dropped back into the foxhole before sunup with some food and we ate in a companionable silence. Afterwards, I followed him as he called the other Sergeants in second to gather around the map and lay out the plans of attack. He had just finished explaining the plan of attack to us and ordered us to send out the word to the rest of the platoon when the first of the enemy mortar rounds went off. We scrambled to the nearest foxhole, yelling for the rest of the company to take cover as we did. There were several blasts, one so close that it sprayed us with mud and grass as we waited them out. Once it was safe enough we returned fire, trying to suppress whatever attack the Germans had planned.

"Stay low and keep firing at the horizon!" I ordered the men as they brought the machine gun out and started to fire on the Germans. I took my original position and continued to fire my rifle as I relayed the orders that Winters yelled at us as he passed by.

"Holy shit! Buck, do you see that!" I yelled as I pointed to the tree line, Buck looked over and cursed. The tanks made their way through the trees and started to fire on the left flank taking it out and leaving us exposed from the left as Dog and Fox Company were forced to pull back, leaving just Easy Company to maintain the defenses.

"Stay low, keep firing!" Winters called as he walked up and down the line.

"Keep firing!" I ordered. "Don't let up! Show those fuckers what Easy is made of!" I fired at the horizon, knowing that my gun would be useless against the tanks.

"What the hell is he doing?" Buck said from beside me.

I followed his gaze to find Welsh and McGrath crouching down in front of a tank with a bazooka. I watched in horror and fascination as they waited until the tank was right up on them before they fired, taking the bottom of it out and effectively putting it out of commission.

"Well I'll be damned." Buck grinned as we continued to fire on the German line. There was a pop to my side and I turned as a yell went out. Buck jumped to the aid of one of the men who had been hit, pressing a bandage to his wound and calling out for a medic. I noticed the attention of those around the men turned towards them.

"Keep firing!" I barked, snapping them out of it and bringing them back to the here and now. The supply of fresh ammo we had been given was starting to dwindle. The numbers of men getting hit were raising, the number of men getting killed were as well. "MEDIC," was being called out from every direction. It all seemed hopeless.

_BOOM!_

A tank exploded, then another one and another.

"What the hell?" I whispered.

"Shermans!" Buck yelled and my attention was pulled over to the line of Sherman tanks that came out at our left coming to our aid.

"About fucking time!" I watched them for a moment, Buck and I both celebrating before we ordered the men to keep firing on the retreating forces.

"Don't let up!" Buck ordered and Easy Company started to fire on the enemy with a whole new vigor. "Hit them with everything you got!"

A celebration cry went out over the crowd as the last of the Germans were disposed of or ran off with their tail between their legs. Buck handed me a cigarette and lit it.

"I don't smoke." I muttered as took a long, deep drag.

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So many battles, so many wounded, so many lost.

D+25.

Far past the three days and three nights we were promised before relief. We were tired and war-weary. We hadn't had a good meal since June 5th and we all smelled something awful. Buck, George and I were joking and laughing, the word had come that we were being pulled back to a field camp north of Utah beach and then back to England. Our moral was high until I glanced over and watched as Blithe was being loaded onto a jeep by stretcher and carted out. The laughter died down as we watched the jeep drive off with the wounded man… if only word had come a minute earlier.

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I hissed through my teeth as pain shot up through my side.

"You alright, Benny?" Buck glanced at me. I cursed silently that a man so big could move so quietly and put on a smile as I looked up at him.

"Fine, sir." He didn't look convinced but nodded anyway. He had turned to leave when he stopped short and shot to my side.

"Jesus Benny, you're bleeding," I looked down and noticed the red liquid starting to blossom across my olive drab t-shirt.

"Shit." I muttered. We had been on a nighttime training mission when some jumpy replacement had accidentally slid his bayonet across my side. George and I had treated it as best we could under the circumstances but with the rigorous training we had that day, the wound had reopened.

"Come on, you need to go see Doc." Buck said. I waved him off.

"I'm fine, sir." My heart rate sped up. "It's just a scratch."

"A scratch doesn't bleed like that, Jo." He stated. "Why are you fighting me on this? It's can't be bad enough to get you a ticket home."

"I'm fine sir, really." I put pressure on the wound trying to staunch the blood flow.

"Do I have to go get Doc and bring him here, because I will." He made to leave.

"No sir, please." I hissed in pain as I jumped up to stop him.

"You obviously need to get that looked at." He pointed to my wound. I grumbled something unintelligible as George came rushing back into the room and locked the door.

"I got a couple of bandages, some gauze and some Sulpha so it won't get infe-" George caught sight of Buck. "Sir." He nodded, trying unsuccessfully to hide the aforementioned objects behind his back. "Fancy seeing you here."

"What the hell is going on?" Buck looked between the two of us.

"We should tell him." I muttered after a moment.

"Tell me what?"

"Are you crazy? We can't tell him." Luz muttered back.

"Tell me  _what_?"

"I think we can trust him enough to tell him." I argued.

" _Tell_  me  _what_?"

"He'll send you back and court martial me if we tell him."

" _Tell me what?"_

"We'll never know if we don't tell him."

"TELL ME WHAT?" Buck yelled in frustration, breaking George and I from the muttered argument we were having. We both looked at him sheepishly. "Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to order you to tell me?" He asked in exasperation.

I could tell by the look on George's face that he was worried. I was too. But after all Buck and I had been through, I knew that if anyone would accept the fact that I was a woman, he would.

And if he didn't…

George sighed and motioned for me to tell him. "Please, just don't shoot me… her, I'm not too worried about." I glared at him.

"Her?" George and I glanced at each other.

"Caught that, huh?" Luz winced.

"Yes… what do you mean, _her_?" Buck looked back and forth between us his face practically screaming confusion. I sighed and began my long and drawn out explanation. I didn't give him just the 'I'm a girl' version, but the full blown 'I'm a girl and from the future' spiel. He sat there in silence as he took in everything I told. When I was finished I looked to him for a reaction.

…Nothing.

"Buck?" I prodded after a minute.

Nothing.

"Sir?" George tried.

Nothing.

Then… laughing. A lot of laughing. Hysterical laughing.

"Right," Buck wiped a tear from his eye. "You're a woman… and from the future!" He laughed some more. "Good one, and I'm called Buck because I'm really a deer in man's clothes."

"I'm telling the truth!" I tried to get through to him. I looked to George for help but he just shrugged and lit a second cigarette.

"Sir." I tried, Buck kept laughing.

"Sir!" Still laughing.

"Buck!" More laughter.

" _Buck_!" Even more.

In retrospect what happened next probably wasn't the best way to go about things. In fact, there were many ways I could have gone about it that would have been  _way_  better than how I handled it.

But I was annoyed…

And I was in pain…

And all of his stupid laughing was giving me a damn headache.

So, I lifted my shirt.

And I flashed Lieutenant Lynn Buck Compton.

Well, at least his laughter stopped.


	9. Never Be the Same

Okay, so maybe 'flash' wasn't exactly the right word to use. I mean I did still have my bandage wrapped around my chest so he didn't anything. But I was still unmistakably female.

Buck blinked.

George's cigarette fell from his lips.

I figured I had made my point and I pulled my shirt back down.

"Jesus Christ," Buck whispered as he sat down, hard. "Benny, you have breasts."

I couldn't help it. He told me that I had breasts as if he had just discovered something that I didn't know about. I fell to the floor my laughter was so hard. George sat down and cradled his head in his hands his shoulders shaking as he tried to suppress his own laughter.

Buck glared down at my shaking form and I just laughed harder. It took me a few moments before I was able to regain my composure and crawl back onto the trunk I was using as a chair.

"Any other discoveries, Columbo?" I winced as I felt my wound open more.

"This isn't funny, Benny!" Buck growled. "And who the fuck is Columbo?"

"I'm sorry, Buck." I hissed as I cleaned my wound, raising my shirt far enough to expose the cut but not far enough to flash the Lieutenant and Luz again. Buck just sat there and stared at me as Luz and I cleaned and dressed my wound. "I might have to stitch myself up." I mumbled to George, biting my lip. He knitted his eyebrows together.

"You can do that?" He mumbled back. I shrugged.

"I'm not positive but if it came down to it I think I could." He looked concerned. "I hope to hell it doesn't"

"Benny," Buck finally said in a whisper. "How?" I scratched the back of my head.

"I had help." I answered. Buck turned to George. "Not just him," I trailed off.

"An officer?" He asked. George and I glanced at each other then turned to Buck and nodded. "Who?"

"Nixon." George answered. Buck breathed deep and cradled his head in his hands rubbing his fingers through his short hair.

"Look, Buck," I began. "I told you because I know I can trust you." He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. "Well, yeah, because you walked in on me, but I've been wanting to tell you for a while now." I bit my lip and looked at George, he nodded. "After everything we've been through in the past month, all the times we talked as we shared a foxhole, I wanted to tell you. "

"I don't know, Benny." Buck sighed.

"Please, just… just give me a chance. I'm still the same Benny you met in England, I'm still the same Jo who trained with E since camp Toccoa, I'm the same person who has fought and bled with each and every man in this company."

"Except you have breasts." Buck stated. I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously? We're still on about that? Well, for your information, sir, I've had them all along and they've yet to get in my way. Trust me, they didn't just pop up out of thin air the moment I decided to flash you." I sighed. "Men and their fascination breasts." I muttered, throwing my hands up in the air causing George had to cover his laugh with a cough and Buck to blush. His face then went from embarrassed to horrified.

"You saw me…" He trailed off.

"What, pee?" I asked. George had a coughing fit as he choked on the smoke from his cigarette, Buck looked even more horrified. "I hate to tell you this, but women don't find men urinating very fascinating. Besides, I'm a trained medical professional, trust me when I say I've seen it all," I grinned. "There was this cadaver I had to cut into as part of my training, not for fun," I clarified. "And he had apparently been having rough sex in the back of a car and somehow managed to get his little soldier stuck in the car door." They both winced. "The girl panicked, and when she jumped out of the car, she kicked the car into neutral and it went rolling down the hill. Well, the man stayed rooted to the spot, so when the car took off it rip-"

"I GET it!" Buck interrupted, his face mirroring the same pain and disgust of George's. I shrugged, a shit-eating grin spreading across my face, I loved how uncomfortable men get when you talk about phallic related injuries. After Buck recovered from the image I had painted in his mind he stood and looked me over.

"What happens if you get hurt, worse than that?" He motioned to the now bandaged wound. I shrugged.

"Then I'll be at the mercy of the medic that treats me. But if whoever that is decides to turn me in, then I will go down alone. Neither your name, nor George's or Nixon's names will pass my lips. You have my word." I stood up and looked imploring at him. "Please, Buck. I've nowhere to go, no one to miss me if I die. I'm lost in time and the only people I have to cling to in hopes of retaining what sanity I have left are here, in Easy. This is my home, Buck. This is my family,  _you_ and George are my family… and you're all the family I have." I spilled my heart to him. He looked at me a while in thought before sighing and rubbing his head.

"We're even now… in fact, I'm at least three up on you now." Buck finally said as a grin formed on his lips.

"Wait, wait, wait… This is so not worth five!" I argued. George looked back and forth between us in confusion.

"I told you already, that one doesn't count!" He rolled his eyes.

"And I say it does!"

"It was two feet of air, Benny! I was not in mortal peril!"

"You two are fuckin' nuts, you know that, right?" George threw his hands up in exasperation as he realized we were talking about our running tab of who saved who. Buck and I grinned at him as he stormed out of the room. When he was gone, Buck sighed deep and looked at me.

"You're just full of surprises, kid."

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I was sitting next Bill as we listened to Smokey recite "The Night of the Bayonet," and flashing George the new stripe that signified my promotion to Staff Sergeant. He just rolled his eyes and grinned at my exuberance. We had been basking in our down time in England which afforded us the chance to finally catch up on the sleep we had been missing and regain the weight that we had lost. All in all it had been a good time here in England and I planned on going out with George during the next weekend to unwind. We cheered as Smokey finished his poem and presented Talbert with one of his Purple Hearts.

"Couple of announcements men!" Lipton called out as he stood in front of us. I could tell by the look on his face that what he was about to tell us wasn't going to be good. "First, listen up. First, the training exercise for 2200 has been canceled." Cheers went up around the room. "Secondly…" He raised his hand to quiet the men. "All passes are hereby revoked. We're heading back to France. So pack up all your gear." The feeling in the room dropped dramatically from this announcement. It seemed as if we had just arrived here and we were already having to leave.

"We will not be returning to England, boys," Lip continued. "Anyone who has not made out a will, go to the supply office. The trucks depart Membury at 0700. As you were."

"Well, if that wasn't a punch in the gut, I don't know what is." George mumbled. We spent that night gathering what we could take with us and shipping what we couldn't home or, in my case, to George's home.

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It was September 13 and we were gathered in a local bar in Aldbourne drinking and shooting the shit. Our redeployment to France had been canceled so we were stuck there for the time being. I watched as George and Buck, who felt more comfortable around us enlisted then he did the commissioned, hustled one of the new replacements named Babe and Toye in a game of darts. Buck was shooting lefty and I snorted into my beer as he and George really laid it on thick. Even Bull couldn't contain his grin as he retrieved the darts for the Lieutenant. The game ended with Babe winning, of course, and I walked over to Buck and George.

I raised my eyebrow at the two of them.

"What?" Buck grinned, trying and failing miserably at looking innocent. I just shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"Absolutely nothing, sir." I said as I handed him and George their beers. I raised my own in salute. "To the gullibility of young replacements." I toasted. Buck and George chuckled and clinked their glasses with mine. "You better give me some of those cigarette you're about to win."

"I thought you didn't smoke." Buck smirked.

"I don't." I laughed to myself as Babe came back over and Luz and Buck continued with their scam. I shook my head, he and Toye must be dense not to see the thick layer of bullshit they were practically rolling in.

"Lieutenant, are you gonna shoot lefty all night?" George asked casually and it took everything in me not to burst out laughing.

"Hey, come on." Toye complained, finally catching on.

"I'm just curious, 'cause he's right-handed"

"George," Buck said shifting the dart into his right hand. "What would I do without George Luz?"

"You'd probably be saner, sir." I smirked. George glared at me and Buck threw the dart.

"Boop!" George made the noise of a radar blip as Buck hit the bullseye.

"Ooh!" they both exclaimed as if they were amazed. I finally let out my laughter.

"Goodness Gracious." George said, turning to Babe and Toye.

"Two packs, gentlemen." Buck held his hand and made a 'gimme' motion.

"I know you got 'em," George said to Toye. "Pay up." Toye grumbled as he and Babe passed them the cigarettes.

"Should have known better Toye." I patted him on the back. He just grumbled and took a swig of his beer.

"Here you go, for keeping your mouth shut, I know how hard that was for you." Buck handed me a couple cigarettes.

"If you weren't an officer I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, sir." I grinned.

"Well, it's too bad I'm an officer then." He laughed and I rolled my eyes. "Wanna play darts?"

"I couldn't throw a dart to save my life." I snorted and shook my head.

"It's not hard," he tossed a dart and it hit dead center. "See?"

"Thanks, but no. I'm more of a soccer player."

"Soccer?" he and George made a face.

"What is wrong with you?" George asked. I rolled my eyes and knocked him one in the arm.

"Shut up."

"Come on Benny, I'll buy you a beer and I'll tell you everything you need to know about a real American sport." He slung an arm around my shoulder. "Football." I made a gagging noise but he just ignored me. We both grabbed a beer and walked back over to George. "You see, there's this guy, he's called a quarterback…" I blanked out on the rest of the lecture as it turned from a lesson in football to talk about teams I neither knew nor cared about. I glanced up as one of Bull's replacements passed, looking every bit the kicked puppy.

"Shit, Cobb." I heard Bull's slow Arkansas drawl. "You didn't fight in Normandy neither."

"Hey y'all!" Smokey yelled out over the crowd. "Listen up! I got us an announcement to make!" We all turned to look at him as he stood up on a chair and grabbed Lipton's shoulder. "This here is Carwood Lipton."

"He's already married, Smokey!" Malarkey called out. Smokey just ignored him as we chuckled.

"This here is Carwood Lipton, the new Easy Company first sergeant!" We cheered and yelled out our congratulations to Lip. "As befitting this position, he says he has to make an announcement." Lipton cleared his throat.

"Well, hate to break the mood here, boys, but, uh, we're moving out again." And with that, he made his escape. We all stood in shock for a moment, letting the news that we were going back out on the front line sink into our system.

"Well," I turned to look at Luz and Buck. "Isn't he just a ray of fucking sunshine."

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Operation Market Garden.

That ran over and over through my head as Winters and Nixon went over the plan of attack.

Operation Market Garden. One of the biggest airborne operations in history… and one of its greatest failures.

The plan was to take the Rhine, end the war and be home by Christmas.

Things were not going to go as planned.

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"Ready for this?" Buck asked me as I geared up for the drop into Holland.

"Ready for what? To save your huge ass again, sir?" I looked up at him with the best innocent look I could muster. He glared at me.

"You do owe me three." He nodded.

"Two." I reminded.

"It still doesn't count." He muttered.

"Yes it does." I countered. "Well, shit." I mumbled, ending our argument as I watched a jeep pull up.

"What's wrong?" Buck asked.

"Sobel." The man was sitting in the passenger seat of the olive drab army jeep. Buck gave me a look; he wasn't around when Sobel was in charge of the company, so he didn't really understand when silence overtook the Toccoa men. I made my way through the crowd and over to George.

"You seein' what I'm seein', Jo?" George asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am." I sighed deep. "If that isn't a bad omen, I don't know what is." George nodded and I helped him on with his gear. I chanced a glance over at Sobel as he was unloading the medical supplies from the truck. He turned his head to me and gave me a once over then did something I never thought I'd ever see.

"Hey George." I nudged him.

"What?" He looked at the shock on my face. "What happened?"

"I-I think… I think…"

"Well, spit it out!"

"I think Sobel just smiled at me." George turned to look at the Lieutenant who caught George's stare and smiled at him as well.

"Well I'll be damned." George looked over at me amazed. I gave a mock shiver and George grinned.

"I feel like I just got a blessing from the devil."

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The drop into Holland was the difference between night and day compared to the drop into Normandy... literally and metaphorically. There were no flak guns shooting at us, no drop that was too high and too fast. Everything went textbook.

"I don't like this, sir." I murmured to Buck as we sat crouched in a ditch outside the town of Eindhoven. "This seems too easy." Buck remained silent. He motioned for me to follow him as he made his way to Winters, who ordered the company to move through the field due to some kind of roadblock. We made our way back to the ditch and Buck ordered me to prepare the men as our air support flew over us on their way back to England.

We made our way through the tall grass of the field and stomped through the thick mud on the outskirts of the town. There was something weird going on, I could feel it.

As we came upon the town we noticed something out of place.

"Orange banners?" Buck looked at me.

"It's the color of the Dutch royal family." I answered. "You'd know that if you were into soccer." He glared at me and rolled his eyes.

We cautiously made our way into town. Everything was quiet and the streets deserted. As we went deeper into Eindhoven a dull roar started to tickle my eardrums. I looked up at Buck and he nodded in affirmation that he heard it too. We came to a corner where the roar was almost deafening and my mouth dropped open in shock.

Orange flags and banners were draped everywhere and the people of Eindhoven were dancing and celebrating in the street. They cheered louder as they finally caught sight of us and we were rushed into a sea of orange.

By the time the 7th random girl kissed me on the lips I was  _so_  over Eindhoven.

"You're a real ladies man, Jo." Luz grinned at me as he was kissed. I rubbed my mouth and glared at him.

"I'm going to go find the officers, try and keep everyone moving." I grumped.

"Yeah, yeah, sure thing, Jo." I had a feeling he didn't hear a thing I had said.

"Keep moving, boys." I called out as I made my way through the crowd. "Come on."

"Benny!" I turned to see Lip trying to make his way through the crowd.

"Hey, keep moving and put that woman down!" I called to one of the men as Lip finally pushed his way through to me. I turned and rolled my eyes at our new 1st sergeant and he chuckled.

"Benny, you seen Winters?" Lip asked.

"No." I shook my head. "I was ju-mmmrrph" I was cut off as yet another woman pulled my face to hers and planted a kiss on me before giggling and running off. "Oh for crying out loud!" Lipton laughed at me.

"That shade of lipstick looks good on ya." I glared at him and wiped it off.

"I was trying to say that I was looking for him too." I turned my head just in time as another woman tried to kiss me, she ended up kissing me on the cheek instead and then planted one on Lipton.

"Alright, keep the men moving." I nodded as he went off in search of Winters and I continued my search.

"Keep moving!" I yelled as I made my way through the crowd, pulling several men from the embrace of Dutch women and pushing them along. I spotted a tall blonde figure in the crowd.

"Buck!" I called, jumping up so he could see me. He turned and smiled as he made his way over to me, each of his arms wrapped around a woman. I rolled my eyes at his gleeful expression.

"Hey, Benny!" He called as we met halfway. "Girls, this is my good friend, Jo Benally!" I glared at him as the two women leant over to plant a double kiss on either of my cheeks. "What, Benny, don't like girls?" I sent a rude gesture in his direction.

"Not at the moment. Have you seen Winters?" I asked him, he craned his neck around looking above the crowd.

"Over there." He pointed with his chin and proceeded to make his way over to the CO. I followed along behind him, using him as a shield against anymore kissing attacks. Buck had lost one of the two women along our way over to the other officers but was still ginning by the time we met up with them.

"What's up, Welshy?" He asked and I snorted as he absentmindedly used one of my idioms.

"Snipers." Welsh said, Buck lost his good mood and we all covered our necks with our jackets trying to keep as much of our vulnerable spots hidden as we could. Nix turned to look at us and nodded to me in greeting.

"We've gotta get to these bridges," Winters said. I followed along as they made their way through the crowd and came up on a group of Dutch civilians who were circled around several women chanting something with voices that dripped hate and disgust. As we got closer we stopped and looked on in horror as several of the men ripped the women's dresses and sheared off all their hair, then drew swastikas on their foreheads.

"What did they do?" Harry asked as he clutched his reserve chute to his chest.

"They slept with the Germans." A balding man with a thick Dutch accent said as he came up behind us acting like the humiliation of these women in public was nothing to be bothered over. I chanced a disgusted glance at him then stalked off in search of Lipton to let him know I had found Winters.

"Hey. Bull." I called as I came up on the big man. His eyes were glued to the women, a look of confusion and worry across his face.

"Benny, what's that about?" I sighed.

"It's about ignorant self-righteous people passing judgment on others." He raised an eyebrow at me but I just waved him off. He opened his mouth to ask me something when a huge cry went up over the crowd. Bull and I looked at each other before finding a lamp post to climb on so we could see over everyone's heads. Winters joined us after a moment and we watched as the British tanks rolled into town.

"Captain." The balding Dutch man called up to Winters. "I'll be happy to show you the quickest route to the bridges."

"I'd be happy to have your help." Winters stepped down and shook the man's hand. "Get scouts to the edge of town in case we're here for the night." He ordered Buck and Welsh. Bull and I jumped down from the post and I made my way over to Buck.

"Gather a team of men and scout out the area." I nodded and disappeared through into the crowd.

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I rubbed my aching back with one hand while holding on to Buck to keep myself from falling off the tank with the other. We had slept on the cold ground of an orchard the night before and my back was telling me about it today.

My attention to my back was broken as we rolled past one of the women from town that had slept with a German. She clutched a small baby to her chest as she watched us pass. I felt my blood boil at the thought of what they did to here as I took in her ruddy clothes and head that had been sliced open from the shears.

"Mother fuckers," I growled and Buck nodded his head as we watched one of the men hand her a K-ration.

The tanks came to a stop just out of Nuenen.

"Lieutenant!" Bull called to the figure that had stopped and stood in the middle of the road in front of the tanks. He turned to look at Bull as a shot was heard and the Lieutenant fell to the ground.

"Sniper!" Buck yelled. I tapped him and pointed as a German halftrack pulled along our left flank. "Get to cover! Clear the track!" he yelled and we all jumped from the tank and took cover in the roadside ditch. One of the Shermans quickly disposed of the halftrack.

"We're sitting ducks, we need to move!" I called out at the same time as Bull yelled at the men to get moving. We made our way across the field and into the town.

"Beat it!" Buck yelled and the men set up the cannons and we covered them from the low wall. There was an explosion as one of the tanks was hit with a round from a Tiger followed by the rapid firing of a machine gun.

"Pull back!" Could be heard being shouted from somewhere in the town as soldiers started running back through the field and the Shermans retreated. Several men jumped over the low wall just as German soldiers poured out from the house in front of us. We raised our guns and fired on them ducking behind the wall as they returned and popping back up to do the same, covering the men who were pulling back.

"We need to take that gun out!" I yelled to Buck and pointed to the MG on top of one of the houses. He nodded at me.

"Rifle grenade!" He called. "Schmidt, MG42. 10 o'clock, nail 'em!" He ordered."Fire!" Schmidt's aim was true and he took out the Kraut MG in one shot. We continued to cover the men as they made their way to safety.

"I think we've overstayed our welcome!" I told Buck as I shot another German soldier.

"I think you're right, Benny!" He grinned and turned to the men. "Pull back, Pull back!"

"Pull back, boys!" I physically pushed some of the men in the direction of the road.

"Go!" Buck ordered as he fired once more and turned to run around the corner of the house with the rest of us. "Pull back!" Buck and I stopped at regular intervals to shoot at the Germans in an effort to slow them down and give the men extra time to get to safety.

"Come on!" I yelled and pushed one of the men into moving faster. "We have to pull back!" After what felt like hours we finally made it to the road and were able to jump into the ditch which gave us a minimal amount of cover.

"Get down!" Buck ordered from in front of me.

It all seemed to go in slow motion… I heard the pop and whiz of a sniper rifle going off. I saw the blood spurt out of Buck in a sickening red haze. I watched, almost seeing the ripple of pain flow through his body and my mind flashed back to Will.

_POP!_

_"Sniper!" yelled someone as he fell face first into the ground mere feet from the shelter of the building._

Buck pitched forward and fell face first to the ground, blood starting to blossom across his hips.

" _Will!"_

"BUCK!"

He groaned in pain and I was broken out of my trance as I ran forward to the fallen man.

"Medic!" Malarkey yelled as he crawled to Buck and turned him over. I dropped next to my wounded friend.

"Go, get a medic, keep moving!" Malarkey ordered the rest of the men.

"Buck." I grabbed the hand he reached out for me. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay." I told him. He just stared at me, a shocked look of pain spread across his face.

"B-Benny." He mumbled.

"I'm here, Buck." I rubbed his hand. Seeing Buck like that blew every bit of medical training I had from my mind. I felt helpless and all I could do was hold his hand and try to comfort him. "Where the fuck is the God. Damn. Medic!" I yelled.

"Right here." Roe answered as he bounded down the ditch and knelt down on the other side of Buck.

"Hey, Doc." Buck mumbled not looking at the man.

"Lieutenant." Roe acknowledged. Malarkey and I rolled Buck so Roe could assess the wound. "It's gone right through, Buck." He said as he pulled out a bandage. "Side to side, both cheeks."

"Malarkey, get them out of here, go." Buck ordered.

"What?"

"I'm not leaving you here, Buck." I told him as I helped Roe bandage him.

"Jus-jus-just go." He stuttered. "Leave me here for the Germans."

"What? Are you nuts?"

"We'll carry you." Roe told him.

"Fuck off with that bullshit, you're not dying" Roe glanced up at me, slightly taken aback, "sir." I added.

"Are you kidding me?" Buck asked. "I weigh more than the both of you two combined." He said, looking from Roe to me. Malarkey and I looked at each other.

"We need a Travois." I thought out loud. Malarkey gave me a look. "A-a-a stretcher we can drag on the ground." I snapped my fingers. He nodded, understanding my meaning.

"Come on." He said to Muck and they both ran off.

"Get out of here, Benny." Buck said, staring at me.

"No way, I'm not getting out of here unless you're coming with me." I told him.

"I'm going to die here." He said, staring up at the sky. I sat up and pulled his chin down so we were face to face.

"Then you're signing a death warrant for the both of us 'cause I'm not leaving you here alone." Roe glanced back and forth between the two of us.

"We'll get ya outta here, Lieutenant." Roe told him as he finished bandaging him. He looked over at me. "We need ta roll 'im so he's not lying on his wounds." I nodded and he crawled over beside me.

"Ready?" I nodded. "Now." With some effort, we managed to get Buck settled on his stomach.

"Where the hell is Malarkey?" I mumbled to Roe once we were done. He shook his head at me.

"I don't know, but he betta get here quick." I nodded and crawled up the embankment to peek over the edge of the ditch.

"Shit." I whispered as I slid back down. I gave Roe a look that conveyed just how much shit we were in without speaking it out loud. He pursed his lips and knitted his brows together.

"Benny?"

"Still here, Buck." I grabbed his hand again.

"Benny, I'm sorry." He mumbled.

"Just shut up, Buck," I rubbed my thumb across the back of his hand. "Just shut up."

"You need to get out of here." He mumbled. "Leave, they're coming. Just take Doc and get out of here."

"Can't do that, Buck. I don't think Roe is willing to leave you here alone either." I looked up at medic. He gave me a firm nod confirming that he wouldn't leave here without the both of us.

"I ain't goin' anywhere, Lieutenant." He told Buck. I managed a smile at the Cajun and he returned it.

"Hey, Buck." I called.

"What?"

"Sorry I didn't save your ass." I grinned and Roe chuckled. "Get it."

"Yeah," he nodded, managing a small chuckle. "It means you owe me four now, kid."

"No, only three… I don't care what you say, that one in France counts."

"It was two feet, Benny." Roe raised an eyebrow at me. I just shrugged.

"It still counts." He managed a small, weak smile for a second before he dropped it and squeezed my hand. "It's okay, Buck, it's okay." Roe and I looked at each other with worry in our eyes.

"Where the hell is Malarkey?"

"You called?" The redheaded Irishman said as he, Skip and Guarnere slid into the ditch dragging what looked like an old door behind them. I smiled in relief as Roe and I rolled Buck so the Malarkey and Guarnere could slide the door under him, then rolled him back. He grabbed the top of the door and Malarkey, Guarnere and I stood in front of him, prepared to lift it once he had a good grip.

"On one." I ordered,"Ready three, two, ONE!" We lifted the top of the door with some effort as Skip covered us and Roe made sure Buck didn't slip off. We huffed and puffed as we dragged the door through the ditch and to the safety of the Shermans.

"Get back to the tank!" Someone ordered as we passed. Soldiers ran past us on the left and right as we gritted our teeth and pulled with all our strength. A shell went off to our left and men scrabbled to get out of the way. When we finally reached the tanks I almost cried in relief to see that several transport trucks had arrived. It took all five of us, plus three more to load Buck on the back of the closest one. Once he was safely on the truck I finally able to breathed a sigh of relief and Roe patted me on the knee and offered a smiled.

"Can you believe it?" Bill asked Lipton, who had wandered over to the truck to check everything out. "One bullet, four holes."

"It's almost a miracle." Lipton joked as he patted Buck on the leg and I fought to contain the smile forming on my lips.

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Night had fallen over Holland and I sat off to the side of the darkened field we had camped out in for the night. I kept replaying the moment when Buck was shot in my mind.

I froze.

I shit-fucking froze!

I was a surgeon for fuck's sake, I could have helped him on my own but I froze and just sat there as helpless as a child.

I rubbed my thumb under my lip over and over again as I replayed the scene in my mind, going over what I could have done differently, seeing different outcomes to each. The worst ones ended in the bullet grazing Bucks artery and him bleeding out as I sat there and did nothing.

I growled and ran a hand through my hair vaguely realizing it was time for another haircut if I was going to maintain my farce as a man. I sighed and lit a cigarette, drawing deep and slowly letting it back out.

"Hey," I looked up to see Roe. He walked over and knelt down in front of me. "I just wanna let you know that the Lieutenant is gonna be alright."

"Thanks," I nodded and took another drag from my cigarette. Roe looked me over.

"Are you gonna be alright?" He asked, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

"Yeah," I raised an eyebrow. "Why would I not be?"

"Well," he looked off to the side, running a hand through his hair. He sighed and looked back at me. "You saw yo' friend get shot today. It can't be easy." I smiled at his concern.

"I'll be fine." I answered. He smiled and patted my knee before standing up and turning to leave.

"Hey Roe." I called out to him. "How do you do it?"

"What?" He asked as he turned around and walked back over. "Do what?"

"You're everywhere at once, treating the wounded one place then the next moment you're someplace else, treating someone else. But then, when we needed you, you were right there like you have a sixth sense or something."

"I just go where I'm needed." He shrugged.

"No," I stood up and looked him over. "No, it's more than that." I looked him straight in the eyes and smiled. "You're a great medic. This company, it-it would fall apart without you."

"They'd replace me."

"No." I shook my head.

"Benny!" Lipton called out. "Winters wants to see you!" I nodded, grabbed my gear and slung it over my shoulder. I turned back to Roe.

"You're irreplaceable, Gene." He stood still and watched me as I walked off.

"Sir," I looked at Winters and Malarky who was standing beside the CO.

"Sergeant," he greeted looking between Malarkey and I. "I called you both here to let you know that Buck is going to be gone for a while."

"Yes, sir. Roe just told me." He looked over at me nodded.

"There's going to be a replacement Lieutenant coming in." We both nodded. Winters sighed and rubbed a hand across his forehead. "Not that I don't have faith in the man they'll be bringing in, but you both have been there since the beginning. You know 2nd better than anyone. I want you to help settle the new lieutenant in, make this transition as easy on the men as you can. Can you do that for me?" Malarkey and I glanced at each other before we both answered with a slightly stunned, 'yes, sir.' "Good, I'm counting on you two."

"Sir?" I asked. "Lt. Compton is coming back, isn't he?"

"Yes sergeant, he'll be back. It'll take more than a bullet in the backside to take Lt. Compton out of this war." Both Malarkey and I chuckled a bit, knowing every the truth behind Winter's words.

"Anything else you need for us, sir?" I asked.

"Yeah, get some rest. It's been a hard day on all of us." We answered in affirmative and Winters gave us a smile, letting us know without words that everything would be okay. Malarkey and I strode away side-by-side, our shoulders a little less heavy then they had been.

"Hey, Jo!" Luz waved me over,. I smiled and told Don I would meet up with him later before sitting down on my helmet next to Luz. "Hey, you hear anything about Bull?" He asked. Sergeant Denver "Bull" Randleman was confirmed missing as we left the German overran Nuenen. I shook my head. "What about Buck?"

"Roe says he's going to be fine." I sighed. "I should have done something."

"Hey, there was nothing you could have done." George assured me.

"But there was! I'm a surgeon for fucks sake! I could have helped him but all I did was sit there and stare at him. He could have died, George." George sighed and threw his arm over my shoulder.

"But he didn't, Jo. That's all that matters." He rubbed my shoulder. "You can't beat yourself up over this." I sighed and nodded.

"I hate it when you're right." I grumbled.

"Eh, it's a gift." He laughed.

"Really? Because you'd never know it." He shot a glare at me and shoved me away. "You should use that gift more often."

"Shut up, Benny."

"Look at that." I pointed over the ridge with my lips. "The Germans are bombing Eindhoven."

"Yeah." George and I stared at the depressing display of firepower. It was the cherry on top of the crappiest day of our lives… and I thought D-Day was as bad as it could possibly get.

0000000000000000000

Bull showed up sometime after dawn with the group of men who went out to look for him all crowded in a jeep. He had been rescued by a couple of soldiers from A and D company and they stopped to pick up the Easy men who were on the way to Nuenen to launch their own rescue mission for the missing sergeant. He took a piece of shrapnel to the shoulder, but Roe patched him up real quick. Seeing Bull safe and sound brought the moral of the company up exponentially after the disaster of the day before.

A moral boost that we were desperately going to need.

"Alright, mount up! Hup hup, let's move out!" was called out from on top of the tanks.

"Grab your gear, let's go."

"Let's move it, second!" I called out as George went over to meet up with First. "Grab your gear! We're moving out!"

The majority of the Company ended up walking behind the tanks and transport trucks as the rest were being used to create a roadblock. We left the places on the operational vehicles for those who were wounded and those officers who felt their energy would be better spent elsewhere rather than walking alongside their enlisted men. I noted that both Winters and Nixon opted to walk with us and I was struck again at how great a leader Winters was. I could only hope that when I returned to my time, I would earn as much respect from my men as he had earned from us.

If I ever got back.


	10. Pieces

In school one spends a few days, a couple weeks at the most, studying the events of WWII. This allots just enough time for the children to understand how horrible war is and how terrible humans can be to other humans. It allows us time to understand that in order to progress we need to learn from the mistakes of the past so they are not repeated in the future. Even at The Point certain battles were focused on but little time was spent on them in comparison of how long they actually lasted.

Needless to say, I had forgotten how long Operation Market Garden dragged on.

"George… George… Geor-ge… George… Geor-ge… GEORGE!"

"WHAT?" George finally whipped around from cleaning his gun to face me. "What the fuck do you want?"

"No need to be testy." I grumbled. George rubbed his temples as if he was trying to get rid of a headache.

"What is it Jo? Whadda you want?" He sighed in defeat.

"I'm bored, let's go find something to do."

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!"

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"Jo? What the hell are you doing?" Nixon asked as he stepped into the light of the streetlamp. "It's freezing out here."

"George kicked me out." I frowned pointing to the house that George and I, along with a few others, had been billeted in for the night.

"What did you do?" He asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Me? Why do you think I'm the one to blame?" I asked in astonishment. Nix gave me a look that said he knew exactly why. "I was just trying to stop him from excessively polishing his gun."

"Is that what they call it now?" Nix smirked.

"I wouldn't know, sir. I don't have those particular parts."

"Yeah," He chuckled. "I guess you don't." He lit a cigarette, "You were bored again, weren't you?"

"There's a possibility that could have been to blame…"

"Jo, only you could get bored in the middle of a war." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, excuse me. Forgive me for not understanding all this sitting around waiting. I'm used to being an officer still. I'm used to being in the thick of the planning and strategy not an enlisted who has to sit and wait for orders." I sighed dramatically. "I've never been so antsy in all my life!" Nix chuckled.

"You've got problems, kid." I groaned and dropped my head back against the wall I was sitting against.

"You have no idea, sir."

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Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to fight. In fact, I found no pleasure in fighting. My hands were made to heal, but all I had really been using them for lately is to destroy and it was really starting to take a toll on me.

I felt the same darkness descending inside of me that I had felt all those years ago while still back in my time. All the missions I had been on, all the people whose lives I had ended. They all weighed heavily on my mind. You would never know it to look at me. I supposed that was why I was antsy. Back in my old life if you weren't constantly on the move, then you were dead. If you didn't kill, you would be killed. It very nearly broke me. In fact, if it wasn't for Will then I would have completely lost my sanity. I heard the sound, the cries of the dead and dying when the rest of the world was silent. I dreamt of the faces of those innocents as they reached out for me, begging me to save them from the horrible fate that awaited them. I woke up in cold sweats and silent screams. The horrors of the war I knew before still haunting me no matter how far away I got from them.

I rolled out of bed after one such nightmare covered in sweat and tangled up in the bed sheet. I laid there on the cold floor, stock still and barely breathing as I listened to the dark that surrounded me. The dream was so real, I could swear I smelt the sulphur and the blood in the air. I was afraid of what waited for me beyond the dark…

But then George let out a loud snore and I knew I wasn't in danger, I wasn't in the desert. I was in Holland in an abandoned house full of WWII soldiers. I looked outside and noticed the sun rising, painting a picture that was almost beautiful if not for the bombed out buildings that obscured the almost peaceful scene. I sighed and got dressed, finding my way downstairs to start the coffee.

"Ah, coffee! Life substance and giver of caffeine. Give me the strength to make it through the day and the grace to keep me from killing others in irritation. Lead me not into sleep, but deliver me from exhaustion. For thine is the caffeine, the creamer, and the sugar."

"Amen." I whipped around to find Roe stepping into the kitchen with an amused smile on his face. "You know, I don't recall ever learning that prayer."

"You didn't?" I asked wide eyed as I poured the boiling water into the ancient coffee maker. "I'm surprised at you, Roe. A good Catholic boy like you should have memorized all the saints." I shook my head in mock disappointment.

"Oh, that's what it is, huh?" He grinned. "And what saint is it you are praying to?"

"Well, that would be Saint Grind, patron saint of all college students." He chuckled and shook his head.

"I think that might be blasphemy." I waved it away.

"It's okay if I say, I not really into all that religion stuff anyway.." I shrugged as he laughed and grabbed one of the chipped mugs.

"You were a college student?" He asked after a moment. I dropped the mug I was holding and he grabbed it just before it hit the ground and shattered.

"Shit," I grumbled at myself. I couldn't believe I had let that slip. I mentally slapped myself as Roe set the mug down on the counter and looked at me, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Uh, yeah, I did… Or I was, until the war, and then." I gestured around me.

"What did you study?" He poured coffee in both mugs and handed me one then looked like he thought better of it. "You sure you can handle it?"

"I'm sure I can take it." I rolled my eyes and snatched the cup and took a sip of the hot, bitter liquid and savoring the taste. It had been so long since we had any coffee and even though this wasn't my medium roast blend and it tasted faintly of cigarette ash, it was still coffee. "Now, all we need are doughnuts and we would have a breakfast of champions on our hands here." Roe chuckled.

"So, you didn't answer my question." He prodded. "What did you study?"

"Oh, this and that." I BSed. "I had a… scholarship. So I was just kinda feeling it out, deciding what direction I wanted to take in my life." He nodded, taking a sip of his coffee and leaning up against the counter.

"Did you find anything that interested you?" He asked, just trying to make polite conversation. On the outside I shrugged, but on the inside I was desperately trying to figure out ways I could steer the conversation in less dangerous direction.

"A few things."

"Like what?"

"Um, like, uh, medicine." I smacked myself mentally.

"Really? Did you get far into your studies?" He looked almost hopeful that he would have someone with actual medical training that he could talk to. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole right then and there. Why couldn't I have just said engineering?

"Not really, just basic human anatomy really." The hopeful look fell from his eyes but he remained smiling and I wanted to kick myself. "What about you? Any plans for college?"

"Family can't afford it." He shrugged. I had forgotten that it wasn't likely that a man such as him would get the chance to go to college. It was a miracle if some of them even made it to Junior High before having to go out and get a job to support the family. I nodded and took a sip of my coffee, yelling to myself that I needed to figure out a way out of this situation.

"Hey, Jo! Whadda say, whadda you know?" George said with a yawn as he trudged into the kitchen, hair all ruffled and clothes wrinkled. I thanked the coffee God and promised I would pray to him more often.

"Not much to say, but too much to know." I replied as he literally pushed me out of the way to get to the coffee.

"I call bullshit on that." He mumbled as he poured a cup and savored it much as I had. I glared at him and he just smiled cheekily at me over his mug.

"Asshole." I muttered as I turned and escaped the uncomfortable situation I had put myself in.

I was going to have to be more careful in the future, but Roe was one of those guys that made you feel as if you could let your guard down around him. He made you feel as if you could tell him anything and everything that was bothering you and he would make everything right.

And that made Eugene "Doc" Roe a very dangerous man to be around.

0000000000000000000

It was a bit nippy out in the cool Holland morning and the sting hit my lungs as I breathed deep. A light fog was still settled around the town and added to the calming atmosphere. I sipped at my coffee, wishing I was sitting on the old front porch of my Grandparent's house in the rocker my grandpa had hand made with a blanket across my lap and the smell of bacon and eggs wafting out through the kitchen. I wished I had my tattered old gray West Point sweater to wrap around my chilled form, my worn-in Levi jeans and my worn out flip flops that I wore year round on my feet. I missed my life, I missed my friends, I missed my family. Everything was so screwed up here, this wasn't even my war! This was a war started by a generation of people I had never met. This shouldn't be my problem. I should be at home, fighting my own war, keeping my own generation safe. But I was stuck here in a place and time I didn't belong, fighting a war that I had no business fighting in.

I hadn't realized I'd been biting my lip until the metallic taste filled my mouth. I spat out the blood and felt the sting of an open wound on my lip.

"Fuck." I growled. I needed a cigarette… bad.

I patted my pockets for the pack I usually traveled with thinking about what my family would say if they could see the bad habit I had come to lean on for comfort. My brother would be horrified, my dad would be furious, my oma would cry, my opa would say, 'Life's a bitch, light one up,' then bum one off of me.

I'm pretty sure I took after him.

"Shit." I muttered, realizing my pack set atop the dresser in the bedroom George and I were sharing. I looked back up at the house and decided against trudging up the stairs to get to them. I sighed and leant against the railing of the stoop turning my head to the west as I let the sun that was finally starting to break through the fog warm my chilled form. I closed my eyes and imagined that I was in New Mexico in the house that shi'nali hastii owned, sitting on the side of the cliff with the sun bouncing off the mesas, painting the world in colors of red, orange and purple. I imagined I was at the ranch in Colorado, waiting for breakfast and throwing sarcastic comments back and forth with opa while oma rolled her icy blue eyes and muttered insults about us in German.

I imagined I was wrapped in the warm embrace of my brother as he comforted me and chased away all the bad dreams. I imagined I was home.

"Sgt. Benally." I was rudely snapped out of my daydream and opened my eyes to see the Lieutenant from Dog Company looming over me.

"Lt. Speirs." I straightened up and nodded to the imposing figure.

"Where's your CO?" He asked.

"He's billeted at the house down the street, the one with the red front door, sir." I pointed it out. He nodded and took out a pack of cigarettes.

"You want one?" He asked me. I shrugged and nodded.

"Thank you, sir." I brought it up to my lips and he lit it with a match before lighting his own.

He said nothing, only nodded his head and left, making his way down to the house with the red door.

"Oh, Lieutenant?" I called out to him. He turned and looked back at me. "How are Davis and Michaels?" I asked as the faces of the two privates from D Company I had met during the Operation Overlord sprang to mind.

"Michaels is dead." He answered flatly, no trace of emotion on his face. "Killed in the same attack that lost Davis his left arm. They were in a foxhole together when a grenade landed in it. Michaels threw himself on it, blocking it from killing Davis and two others."

"I'm sorry, sir." He shrugged.

"Nothing to be sorry about. Soldiers die in war. It's a reality that every soldier must face. There is no certainty other than death and we have to decide how we want to die. Michaels decided he would die saving his friends."

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." I mumbled the quote to myself. He tilted his head and gazed at me the cold calculation of a lion before it pounces on the unsuspecting gazelle. I knew in that moment that I was that gazelle. He was studying me, determining if I was worth the effort or if I was easy pickings. He stared at me, stared through me. I held his gaze puffing coolly on my cigarette but mentally I shivered. He nodded and gave me a smile that chilled me, before making his way to the house with the red door.

"Jesus Jo." I turned at the sound of George's voice to see him and Roe staring at me from the doorway. "If Speirs was looking at me like that I think I would have crap my pants."

"Gross, George." I made a face of disgust. "You could have kept that to yourself and I would have lived the rest of my life content without knowing that little tidbit of knowledge about you." He shrugged.

"I'm a sharer Jo, I share things with people." He laughed and I just rolled my eyes.

"Yáadilá t'a'iiyahii." I mumbled. He and Roe looked at me like I was crazy.

"What did you just say?" George asked with narrowed eyes. I walked up the stairs and punched his arm.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations
> 
> Opa: German for Grandpa
> 
> Oma: German for Grandma
> 
> shi'nali hastii: Navajo for Fraternal Grandfather
> 
> Yáadilá t'a'iiyahii: Literal translation means 'to be a butthead,' in Navajo.
> 
> I hope you liked this little interlude. I wanted something that would show a li


	11. A Soldier's Prayer

October 5, 1944

"This is it boys. Get across the river. Across the field and over the dike. That's a lot of territory to cover." Hashey said. I looked at George and we rolled our eyes at each other. Replacements… "Where's you want us to go?"

"You Hashey, you get the penthouse." George and I ignored them and continued to the card game we had started up. We were resting for the night when I had dropped my gear and wandered over to where first squad was billeted for the night, leaving Malarkey to watch after the newly appointed replacements in 2nd. Things had been strange since Buck had been sent to the hospital and I found myself seeking comfort in the familiar companionship of my best friend more and more often.

"Am I going to have to transfer you to first, Benny?" Winters asked as he taped his grenades.

"If you could, just until Lt. Compton comes back, I'd have no problem with that, sir." I said as I stole a cracker from George. Winters grinned at me.

"We'll see about that." He joked. I smiled at him and placed my card face down on top of the pile of cards.

"Gin." I said and showed my cards. George grumbled and glared at me. "It's too bad we're not playing poker." I mumbled as I looked at the royal flush I held in my hands.

"Coulda, shoulda, woulda." George muttered as he marked down the points on our score sheet. "That's 210, you win, Jo." I gave him a cheeky smile and he mocked me.

"New guys giving the replacements the what for, and why is." Talbert said as he sat with George, Winters and I. "I swear one of them's never shaved." George shot me a look and I rolled my eyes. I grinned as Luz beckoned Talbert's dog over. He was one of the most beautiful and well behaved German Shepherds I had ever seen. Our card games was forgotten as Luz and I turned our attention to the giant puppy, scratching and playing with dog seemed to have a therapeutic effect on the men around the Company easing the anxious energy that had built up around us. There was just something about petting an animal that released the tension and calmed emotions.

"This, is a hell of a dog, Tab." George said as he gave the dog a piece of food and listened on the radio for any news.

"Thank you," Tab said as he tossed a stick for the dog. "There you go." The dog ran after the item and scooped it up, tail wagging.

"What'd you call it, Tab?" Winters asked.

"Trigger." He replied.

"That's good, I like that, Trigger." George said as he placed the phone on his shoulder and popped some food into his mouth.

"Good name for a dog, Tab." I said as I stole another of George's crackers.

"You got anything on this?" Talbert asked, pointing to George's radio.

"Nope, it's all quiet." He replied reaching for his cup.

BANG!

The door was flung open and we turned to see several men carrying Alley into the room.

"We've got penetration!" Liebgott called out. "Alley's hurt, we need the Doc."

"Alright, get him on the table."Winters ordered.

"Alright I got this." Tab said as he walked over to help the men place the wounded man on the table. "Alley, you're going to be okay."

"C'mon, Boyle, get Doc Roe." Winters ordered. I ran over to Alley and tried to keep him from moving his head too much. I gave his wounds a once over, noting that Roe was more than skilled enough to handle the situation.

"Where am I?" Alley asked, voice husky in confusion. "Something happened, what happened?" He asked Lip.

"It's okay, Alley." I assured him, rubbing my thumbs over the side of his head trying to comfort him. "You're gonna be fine."

"Where was it?" Winters asked.

"Crossroads," Liebgott answered, "where the road crosses the dike." Joe Lesniewski blamed Liebgott for the incident and he argued back. Winters interrupted them and sent Joe out to get Welsh.

"Lipton, assemble me a squad." He ordered. "Benny, since you're here." Winters looked at me and I nodded.

"Right behind you, sir." I said.

"First squad, on your feet! Weapons and Ammo only!" Lipton ordered. "Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

"Give me room!" Roe said as he came running in and started ordering Liebgott and Boyle to help him with Alley. I met his eyes and we nodded at each other. I stepped back and let him do his job as I grabbed my helmet, guns, ammo and grenades and headed out of the house.

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We ran low and silently down the dike, the only sound coming from the slight jangle of dog tags, ammo and the crunch of the brush as it was crushed under out boots. Most of the noise was masked by the water that ran through the dike. There was a sound of machinegun fire and we dropped to the ground.

"MG-42?" I heard Tab ask Winters.

"Yeah."

"What the hell they shootin' at?" He asked. "What's down that road?"

"Regimental Headquarters." Winters answered. "But that's three miles away. Why are they giving away their position?"

"They ain't as smart as me and you?" Tab replied.

"I think I'll check it out anyway." Winters said. "Hold here, wait for my signal." Tab turned around and had George relay the orders to the rest of the platoon as winters ran up and over onto the road.

"Whadda you think they're shootin' at, Jo?" George asked me.

"No idea," I shrugged. "Imaginary fiends?" George rolled his eyes at my stupid attempt at a pun.

Winters appeared above the horizon giving the signal and we made our way up and over to the road then down the embankment on the other side. A machinegun crew stayed behind to provide us with covering fire when the time came.

"This is our fallback position, here." Winters yelled in a whisper. "Mortars, deploy here. First squad, on me. Go." We jumped up and ran through the ditch in a single tactical column towards the group of Germans that surrounded the MG-42. Once we were close enough, Winters signaled for us to hold as he went to see what we were going up against. He signaled for us to take up positions on the road and then ordered each one of us to take out a different person. The world went silent as I zeroed in on my target. The only sound I could hear was the slow and steady pounding of my heartbeat. I evened out my breathing, waiting.

Winters started firing and we followed suit. I took my target down quickly, shooting him in a spot that would assure a painless and instantaneous death. I continued to shoot at the rest of the targets as they scattered.

"Fall back!" Winters ordered and the mortar crew fired their first round. We fell back to the safety of the ditch, ducking low as the bullets whizzed by us on our left, right and overhead. Once we reach the spot where the ditch made an L shaped curve, we took up positions.

"Suppressing fire!" Winters ordered and we fired on the German platoon. I continued to fire at the faint figures over the horizon as Winters ordered Harry and Peacock to bring in the balance of First. Dukeman was order to go up the flank and take out the machinegun but he was taken down by a German bullet, it pierced his heart.

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Dawn had broken by the time that the balance of first had arrived and we remained crouched low, hidden in the tall grass. Our guns had fallen silent sometime ago as had those of our enemy.

Winters ordered Tab to take ten men along the dike, Peacock to take ten men along the left flank and he would take ten men up the middle.

"Benny, you're with me, tell the men to fix bayonets." He said. I nodded and passed the word. "Go on the red smoke." He ordered. We watched, waited for the signal. He turned to look at me, "Wait for the smoke, Benny." Winters ordered again. I knitted my eyebrows together in confusion as he tossed the smoke canister. Then did something no one was expecting.

He ran, leaving us behind as he took the lead. I understood then why he turned and repeated his order to me. The men started to get up to follow him.

"Wait for the smoke." I ordered, though everything inside me told me to take off and run after the Captain. It seemed like hours before the red cloud finally formed, snaking its way into the cool morning air and flooding the sky in a blood colored haze. We were on our feet in an instant, following our leader.

We were halfway across the field when Winters fired his first volley. We finally reached him as he finished unloading his second clip. There was a company of soldiers that we had caught off guard and we started our onslaught, mowing them down as they tried to run for cover.

"C'mon boys!" Someone shouted as we took down man after man. The adrenalin was pumping through my body so fast I thought I'd jump out of my skin. My focus was so tight I think I could have shot gnat out of the sky.

This is the part of war the civilians will never understand. The world portrays us as great heroes. But this, this was the dirty bit that no one thinks about. This was what war was about, survival, bringing down your enemy before they could bring you down.

We were death in olive drab.

Another Company of Germans appeared over the ridge but they were suppressed by us just as the first. Our mortar rounds went off, throwing huge clouds of dirt and misting blood of the unlucky into the air. We continued to shoot until the Germans started to fire their 88's at us and we had to take cover. Boyle went down and we provided covering fire as Winters and a couple other men pulled him to safety.

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The battle was finally over and we were able to get an up close look at the men who we had fought.

"Schutzstaffel." I said to George as I saw the double lightning bolt S insignia on their uniform. "SS."

"Shit." George lit up a cigarette. I nodded and took it from him. He glared at me a lit up another one. As I looked at the carnage we had caused, I felt my stomach turn.

My hands had killed again. My mind was waging a war on itself. My healing instincts fighting against my instincts as a soldier. I wanted to heal but I was forced to destroy over and over again. I turned from the dead soldier and made my way back up the embankment.

"Jo? Hey, Jo, you ok?" George asked. I turned back around and forced a smile.

"Yeah, George," I swallowed hard. "I'm fine."

"Alright." He smiled and I turned back around as my forced smile dropped to a frown. I reached the road and was intercepted by Roe who had arrived to treat the wounded.

"Hey, Jo, you think you could help me?" He asked. I felt my insides twist in a knot. I couldn't speak, so I just nodded my head. I followed him around like a puppy as he ordered me to do this and that, "Put pressure on that," "Sprinkle some sulfa," "Elevate his legs." They were mundane tasks, things that I would have left to the nurses or medics had I been in my time, but I found myself clinging to them as if they were a lifeline.

It was strange to think about it, of all the people in the world Eugene 'Doc' Roe was my savior. He brought my two warring sides to a standstill.

"Shh, it's going to be fine." I walked over and comforted a young replacement as he was loaded onto a jeep. He quieted his cries and looked up at me.

"Sarge?" He asked, his eyes boring into mine. "Did I do good, Sarge?"

"You did great, kid." I said to him, gently patting his cheek. He sighed deeply and smiled up at me as the jeep took off. I met Roe's smiling face.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nothin'." he replied, turning his head and looking at me as if he was trying to figure me out. I gave him a sidelong like.

"You're a strange one, Roe. And I mean that in the nicest possible way." He grinned and shook his head.

"Thanks, Jo. I feel the same about you." I chuckled.

We took a break sometime later, the men had made coffee in a giant pot and we helped ourselves to some. I smiled as Roe took a cup to Cpt. Winters. They were an amazing couple of men, I mused. Roe would risk his life to save the lives of soldiers, running straight into a heavy attack to treat and evacuate a wounded soldier. And Winters was what every officer should strive to be. He led the men with a courage and bravery that few others would ever be able to attain. His men loved him and they would follow him to the ends of the Earth, knowing that when worst came to worst, they could rely on him to see them through to the bitter end.

I sat on the ground and surveyed the world around me. I found myself, not for the first time, marveling at the men that surrounded me. They were all so different. So many things would change in the next hundred years. The world would become more dependent on technology. Officers would start to whine when they were without their sat-navs and their personal communication devices. Yet here these Officers were leading men with a map and a compass and doing it a damn sight better than several other officers I knew from my time that had all the technology they could ever want and still couldn't tell their ass from their elbow. I was glad that Ranger School required us to train as if we didn't have the world's technology at our fingertips. If not for that I'm sure I would have never made it as far as I had in this time. I again marveled at the strength of the men in this time. They all knew they were fighting a losing battle, we saw it at every corner here in Holland every time American troops had to pull back from a town, yet they still kept their moral high. Still managed to laugh and joke, still managed to keep their humanity even after they had seen the horrors of the world.

And it would only get worse from here before it got any better.

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Winters was promoted to battalion XO. While we were happy for him we were worried. He was our leader but Sink was taking him away from us, turning him into a glorified pencil pusher.

Our only consolation was that Lt. 'Moose' Heyliger would take over the company. He had been in E Company when we were still in the states but was transfer to another company before we left for England. Moose took every pain to make sure that he looked after us. He was a great man and a great leader. He, like us, never let his guard down. He was always waiting for something to happen, he was a veteran and he understood everything we were going through. He lead patrols with the same courage and bravery we had seen in Winters since D-Day and we found ourselves willing to follow him the way we had followed Winters.

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October 22-23, Oh-hundred Hours.

We made our way silently across the Rhine in collapsible canvas boats. A week earlier Sink was contacted by British Colonel Dobey who had swam across the Rhine after escaping from a German hospital having been captured by the Nazis. He had a group of men waiting across the river for a rescue. Most of them were British troops but there were also some Dutch resistance fighters and a few American pilots. He was an absolutely brilliant strategist, planning out the attack to an efficient and quick retrieval.

It took us three trips across the river to retrieve all the men on the other side, an air of urgency surrounded us as we worried that at any moment the Germans would start to fire on us. But that never happened. The entire operation was finished by 0130 and there was a great celebration had between those of us that had gone on the mission and the men whom we had rescued.

"Wahai Mohammad!" Col. Dobey yelled out, we all rose our glasses and returned the shout.

"Moose Heyliger and the American hundred and first, have done the red devils a great service. Making it possible for us to return, and fight the enemy on another day." The British General called out, we reacted with cheers. "To 'Easy Company'… victory and Currahee!"

"CURRAHEE!" We shouted in unison taking a drink in salute. The rest of the night was spent celebrating and getting to know the rest of the Brits who we had rescued. Several of us were given the red berets by the British soldiers. It was one of the last high points in Operation Market Garden that we would get to enjoy.

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It was November 25 before the Canadians took over and Easy Company was finally pulled off the line for a much needed rest. We were tired, hungry, and above all, we were defeated. Everything we did seem to be of no use. Our regiment lost 180 men and 560 were wounded in action. Among the wounded was Lt. Heyliger, he was shot three times by a jumpy private. He was sent back to England, the war was over for him.

As we rolled out of Holland, the Dutch lined up along Hell's Highway, waving orange flags, yelling out 'September 17,' and cheering for what they called 'bevrijder.'

Liberator.

But we felt anything but. We were defeated, mentally and physically. We never made it to Arnhem, we never made it to Germany. We failed.

And it felt horrible.

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Heyliger's replacement was a new recruit, Lt. Norman Dike. I was excited to hear that he was a West Point graduate, but that excitement was squashed after only a few days. He quickly earned the nickname "Foxhole Norman." He was incompetent and no one could ever find him when he was needed. I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time and assured George that he was not the norm as far as West Pointers went. It was a crapshoot. Sometimes the officers out of the Point were useless, but more often than not they were good leaders as they spent four years training to do such.

After three weeks of him, I wasn't so sure about the caliber of Pointers anymore myself.

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We had been sent back to Mourmelon-le-Grand, France where we trained for our next mission, whenever that was.

One thing that happens when you take soldiers, whose lives have revolved around fighting and surviving, off the line. They go stir crazy.

After a fight between the men and the 82d Airborne in Rheims when we had weekend passes at the same time, all the passes had been canceled. Division had a problem on their hands, that problem was bored soldiers.

Trust me when I say that a Battalion of bored soldiers is worse than a preschool full of toddlers on stims.

Division did a good job of keeping us entertained. They organized football teams, set up movie theaters and opened up a Red Cross Club where we were able to get some decent grub.

Most of all, Easy got back some of our wounded from the hospital. Among them were Guarnere and…

"Buck!" I exclaimed as said man waltzed through the barracks where George and I were sprawled out on a bit of off time, the rest of the company was off at a movie that George insisted was not worth the effort to see. I jumped up and stood in front of him, sticking my chest out I stood at attention and saluted the big blonde man. He grinned and pulled me out of the salute and into a hug.

"Hey, kid. I was worried about you." I smiled and hugged him back.

"I missed you, Buck." I smiled into his shoulder before pulling away.

"It's a good thing you're back. Jo's been following me around like a lost puppy since the day you were evacuated. It's sad… and annoying." George said as he stood up and shook Bucks hand. I flicked him the bird and Buck laughed. "It's good to have you back, sir."

"It's good to be back." He smiled. "So, tell me about this new CO, Dike." George and I both let out great groans and rolled out eyes. "That good?" Buck laughed.

"You have no idea, Buck." George and I spent the next half hour telling Buck everything about Foxhole Norman and by the time we were done, Buck looked more than a little worried.

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There was something different about Buck. The first few days after he returned I hadn't noticed anything different, but then again I was just so caught up in how happy I was to see him that I really hadn't notice anything. But then I started to fall back into the swing of things and I could tell there was definitely something wrong.

His eyes weren't the same. They held a dullness to them that they never had before. I caught him staring off into space listlessly, and he seemed to be more worried about the men doing stupid things that could get us injured. When we told him stories of the goings on in Holland he would look almost sick to his stomach and when we were alone, he would apologize profusely to me for leaving me alone. I tried to assure him that it wasn't his fault he was shot and that there was nothing he could have done to avoid it, but he would continue to blame himself over and over for leaving me alone to fight in a losing battle.

I began to watch him like a hawk, making sure I was always around him when that listlessness would return to his eyes. Even if it was just sitting with him and making sure that he knew I was there and I would always be there for him. He got better over time, but I continued my silent vigilance of the big man. I was worried beyond belief for my friend. But that worry would have to be put on hold for a while.

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"George, stop annoying the NCOs." I rolled my eyes as he parroted the lines in the old John Wayne movie.

"You're an NCO." He replied.

"Like I said, stop annoying the NCOs." He flipped me the bird and continued to repeat the movie, word for word. "Shut up, Luz." I growled.

"Look at me. I'm John Wayne. The costume department set me up with these great Navy whites." He said in an imitation of the Duke. Lipton and Toye turned around and shushed him. "What'd ya think?"

"I'm trying to watch this." Lipton said as he turned around to face Luz.

"I've seen this movie thirteen times, okay?" Luz replied.

"Couldn't tell." I snorted.

"Well I haven't, so shut up." Toye grumbled.

"Watch the movie, it's fine." George said as if they were the ones who were being annoying instead of the annoyed.

"Just remember who is scheduled to hand out latrine duty this week." I reminded Luz.

"You wouldn't." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Try my." I raised an eyebrow, daring him. Buck was in charge of handing out latrine duties and Luz knew I had some amount of sway over the Lieutenant and, if asked, George would be cleaning the latrines with a toothbrush by morning. I glanced over at said Lieutenant, he was staring at the screen but I could tell that he wasn't really seeing it. His mind was miles away back in that damn hospital. Military hospitals are a place you never want to find yourself, especially in a time of war. The mangled bodies, missing limbs, charred, gauze wrapped bodies and overall smell of disinfectant mixed with the faint odor of necrotic tissue and burnt flesh is enough to disturb even the strongest of men.

Malarkey, Muck and Perco were making a ruckus and Toye and Lipton turned around and shushed them, breaking me out of my vigil. I glanced back over to see Winters had come in and was sitting behind Buck, talking to him. I turned my attention back to the movie.

"Lip, favorite part." George poked the Sergeant and I swear I saw the man's body tense in an effort to not turn around and smack George. I grinned, mental image of Lipton bitch slapping my best friend zooming to the front of my mind. "Got a penny?" George said in an accent I couldn't identify. "Go-t a- Pen-ney?" He said, dragging out the words. I raised an eyebrow at him. He took a puff of his cigarette, eyes glued to the screen. "Got. A. PEN-NEY." He nearly shouted.

"Got a penny?" the actress on the screen said and George laughed in delight.

"That was a crap impression, Luz." I glared at him. "That didn't even sound like her." George ignored me, too enraptured in the movie to pay attention to what I was saying. Lipton turned around to stare at George in disapproval.

"What?" George asked, actually bewildered at why the even tempered NCO was giving him a death glare. I bent forward and hid my face in my hands in an effort to keep from laughing. I loved George, even when he didn't have a clue, which was pretty often actually, he still had an inane ability to crack me up.

"Lights!" Someone yelled as they burst through the doors. The lights came on and we grumbled at the men who had so rudely interrupted our movie. "Quiet!" The technician 5th class yelled.

"You can't do that to the Duke!" George yelled. I snorted a laugh and punched him in the arm.

"I said, quiet!" The man yelled. "Elements of the 1st and 6th SS panzer division have broken through Ardennes Forest. " We all sighed, realizing that our break from the fighting was now over. "Now, they've overrun the 28th infantry and elements of the 4th. All officers report to respective HQs. All passes are canceled." The room was in an uproar in an instant. "Enlisted men report to barracks and your platoon leaders." The man yelled as he marched out to the room. Everyone was grumbling on their way out. I stopped as I saw Buck continue to sit there, staring blankly off into space. I looked from him to Winters, wanting to stay and try to help my friend. Winters offered a small smile, giving me a look that said he would take care of it. I nodded uneasily and made my way out of the theater and back to the barracks.

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It was night when we were preparing to move out.

"I-I th-ink I j-just f-froze my as-s of-ff." My teeth chattered. Luz narrowed his eyes at me, then glanced around behind me.

"I can't tell, it was so small to begin with," he grumbled as he rubbed his hands together in an attempt to warm them.

"I-if I w-wasn't so d-damn c-c-cold, I'd f-flip you of-f." I glared.

"That sounds s-slightly less menacing when you t-teeth are chattering." He said, his own shivering starting to affect his ability to speak.

"W-we d-don't h-have w-winter c-c-coa-ts." I pointed out. George looked around and shook his head.

"This w-wouldn't be the a-army if we had everything we n-needed." I nodded, it came out jerkily as shivers racked my entire body. "The o-officers have c-coats." He pointed out.

"Yeah, w-we w-wouldn't want them t-to f-freeze, now w-w-would we?" I grinned. He shook his head, his own grin stretching across his face. I didn't point out that we were low on ammo, I didn't need to. That thought was weighing heavier than any other on the minds of the Company. Buck made his way over to us, a box of K-rations and a few scarves in his arms.

"Alright boys, take what you can and pass it out." Luz took the box from him and started to distribute the contents to the men. He handed me a scarf and I quickly wrapped it around my neck before grabbing my share of the K-rations. The small amount of warmth that the scarf provided me was enough to stop my teeth chattering and ease my shivering.

"Hey, Benny." Buck said as he came to stand beside me.

"Hey, sir." I answered, still a small quiver in my voice.

"I need you to watch the men, make sure they don't do anything stupid, alright?" He said.

"Yeah, sure Buck, no worries." I nodded. He smiled down at me and rubbed my shoulders. "Foxhole buddies?" I asked as I grinned up at him.

"Yeah," he chuckled and patted my head. "Foxhole buddies."

"Good, because I intend on stealing as much body heat from you as I possibly can." He laughed.

"Looking forward to it."

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The transport trucks rumbled down the street, each one packed with as many men as could squeeze in them. Not that I was complaining, I had Buck on one side, Shifty on another and Liebgott was sitting near my legs. I reveled in the warmth that I was surrounded by.

"I guess the blackout's not in effect." Buck yelled out over the din of the engines. "Luftwaffe must be asleep."

"What a difference a day makes, huh lieutenant?"

"Christ, I miss those C-47s." Guarnere grumbled.

"We got a tailgate jump here." Talbert added.

"Joy of joys." I mumbled to Buck, he grinned.

"I just wanna know where they're sending us." Babe said. "What the hell we're supposed to do with no ammo." I racked my brain, trying to remember what came next in history, but for some reason it just wasn't coming.

"Hey, kid, what's your name again?" Guarnere asked one of the new replacements.

"Suerth." He answered after lighting Popeye's cigarette. "Suerth Jr."

"You got any ammo, Junior?" Babe asked.

"Uh, just what I'm carrying." He replied.

"What about socks, Junior?" Toye asked. "You got extra socks?"

"A pair." He answered.

"You need four, minimum." Muck said, pointing at the man. "Feet, hands, neck, balls…"

"Extra socks, warms them all." We all said in unison.

"Okay, we all remember that one." Muck said. "But did we remember the socks?"

"I only need three." I mumbled to Buck. "I don't have balls." He chuckled.

"You've got bigger balls than some." He mumbled back.

"Yeah, I'd give my goddamn boots for a cigarette." Guarnere complained.

"We're all out of ammo and socks." Malarkey said.

"Anybody got a cigarette?" Guarnere asked. "I bet Junior's got plenty of both."

"I don't" He chuckled nervously.

"How about a hat?" Liebgott asked. "You got a hat?"

"Hey, you got extra ammo?" Malarkey asked.

"What about a coat, you got a coat?" Liebgott asked. I resisted the urge to kick him. "I need to pee." He said to Malarkey.

"Shut up about the coat Liebgott, no one's got one." Muck said.

"How about some smokes then?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, I got some smokes." The kid pulled out his pack and everyone's hands went out.

"Oh, now you're talking!" Muck cried. Various cries of "Hey, hey," and "over here," Went out through the truck as everyone tried to get their hands on Suerth's cigarettes. He handed the pack to the nearest hand and it was quickly passed around the group of cold soldiers. The trucks finally pulled to a stop on the side of the road and gasoline was poured into holes and lit to help warm us back up.

"Alright guys, 15 minutes." Buck said as we jumped out of the truck. "Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Keep warm guys."

"Where the hell are we?" Penkala asked.

"Sure we ain't in hell, it's too damn cold." Muck answered as we made our way over to one of the fires. I pushed my hands out of the sleeves of my jacket and warmed them over the fire. I was shaking from head to toe, my jacket barely doing anything to keep the cold from seeping into my bones. I turned to look for Buck and caught sight of a soldier walking past, his neck bandaged and a haunted look across his face.

"Fuck me." I mumbled as I caught sight of the men who had just showed up out of nowhere. I made my way over to Guarnere, Malarkey and Babe.

"What the hell is going on?" Malarkey questioned.

"Hey, you're going to wrong way!" Guarnere called out to the men. He tried to get the attention of one of the soldiers, but he just walked by in a haze. He grabbed the guy behind him. "Hey Pal, what happened?" He asked. "Where the hell are you going?"

"They came out of nowhere," The man said. "They slaughtered us. You gotta get outta here."

"We just got here." Babe said.

"Give me your ammo." Guarnere ordered. "C'mon."

"Take it," He took his ammo pouch off and handed it to us, "you'll need it." He walked off, still in a daze.

"Holy Christ." Bill said in amazement and fear.

"C'mon guys," I ordered. "Get as much ammo from these men as you can." We sprung into action, the rest of the Company following suit.

"Ammo," I said as I made my way through the crowd of retreating soldiers, "Give us your ammo." I grabbed as much as I could and passed it out to the men, keeping enough for myself as well. A lieutenant pulled up in a jeep stock full of ammo and we non-coms grabbed the crates and passed the ammo out to the men as evenly as possible.

"Hey, Buck. " I called as I walked up to the man. "Where the hell are we?"

"Belgium." He replied. "Near Bastogne." The color must have drained from my face as Buck was immediately at my side. "You alright, Benny?" He asked in concern. "You look like you're gonna pass out." I swallowed hard and managed a small smile.

"Fine, I'm fine." I managed to force out. I turned and left before he could ask me anymore questions. Bastogne, the Battle of the Bulge. I remember it all now. The 101st were ordered to hold the town of Bastogne where the seven roads crossed, blocking the German advance and keeping the vital crossroads protected. They were up against a well supplied German soldiers while they, we had no winter clothing and were low on food rations and ammo. Many men were going to be killed by German mortar rounds and the splinters they caused when they hit the trees. Many ot the men would die and it would be over a month before the battle was won. I stopped walking and leant up against a truck, cradling my head in my hands. I looked up and took in each and every face of E Company. Only about half of these men would make it out of Bastogne, some would be wounded and treated, then sent back, some would be wounded beyond repair… some would die.

I closed my eyes and turned my head to the heavens. I grew up religious, but I stopped believing in God years ago as many that had seen the horrors of war have. But in that moment I felt more helpless and scared that I had in years. Even though I felt it a fruitless action, if there was even a micromort chance that some omnipotent being was up there watching us go through hell, I was willing to take that chance. I took a deep breath and I prayed.

'Our father, who art in heaven,'

The rumble of the trucks hit my ears.

'Hallowed be thy name.'

The shouts of the men as they scrambled to get ammo and K-rations.

'Thy kingdom come, they will be done.'

Roe called out for the other medics to pull their supplies and distribute them out evenly.

'On earth as it is in heaven.'

I heard the worry in the voices of the men,

'Give us this day, our daily bread,'

The anxiety of what was to come hit me hard.

'And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.'

Lipton assured the men, letting them know that there would most likely be a drop as soon as we got there.

'Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.'

The officer started to shout out for us, letting us know that we were going to be moving on foot from here on out.

'For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever.'

"Benny, c'mon, let's go!" Buck called out to me.

"Amen." I grabbed what little I had and ran over to catch up with Buck as the trucks started up and rolled back to safety. We marched on through the night, into the forest of Ardennes and into the place where hell froze over.

God help us.


	12. How to Save a Life

I opened my eyes slowly, taking the day's first deep breath of the icy cold air. I looked up and saw the tiny bit of light peeking through the tarp that covered the top of my temporary home. I sighed deeply and buried my head into the shoulder of my warm foxhole buddy.

Choosing to bunk with Buck was the best idea I ever had. The bear of a man put out a lot of body heat and when cuddled up next to him I was finally able to stop the shivering that seemed to rack my body at every hour of the day.

"M-m-m-morning," Buck yawned. I groaned and buried my head deeper into his shoulder. Buck chuckled.

"C'mon, time to get up," he nudged me.

"No, too cold," a shiver struck my body as if to prove my point.

"Get up." Buck said, pushing me away from him. I growled and wrapped my arms around his torso, burying my head in his side and refusing to let go. Buck sighed deeply and tried to pry my clasped hands apart, but to no avail. "Benny," He said in exasperation. "C'mon," he nudged me again. I moaned in protest but let him go and sat up anyway.

As soon as I left the comfort of Buck's body heat I was hit with an onslaught of shivers so strong that my teeth rattled as they smacked together.

"Jesus, Benny." Buck rubbed my arm, trying to help me warm up.

"I t-t-told you I c-can't-t main-t-tain my bo-dy heat-t to save m-my li-fe." I chattered. Buck quickly wrapped our shared blanket around me and rubbed, trying to help me get my body temperature back up. I had always had a problem when it came to the cold. I was never able to keep my body temperature at a constant during the winters and was now in a constant battle with my own body as it refused to work properly. It took thirty minutes before I could adjust enough to the cold to be of any use.

"You okay now?" Buck asked. I nodded, the shivers only came every once in awhile and I was able to stand up and crawl out of the foxhole. The fog hung around like a thick blanket killing any hope that we had of not only a supply drop but also of any warmth the sun's bright rays may have been able to give us. I yawned deeply and slung my M1 Garand over my shoulder as Buck came to stand beside me. He nodded to me, rubbing his hands together and we set off to the chow line. The first thing I went for was the coffee. I held my tin cup in my ungloved hands, letting the hot liquid warm them and replace the blue tinted color of my nails with a more natural pink. I took a sip and felt the hot beverage scorched a line down my GI tract and helped to warm me from the inside. Once it was gone I filled my cup with whatever it was that Joe Dominguez had cooked and slowly picked at it, taking small bites and trying to make it last as long as possible.

After our pitiful breakfast was over Buck went off to Command and I took my turn at the O.P. with Shifty. He was a very soft spoken southern man and we quickly found ourselves falling into a comfortable silence. Neither one of us talked much unless we were around the people we were most comfortable with, but it was nice being able to sit in the silence and not feel like you have to try and strike up an awkward conversation.

We sat in that comfortable silence and watched the line, not that there was much to see, the fog obscured our line of sight and we were unable to more than six feet in front of us at a given time. We shared a canteen of cold coffee, keeping it pressed between our bodies to try and keep it from freezing in the winter air. Thirty minutes into our watch, the heavens opened up and a thick, wet snow started to fall from the gray sky. The branches that covered the O.P. did nothing to keep the frozen flakes from falling onto our clothes and melting from our body heat. By the time our watch was over and we were relieved, we were soaked and shivering like mad. We split up and I found my way over to Smokey's foxhole. I crawled in and was instantly warmed by the fire he was using to make coffee. I sighed and pulled my wet jacket off, laying it flat near the fire to dry. Smokey grinned at my chattering teeth and passed a dry, fire warmed blanket over to me which I gratefully wrapped around my cold form.

"You look like a drowned rat, Sarge." He handed me a cup of hot coffee and I took a large gulp, reveling in the burn it left as it traveled to my stomach.

"Eat me." I mumbled causing Smokey to laugh.

"I think I'll refrain, thanks." He grinned at took a swig of his own coffee. We sat around and talked until the coffee was gone. I ruefully unwrapped myself from the blanket and slipped on my now mostly dry jacket before grabbing my kit and slithering out of the semi-warm foxhole. I grumbled and cursed the snow as I did a quick patrol of the area, checking on the men and keeping an eye out for the lost Germans that kept wandering into our lines.

"Hey, hey Benny." Guarnere called out as I passed his foxhole. I stop and turned to the Philly man. "Hey, Ben, have you seen the Doc?" He asked me.

"Nope," I said as I stuck my hands in my armpits, trying to keep them warm. "Why?"

"Aw, shit." He grumbled. "I'm pissing glass, I swear to God." He looked around as if Roe would appear out of nowhere.

"You need to drink more water." I told him, knowing he would protest.

"Why the hell would I do that?" He asked an annoyance.

"The more water you drink the faster your body will clear out the infection." I informed him.

"Yeah, I'll do that." He scoffed and I rolled my eyes. "You see Doc, you send him my way." I waved him off as I continued my patrol.

"Sergeant." I rolled my eyes as Lt. Dike's voice hit my ears. I plastered a forced smile on my face and turned to the E Company leader.

"Sir." I greeted, giving him a brief nod.

"Sergeant, where are you going?" he asked in a stern voice. I resisted to the urge to till my eyes.

"I'm patrolling the lines, sir."  _As You should be doing._  I added mentally. He looked at me momentarily and I could see the cogs in his head turning as he tried to find something inspiring to say to me. I raised my eyebrow at him expectantly.

"Right, carry on Sergeant." He turned to leave, but spun back around to look at me. "Oh, by the way, I'm going to be at the C.P." He told me. "I have a call to make." I smiled politely and nodded.

"Yes, sir." I glared at his retreating back and mentally flipped him off. Frustrated, I continued my patrol of the area, running into Lip who was doing the same thing as I was. We filled each other in on what we had found during our patrol and I relayed Dike's message. He rolled his sighed deeply in annoyance. We talked for a while more before we both went on our way.

It was around dark by the time I finished my second watch with Shifty and made my way back towards the foxholes.

"Hey, Jo." Roe called out as he jogged over to me. I stopped and turned to the medic, trying to warm my hands under my arms as I waited for him.

"Hey Roe." I greeted. "You need something?"

"Yeah, you still got your morphine?" He asked. I raised an eyebrow at him and forced down the grin that started to form on my face.

"You know, Roe. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem." He rolled his eyes and I grinned.

"I don't know what that means, but I'm fairly sure you're just being a wise-ass." He muttered. I laughed and pulled my quivering hands from inside my jacket sleeves. I opened my jacket slightly and dug around in my shirt pocket until I found the small rectangular box and handed it to Roe. He took it from my hand and placed it into his bag, smiling as he did so.

"You wanna know the second step?" I asked as I zipped my jacket up and pulled my hands back into my sleeves.

"No, I don't." He grumbled.

"Good, because I have absolutely no idea what it is." I laughed and he grinned at me. "By the way, have you seen Lt. Compton?" I asked.

"No, I haven't." He said. "I'll tell him you're looking for him if I see him though. "

"Thanks." I smiled.

"Oh." He stopped me before I could turn and leave. "You got any scissors?" I held back a laugh as his pronunciation of the word scissors came out sounding more like, 'sizzuhs.'

"No," I thought a moment, "but you might want to try Perconte. The boy has an entire drug store in his pack."

"That's what Gordon said." I shrugged. "Alright, thanks Jo." I nodded and watched him as he flitted from foxhole to foxhole looking for morphine. I shook my head in amusement and continued my search for the elusive Buck.

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About an hour later I grinned as I made my way across the snow towards the sound of off key singing, but stopped short as I heard a familiar voice.

"Shut it! Shut the hell up!" Buck shouted in a whisper as I watched him go running up to two figures. I creased my eyebrow in confusion and worry as I made my way over to Roe, Buck and Guarnere.

"Well, I'll find out, Lieutenant." I heard Guarnere says as I came up on the three. I shared a glance with Bill, both of us worried over the state of mind of our platoon leader. Buck was glancing off into the distance, his eyes wide and a look on his face that frightened me to think about.

"Find them. Stop them. Stop them." Buck ordered Bill.

"Hey, hey." I said as I placed my hand on Buck's shoulder. "It's alright, Bill will shut them up."

"Yeah, I'll find out." He assured Buck as he and I shared a look. "I'll shut them up."

"See, he's handling it, Buck." I eased him towards our foxhole. "Come on, let's get out of this cold." I started to gently push him along as his wide eyes searched the world around him. He acted as if the Germans were going to jump out from the trees at any moment and attack us. I finally got him to our foxhole where I pushed him in and covered it with the tarp. Being out of the snow-white world seemed to break him out of the trance he was in and he turned his eyes to me as I scooted up next to him and wrapped the blanket around our bodies.

"Everything's going to be alright." He said to me and I smiled at him.

"Right, Buck." I assured. "Everything is going to be alright."

I watched from an opening of the tarp as a bright yellow flare streaked itself across the sky, illuminating the world around it. The sound of enemy gunfire quickly followed and Buck and I jumped up and sprang into action. From the safety of the foxhole we shot blindly off into the horizon as the Germans did the same.

' _Everything is going to be alright.'_ I thought to myself as the cry from a medic rang out through the sound of gunfire.

' _Everything is going to be alright.'_

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I had been a long day already. We were hit with another mortar attack, Sisk had been unlucky enough to get hit but, according to Roe, his wounds weren't bad. He was taken to the hospital in Bastogne and treated.

I was standing next to Sgt. Martin and Cpt. Nixon as we watched the rest of the men kneel in a prayer that was being lead by the company Chaplin. Battalion decided, in their infinite wisdom, that Easy needed to do a reconnaissance mission. Peacock ordered both Johnny and I to pick several E Company men to go on the mission. It was never easy, being put in the position of having to choose men to send out on a dangerous and potentially life threatening op. A jeep containing Roe pulled up just as the Chaplin finished blessing the men. Peacock informed Johnny and I that we were going to be walking until we made some kind of contact. Johnny and I exchanged quick looks of confusion before turning back to the Lieutenant.

"That's what's happening, that's the order." I rolled my eyes mentally and turned to watch as Julian approached us.

"Sarge." He called out, I motioned for Johnny to take the lead as I walked over to check up on Luz.

"So, Peacock, huh?" George asked and I gave into the urge to roll my eyes.

"Yeah," I replied. "It's times like these that I wished I was still an officer."

"Yeah, I wished you were too," George said as he finished hefting on his bulky radio.

"Alright, that's it!" Peacock called to us. "Let's move out!"

"Tactical columns, gentlemen!" Johnny called as we started to move out. We walked along in silence the only sound was the crunching of the fresh snow under our boots as the snow fell heavily all around us. It reminded me of the pillow fight that they had for Plebes at the Point. It was just one giant pillow fight that was only for the Plebes and it allowed us to cut loose and have some fun without having to worry about being yelled at by the upperclassmen, though they still tossed things at us from the windows. We spent a good hour or more beating the crap out of each other with pillows and by the time we were done, there were feathers and fuzz everywhere turning the courtyard white like winter had come early.

We spotted a wooden pile that marked the line for the Germans. Johnny took Julian with him to scout out the area. The sound of gunshots filled the air.

"Bull! Christenson! Benny! Up on line!" Johnny called out and we ordered the men forward towards the wood piles. I dropped down next to Luz who was on comms immediately after we caught sight of Julian laying on the ground, blood pouring from his neck.

"Covering fire!" Johnny yelled at us and we concentrated our fire on the area the Germans guns were firing from. I chanced a glance of to Julian and saw Babe try to make his way over to the kid, only to be shot at and forced back.

"Double your efforts!" I ordered to the men. "Concentrate on that nest!"

"Where the hell is Peacock!" George yelled at me over the sound of gunfire. I chanced a glance around the area, not seeing the Lieutenant anywhere.

"I don't know!" I yelled back.

"Shit." He returned to his radio, relaying the situation to the C.P. We continued firing, trying to open up enough of an opportunity to allow Babe to get to the fallen man. But it was to no avail.

"Pull back!" Muck yelled. "We gotta pull back!"

"Let's get the hell out of here!" Bull yelled. Peacock had left us to take care of ourselves as the men looked to us noncoms to get them out of there alive. I crawled over to Johnny and Bull, keeping my head down and out of the line of fire.

"We can't stay here, Johnny!" I yelled. "We're sitting ducks!" Johnny nodded at me.

"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" He called out

"Move!" Bull yelled.

"C'mon boys!" I yelled. "Pull back!" I grabbed George's shirt and pulled him up then pushed him into a run. Bull, Johnny and I stayed behind providing covering fire until we were sure everyone was on their way, then we made our own way back to our own line.

I was sick to my stomach by the time we made it back to our line. Everything in me screamed to go back and get Julian. All the training I had received yelled back at me,  _'We don't ever leave a man behind!'_  But this wasn't the war I had grown up in. We were spread so thin that we couldn't risk the life another man in order to save one who wasn't going to live to see another day.

The Germans were following close behind us, shooting at our retreating form. They hit one of the men and I vaguely glanced over as Roe jumped to his side in an instant. I took cover behind a tree and covered Johnny who was bringing up the end. Nixon yelled at him, asking what was going on and he relayed the loss of Julian. Babe screamed out that we had to go back and that the kid was still alive, but there was nothing we could do.

"No!" Nixon ordered. "Fall back!"

"We lost Peacock." I said to Nixon.

"No, he's back at the C.P." I raised an eyebrow at Nixon and he just shrugged and rolled his eyes. The man had left us when he was supposed to be leading us. He had turned tail and ran back to safety, leaving us to fight. "C'mon Martin! Fall back! Get 'em outta here!" He ordered. I covered the men as Martin ordered us to fall back. Once he was even with me I jumped up and we retreated back to our line.

The mood was subdued as we sat around in a small circle. Joe Dominguez had coffee and food waiting for us, but it was pretty obvious that none of us felt like eating. I held my warm cup of coffee in my hands, staring off into space. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

_I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy._

That was part of the Ranger creed had been drilled into me over and over again. I forced the bile down as I repeated it over and over in my head. The memory of Julian, bloody and reaching out for help, burned in my mind.

_I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy._

I had failed. I had left Julian behind.

I felt unfit to call myself a Ranger.

I no longer  _knew_  who I was anymore. I no longer felt like a Ranger, I no longer felt like a doctor. I felt like I was wondering aimlessly through the world, trying to find my place in a time that I was never meant to be in. I had lost what it was that made me, me. I had no idea had to get it back.

"Hey people." Winters said as he sat down. "Let me sit in here with you guys." I looked up at the man. He said nothing to us, just sat with us, letting us know that even if he wasn't our C.O. anymore, he was still there for us no matter what.

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Buck had commanded me to follow him to Dog Company later that day, he needed to coordinate with their CO about something and Roe had decided to tag along with us to see if he could beg anymore supplies. Once we found the CO, I left Buck to speak with him while I followed Roe around, bartering everything we had for morphine and bandages. We didn't get too much but we did get some and he was thankful for that.

"Sergeant Benally." Roe and I stopped as Lt. Speirs came up from out of nowhere behind us.

"Sir." I nodded and smirked as Roe automatically froze. Speirs nodded in affirmation, ignoring the Cajun man completely.

"Sergeant Benally, what are you doing here?" He questioned in a flat tone.

"I came here with Lt. Compton. He needed to talk with your CO and when we found him I went off with Roe to try and find some supplies." I gestured to the Medic at my side who had been silent through the whole exchange. Speirs turned his piercing gaze to Roe and I saw the man flinch. I had the same reaction the first few times I had that gaze directed at me, but I found myself getting used to it. It was just something I thought of it as uniquely Speirs and I found myself ignoring the crawling up my spine feeling that his gaze brought. I watched in silent amusement as Speirs sized up the Medic and Roe tried to look at the Lieutenant without actually looking at him. After a few moments, Speirs gave him a curt nod and pulled out an unused bandage from his jacket and handed it to Roe, who took it with shaking hands. I wasn't sure if they were from the cold of the snow covered forest or from the cold of Speirs' calculating stare.

A loud BANG sounded through the air around us and brought an end to my amusement as we were sprayed with wood splinters. Speirs grabbed my shoulder and pushed me into the nearest foxhole, shoving Roe in beside me before dropping in himself. I threw one of my arms around the medic, covering him while the other came to my helmet, making sure it stayed in place as the shells started going off all around us. I felt a hard body press itself against mine, covering me from the blasts as they started to get closer and closer to our cover.

And just like that, it was over. The hard body of Speirs left mine, allowing me to jump up and out of the Foxhole. I grabbed Roe's hand and helped him out of the hole as well, taking in the world around us. What had once been tall beautiful trees lay scattered in splinters all around us, littering the clean white snow.

"MEDIC!" Someone yelled from our right. Gene was off like a shot, a blur in our vision as he ran off to the wounded man. Speirs followed after the medic without a second thought and I turned to look for Buck.

"Benny!" Buck cried out and I turned to see him jog up to me from out of the haze of smoke and snow. I sighed in relief at seeing him there and unharmed. He grabbed my shoulders and held me still as he looked me over for any injuries. His wide blue eyes held a wildness in them, a crazed look of a haunted past and I wanted nothing more than to give him a hug and let him know it would be okay… but there was a time and place for that. He sighed deeply in relief as he shut his eyes. When he opened them back up they were their normal smiling blue, but the look still haunted me. "Where's Roe?" He asked, looking around for the medic.

"He ran off," I started in the direction Roe and Speirs had run to. "This way." I called after Buck.

We arrived on the scene to see Roe and Speirs bent over a young private who was bleeding profusely from his right arm. Roe had put a tourniquet on his arm but it wasn't helping much through the Private's coat. I bit my lip and looked up at Buck. He must have seen the mental battle I was having with myself.  _Do I stand by and let him die or do I help him and risk exposing my true self to the world? He_ placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and nodded softly to me. That was all it took for me to spring into action.

I dropped to my knees beside Roe and tossed my helmet off so it wouldn't get into my way. I whipped out my knife and cut the boy's jacket sleeve open up to the neck, exposing the wound to the cold air of the Ardennes forest. I pushed a stunned Roe aside as I rolled up my sleeves and shoved my small fingers into the hole in the boy's arm. He screamed in pain as I dug around, using my knife to open the hole up more. I grabbed at everything I could, pinching it, trying to find the small artery that was pumping the Private's blood from his body.

"Sergeant, what are you doing?" Speirs asked from beside me as he tried to comfort the screaming Private.

"Arteries are like rubber bands, when they're severed, they move up back into the body." I mumbled as I dug around. A few more men came over and immediately covered the boy with blankets.

"No," I yelled at them. "Take them off."

"He's going into shock," Speirs growled.

"I know, but the warmer he is the,  _scheisse_ , the faster his blood is going to pump. If he stays cold his blood,  _Hurensohn,_  will become more viscous.  _Joder!_ " I kept pinching and digging, cursing in any language I could remember. "The more viscous it is,  _fuck,_  the slower it will flow."

I felt the rush of warm liquid on my finger tip and I knew I had found what I was looking for. I pinched the end of the artery and very gently pulled it out so that I could see it.

"Roe, I need you to gently pinch the artery." I said. He nodded to me and used his thumb and forefinger to pinch the artery just above my fingers. "You got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it." He said. I let go and reached into my pocket, pulling out my sewing kit. I wished desperately for a clean operating room and real tools so I could stitch the boy up properly, but this was all I had. I found the smallest needle I could and threaded it. I scooted up as close as I could to the boy's arm.

"Keep the artery still." I said, looking Roe directly in the eyes. He nodded and sat so his knee was resting under his elbow, steadying his hand. I breathed deep and started the delicate procedure of sewing up the tiny and very delicate artery. I had to be careful to make tiny sutures and to pull them tight enough so that they would seal off the wound, but not tight enough to rip the artery open. I wasn't sure how long it took, but I was finally able to place the last stitch and tie off the end.

"Alright, keep a grip on the artery, but let the blood flow into it." I said to Roe. I watched closely as he very slowly opened his fingers. "Stop!" I saw blood start to leak from the stitches. "Pinch it again." He did so and I proceeded to tie the small hole I had missed. I had Roe repeat the process and heaved a sigh of relief as the stitches held.

"You can warm him up now." I said and the boy was immediately covered in blankets. I watched him as he started to shiver with the rise in body temperature. I anxiously waited, but the stitches held and I told Roe he could let go of the artery. The jeep had arrived sometime during my attempts at saving the boy and I nodded at the men gathered around, letting them know they could take him to Bastogne where they were evacuating the worst of the wounded.

"He'll lose the arm, but hopefully what I did was enough to save his life." I muttered, more to myself than anyone else, as the boy was carried to the jeep. Roe stole a glance at me as he jumped into the jeep before it pulled away. I looked down at my hands and rubbed them together, watching as the blood flaked off and fell to the ground like red snow. I kept rubbing, trying to get the young Private's blood off of my hands

"Come on, kid." I looked up as Buck grabbed my hands, stopping my attempts at flaking the blood off. It wasn't until he touched them that I realized that I had been standing there rubbing them so hard that they had become raw. I swallowed hard and looked up to find Buck and Speirs staring at me along with the rest of the men who had come to help. Speirs was the first one to move, grabbing a cigarette from his pack and lighting it before giving it to me. I took it with shaky hands and drew deep from the stick of nicotine. Speirs ordered the men back to their posts and Buck grabbed my shoulders, gently nudging me along back to E Company.

"Jesus, Jo! Are you alright?" George exclaimed as he came rushing over to me as soon as we made it back to camp. I nodded and took another puff of my cigarette.

"Yeah." He grabbed my hands as he noticed the blood that covered them. "It's not mine." I rasped out and sat on the edge of his foxhole. I sat there in silence and picked off the flecks of blood from my hands while Buck told him what had happened. When I looked back up I noticed we had gathered a crowd. I began to squirm under the stares of the men until Buck helped me up and dragged me to our foxhole. He pushed my into it before jumping in himself, quickly followed by George.

"You okay, JoJo?" George asked me. I knitted my eyebrows together.

"Yeah." I said. "Yeah, I am." A small smile began to form on my lips. "I'm great, in fact." George and Buck looked at me, their eyes questioning my sanity. "This, this was what I was meant to do. This is who I am. I was trained to heal and helping that kid, saving his life reminded me of that." I grinned. "I helped him.  _I_  helped him." I was nearly giddy with excitement at finally being able to preserve life instead of taking it. "It felt amazing!"

"You're a strange kid." Buck laughed. "But I love ya' anyway." He grabbed me into a one armed hug and George did the same. I had somehow managed to find my own little happiness in that frozen hell and it was right there, smashed between my two best friends.

But happiness like that was never meant to last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Scheisse: German for 'Shit'
> 
> Hurensohn: German for 'Son of a Bitch'
> 
> Joder: Spanish slang word for 'Fuck'


	13. I'm So Tired

"Nurse!" I yelled, my arms elbow deep in the abdomen of the young man in front of me. "Nurse!" I cried out again. Renee came bursting through the archway. She said something in French, my best guess was that it was a curse, and ran over to me, mopping up the excess blood so that I could see what the hell I was doing.

This scene was becoming all too familiar. Being covered up to my armpits in blood, operating in an unsterile environment, MacGyvering my own surgical implements to perform delicate procedures. It was a non-stop, unforgiving job and I was lucky if I got a half an hour of sleep between the time when I finished with one round of patients and had to operate on the next round. The continuous mortar rounds and enemy gunfire insured that I was never out of patients.

I was bone weary by the time I had finished with the young Corporal and sent him off to recovery. He had a 50-50 chance of making it through the night. He would have to be constantly monitored and though I had every confidence in the two nurses, Renee and Anna, I knew how to tell the difference between a normal and abnormal pulse and I knew that was something that would have to be monitored closely.

I walked up the steps and out of the makeshift hospital, taking a deep breath of fresh air. The air in the church was muggy and damp with the resonating smell of blood, bodily fluids and death that permeated through the whole building. I found a pile of junk that had once been fine furniture and sat down heavily, bringing my knees to my chest and resting my head on top of them. I was worried about George and Buck, I had heard neither hide nor hair from the E Company since I left the line. That, along with the stress of performing surgery in an archaic setting was really taking the life from me. I rubbed at my arms, flaking the blood off and noticed how much smaller my wrists had become. The bones in my hands seemed more predominate and my skinny fingers seemed even slimmer. I gazed down into one of the numerous puddles that littered the ground and saw the hollow, sunkenness to my cheeks and my eyes. Dark rings encircled my eyes and my chapped lips were almost white.

I sighed and leant back, wrapping my arms around my knees. I groaned as I rubbed my hand through my hair, closing my eyes and thinking back to the situation that had brought me here.

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"Benny." Roe said as he dropped into the foxhole. George and Buck were still on either side of me so it created a very claustrophobic fit. "Winters wants to see you." I sighed deeply, knowing that this moment was coming. Buck rubbed my shoulder and George gave me an encouraging smile. I forced a smiled back at them and stood up, following Roe as he exited the foxhole. He kept stealing glances of me out of the corner of his eye as we made our way to Battalion C.P. I knew he wanted to ask me why I had lied to him about college, but he didn't know how to bring it up and I was grateful for that fact. I had no idea what I would say to him and I really wasn't in the right mindset to try and make something up.

We finally made it the C.P. and I walked into Winters' makeshift office/quarters to see him and a grinning Nixon watching me. I greeted the officers and Winters nodded for me to have a seat. I did so hesitantly, looking between the two Captains.

"Well Jo, it seems you have a hidden talent you've been keeping from us." Nixon grinned at me as he said this and I had to stop myself from glaring at him. Instead I turned to the blue eyes of Captain Winters.

"You're a surgeon." Winters stated.

"Not really, sir." I said.

"So Speirs was lying, you didn't perform a life saving procedure on that Dog Company soldier?" He raised an eyebrow at me and Nixon snorted.

"I did, sir." I replied, ignoring the other Captain.

"So, help me understand this Benny. You performed a surgical procedure, but you have no training as a surgeon." Winters said as he rested his elbows on his knees.

"No, sir, I've had the training." I replied.

"But you're not a surgeon?"He questioned.

"Not technically, sir."

He sighed as he leaned back into his chair.

"You're not making any sense, Benny." he declared as Nixon chuckled. "care to explain just what the heck is going on?"

"Yes, I have been to medical school, but I never got to truly finish. I made it part way through my internship, but then this," I gestured around me, indicating the war in general, "happened and I just… ended up here." I finished lamely.

Winters was silent as his gaze pierced through my soul. I began to fight the urge to squirm, his eyes seeing through me in a way Speirs cold glare never could. He sighed and sat up.

"Doc Roe tells me that the evac hospital is being run by two nurses and a few medics." I turned to look at the man who was leaning against a desk off to my right. He momentarily held my gaze before quickly looking off at something in the distance. I interpreted this as being his disappointment in me and it cut me deeper than I ever thought it could. I swallowed down the emotion and turned back to look at Winters who was still studying me.

"Sir?" I questioned, afraid of where this conversation was heading. He looked to Roe.

"They're in desperate need of a Surgeon." Roe said, his thick Cajun accent and deep voice cutting through me as I felt the coldness in his words.

"Since you're the closest thing to a surgeon we have…" Nixon trailed off, his ever present smirk directed at me.

"You want me to go to Bastogne." I finished. Winters nodded.

"Give the kid a prize." Nixon laughed and Winters rolled his eyes.

"Do I have a choice, sir?" I asked with some hesitation.

"Nope." Nix answer with glee.

"Of course you have a choice, Benny." Winters shot a glare at Nixon who was unfazed. "But they could really use you."

"Can I at least say goodbye to the guys?" I asked after a moment.

"Sure thing, Benny." Winters smiled. "But you'll be back once we break through the German lines." He assured. I nodded and stood up. "Be back here in ten." Winters ordered and I acknowledged him before turning and leaving in a daze.

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"What?" Buck nearly yelled.

"I'm being sent to work at the hospital in Bastogne." I repeated as I rubbed my face with my hand.

"Shit." George growled as he puffed his cigarette.

"Yeah," I agreed and stole the cigarette from him, taking a puff and handing it back.

"For how long?" Buck asked, his blue eyes taking on that wildness I had seen in them before. I silently cursed myself for getting into a position where I would have to be leaving him for any amount off time.

"Dunno, until the line is secured and they can start bussing in real surgeons." I shrugged and looked down at my watch. "I've gotta get going, Winters only gave me ten minutes." I sighed and looked up at my two best friends. "I better not have any reason to see you two there unless it's to tell me that you've broken through the lines at you're there to pick me up and bring me back." I warned.

"Yeah, sure thing JoJo." George pulled me into a quick hug. "You be careful there kid." I nodded and turned to the bear of a Lieutenant.

"Benny, those hospitals,they're..." He swallowed hard and got a far off look in his eyes and I scrunched my eyebrows together in concern. He seemed to snap out of whatever memory he was in and turned his wild-eyed gaze to me. "Just... watch yourself, Benny. Being in those hospitals can really mess with your head." I pulled him into a quick hug.

"I will, I promise Buck." I smiled sadly and waved to them as I made my way back to C.P. I had been walking for a couple of minutes when I looked up to find Guarnere crossing my path.

"Hey! Bill!" I jogged up to him as he stopped and waited for me.

"Benny! Whadda say, whadda know?" He greeted me.

"Look, I'm being sent to Bastogne to work at the hospital and I need you to do something for me."

"Yeah, sure thing Benny," Bill said, dropping his grin as he felt the seriousness of the situation. "What is it?"

"I need you to watch Buck for me. He hasn't been the same since he came back from that hospital. Just… keep an eye on him." I sighed.

"Yeah, no problem." He nodded. I smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Thanks Bill." I continued on my way to C.P.

"Hey, Benny?" Bill called out to me. I turned around and raised an eyebrow at him. "Watch yourself out there."

"You do the same." I smiled.

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The ride to Bastogne was…

Awkward.

Roe had come along to introduce me to the nurses and medics who were working at the makeshift hospital and the ride was spent on silence. I stared at the back of his head, wondering what was going through his Cajun mind. I tried of thinking of an excuse of why I didn't tell him about my training but every time I opened my mouth to speak, I would immediately snap it close. I sighed in frustration as we finally pulled up to an old church.

"This is the hospital." He motioned to the decrepit building. I nodded and followed him inside. The smell of death instantly flooded my senses and I had to bring my sleeve up to my nose until I was able to stomach the smell. I followed him down into basement and was instantly horrified. Beds littered the floor and each and every one was filled with men who were bloody and beaten. Men with gaping wounds lay moaning in pain as medics flitted here and there, treating them to the best of their ability.

"Gene." A heavily accented voice called out. I tore myself away from the horrid scene in front of me and watched as a blonde haired woman walked up to Roe, a smile on her pretty face.

"Renee." Roe's face lit up as he caught sight of the woman. I raised an eyebrow wondering what exactly had gone on between the two of them. "This is Sergeant Benally." He introduced me to the blonde, Renee, and we shook hands.

"Sergeant?" Renee turned to Roe and spoke to him in French. I looked back and forth at them in confusion.

"Jo, uh, Sergeant Benally went to med school," his gazed flicked to mine momentarily and I winced as if I had been slapped. "He's the one who tied off the boy's artery."

Renee's eyes lit up and she was at my side in an instant, holding my arm and talking rapidly in French. I glanced questioningly at Roe, clueless as to what she was saying, but I could decipher by her tone that she was both happy and relieved to hear that information. She started to pull me deeper into the room and I looked back helplessly at Roe. He just offered a small smile that didn't meet his eyes before he turned and ascended the stairs.

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I was set to work as soon as I had arrived and continued to work through the night and well into the morning. Patient after patient was brought into the makeshift operating room in a steady stream. As soon as I was finished with one, the medics took him away and another was placed in front of me, barely allowing me time to breathe. The instruments were crude and most of them were items I had to go in search of, household utensils or office supplies I had managed to scrounge up that almost resembled the medical tools I had needed.

I finally had a break in the constant flow of patients as the sounds of engines roared overhead. I followed Renee out of the church and looked up as the C-47s flew overhead, dropping much needed supplies around the town. I grinned at the nurse and ordered the surrounding medics and walking wounded to gather all the medical supplied they could.

I left Renee at the hospital so I could coordinate the pickup of supplies. I had just made it back with the third load when one of the medics came rushing up to me. One of the privates I had operated on had woken up in a panic and ripped open his sutures, exposing his abdominal cavity to the world. I dropped the supplies and ran over to the man who was standing in a corner, a knife raised in one hand and his other arm slung across his stomach, trying to keep everything inside of his body. I sent all but one of the medics off, trying to be as unintimidating as I possibly could.

"C'mon Private." I said soothingly, reaching my hand out to him. "It's okay. I'm here to help you." I smiled at the boy, seeing the wild look on his face change into an unsure look. "I'm a doctor," I said and he lowered the knife.

"My unit." He mumbled. "I have to get back to my unit."

"Okay," I soothed. "Okay, we'll get you back. But first I have to patch you up." He looked down into his other hand and pulled it away to reveal pieces of his intestines poking out of his skinny form. I walked closer to him, motioning for the medic to stay where he was when he tried to follow me. I kept my eyes on the boy. "Is it okay if I patch you back up?" I whispered softly to him. He looked up at me and I placed my hand on his shoulder. I rubbed it and felt the tension start to ease out of him. I held out my hand and he gently passed me the knife.

"Yeah, okay." He nodded. I smiled and lead him over to one of the beds, gently coaxing him into lying down on it. I sent the medic to get the supplies I would need to do the procedure and whispered comforting words to the young man as I waited for the supplies. Once the medic came back I had him administer the chloroform we had managed to scrounge up from the town's bombed out pharmacy. The boy slowly nodded off and I administered a dose of morphine to the area before I began the delicate procedure of stitching the gaping hole in his abdomen up.

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I sighed as I wiped the beads of sweat from my brow. I had just finished stitching the boy up and stood back to let the medic cover the wound with a bandage.

"Nice work, Doc." The medic said to me. I smiled at him and nodded, rubbing the small of my back.

"Thanks," I sighed. "Can you finish up here? I need to get some air."

"Sure thing, Doc." I nodded at the medic and made my way out of the church. I passed by a doe eyed Renee as I made my way out.

"You okay?" I asked, she just shook her head and muttered something in French as she waved me off. I sighed and made a mental note to ask her what had happened later as I made my way up the stairs and out the door into the sunlight. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feel of it as it warmed my chilled skin.

"Where were you?" A familiar Cajun voice snapped at me. My eyes shot open and I found myself looking into the stormy blue-gray eyes of Eugene Roe.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"I said, where were you?" He hissed, his eyes narrowing. "We were calling out for you. What were you doing? Obviously not your job, because your job is to be a surgeon." I was taken aback by the venom in his voice.

"Roe, I…"

"Oh, wait, you're not a surgeon, you just had a few basic anatomy classes." He growled.

"Hey, now wait just a minute…" I began.

"While you were off doin' God knows what, Renee and I were in dere, tryin' ta save someone's life." His accent was getting thicker as his temper started to rise.

"I was sti-"

"He didn't make it." He interrupted again. He stood toe to toe with me, glaring down at me. "It's your fault he dinnit make it! You shoulda been dere. You're da one who's been ta medical school. You shoulda been dere." He turned and stalked off, picking up a box of medical supplies and flagging down a jeep before I could even gather my bearings. By the time I had got my senses back the jeep he had flagged down was already bouncing down the road.

I walked over to a pile of rubble and dropped myself down onto it. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, sucking in a deep breath as a sob racked my body. The stress of the past two days and the lack of sleep had finally gotten to me. Roe's anger towards me was just the straw that broke the camel's back. My breath became fast and uneven as I tried to hold back my tears. I scrubbed my face with my hands, rubbing the grittiness from my eyes. I coughed, clearing out the sobs from my throat and breathed deep and slow.

Once I was sure my moment of weakness was over, I stood up and brushed off my uniform. I noticed the blood door countless men and townspeople had seeped into my O.D.s turning them a murky brown.

"Medic!" Someone yelled as a truck pulled up in front of the makeshift hospital. I was running towards the truck in an instant. "We need some help over here!"

"What is it?" I yelled as I jumped in the back of the truck.

"Guy's shot through the stomach." He answered. I looked at the injured men in the back of the truck, triaging them.

"Put pressure on the laceration on this guys arm, it will have to wait until I'm done with the other's stomach." I ordered as I jumped from the truck and helped carry the wounded man into the church.

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I broke out of my musings and sighed deeply as I rooted around in my pocket, bringing out an almost empty pack of cigarettes. I pulled one out and ran it under my nose, taking in its scent as if it were a fine cigar. I placed it between my dry lips and lit it, sucking it deep and holding it in, allowing the nicotine to do its job and ease my rattled nerves. I held the cigarette between my fingers and closed my eyes, tilting my head back. I hadn't felt this exhausted since Ranger School.

I must have drifted off to sleep because I felt a sharp pain in my fingers and my eyes snapped open to find that my cigarette had burned itself down. I sighed and dropped it in the puddle, gazing forlornly at all that was left of my coping mechanism. I laid my head on my knees and closed my eyes, drifting off into a world surrounded by wildflowers, the sweet smell of honeysuckle and the rushing sound of the river flooding my senses.

 _"Annie!" My Opa called out to me. I turned and saw him standing there, his blue eyes twinkling and his arms spread open wide. I smiled as I ran to him and threw myself into his embrace. The smell of his aftershave and cologne immediately surrounded me in warmth and comfort and I knew I was finally home_.  
 _  
"Oh, my baby." He whispered into my hair and placed a kiss on the top of my head. I let his warmth and the safety of his presence overwhelm me. He pulled away from me and smiled. "I'm so happy you're home, my Annie." He said, squeezing my shoulders gently. "You've been gone for so long!"_

_"Opa, you wouldn't believe where I was!" I said as I basked in the love he was sending me. "I was in WWII, Opa! And I was fighting alongside the men of Easy Company, Major Dick Winters' company. I fought in all the battles I had read and studied about at the Point."_

_"That sounds like quite the adventure." He smiled and led me over to a large rock by the river where we sat side-by-side, our feet dangling in the cool mountain water._

_"It was. I met George Luz and Buck Compton and they became my best friends. I gotta see Winters in action, Opa, and he was such a great leader. I hope that one day I could become at least half the leader he was." I gushed about the strange travels._

_"And did you accomplish your mission?" Opa asked me._

_"Mission? What mission?" I asked in confusion. His smile dropped from his face and was replaced by a deep frown. He looked off into the distance at the great mountains that loomed over the ranch. "What mission, Opa?" I prodded. He turned back to me and smiled sadly._

_"You have to go back now, my baby." He said._

_"No, Opa! I want to stay here, with you!" I cried as I felt a tug start to form in my chest._

_"You can't, baby. You must complete your mission." I reached out for him as he said this, feeling myself being forcefully pulled backwards._

_"Opa!" I screamed out as I was pulled further and further away from him. "Opa!"_

"Opa!" I awoke with a start and found myself staring into the deep green eyes of Renee.

"Are you alright, Jo?" She asked. I brought my hand up to my face as the strange dream buried itself deep into my mind. I glanced around me and noticed I was still sitting on the destroyed furniture.

"Sgt. Benally?" Renee asked again and my gaze snapped to her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I ground out, forcing a fake smile onto my face.

"I'm sorry to wake you, but more men are on their way in." I nodded and stood up, stretching and pushing the dream from my mind as the first jeep pulled up with the next round of the wounded men.


	14. I Need Some Sleep

"Shh, it's okay." I soothed as I rubbed a cool cloth over the forehead of the blonde Sergeant. He had developed a fever from a gunshot wound that had gone septic. I had him on a strict antibiotic regiment and his fever had finally come down enough to allow his body to start shivering again. It was a good sign. Now all I had to do was make sure that it continued to fall and his chances of survival were good.

"Jo! Hey, Jo!" I turned to the sound of the medic's voice. "Jones needs yous."

"Alright, come here and keep him cool." I ordered as I stood up and handed the cloth to the medic. He took my place at the Sergeant's bedside and I ran into the main hall.

"What?" I heard Medic Jones question as I cut a path through the surgery room that we had to start using to house the worst of the wounded as our makeshift hospital started to fill up. The men were now practically sitting on top of each other and we didn't have enough beds for all the wounded. It wasn't unusual to hear the sound of the Chaplains reading the last rites to dying soldiers and, I'm ashamed to admit, I had started to get used to it.

"He's paralyzed." A familiar Cajun voice replied. I felt my heart drop to my chest as I rushed through the doors. "He can't feel a thing." I ran in and stopped short as I came to stand beside Roe. His eyes held a haunted look and I swallowed hard, afraid of whom I would find lying on the table.

"Jo?" A voice questioned. My head snapped around to the man on the bed.

"Smokey!" I cried as I shoved passed Roe and dropped down next to the Corporal.

"Jo," he whispered. "Jo, I can't feel my legs."

"Shh, it's going to be okay, Smokey." I said as I ran a hand through his hair in a comforting gesture. He sighed and closed his eyes. "I here blue, it's going to be okay."

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I had done everything I could for Smokey. I could only sit and wait for an opening in the German lines so that he could be evacuated and get proper treatment. In the meantime, i had to make sure that his wounds didn't become infected.

I sighed and rolled my shoulders as I sat by the Easy man's unconscious form. I intended to closed my eyes briefly, just to rest them, but I woke up half an hour later to an urgent shake on my shoulder.

"Jo, we need you." I nodded and sprang up from my position on the floor and ran to the men carrying a young Private down into the main hall.

"Put him here!" I ordered. I pulled back the bandage from his side to reveal a long gash that went from his third rib down to his pelvis. "Anna!" I called out and the young African nurse came running. "Prep him for surgery." I said. I knew she didn't truly understand what I said to her, but after the days I had spent here she seemed to be able to interpret the tone of my voice enough to know what it was I wanted.

It was two hours later that I stood in the middle of the our pitiful OR, rubbing the blood from my hands with an old rag as I surveyed the room. We were overfilled and the smell of blood and death mixed with the smell of bodies that hadn't bathed in weeks. It was enough to turn anyone's stomach.

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"Hey Smokey. How ya doin'?" I asked the corporal as I sat by his bed. I had finally found a small reprieve from my constant battle against death.

"I'm alright," he rasped out. "You, on the other hand, look like hell." I laughed.

"Don't sugar coat it on my behalf, tell me what you really think." I turned so my back was pressed against his bed. My head suddenly felt like it weighed a ton and I dropped it back to rest on the edge of Smokey's bed.

"Seriously Benny, when was the last time you slept?" I waved him off.

"I'm fine." I told him, closing my eyes. "I'm more worried about you. I'm not the one who with a bullet hole going straight through my body."

"Am I going to be okay, Benny?" He asked in a small voice. I grabbed his hand and pinched it. "Ow!"

"You're going to be alright, Smokey. It's going to take time for your body to heal and it's going to take a lot of effort on your part, but I think you're going to be okay." I let felt myself start to drift off into unconsciousness.

"Jo, we need you." My head snapped up and I rubbed my sore neck.

"Wha-?" I mumbled as my mind started to wake up.

"We need you, more wounded are coming in." I sighed and pulled myself up off the floor, popping the joints in my knees and back as I did so.

"Alright, I'll be right behind you." I mumbled to the medic.

"You've been asleep for about ten minutes," I turned at the sound of Smokey's voice.

"Eh, couldda been worse. It couldda been only five." I managed a small smile at the Corporal before I quickly made my way over to the newly wounded men.

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Renee came running up to me with a huge grin on her face. She pulled me into a hug and started to talk rapidly in French. I held her at arm's length and stared at her in confusion. She continued to babble on and on. I sighed in annoyance and began speaking rapidly in Navajo to her.

"What are you saying?" Renee stopped her tirade and looked blankly at me.

"Exactly." I grinned. She rolled her eyes.

"Mon Dieu! I said that there has been a break in the German line! We can move these men to sécurité… safety!" I sighed deeply in relief.

"Fan-fucking-tastic, call in all the jeeps and transport trucks we can get!" I ordered the surround medics. "Let's get these guy outta here while we still can!"

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"Hey Smokey. You ready to get home?" I asked as I grabbed the top of his stretcher and lifted.

"Home?" He asked eyes wide.

"Yeah, there's been a break in the line. We're getting you outta here." I smiled as a grin formed its way across Smokey's face.

"Home." He said softly. I handed the stretcher to the boys in the truck and patted Smokey's foot. "Hey, Benny, tell the guys I'll see them back in the states."

"I will, I promise." I smiled. "You work on getting better, ya hear me." He nodded.

"Yeah, I hear ya."

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December 25, 1944

"Jo." Renee called, a small smile on her face. "Joyeux Noël." She tossed me a bar of chocolate. I smiled at her.

"Ya'at'eeh Keshmish." I replied, a small, weary smile gracing my own face. I broke the bar into pieces and handed it out to the men, keeping a small piece for myself. I took a small bite of it and allowed it to slowly melt in my mouth. It wasn't the sweet milk chocolate I was used to, but a bitter dark chocolate. I closed my eyes and savored the taste.

"Jo! We got an arterial bleed in here!" I was off like a shot, my piece of chocolate left discarded on the small table.

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I sat in the doorway watching the snow fall softly to the ground. Growing up I had always loved the quiet that the winter snowfall seemed to bring to the word. I used to imagine it being a illegal to speak higher than a whisper on those days and now I found comfort in that silence. There were no cries of pain or moans of agony in the silence. There were no shouts of 'Jo, we need you,' in the silence. There was only peace.

I thought of Buck and George and wondered what they were doing right now. No doubt Luz would have found something to give his foxhole buddies for Christmas. I swear that man could barter for a drop of water in the desert. I missed the stupid jokes he would tell me to try and make me smile. I missed his smile.

Buck… oh Buck. I worried about the Lieutenant more than any other. I knew he was under a lot of stress and I knew something in that hospital had cracked his hard exterior. I wished I could be there, curled up next to him, stealing his body heat and trading stories with him. I knew that Bill was taking good care of Buck, watching out for him like I wished I could.

"Sergeant Benally!" A radioman came screaming up the steps of the church. "We have a wounded man over at Able's line and they're afraid to move him. They think he might have hurt his neck." I was up and moving in an instant.

"Alright, I need to grab some supplies. You get a jeep over here waiting for me when I get back." I called out as I ran into the church. I skidded to a halt inside our supply room and grabbed whatever I thought I might need.

"Jo, où vas-tu? Where are you going?" Renee asked as I packed a bag full of supplies.

"There's a wounded man over at Able Company's line. They're afraid to move him. I'm going to go over there and check him out." I said as I turned to the nurse.

"Soyez prudent." She said to me.

"You too." I slung my bag over my shoulder. "You're a good friend, Renee, and a good nurse." I said to her, appreciating her concern for my wellbeing.

"You are too." She replied. I smiled at her and ran out of the church, hopping into the jeep.

"Let's go." I ordered and the driver slammed on the gas.

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It was dawn by the time I had made it back to Bastogne. The wounded man had hurt his neck after he fell backwards into a foxhole during a sudden shelling. I had to immobilize his head and it took time to make brace from scratch. I had treated his wounds from the wood splinters as I gave direction to the men on how to build a sufficient enough neck brace.

"What the fuck happened here?" I asked as we pulled into the town. Mangled, burning piles rubble sat where houses and building once were. The smell of burning wood and brick filled my lungs, making it harder to breath. There were cries of anguish coming from all directions of the town as the natives shifted through the rubble of homes looking for keepsakes, looking for corpses.

"No," I whispered in horror as we pulled up in front of the church that had once been our makeshift hospital. The archway still stood, but the rest of the building had been destroyed in the blast. I jumped from the jeep and ran up the steps. Dread filled me as the smell of burning flesh and fresh blood hit my nose like a punch.

"Sergeant Benally?" A voice questioned from behind me. "Christ, Sergeant Banally! We thought you'd died in the hospital." I turned to find Medic Cooper standing behind me.

"Renee, Anna?" I questioned. He shook his head and I felt my stomach drop to the floor.

"Sergeant, we need you." I closed my eyes and forced back the tears that started to well up in them, pushing the heartache and exhaustion down with them. "We've got temporary hospital set up and it's already starting to fill up with wounded." I opened my eyes and motioned for the medic to hop into the Jeep with me.

"Alright, show me where this hospital is."

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"Lieutenant Welsh!" I exclaimed in surprise as I came up to the man after countless hours in surgery. "What the hell happened?"

"Dell." Was all he said and I raised an eyebrow in confusion. I lifted the pressure dressing on his leg, looking at the damage. Someone had already worked on him and they had done a damn fine job of it.

"You're going to be alright, sir." I patted his uninjured leg and smiled. He looked up at me like he was seeing me for the first time.

"Benny?" He asked.

"Yes, sir." I nodded.

"They said you were in that hospital." He said in awe.

"I wasn't." I tilted my head and observed the man in front of me.

"You look like hell." I snorted in amusement.

"Thanks, sir." I shook my head. "Gave you morphine, did they?"

"Yeah," a grin spread across his face.

"Yeah," I grinned. "You just lay back and rest, okay?" He nodded and was asleep within seconds.

"Sergeant Benally!" A medic called for me. I sighed deeply and ran over to the new batch of wounded.

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"We're running low on… everything. Bandages, plasma, food, everything." Medic Cooper informed me. I closed my eyes and sighed in worry.

"I didn't want it to come to this," I rubbed my eyes, "but we've got no choice. Raid the houses. Order the men to take only what we need, leave enough for the families to survive until the next drop." I ordered with a heavy heart.

"When will that be?" Cooper questioned.

"I don't know." I turned to the medic. "But let's hope that it's soon."

"Hey, Jo!" A blood covered medic yelled, breaking my attention from the man in front of me. "We've got a truckload of new wounded out here, we need you now!" Both Cooper and I were off like a shot, running out and into the truck full of bleeding men.

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I leant against a wall and sighed heavily having just finished working on Lieutenant with a gaping wound in his leg. Surgery was getting harder and harder now that I no longer had Renee and Anna to help me. The medics did what they could, but they didn't have the training that the nurses had. I was stuck teaching them the duties of a surgical nurse while I was trying to save the life of soldiers on the table and teaching them how to monitor and administer the proper amount of drugs as well as how to keep track of the patients' vital signs. It made all my efforts twice as hard. At least I could trust Renee and Anna with simple surgeries which gave me a reprieve, even if it was short one. But now I was alone in my efforts, I had to do all but the simplest of surgical tasks myself and the constant flow of wounded with fast decline of supplies made sleep a damn near impossible goal to attain. I was to the point that I was so tired that I was droning, literally starting to fall asleep on my feet between surgeries.

It was a rare opportunity that I found myself in at that moment, there were no new wounded that needed my attention and the ones I had already attended to were sleeping peacefully, or as peaceful as they could. I slowly slid down the wall, bringing my knees to my chest as I did so. I rolled my neck before I laid my head on my knees and closed my eyes. A dreamless sleep overtook me almost immediately.

"Jo." A voice called. "Jo, wake up." I was too tired to moan so the noise that came from my throat was more like a strangled breath. "C'mon Jo, we've got a patient." I moaned and cracked my eyes open, coming face to face with the bright green eyes of Medic Cooper.

"Alright." I whispered and sat up, stretching the sore muscles in my back. I leant my head back against the wall and felt my eyes start to close of their own accord.

"JO! Wake up!" Cooper yelled and shook me. "The patient is someone from Easy." That had my eyes snapping open faster than lightning.

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" I growled as I grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull me up.

"I tried, you fell back asleep." He replied.

"Where is he?"

"He's already in the surgical room." I was off and running, brushing past the walking wounded and medics that found themselves in my way. Not that it was anything new, I was pretty sure they were used to seeing me sprinting across the room as I did so on a regular basis.

I skidded through the door and into the semi-clean room we used as a surgical unit. My focus was solely on the man on the table, he was a replacement from 3rd, one of the men I had never really bothered to get to know because of this very situation. I sighed in relief that it wasn't someone I knew and sprang into action, directing the medics as to what to do and how to do it. The boy's injuries weren't too bad. He had a sizable head wound, but it was just a gash, no fracture to the skull or swelling of any kind. I was able to stitch him up and once he was healed he would more than likely be sent back to the line.

"Alright, Coop, go ahead and wrap the wound for me." I said as I finished tying off the sutures. "Keep an eye on him and make sure he regains consciousness in a few minutes." Cooper nodded his head and I escaped through the doors, grabbing a rag and wiping my hands of blood as I did so. I brushed past the medics who were mulling around, no longer caring to make small talk with them. All I wanted to do was get back to my wall and crash.

"Jo." A familiar voice called, stopping me dead in my tracks. "Is it really you?" I sighed deeply and turned to face the owner of voice.

"Roe." I swallowed thickly. He stood there, staring at me with astonished blue-gray eyes, his mouth slightly agape. "How are you?"

My question seemed to break him out of whatever trance he was in and he quickly crossed the distance between us and pulled me into a tight hug. I was so stunned that it took me a moment before I was able to bring my arms up and return the man's embrace.

"Oh God, Jo." He whispered. "We thought you were dead!" He exclaimed, tightening his grip around my body as he did so. "We all thought you had died when the hospital collapsed." He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I could see the tears that started to form in the corner of his blue-gray orbs. "How are you alive?"

"I was called to the front. Able had a wounded man they didn't want to move." I told him. "I was there when the town was attacked." He studied my face for a moment before bringing me in for another hug.

"I thought you were dead." He mumbled into my shoulder. "I thought the last thing I had said to was…" He trailed off and held me tighter. "God, Jo, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, any of it."

"It's alright, Gene." I patted his back. He pulled away and looked at me, keeping his hands on my shoulders as if he were afraid I would disappear if he let me go.

"How can you say that?" He asked me with wide eyes. "After what I said to you-"

"Gene, you were under a lot of stress, we all were." I soothed. "You needed to let off some steam, I understand."

"No," He said, averting his gaze. "I thought it was… It could have been the last thing I ever said to you."

"But it wasn't," I told him nudging him so he would look at me. I looked into his eyes, "it wasn't."

He breathed deeply and dropped his head. I placed my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, feeling the tension start to slowly ease from his body. He looked back up at me and I noticed a small tear had escaped from his eye. I resisted the urge to brush it away.

"You're alive." He said.

"Last time I checked." I grinned and he gave a small chuckle. His blue-gray orbs turned serious.

"Buck and George, they've been real torn up." He said and I felt my stomach drop to the floor. I swallowed hard as Buck's wild blue eyes came to my mind. Oh God!

"You have to go, Gene." I said as I grabbed his shoulders and lead him to the door. "You have to tell them that I'm okay." We made it out of the building and I stopped and ordered a Private to flag down a jeep.

"I'm sorry." Roe repeated.

"There's nothing to be sorry about." I replied. "Just let everyone know that I'm alright, let them know that I'm alive." I said to him as a jeep pulled up. He grabbed my shoulder one last time and squeezed it before jumping in the jeep and speeding off back to the line. I watched him go until I could no longer see the jeep and sighed as I made my way back inside.

I stared at the wall that had become my temporary bed, all thoughts of sleep left my mind as Buck's wild-eyed look stared hauntingly back at me from inside my memories. I felt the small amount of food I ate the day prior try and make its way up, but I pushed it back down. I was so afraid of what the word of my death had done to both Buck and George. I knew that if either one of them had died I would be beside myself with grief. They were my family, the only people in this world that I could count on and I would be lost without them.

I slid down the wall and picked at the flecks of blood on my hands, slowly flaking it off.

"Damnit!" I growled and slammed my head into the wall. If I hadn't have exposed myself to this, if I had of just let that kid die, I would still be there with George and Buck. I wouldn't be here, killing myself as I tried to save these men. I would be freezing, but I would be with my friends and I would know that they were safe.

But I knew, deep in my heart I knew I could have never let that boy die. I could have never left these wounded men here to die. I dropped my head to my knees and fought to suppress the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. I bit my lip so hard that it bled, but I reveled in the pain. It allowed me to feel something other than mental anguish.

"Jo! We need you, now!" A medic covered in fresh blood yelled from across the room. I was immediately to my feet and running to the next wounded and bloodied man.

Funny how the one thing that was keeping me sane was the one thing that was slowly killing me.

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"Jesus, Benny. You look like shit." Lt. Welsh said as I brought him his food ration. I glared at him and took a seat next to his bed.

"Thank you, sir." I grumbled.

"No, really Benny. When was the last time you ate anything… when was the last time you slept?" He asked in worry.

"I'm fine." I grumbled. The truth was that we were running dangerously low on food rations. Our pantry was down to bits and crumbs, the majority of our supplies having been in the church. We had to boil and reuse bandages and we were almost completely out of morphine and plasma. I hadn't slept in days and I hadn't eaten more than a few crumbs. It was more important that the wounded get the food so their bodies had all the energy they could get to start the healing process. I moaned and rubbed a hand through my hair, I had never been so exhausted in my entire life. I felt like I would drop at any minute. The only thing that was keeping me going was the adrenalin rush I got every time my name was called in urgency. I groaned and popped my back as I sat up to check on Welsh's wound.

"How're you feeling?" I asked as I examined the wound.

"Been better." He mumbled through a mouthful of food. My stomach gave a quiet grumble but I ignored its protests.

"Well, you're still alive, that's something to be thankful for." He gave a humorless laugh.

"Yeah." I rolled my shoulders and stood up.

"Gotta get back to work. I'll come back by and check on you later." I muttered.

"Try and get some sleep." Welsh called after me and I gave a short wave to let him know that I heard him.

"Jo! We need you over here!" Cooper called out.

Sure. Sleep. Right.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead." I grumbled as I rushed over to the wounded man on the table.

If stress didn't kill me first.


	15. Rust and Bone

"OH JESUS! GOD HELP ME!" The young private on the operating table cried out.

"HOLD HIM DOWN!" I yelled to the surrounding medics, my scalpel poised and ready to slide into his bare skin.

"IT HURTS! MAKE IT STOP!" He screamed. "MOMMA!"

"More morphine!" I ordered above his screams.

"We don't have enough." Cooper said. "We can't afford to give him anymore, Jo."

"OH GOD! PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP!"

"God damnit! Give him the morphine!" I ordered as I grabbed the struggling man's shoulders and brought he up to my chest holding him to me, trying to keep him from making his injury any worse. Cooper glared at me but did as I ordered.

"MOMMA!" The boy cried. "MOMMA!"

"Shh, calm down," I whispered into his ear rubbing one of my hands over his forehead and through his sweat soaked hair. "Shh."

"MOMMA! MOMMA! MO-" A gurgling noise came from his throat.

"No, no. Don't you dare!" I yelled in his ear and shook him. "Private. Private!" But it was all over. His glazed eyes looked back at me blankly. I gently laid the boy down on the operating table and stood back, staring at his lifeless form.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" I yelled as I knocked the empty boxes off of the shelf in frustration. "Fuck you!" I punched the wall, cracking open my dried knuckles in the process. I flexed my fingers and watched as my own blood seeped from the split skin.

"Jo?" Cooper placed his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off heatedly.

"Get him cleaned up and put him outside with the rest." I ordered and made my way out of the hospital into the cold winter air. I walked along the building and came to rest in an alley off the main road. I slammed my back against the wall and bent over, pushing my head into my hands and clawing at my scalp as I choked back a sob.

I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I needed to get away.

"Jo! More wounded!" Cooper's voice rang out from the main road. I covered my mouth with both of my hands and muted the primal scream that tore from my throat. I screamed and screamed, unable to stop, unwilling to stop. My throat felt as if it were on fire and fought to keep tears from pouring from my eyes.

"JO!" He yelled again. I pulled my hands from my mouth and took a deep, shuddering breath. I stood up and straightened out my uniform, using my shirt to wipe my face. I coughed, clearing my throat before making my way out of the alley.

"Jo, there you are." Cooper said. He raised an eyebrow at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah," my voice was a hoarse whisper. "Where are they?" I had to force my mouth to speak the words as my mind rebelled against the idea of facing any more wounded. My voice was gruff and raw with exhaustion.

"On their way, a whole truckload of 'em." I nodded and walked back into the hospital. I stepped over to a box of old rags we had ripped apart and sterilized into bandages. I grabbed one and wrapped it around my bleeding knuckles just as the truck pulled up to the door.

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It was the middle of the night and I was inventorying the pitiful amount of supplies we had left.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I was killing myself and no one could help me, not even me.

I sigh as I looked over my own dismal supply report. I dropped the clipboard in disgust and flexed my sore hand until I could feel the sting of untreated wounds opening up and weeping. I unwrapped the bandage and watched as the tendons flexed through the skin when I made a fist. The lacerations for the most part would all heal well of their own accord, all but one. The cut on my middle knuckle had ripped open and sent a shockwave of pain up my arm. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feel of the physical, tangible pain as it overpowered the emotional pain. I squeezed it and watched at the crimson blood ran down from my wrist to my forearm and slowly trickled down until it dropped off of my elbow. I sigh and walked into the operating room. I searched until I found a needle and thread that had been sterilized with alcohol and a clean rag to wash the wound. I disinfected it with a splash of vodka, hissing as the alcohol stung the open wound. Once I was assured it was clean I poured some of the alcohol into a small bowl and used it to sterilize my hands before picking up the needle and thread.

I raised my hand to the candle light and slowly brought the needle to the open wound. I bit my tongue as it pierced through the delicate skin that covered my knuckle and then I pierced the other side of the wound, pulling the thread through. I repeated the step over and over, nine times in total before pulling the last stitch taught and tied it off. I cut the thread and dropped the needle and what remained of the thread into the bowl of alcohol. I sighed deeply as I rewrapped the wound with the dirty bandage and leant against the makeshift operating table.

"Impressive." Cooper remarked and I looked up to find him leaning against the door, his arms crossed. "Never seen anyone stitch them self back together before." He grinned sardonically at me.

"Well, prepare to be amazed." came my cynical reply "for my next trick I shall make my own head explode." I brought my hands to either side of my head and cupped them against me temples. I made a sound of exploding as I pulled them away. "Mind blown! How does the half breed do it?"

I wasn't dumb, I heard the names the men had called me. It was all well and good when they were dying and I was there to save their lives, but I was still what I was born and in this time it was not who but what they saw after the crisis passed. I fought the urge to take a swig from the bottle of alcohol we were using to sterilize the instruments and sighed as I rubbed a hand through my hair.

"Yeah." Cooper huffed, he had defended me, reminded them of who had saved their lives. "what's next? Pull a coin outta your ass."

"You gotta buy me dinner first." I deadpanned and he snorted. We stood in silence and just stared at each other, not saying a word, lost in our own thoughts.

"When's it gonna end, Jo?" He asked with a sigh.

"I don't know, Coop." I choked out. "I just don't know."

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January 1st, 1945

"Patton's broken through the line!" Cooper yelled as he rushed into the hospital. "We're getting supplies, food, a medical team, the whole shebang!" He nearly laughed. Relief flooded my every pore as I glanced at our pantry that held only a single case of tinned beans.

"Thank fuck for small miracles." I groaned as I collapsed into a chair.

"Happy New Year, Jo." Cooper smiled as he knelt down in front of me, resting his hands on my knees. I brought my head up and grinned at him.

"Happy New Year, Coop."

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"WHAT!" The Major yelled at me. I winced as he had practically screamed in my ear, but I was just so bone tired that I no longer cared I was actually being reprimanded. "You've been operating on these men and you haven't even finished Med School!"

"Yes, sir." I nodded and stared blankly at the bulging, purple vein in his forehead.

"I ought to have you court martialed!" He yelled at me. I noticed the louder his voice got the bigger the vein bulged. I vaguely thought about warning him of the dangers of hypertension, but decided it wasn't worth the effort; he was a doctor after all. I'm sure he was already aware of the side effects of high blood pressure. I watched the vein ebb and flow like the tide as he continued to rip me a new one. "I swear to God, Sergeant, if any of these men die because of your mistakes, I will have your half breed ass thrown in the stockade so fast your head will spin. Do you get me, boy?" He spat with as much regard as if I were a bug that had ruined his shiny black boots with my yellow guts, even though he was the asshole who stepped on me.

"Yes, sir." I answered with as much conviction as I could manage… which honestly was much less than the moment called for. The Major glared at me and stuck his nose up in the air, looking at me as if he had smelt something awful.

"… Conditions are disgusting… blood everywhere… unsterile… no food…"

Granted, it had been nearly a month since the last time I showered and by the looks of him his last shower was probably the night previous at the latest. His clean hair gleamed in the light and his cologne hung heavily in the air, causing my stomach to lurch.

"Dumbest dumb fuck in the whole dumb fuck universe… what else should I expect from a red skinned savage."

Funny, I could handle the smell of the hospital, but the heavily perfumed officer was about to send me into dry heaves.

"… Inform General of conditions… never practice medicine again…"

I was brought out of my daydream by a hand being slammed on the table. I tried to pay attention to what he was saying, but it was just so hard to focus.

"Now, why don't you crawl your stupid fucking prairie nigger ass back to the shit hole you came out of." He growled at me. I stared blankly at him for a moment, too tired to move. "Are you stupid or somethin' boy? I said get." I forced myself to stand and salute the man in front of me. "Fuck off."

I momentarily thought about pointing out that that was not an acceptable dismissal, but I figured I shouldn't press my luck and I exited the tent, passing by the gleaming surgical tools, the heating stove and the cushioned bunk on my way out.

Cooper gave me a look as I exited the tent.

"What an asshole." He growled, having heard the entire conversation.

I grunted in response, too tired to care anymore. I raised my hand up in the air as a jeep came up to us.

"Oh, taxi!" I called out. The driver stopped and grinned as I jumped into the front seat.

"I'm heading back to the line." I informed Cooper, he nodded.

"Yeah, I've been ordered to stick around town for a while until we get all the wounded settled." He rolled his eyes. "You should be the one to stay. You know everything going on here." I waved him off.

"Oh, well. Can't hog all the fun now, can I?" I grinned the kind of goofy grin you get when you're so tired you no longer have complete control of your body. I turned to the driver.

"Once around the park, Geeves." I told him, bringing my legs to rest on the dash.

"Yes Sergeant." He snickered and stepped on the gas. I waved back at Coop as the jeep went speeding back to the Easy Company line.

I was finally going home.

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"Benny! Good to see you." Winters said as he shook my hand and smiled.

"Jo, you look like shit." Nixon grinned and took a puff of his cigarette. I managed a half-hearted glare.

"Sorry, sir. I'm too tired to come up with a witty retort. I'll get back to you,"I mumbled making Nixon chuckle.

"You do look terrible." Winters said in a less condescending and more worried tone.

"I feel terrible, sir." I replied and let out an involuntary yawn. "I've been quite busy as of late."

"So I hear." Winters answered. I gave him a questioning look. "Doc says they've kept you busy at the hospital." I snorted.

"That's an understatement, sir." I sighed and rolled my shoulders. "But I don't have to worry about that anymore. Patton's surgeons have got it all under control." My tone was a little bitterer than I had intended and Winters raised an eyebrow.

"Care to share?" Winters asked.

"According to some Major asshole-"

"Benny," Winters warned with a slight grin as Nixon snorted.

"Sorry, sir. I'm the dumbest dumb fuck in the whole dumb fuck world." Nixon burst out laughing and Winters raised an eyebrow.

"You should put that on your résumé." Nixon said.

"Yeah. Should I also put 'prairie nigger' on it as well?" I asked with a little self doubt. Nixon's change in emotion was immediate and violent. He stood up from the desk he was leaning against so fast he knocked it back, sending the papers and pencils that laid on it askew.

"He said what?" the intelligence officer exclaimed. "I'm going to go beat that mother fu-"

"Nix." Winters warned placing a hand on the man's arm to keep him from running off.

"He can't get away with calling Jo that!" Nixon yelled.

"Nix, you're an intelligence officer, act like it." Winters cautioned. Nixon took a deep breath and leaned back against the desk with a huff.

"What else did he say, Benny?" Winters asked.

"The Major said something about 'never practice medicine again,' during his hissy-fit." I shrugged. Winters scrunched up his brow in concern.

"Why?" He asked.

"Well, other than really hating the fact I'm a half breed, apparently the room I was operating in was unsterile, the conditions of the hospital were horrible and I was practicing medicine without a license, which is a federal offence. In other words sir, I am pretty well screwed."I sighed. Winters smiled as he gripped my knee and squeezed it gently.

"You did what you had to do with the tools you had at your disposal. That is all anyone could ever ask of you and more. Just because some-"

"Ignorant fucker." Nixon interrupted, Winters rolled his eyes.

"-threatened you doesn't make what you did there any less amazing." He patted my knee once more and stood up, looking me up and down.

"Well, I think it's time you got back to your company, Sergeant." I smiled and stood up as well, Winters stuck his hand out and I clasped my hand tightly with his. "It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back, sir." I nodded.

"And don't worry about that Major, Jo." Nixon smiled devilishly. "I'll take care of it."

"I look forward to it, sir." Winters rolled his eyes and I smiled as exited the tent and made my way back to the line.

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I grinned as I looked at the picturesque sight that was before me. George, Buck, Roe, Guarnere, Muck, Skip, Malarkey, and Babe were all sitting around in a circle as Joe Dominguez dished them up whatever he had cooked up. I slowly made my way over to the group and stopped just as I got close enough.

"I wished I had my camera, this is a real Kodak moment in the making." I said and nine heads whipped around to stare at me. "Gentlemen." I nodded with a smile. George was the first one on his feet and in front of me in an instant. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug.

"Jesus, Jo. You have no idea how good it is to see ya." He said as he pulled back. He let his hands rest on my shoulders as he looked me over. "You look like hell." I rolled my eyes and brushed his hands off.

"Thanks." I muttered as the rest of the men came over to welcome me back with quick hugs and pats on the back.

"Jesus, Benny, what the hell happened to you?"

"I thought you were supposed to be dead."

"You don't look so good."

"When'd ya get back?"

"Looks pretty alive to me."

"You look like shit."

Yeah, I was finally home.

Buck and Gene were the last to greet me. Gene shook my hand and welcomed me back with a smile. Buck walked up and rested his hands on my shoulders as he looked me in the eye. I watched his eyes cloud over for a split second before clearing to their brilliant blue as a huge smile threatened to split his face in half.

"It's good to have you back, kid." He said as he clapped me gently on the cheek and pulled my head into his chest. He gave me a brief hug before pushing me away and looking me over. "Jesus, you look like shit."

"That does seem to be the general consensus." I laughed.

"Joe! Joe, get the kid some food, huh?" Guarnere laughed as he grabbed my shoulder and forced me to sit. Joe placed a cup of food in my hands and I smiled and laughed along with the men as I slowly picked at the food, savoring every morsel of it, even if I had no idea what the hell it was.

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I sat slowly drifting off to sleep in my semi-warm foxhole as a strange sense of peace came over me. I shook my head at the preposterousness of it. Here I was in some of the worst fighting this war would see and I felt at peace.

"Hey, Benny." Buck said as he slid under the tarp. As soon as he was in I was immediately curled into his side, stealing his body heat. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around me. All was quiet as we basked in our own little piece of heaven in the middle of hell.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, ya hear me." Buck finally broke the silence and pulled me tighter into his side. "I was so… When Doc said you were…" I heard him sniff and looked up to see his eyes glassy with suppressed tears. "Just, don't ever do that to me again." I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his shoulder.

"I'll promise as long as you promise to never leave me." I said into his chest. I hadn't sounded so weak in years, but my time spent in that hospital in Bastogne had changed me. It made me realize how lucky I was to have friends like him, Luz and Nixon. They were my brothers, each in their own different way. The thought of losing them, the thought of them being in that hospital and on that operating table… It would've killed me should that have happened.

"I promise if you promise." Buck replied and I pulled back so I could look him in the eyes.

"I promise." I said with all the conviction I could muster.

"I promise too." He said solemnly. I gave him a quick hug before dropping back to his side and curling my shivering body into his. I sat there, contemplating everything I had been through in the past month, finding myself unable to sleep.

"Buck?" I whispered, afraid of waking him if he was asleep.

"Yeah Benny." He said no trace of sleep in his voice.

"I can't sleep." I complained. I felt his deep, rumbling laugh vibrate through my chest.

"Whadda you want me to do about it?"

"Sing to me." I grinned. He chuckled.

"Why don't you sing, you are the girl after all."

"You wouldn't want that." I warned.

"Oh yeah… and why's that?" I could hear the grin in his voice.

"You know the sound a dying mule makes?" I asked.

"No, can't say that I do." He replied.

"Well you would if you heard me sing." His booming laugh filled the foxhole with a warmth and glow so great that I couldn't help but bask in it. The whole world seemed to relax around me and finally, after countless days and nights of sleeplessness, I was able to fall into a deep and relaxing slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every offensive name Jo was called in this chapter is a name that I have been called at least once in my life.


	16. My Hero

January 2, 1945

I spent a good four hours curled up in Buck's side asleep before being forced into the waking world.

Easy's new orders were to push the Germans back through the Bulge.

"Hey, Malark, c'mere." I called out.

"What?" He asked as he came to a rest in front of Buck and me.

"Turn around and squat." I told him. He raised an eyebrows at me.

"Thanks, Jo, but I've already had my physical." I rolled my eyes as Buck sniggered.

"We need a table." I replied.

"Why me?" He whined and I grinned.

"Because tables are made of wood and so is your head… simple logic, really." Buck laughed and Malarkey glared at me but did as I said anyway. Buck called Lipton over as the rest of Second Platoon's non-coms crowded around the map that was laid out across Malarkey's head and back.

"We were here this morning and then we came this way." Lip said as he traced our route in the map.

"Right, so right here's gotta be the logging road coming into here…" Buck said as he traced the road. I let out a yawn and rubbed my bare hands over my arms, trying to battle off the cold. "Which means we get  _right there_." Buck grinned and poked hard at the location which so happened to lie on Malarkey's head.

"Hey," The red-haired Sergeant complained. "Take it easy."

"Stop crying, Malark, or I'll nail it to your head." Buck grinned as Lipton folded up the map.

"Hey, you should, it's made of wood." Guarnere said.

"That's what I'm saying." I mumbled as I pulled my hands into my sleeves and Malarkey turned his head to glare at me.

"Guarnere, Benny, move 'em out, let's go." Buck ordered us. I popped up from beside Buck so fast that I got an instant head rush and had to grab his shoulder to keep from falling over. My body was still in the process of recovering from the torturous lack of both sleep and food I had put it through while working in Bastogne. I groaned and shook my head, trying to regain my equilibrium. Buck looked up at me with a worried crease in his brow. I managed a weak smile as I released his shoulder.

"Let's get a move on, 2nd Platoon!" I cried. We were on the move and headed to the Bois Jacques, the forest that sat outside of the town of Foy in preparation for an attack on the town itself.

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"Have you seen Dike?" Buck asked me as I finished digging  _our_  foxhole...  _alone_. I glared at him while I tried to catch my breath.

"Yeah," I muttered as I stuck my shovel into the frozen ground.

"Where?" He asked.

"Up yours." I growled and continued to dig.

"In a bad mood, are we?" Buck grinned. My glare hardened and I mumbled a few incoherent words. "Well, if you're done medding around with the foxhole, could you help me find him?" I resisted the urge to flip him the bird.

"Sure, nothing better to do. I mean, I did just finish  _our_ foxhole." I stressed 'our' with a bitter tone.

"Thanks Benny." He grinned and walked off. I had to stop myself from throwing my shovel at his back. I sighed as I climbed from the hole and set off in search of our Company CO, muttering to myself as I went.

"You ok, Jo?" George asked as he caught sight of me from his and Talbert's foxhole.

"Mmmrrrmmm, mmmhhmmm, hrrrmmm." George and Tab laughed at my moaned anguish. I sighed and rubbed my hand across my face. "You seen Dike?" I asked.

"No." He answered.

"Uuunnnnhhh." I groaned and flopped down on the side of the foxhole. George laughed and sat down next to me and I sighed as I dropped my head to his shoulder.

"You alright?" He inquired.

"Tired." Was all I managed to grumble. He sniggered and I yawned as I lifted my head and forced myself to stand. "I have to go find Dike" I grumbled.

"I'll come with ya." George said as he stabbed his shovel into the frozen ground and jumped out of the hole. "Tab can finish." Tab sent a glare at George but Luz brushed it off and we made our way through the forest, talking to and asking every soldier we came upon if they had seen Dike.

Nobody had.

"Benny!" Muck yelled as he came running up. "Benny, it's Hoobs, he's been shot!" I was immediately alert and at his side.

"Where is he?" I asked, "How long ago?"

"About a minute ago, Doc sent me to find you." He said as he turned and started to run. "This way." I followed after the Sergeant as we rushed passed men questioning where we were off to in such a hurry.

"Doc!" Muck yelled as we came to a group of men crowded around the prone form of who I could only guess was Hoobler. I stopped short as I saw the mournful gazes of the men turn to me and noticed how deathly still Hoobler's body was. I caught Buck's gaze and saw the haunted, icy blue of his eyes glazed over. He stood up and walked over to me.

"Did you find Dike?" He asked in a strained voice.

"Negative." He cursed and stomped off into the snow. I walked over to a silent Gene and helped him prepare the body to be picked up.

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I sat opposite of Gene in his foxhole as the silent Medic sat staring off into space.

"There's nothing more you could have done for him." I sighed. Gene raised his head to look at me.

"But you, you saved dat private from Dog. I should have been able ta save Hoobler." He muttered.

"It's not the same." I said, catching his eyes with mine. "Look, the largest artery in the body is the aorta around here," I placed my finger on the left side of his chest. "Under the clavicle, it takes three beats of the heart for a person to die after it's severed. Next is the carotid, here." I placed two fingers on his neck and felt his pulse jump under them. "Here, feel." I brought his hand up and placed his fingers over mine. "You feel that?" He nodded. "That's the carotid. It branches out into one on either side of the neck." I removed my hand and let him feel the pulse in his neck. "Sever that and it takes minutes to bleed out, sever both and…" I trailed off, letting him get the picture himself.

"And then there is the femoral." I placed my hand on his thigh. "It is in actuality a bundle of arteries. Once this is severed, it takes minutes." I sighed and sat back.

"But it was so… fast." He sighed.

"There are many factors that could have affected that."I replied. "None of us have had much to eat, and that can cause anemia. Anemia can cause a decrease in the viscosity of the blood. He could have had alcohol that could have thinned his blood. Hell, he could have done something as innocent as taking aspirin and that could have thinned his blood." I looked at his blue-grey eyes. "He was more than likely panicking." Gene nodded. "That would have caused his heart to beat faster and pump more blood through his arteries." I said and moved closer so I could rest my hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"You put a tourniquet on him, you put pressure on the wound, and you tried to clamp off the artery." I nudged his shoulder so he would look me in the eyes. "You did everything I would have done. You did everything you could. Without-" I stopped as I remembered where and when I was and what the current technology was "… The proper equipment, there was nothing else you could do."

"I know, but…" He sighed deeply. "He was a Toccoa man."

"I know. And that makes losing him all the more painful." I sighed and squeezed his shoulder. "But we will move on, because we have a job to do. And you have other men that depend on you to be there when they need you." I gave him a quick smile and stood as Babe walked up.

"Hey, Doc. How ya doin?" Babe asked.

"I'm okay." Gene forced a smile. I nodded to the two men and jumped out of the foxhole.

"Hey, Jo." Gene called and I turned back to him.

"It's nice having someone ta talk to about all this." I smiled at him and nodded before turning making my way back to my own foxhole.

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"Buck." I greeted around the cigarette in my mouth as I added more cover to our foxhole. "How's it hanging?"

"I don't think I should answer that." He raised an eyebrow. I shrugged and continued arranging the branches. "You know, this hole isn't going to be pictured in Better Homes and Garden." He smirked.

"Bite me." I muttered as I stood up and pulled the cigarette from my lips.

"Tempting." Buck laughed and I glared at him.

"You find Dike yet?" I handed him the cigarette and sat down on the edge of the hole.

"Yeah," He took a puff and glowered. "He said we are to maintain present formation as per usual, But he'll clarify that with us as a later date."

"Um, sure?" I raised an eyebrow. "Clear as mud." Buck chuckled humorlessly.

"Yeah, no kidding." He rolled his eyes.

"Did he happen to yawn after he said that?" I asked.

"Yeah, how'd ya know?" He passed the cigarette back to me.

"I think is an involuntary reaction of his body to stress. Fight or flight response." I grinned. "Congratulations, Buck, you stress the CO!" I said in mock excitement before dropping the smile from my face.

"Yay." Buck droned. "C'mon." He sighed as he helped me up. "We got a patrol to run."

I groaned in frustration but grabbed my kit anyway and called out to 2nd.

"On your feet boys! We're moving out!"

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"Hey, B-Buck." I shivered as the Lieutenant dropped down onto the edge of the foxhole. "Where ya been?"

"I was out talking to the guys." He replied as he rubbed his hand together in an attempt to warm them.

"Yeah, what about?" I asked as I wrapped my coat around me tighter.

"Oh, you know. Just shootin' the shit." He grinned. "Telling them not to do anything stupid." I raised an eyebrow.

"There's something you should know," I said in the most serious tone I could muster. He looked concerned and motioned for me to continue. "I'm not sure if you realize this or not," I looked around as if I was about to reveal a huge secret. I leaned in further towards him and he did likewise. "But, we jump out of planes into some of the most hostile territory in the world, to fight an Army we can't see who are better supplied than us and have plenty of cold weather clothes. You really can't get much dumber than that."

He rolled his eyes and smacked me on the back of the head. I readjusted my helmet and grinned at him as I slid into the foxhole. Buck followed and I curled into his side as I felt the warmth from his huge frame envelope me and stop the shivers that wracked my body. I sighed in content and heard Buck chuckle in amusement before I fell into a blissfully peaceful slumber.

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I nudged Buck and pointed with my fork to the man who was strolling his way up to the chow line.

"Well I'll be damned." Buck grinned. "Should he be out of the hospital yet?"

"Dunno." I shrugged. "I was so busy I didn't even know he was there until I came back to the line." Buck shook his head and grinned at me. I slowly picked at my plate full of… something... and felt my stomach turn. The thought of all the wounded men I had treated, the thought of all of them that had died while my hands were inside of them, trying to save them…

It made me sick. I swallowed hard, forcing the food in my mouth down to my stomach and closed my eyes as I attempted to keep it from coming back up. I sighed and scraped the rest of my food onto Buck's plate. He eyed it before turning his questioning eyes to me.

"Not hungry," I mumbled. He shrugged and scooped up a large portion of food into his mouth. I scrunched my nose in disgust and turned my head away.

"And, uh, Buck got shot in his rather large butt in Holland." Muck mention to one of the new replacement. Buck stuck his huge ass out and pointed to the bullet wound. I rolled my eyes and grinned.

"Sorry again about not savin' your ass, Buck." I said and he chuckled.

"Like I said, you just owe me four now." He grinned.

"Three." I corrected.

"It still doesn't count, Benny." He argued.

"It does." I countered.

"What the hell are you two going on about?" Martin looked between us in confusion. Buck and I grinned at each other.

"Nothing." We answered at the same time. Martin rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded like, 'fucking idiots.'

"Hey, Jo! You ain't been hit either, have you?" Muck called out.

"Nope. My ass is intact." I replied and stuck it out as if to prove my point.

"What ass?" Luz called out. "You have to have an ass to be hit in one." The men chuckled.

"Hey!" I cried. "Popeye ain't got an ass either and he sure as shit got shot in it."

"Touche'."

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January 3, 1945

"Benny, you take the six, make sure we don't lose anyone in this God damn snow." Buck ordered me.

"Yes, sir." I nodded. "We're on the move, boys!" I called out.

Dike had ordered East to take up our original position overlooking the town of Foy and were in the process of moving using the thick, heavy snowfall as cover.

"Shouldn't you guys reinforce your cover?" I asked Christenson, Webb and Perconte as I came up on their foxhole. They had been ordered to stay with D company to maintain the line.

"Dike said we were fine." Perco answered.

"Well, if Dike said," I rolled my eyes. Perco and Christenson chuckled while Webb looked on in confusion. "Jesus, Perco, who you tryin' to impress with those teeth, the Germans? You get them too white and you'll catch the attention of the snipers." I teased as I mimicked pulling a trigger. He glared and flipped me off.

"Christenson." A voice called from behind me. I turned my head and saw Speirs appear out of the snow. He stopped and gave me a brief glance as he came to rest beside me.

"Lieutenant Speirs." Christenson answered.

"I got the name right, didn't I, it is Christenson?" The Lt. asked as he knelt down by the foxhole.

"Yes, sir." Christenson answered and I fought a grin that started to form on my face. Christenson's eyes were wide with terror aa the color drained from his already pale face.

"What are you men doing out here?" Speirs questioned.

"We're watching the line, sir." He answered.

"Well, keep up the good work."Speirs said. "While you're at it, you might wanna reinforce your cover." I sent a smug grin over to Perco and he glared at me briefly before turning his attention to the Lieutenant.

"Oh, well actually sir, Lt. Dike said not even to bother. That we're only going to be here one day." Perco had stopped the incessant brushing of his teeth to poke the resident tiger of D company.

"Lt. Dike said that, huh?" Speirs asked and Perco nodded. "Then forget what I said." He looked at me. "What are you doing here, Sgt. Banally?"

"Herding replacements, sir. Gotta make sure all our ducks stay in a row. Would want Patton's reputation to be tarnished because some kid decided it would be better to become the world's first human popsicle than to actually keep up with the rest of the company." I answered flippantly. He stared at me a moment, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly before he turned his attention back to the men in the poorly concealed foxhole.

"Carry on." He stood up and started to walk off.

"Oh," He stopped and turned around. "Anyone care for a smoke?" He held the pack out the the three men in the foxhole.

I choked back a laugh as the men stared at him in stunned silence. Perco started brushing his teeth in an attempt to keep from having to say anything as the others looked on in abject horror.

"You?" Speirs asked Webb who swallowed hard and shook his head frantically. He turned and offered it to me. I shrugged and nonchalantly grabbed one, not willing to pass up a free cigarette when offered.

"Thanks, sir." I placed it behind my ear for later. He returned my thanks with a nod and continued his trek, disappearing in the snow like a ghost.

"You must have a death wish, Benny." Perco said as soon as he was sure that the Lt. was out of earshot.

"He's not that bad." I answered with a shrug.

"You're fuckin' nuts, Benny." Christenson replied. I grinned and went to look for any stragglers in the snow, wishing I could make an exit half as awesome as Speirs could.

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"Wud I miss?" I asked as I came to stand next to Buck.

"Toye's going to kill somebody." He replied.

"So… nothing out of the norm." I shot back and he grinned at me.

"Anyone get lost?" He asked.

"Few replacements." I shrugged. "Pretty easy to find and point on the right track, though. I swear, keeping those replacements in line is about as easy as herding cats." I rolled my eyes and Buck chuckled.

I sighed as I observed the forest around us. The tall beautiful trees that had once stood there for countless generation were nothing but stumps and the land was pitted with holes where mortar rounds hand landed. First Battalion had the crap shelled out of them and that didn't bode well for us. My thoughts traveled back to the men at the evac hospital and I tried to remember how many men I had treated that had come from first Battalion. Visions of blood, internal organs and severed limbs filled my head and I swallowed thickly, pushing the bile that started to rise back down. I shook my head and tried to clear it, knowing my focus needed to be on the here and now.

"Enemy movement?" I asked as I flipped a switch in my brain and went into soldier mode.

"Light, anything out there is hidden." Buck replied. I fixed my eyes to the town where I saw white spots that almost blended in with the snow move about.

"They're waiting for us to make a move and give away our position " I sighed and rubbed the back of my head.

"Yeah." Buck looked out over the town. "That they are." He turned back to me. "Get the men prepared for one hell of a night." I nodded and watched as he headed off to powwow with the rest of the E Company officers and Sgt. Lipton.

If only I had known that there was nothing in the world that was going to prepare me for what was going to happen next.


	17. Suffer

"Hey Jo, how's the cover coming?" Buck asked as he knelt by the side of the foxhole.

"Almost done." I replied as I hefted the last branch up and placed it down so it would conceal the last of our foxhole. I stood up and stretched my back. "Done."

"Good job." He grinned.

"No thanks to you, sir." I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

"You expect me to cover my own foxhole?" He gave a mock look of shock and pressed his hand to his chest as he stood up. "I'm an officer, we don't do that!" I glared at him, but ended up chuckling.

"Wouldn't want to mess up your nails or anything." I grinned.

"Now you're getting' it, Benny." He laughed and slapped me on the back.

"Right." I snickered. "So, what'd Dike have to say?" Buck rolled his eyes and heaved a great sigh of annoyance.

"He had to go talk to Regiment." He replied.

"'Bout what?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, you know, same ol' same ol'." He rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them.

"So… you haven't got a clue." I droned.

"Bingo." I rolled my eyes and slung my shovel over my shoulder.

"Well, while you're pondering the infinite mystery that is our CO, I am going to go and see if anyone needs help with their cover." I grinned.

"Alright, you do that." He nodded. "Just, be careful, okay?"

"I will." I gave him a small smile. "You too, huh?"

"Of course!" He said in mock outrage. "I'm always careful."

"There are four holes in your ass that call bullshit on that one." I muttered causing him to laugh. "Don't you have some, officer-y things to do somewhere? Like, oh I don't know, learning how to scratch your balls and rub your stomach at the same time or something?"

"You mean pat my head and rub my stomach?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Did I stutter?" I grinned.

"Benny, I'm almost afraid to know what officers in your time are like." His lips twitched. "Especially if they're all like you."

"Hey, we can't all be perfect." I shrugged my mock modesty. Buck smacked my helmet, knocking it askew.

"Dream on, kid." He laughed. I scowled at him and fix my crooked helmet.

"So immature." I muttered. Buck stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed.

"Get outta here, kid." He grinned as he used my helmet to push me away.

"Back to school. Back to school, to prove to dad that I'm not a fool." I sang as I slowly walked off, dragging my feet. "I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight. I hope I don't get in a fight." I heard Buck's booming laugh echoed behind me as I grinned and looked for someone to help.

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"Hey Lip!" I called as I jogged over to the First Sergeant who was dragging a rather large branch. "Need help?"

"Yeah," He replied as he dropped the foliage. "Could you grab the other end?" I grabbed the opposite end of the branch and stood ready. He nodded to me and we both hefted the it up.

"You know Christmas is over, right Lip?" I asked with a strained voice as I mentally decided he had picked a small tree up instead of a branch. "Where you taking this tree to?"

"Guarnere." He grunted. I nodded and we waddled our way towards Bill's foxhole, both of us huffing and puffing.

"Wait." I stopped dead in my tracks as Lipton grunted in discontent at my sudden standstill. "Did you hear that?" We both dropped the branch and stood quiet for a moment.

Boom. Boom.

"INCOMING!" Lipton yelled. We both took off in different direction.

"TAKE COVER!" I shouted at the men as I ran through the forest. "COVER!" The trees started to explode around me, sending shrapnel pounding against my back and arms. "GET TO COVER!" I yelled. I came upon a replacement who was frozen in shock.

"COVER!" I hollard, but his eyes just stared blankly at the trees as they were obliterated by the shells. I growled in annoyance and tackled the boy to the ground before dragging him into a nearby foxhole. I threw my body over his and used my hand to keep my helmet secured to my head as I was sprayed with mud and wood splinters.

I lifted my eyes and watched as the world around me was quickly blown to pieces. Trees were exploding everywhere, sending wood chips flying around us like the cottonwood cotton flew in spring.

After what felt like an eternity the shelling finally stopped and I was able to lift myself from the shellshocked Kidd. I sat up on my knees so I could see what damage had been caused.

"Sarge?" The Private whimpered.

"Shh," I hissed, listening. "Stay here, private." I ordered as I started to stand. He grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back in, a look of absolute terror covering his sweat soaked face.

"It's alright, private." I said as I grabbed his hand and removed it from my arm. "Just stay here." He nodded and sat back down, covering his head with his hands as he did so. I jumped from the foxhole and made my way through the forest in a low crouch.

"Stay where you are." I ordered the men as I saw them start to stir. "Stay in your foxhole. We're not outta this yet."

"Benny." Lip called as he ran over to me. "You alright?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "You?"

"Fine." He answered. "We need to keep the men in their foxholes."

"Already on it." I replied. He nodded and we went our separate ways, telling the men to remain in their cover. There was no time for idle chit-chat, so I made sure that the men were alright and moved on to the next hole.

"Stay there." I called out as I searched the faces of the men.

"Stay down!" I heard Buck yell from a distance and I felt my heart skip a beat in relief. "Stay down!" Hearing his voice allowed me to breathe easy, knowing he was okay for now. I continued my trek, checking on the men and looking for Luz.

"INCOMING!" I heard Lipton's voice ring out.

"COVER! COVER!" I yelled as I skidded into the nearest foxhole. I landed on top of a hard body and turned to see Bull, his cigar almost chewed down to a stump. He grabbed me and hauled me deeper into the foxhole where the cover was thicker. I secured my helmet and watched as the trees exploded and became nothing more than stumps.

The shelling finally stopped and an eerie silence descended on the world. I instantly knew in my heart that there was something very, very wrong. I jumped from the foxhole and went bounding through the slivers of broken trees and scattered limbs… searching.

"Gene!" I called out as I nearly collided with the medic. He grabbed my shoulders to steady me.

"Jo, you alright?" He asked and looked me over.

"I'm fine." I nodded. "Have you seen Buck?" The haunted blue gaze of my friend had come to the forefront of my mind as soon as I realized there was something wrong. I knew I had to find him.

"No, I hav-"

"MEDIC!" A heart wrenching scream interrupted Gene before he could finish. My heart dropped to the ground, frozen like the snow that surrounded us.

"Buck." I was off like a shot, running faster than I ever had before.

I saw him. His tall form towered above the splintered trees, his white hair blending in with the snow. I surged towards him faster and skidded to a halt in front of him. My hands flew to his shoulders and I looked him over.

His eyes no longer held the light I had grown accustomed too. The were empty, glazed.

They were broken.

I knew I couldn't help that pain.

"Buck." I swallowed hard and forced my tears down. I followed his gaze and my breath caught in my throat as I shot one last look at Buck before running over to the bloodied forms of Guarnere and Toye just as Gene arrived. He set to work immediately on Toye and I knelt down next to Bill.

"You're gonna be alright." I said as Gene tossed me a package of sulpha. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a thin strip of fabric I had used as a tourniquet at the hospital. I carefully wrapped the strip around his thigh and pulled it as tight as I could, stopping the bleeding. He cried out in pain before I grabbed a syrette and jabbed it into his thigh. "Better?"

"Yeah," He mumbled. I looked over his leg and felt my stomach turn. The flesh had been completely blown away leaving only the bone and a couple tendons between his foot and thigh. I poured as much sulpha as I could over the exposed flesh of his thigh and gave him a small smile before moving over to Gene and Toye as Malarkey came running over.

"What can I do?" He asked Gene.

Gene ordered Malarkey to hold the bandage in place as I helped him lift the Sergeant's thigh and he tied a bandage around the wound.

"Bill first." I managed mumble to the medic as Malarkey gave Toye a cigarette. He looked over at me and nodded.

"Jesus, what's a guy gotta do to get killed around here?" Toye moaned.

"Bill, you're goin' first." Gene said as he unwrapped another bandage to place over Toye's leg.

"Whatever you say, Doc. Whatever you say." Guarnere replied.

"Over here, take this man." Gene motioned to the stretcher-bearers. I moved over to Bill and knelt next to him.

"Hey Lip, they got ol' Guarnere this time." Bill said as the first sergeant came onto the scene. The stretcher-bearers set the stretcher down on the other side of Bill.

"We got ya soldier." One of them said.

"Careful." I ordered as they started to lift him and he cried out in pain.

"Just lay back." The soldier said. I carefully grabbed Bill's wounded leg and maneuvered it onto the stretcher, wincing as he cried out again. They lifted the stretcher and I sat back on my feet, head bowed in the sudden onset of weariness that overcame me.

I wasn't aware of how long I had been there, time blurred as I sat curled in on my own thoughts. But as I took in the world around me I saw the once crimson snow had turned pink with fresh powder and the jeep that carried Toye and Guarnere had long since left.

"JoJo?" I looked up into the dark eyes of my best friend.

"Luz." I swallowed hard. He knelt down in front of me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"You alright?" He asked. I nodded and cleared my throat.

"Fine. I'm fine" I answered. "What about Buck?"

"Lip's talking to him." He said, avoiding the question.

"How is he?"I asked again. Luz sighed and just looked at me.

"I think… I think you should probably talk to him." He finally said. "He's... not good." He whispered.

I nodded and stood up. George patted my arm and I forced a smile before turning and making my way over to the Lieutenant. I tapped Lipton on the shoulder and he turned to look at me. I gestured to Buck, who was staring off to the side, trying to keep anyone from seeing the tears that were welling up in his eyes. Lip nodded and stood up, motioning for me to take his place. I knelt down in front of the Lieutenant and placed my hand on his thigh.

"Buck." I whispered. He didn't turn to look at me but his hand flew to mine and I felt it tremble as he squeezed. I sighed and wrapped my other hand around his, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand.

"It's okay, Buck." I murmured. "I'm here."

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I sat beside Buck, my hand rested on his back and I rubbed small circles in an effort to comfort him. I watched him as the tiny cracks the he had gathered along the way stretched their tendrils around the big bear of a man, slowly meeting each other. The sight of Guarnere and Toye laying in the snow and staining it crimson with their blood was the final blow that had sent him shattering to pieces right before my eyes. He breathed deep, trying to fight back his tears and I bit my lip to keep my own at bay.

It physically hurt to see my friend, the man who I had grown to trust with my life, the man whom I loved so deeply I would have given my life for, the one man, besides my father, who I thought would never see break, sitting there, fighting for his sanity. I let out a shaky breath and dug the cigarette Speirs had given to me out of my chest pocket. I put it between my lips and lit it, drawing deep from it before gently placing it between Buck's cracked lips. He puffed the stick like a chimney barely conscience that it was there and I continued to rub his back.

I sat in the silence and watched him for a reaction, any reaction… But none came. He just stared blankly off into the distance, his eyes rimmed red with tears that he refused to let fall.

I sighed and pulled the cigarette from his lips when it had burned down to the butt. I took a final puff of it before tossing it to the ground and watched it as it burnt itself down to ash.

"Jo?" I turned at the sound of Gene's voice as he beckoned me over. I nodded my head and stood up.

Buck's hand immediately flew to mine in a vice like grip. His wild eyes locked onto mine.

"You're leaving?" He asked and my heart skipped as I detected the fear and anguish in his voice.

"No, I'm not leaving." I assured him. "Gene just needs to talk with me a moment." I motioned to where the medic stood and Buck turned his eyes to the man. Gene gave a small wave and smiled kindly at the man who dropped his head and took a deep breath before looking back at me.

"I'll be back, I promise." Buck gave a jerky nod before releasing me from his steel grip. I squeezed his shoulder in a comforting gesture and made my way over to Gene.

"How's he doin'?" Gene asked and I shook my head.

"Not good." I ran my hand nervously through my hair and sighed long and deep. Gene raised an eyebrow at me.

"How are you doin'?" He asked. I was caught off guard for a moment.

"I'm… fine." I answered and forced a smile.

Gene didn't look convinced but he had more important things on his mind and let it drop. He sighed and turned his gaze back to the broken Lieutenant. He was quiet as we both looked at Buck's still, almost catatonic, form.

"It's a shame," Gene said with a deep sigh. "'Bout his feet." My head jerked up to the half Cajun's face.

"What?" I knitted my eyebrows together in confusion.

"His trench foot." Gene looked me in the eyes. "It's a shame he's gonna have ta be taken off da line."

"Yeah." I whispered as what he was saying finally dawned on me. "Yeah, it is."

"Lipton and I already talked ta Captain Winters about it," Gene told me. "Da jeep will be here soon." I nodded in understanding. He smiled at me and I made my way back to my broken friend. I touched his shoulder and his hand grabbed mine as I sat down beside him.

"See, told ya I'd be right back." I smiled at him and he managed to return it with a strained, forced, broken one of his own.

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"C'mon, Buck." I mumbled as I placed a hand on the big man's back and guided him towards the awaiting jeep. I helped him into the vehicle and smiled at him as his eyes found mine. Just as I stepped back from the jeep his hand reached for mine and he squeezed it tightly. I stepped back up to him and clamped my other hand over his. We looked at each other, everything we needed to say passed through us as in that one silent gaze and for the first time since the shelling I saw my old friend behind those glassy eyes.

But as the jeep started up he blinked and my friend was gone again, replaced by the broken, empty shell of a man who was fighting to keep his last ounce of sanity. He dropped my hand as the jeep pulled off and I watched it as it bounced off though the trees and out of sight.

"You okay?" George asked as his hand touched my shoulder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning to him and smiling.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered. He raised an eyebrow. "I am. Don't worry." I assured him. He nodded hesitantly but I just smiled and walked off into the forest.

Once I was sure I was far enough away from the company, I sucked in a deep breath and fell against a tree. My hands flew to my mouth to stifle the sound of my anguish as I slid down the trunk of the evergreen. I moaned and I pressed my face into my knees letting the tears I had been holding in all day fall freely from my eyes.

As a Ranger I was taught that your 'Ranger Buddy' was your best friend. If you fail he fails and if he fails you fail. Your 'Ranger Buddy' is your counterpart, the man that is there beside you no matter what you're facing. Through hell and back he is the one man you know that will never leave you, he will go through hell if that's where you're going. In essence he is an extension of you and when you lose him you lose a part of yourself.

Buck was my 'Ranger Buddy.' He'd been there fighting next to me since D-Day, through everything that the Germans threw at us he was right there by my side. When he had been shot in Holland and taken off the line I had felt lost, like I was missing a part of me and when he returned I was whole again. He watched out for me and protected me throughout the entire war and I did the same for him. He kept me sane when I should have lost my mind. He was the epitome of strength and confidence and being around him I knew that I was safe.

But he was gone and he wasn't going to come back to me this time.

I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest. I no longer felt its beating against my ribcage or the warmth of my blood as it rushed beneath my skin. I was numb in every sense of the word.

I was left standing there alone in a nightmare I couldn't wake up from and I could feel myself slipping into the darkness of my own mind.


	18. I'll Be Seeing You

"Jo." Lipton's voice tickled the ends of my consciousness as he sat beside me on the edge of our… my foxhole.

It had taken me an hour to collect myself enough to get back to the men. It took another hour of wandering the line before I was able to look at the foxhole Buck and I had shared. It took ten more minutes before I had the strength to sit on the edge on our foxhole.

I was still gathering the strength to force myself to slide into our foxhole, knowing that when I did there would be no warmth from Buck that would greet me and chase away the cold; no Buck to crack jokes with or trade stories with; No Buck to let me know that even when hell was being thrown at us that I was safe as long as he was at my side.

I stared blankly at the branches that covered our foxhole… my foxhole.

"Jo." Lip nudged my shoulder and my gaze snapped to him.

"Hey, Lip." I forced a smile.

"How you doin'?" He asked with concern.

"Fine." I answered.

"You sure?" He didn't sound convinced. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No." I shook my head slowly. "Nothing that I can think of." Lipton sighed and squeezed my shoulder as he stood up.

"Well, if you need me, I'm here." He said. I looked up at him and nodded.

"I know. Thanks Lip." He gave me a small smile and lingered a moment, like there was something else he wanted to say, but just sighed and walked off. I let the forced smile drop from my face and turned my gaze to the snow covered horizon. I had never felt so alone in all my life.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and droppedinto the pit holding my breath as if I was plunging myself into deep water. I slowly opened my eyes and took in the dark, empty space that surrounded me. Suddenly my shelter seemed too big without his giant form crouched in it, too cold without the warmth his presence brought. I let my breath out and slid deeper into the hole pushing myself against frozen wall of earth. A small star shone down at me from an opening in my cover and I stared blankly as it twinkled merrily down on me. I pulled my knees to my chest and laid my chin atop them. The freezing night air settled down into my bones, racking me with shivers unlike any I felt before. I curled tighter into myself and buried my head between my knees and chest. I should have got up and found a blanket but I was unable to force myself to move. The only sound filling the foxhole was the sound of my teeth as they chattered and smacked together. I wasn't sure how long I sat and stared up at that damn star, but after a while I felt myself slowly drifting into unconsciousness.

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The first rays of sun peaked through the hole in my cover and hit my eyelids. I moaned as I open my crusted eyes before snapping them closed again and turned to lean deeper into Buck's chest.

But as my face hit the cold ground the events of the previous day smacked me square in the jaw and I quickly sat up. I groaned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, pushing the woolen blanket from my form. I slowly crawled from my foxhole and made my way over to the chow line. The men were silent and I could feel their gaze on me as I filled my cup with coffee. I turned and walked over to George, taking a seat beside him and stared down at the black sludge in my cup, letting the hot liquid warm my frozen hands.

George furrowed his brows and nudged my shoulder. I managed to force a weak smile and took a sip of my coffee.

"You alright, JoJo?" He asked.

"I'm alive." I answered after a moment of thought.

"Good to know." He smiled. I squirmed under the heavy gaze of the men and George took notice. "Let's go for a walk." He said and helped me stand.

We walked away from the men and the camp, skirting the outside of the line. He lit a cigarette and took a deep drag before passing it over to me. I took it and drew the burning ash deep into my lungs, holding it in and letting the nicotine calm my frayed nerves.

"You know, I woke up and tried to bury myself into Buck's side this morning before I realized he wasn't there anymore." I finally said as I let out my breath and passed the cigarette back to him.

"Aw Jo." George scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry." I shrugged.

"I just miss him, you know." He nodded.

"Me too." We continued our walk in silence, sharing the cancer stick between us.

"Sgt. Benally." A voice said from behind us. George started and we both turned to face the figure who had appeared from out of nowhere.

"Lt. Speirs." I greeted. He spared a quick glance at Luz who I could feel let out a small shudder from beside me.

"I heard about Lt. Compton." Speirs said matter of factly. "It's a shame, he was a good officer."

"He still is, sir." I almost hissed as a sudden fierceness in the need to defend my shattered friend against the oppressive Lieutenant came over me. Speirs' piercing brown eyes locked on to me like a laser, but for once I didn't feel the need to shudder and flinch away from it. I stood my ground, back straight and returned his gaze. He seemed to find what he was looking for in me and his face relaxed.

"You're right, Sergeant." He nodded. "He still is." He tilted his head to the side and studied me. "He must be, to have instilled such loyalty in his men."

I huffed and dropped my gaze from him. George glanced back and forth between us in confusion.

"What are you two doing so far away from Easy's line anyway?" Speirs asked.

"I needed to take a walk and clear my head." I replied.

"And did you?" He asked. "Did you clear your head?" There was a tone I couldn't define in his voice, but I knew it was something that I should be worried about.

"Yes sir, I did." My tone was more aggressive than I had intended, angry that I felt I had to defend my actions to a man who didn't have the right to act like my superior.

"Good, a soldier whose mind isn't clear is going to cost the lives of those around him." He stepped closer to me and I held firm to my ground even as George shrank back.

"It's time to focus on the ones that are still here and stop dwelling on the things we can't change."

I took a moment to stare into his blue eyes, trying not to show the shock I felt at how well he could read me. I knew he was right, I had been telling myself the same thing over and over again. Losing Buck had just been such a blow to me I was struggling with trying to find my place in this world once more.

But hearing Speirs speak those words snapped something in me. I knew losing Buck was going to hurt, but I also knew my focus needed to be solely on the men that were still there. With the loss of Buck we were left with Dike and my focus needed to be solely on keeping my men alive. I needed to see these men through to the end, and I would.

"Yes, sir." I answered with quiet conviction. "Yes sir, it is." He searched my eyes before letting a small grin spread across his face. He stepped back and looked me over once more.

"You should be getting back to Easy, don't you think, Sgt. Benally." It was not a question.

"Yes, sir."

"Good." He nodded. "Carry on."

And just like that, in the same way he appeared he vanished off into the snow; leaving behind him an air of authority so thick that it swallowed me, giving me strength to do what I knew needed to be done. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Buck's face flashed before my eyes, broken and tortured by his inner demons but I pushed it back down. I knew it was going to take time before those eyes no longer haunted me. I also knew that I was needed now, hurting or not, and I was not going to let my men down.

"Jesus, JoJo." Luz whispered. I opened my eyes to find the space next to me where he was standing before empty. I turned around and raised an eyebrow, he had moved so that he was standing almost completely behind me during our encounter with Speirs.

"I don't know how the hell you didn't crap your pants right then and there." I rolled my eyes.

"He grows on you." I said.

"So does fungus." George answered. "It doesn't mean you get used to it."

I smiled for the first time since the morning before, a true, genuine and unforced smile.

"Hey, there's the JoJo I know and love!" George said and grabbed my neck in a one armed hug. I rolled my eyes and untangled myself from him.

"Fuck off." I muttered as I pushed him away.

We talked and laughed as we made our way back to camp. The cold that had settled into my bones last night seemed to lift and be replaced with a warmth that seemed to radiate from the love and support of the man at my side.

"Love you, George," I smiled as we came up on Easy's line.

"Love you too, kid." He grinned that remarkably toothy grin at me and I knew, if for nothing else, I had to survive for him.

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I stared down into my foxhole, my brow creased in thought.

"Jo." Luz said as he laid a hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Fine." I muttered offhandedly.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"I'm fine George." I rolled my eyes and looked at his worried face. "I am." I insisted.

"Look, you could always bunk with Tab and me, I'm sure we could make room for you." He said with as he rubbed his forehead.

"What are you-?" I raised an eyebrow at my friend before it hit me. "Oh, no, no, I'm fine. Really, that's not what's troubling me." I explained. He sighed in relief.

"Then what the hell are you staring at?" He asked.

"That blanket." I motioned to the woolen blanket that lay at the bottom of my foxhole.

"What about it?" He narrowed his eyes. "What did the blanket say to you, Jo?" I rolled my eyes and smacked him on the shoulder.

"Nothing." I glared. "It's just, I remember last night, I was laying in there, freezing and thinking I should go and find a blanket somewhere, but I couldn't find the strength to pull myself up." I explained and he creased his eyebrow in worry. "I'm fine now." I assured.

"Alright, I still don't get it." He shook his head.

"I went to sleep without a blanket last night, but I woke up with one this morning." I explained.

"… I still don't get it." George said and I rolled my eyes.

"So, it means that someone went out of their way to check up on me and bring me a blanket in the middle of the night." I explained.

"So?" He questioned.

"So what?" I raised an eyebrow.

"So what does it mean?" He asked in frustration.

"Nothing." I shrugged. "I'm just curious as to who did it." He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Only you would notice something as ridiculous as waking up with a blanket." He muttered.

"You're just upset because I'm more observant than you'll ever be." I grinned.

"Yeah, Jo. That's it. I'm jealous of you mighty observation skills." He rolled his eyes and walked off, muttering to himself about how crazy he must be to be friends with me. I chuckled and shook my head as I jumped in my foxhole and carefully folded the woolen blanket.

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After clearing the woods East of Foy we were ordered to clear the woods to the west which meant we had to dig in again. My only consolation was that the foxhole I had to build needed to only be big enough to accommodate one person. It took me only a fraction of the time it would have taken any other time when I had been digging a hole for both Buck and myself.

I still felt a pang of sorrow hit me every time I thought about the bear of a man and I knew I probably always would. Malarkey had been given permission to go and deliver Buck his mail, Winter's had asked me if I had wanted to go as well, but I turned him down. I wasn't ready to see my friend like that when I was just starting to pull myself back together. So I sent my greeting and hope for a speedy recover with Malarkey and I stayed with the company. I had sat with George and Tab for most of that evening until it was my turn at the O.P. with Babe. When we were finally relieved by Sisk and Shifty I made my way to my oversized foxhole and immediately passed out from exhaustion as soon as my back had hit the dirt wall. When I woke up the next day I found myself covered with the woolen blanket again. While I dug into my new foxhole the following day I found myself somewhat distracted as I pondered who would be going out of their way to check on my at night.

I sighed as I finished covering my foxhole and stood up to admire my work.

"Damn fine job if I do say so myself." I mumbled. I heard a laugh come from behind me and turned to find a grinning Lip.

"Not bad, Benny." He clapped me on the back.

"I know, I am pretty amazing." I chuckled and Lipton raised an eyebrow at me. He eyed me for a moment before snickering.

"You sure are, Benny." He murmured.

"You seen Luz, Lip?" I found myself worrying more and more about George since I had lost Buck. I knew that if I were to lose him like I lost Buck or if, God forbid, he were to be killed I wouldn't be able to pull myself back together.

"No, but I'll let him know you're looking for him." Lip said. I nodded and folded my shovel up.

"You haven't seen Dike by any chance, have you?" He asked.

"Maybe he's MIA." I interposed offhandedly.

"We should be so lucky." I choked on my surprised laughter at Lip's unexpected response. Raising an eyebrow at him he rolled his eyes as waved his hand as if he was trying to brush his glib remark away.

"Haven't seen him, but if I do I'll let him know you're looking for him." My amusement showed as I parroted his words back to him.

"Thanks, Benny." He sighed, whether at me our Dike situation or both I wasn't sure. I smirked and grabbed my M-1 Garand.

"I'm going to go do a patrol of the line." I informed Lip. "I'll report anything of interest to you." He nodded and clapped me on the shoulder once more.

"Be careful, Benny. We can't afford to lose you." He smiled and made his way off into the snow.

I grinned and shook my head as I made my own way through the snow. It took me an hour to walk the line, I stopped to talk to several of the men along the way, but I never found Dike. There was nothing of significance to report to Lip, so I made my way back to my foxhole.

BOOM!

The tree next to me exploded into shrapnel and I dropped to the ground, covering my head and neck. I looked and watched as a barrage of mortar rounds fell all around us.

"INCOMING!" I yelled as I jumped to my feet. "FIND COVER!" I felt wood splinters rain down on me as I ran, yelling at the men to take cover as I did. I screeched to a halt and jumped into my foxhole just as a shell went off and sent a branch landing in the spot I had just been standing. I held my helmet to my head and closed my eyes as the events leading up to Buck's departure replayed in my mind.

_"MEDIC!" His voice rang over and over in my head. His eyes stared back at me, broken and blank, filled with tears he refused to let fall._

I sucked in a deep breath and tried to push those thoughts from my mind, but they wouldn't leave. It was like an old scratched record that just kept replaying the same few seconds over and over again. I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood and felt the warm, metallic liquid pool between my teeth and gums.

When the shelling finally stopped so did my waking nightmares. My mind snapped back into the moment and I knew my priority was making sure the men of Easy Company made it though. I stood up and jumped from my foxhole.

"Stay down!" I ordered as I ran through the downed trees, running towards the voice that cried for a medic. I came up on Hashey and Shifty the same time that Gene did and we both knelt down in front of the men.

"Where ya hit?" Roe asked.

"My shoulder." Hashey said. I helped him remove his coat and Gene and I looked him over. He took a splinter to the shoulder, but it wasn't anything life threatening.

"I can handle it." Gene said to me and I nodded. I was up and running in an instant, my mind focused on one thing… finding Luz. I searched each foxhole, telling the men to stay put until they got the all clear.

"Jo!" A voice called out and I felt my heart drop to my stomach. I stopped dead in my tracks and changed directions, running to the sound of the man's voice.

"George." I said as I slid to a stop in front of him. I grabbed his shoulders and looked him over.

"I'm alright, Jo." He said, his voice shaky.

"George, what happened?" I asked in concern. "Are you alright?" He didn't say anything, just pointed at something behind me. I turned and nearly jumped out of my skin as I saw the unexploded shell sitting beside an empty foxhole.

"Was that yours'?"I asked as I brought my gaze back to him. He nodded slowly and took a puff of his cigarette. I rubbed his shoulder in comfort and looked around through the haze of smoke and debris that surround us and hung so thick in the air it was like a cloud bank had settled down around us. I noticed for the first time that Lip was standing behind George and I raised an eyebrow as I saw him puffing away at a cigarette.

"I thought you didn't smoke, Lip." He just pointed at the shell as if it were an explanation which, granted, it was.

"Muck and Penkala." George whispered.

"What?" I asked. I felt my heart drop as I saw the glassy look in his eyes and Buck flashed before me, his broken form staring at Guarnere and Toye. I shook my head, bringing myself into the here in now. "What about Muck and Penkala?"

"They got hit." His eyes focused on me. "Their dead." He said blankly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I needed to focus on George but Buck kept flashing into my mind. I swallowed hard and squeezed George's shoulder.

"George I-" But the words wouldn't come to me. I had seen so much death at the hospital, but when it came to the men I knew and cared about, I just didn't know what to say anymore.

"We'll get through this." I finally uttered in a whisper and George's eyes seemed to clear. "We'll get through this together." He nodded at me and managed a small smile.

"Benny, let the men know its all clear." Lipton said and I nodded. I squeezed George's shoulder one more time.

"I'll be right back, I promise." I told him and he gave me a shaky nod. I forced a smile before turning and walking off to let the men know that they could come out of their foxholes.

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I sighed and leant my head back, watching as the trees whizzed by overhead. I was on my way back to Bastogne to say my goodbye to Buck after a grueling day.

I had spent the rest of the night and that morning with George as we dug through what was left of the foxhole that had once been Muck and Penkala's. George found a piece of a rosary and handed it to Malarkey who had been sitting there staring blankly at nothing. I sighed and squeezed his shoulder. He looked up at me and gave me the same forced smile that I had given everyone after Buck had been taken off the line.

We were ordered to take back our old positions overlooking the town of Foy and I forced myself to recover the old foxhole that Buck and I had once shared. I wondered briefly how I was ever supposed to pull myself back together when everything around me reminded me of him. I sighed heavily and dropped my shovel into the snow.

"Benny." Lip called as he walked up to me. I turned and looked at the First Sergeant. "Winters says that Buck is being sent back to England and wants to know if you want to go and say goodbye to him, maybe get yourself a hot meal."I sighed and bit my lip. Maybe seeing him, getting to say goodbye to him and knowing for sure that he wasn't coming back would help me heal the still tender wounds his leaving had left.

"Yeah," I nodded and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Yeah, I'd like that." Lipton smiled at me and clapped me on the shoulder.

"Good, just make your way over to C.P. I'm gonna go get Malarkey and then we can head out." He said.

"Sure thing." I nodded as I turned and made my way over to the C.P.

"Benny." Winters greeted as he caught sight of me walking up.

"Sir," I nodded.

"I haven't got a chance to see how you've been." He said and smiled down at me.

"I'm…" I searched for the right word. "Okay." I nodded. Winters raised an eyebrow.

"You're sure about that?" He asked.

"Yeah," I gave him a small smile. "I'm sure."

"Good." He smiled. "Okay is better than not." He grinned.

"Yes sir." I nodded and he looked me over.

"You know, I offered Malarkey the chance to be a runner for the CP for a while. I would have offered it to you, but I didn't think you would have taken it." He said as he gauged my reaction.

'Would I?' I thought it over. It would have been a chance to get away from the line and I wouldn't have to worry about trying to fight a losing battle against death like in Bastogne. I would be safe and warm.

But Winters had a nasty habit of being right, one Nix would complain about from time to time. He knew would have never given myself up to a break when my men were still in danger. I would never allow myself that luxury when I knew my place was with them.

"No, sir." I answered. "I wouldn't have. I doubt Malarkey will either."

"Yeah," He smiled. "You're probably right, Benny. I guess I'll just have to let Sink know we'll have to find a different runner." He grinned as the jeep pulled up. He motioned for me to get into the jeep and I did so as he walked back into his 'office.'

"We're waiting for two more." I informed the driver and he nodded in understanding. Malarkey and Lipton showed up about five minutes later and Malarkey and I exchanged forced smiles with each other before he and Lip hopped into the back seat and the driver took off through the snow.

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Malarkey and I sat in the tent with Buck as he had us catch him up on the going ons of E company in his absence. We tried to keep it as cheerful as we could, but we were both hurting and knowing that we were saying goodbye to Buck was making everything that much worse.

"Sir," A nurse said about half an hour after we had arrived. "Sorry to interrupt, sir, but the jeep is here for you." She said kindly.

"Thank you." Buck nodded to her and she gave him a smile before walking off. I sighed deep and hung made head, unable to look the man in the eyes for fear of breaking down. "Hey, Malark, give us a minute?" Buck asked.

"Yeah, sure thing." Malarkey said as he stood up. "I'll just be outside." I waited until I could no longer hear the man's boots slapping against the floor before I lifted my gaze to Buck. I saw the tears that he refused to let fall gather at the corner of his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jo. I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Buck." I said with more strength then I thought I had.

"Yes, there is," he sighed and took my hand. "I promised I wouldn't leave you." I closed my eyes and cleared my throat in an effort to push down my tears. "I promised I wouldn't leave you, and now I am." I sucked in a breath through my teeth and looked at my friend.

"I promised you I'd never leave you either." I told him. "But I'm breaking that promise too."

"No you're not." He argued.

"I am." I choked out. "I promised I wouldn't leave you and now I'm leaving you alone to go back and face the world without me. It's gonna be different. They're not going to understand what you've been through, what you've done. I won't be there with you to let you know that I understand. That I know everything because I was there next to you and won't judge you for anything that happened over here. At least I have George and the rest of the Company still, but you'll have no one. Sometimes, going home is harder than staying." I whispered the last part and squeezed his hand.

"So," I took a deep breath before continuing, "I guess we're both breaking our promise to each other." I managed a watery smile.

We sat there for a moment, staring at our clasped hands. I noticed how small and dark my own seemed against his much larger and much whiter hand. He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over my knuckles

"It's amazing how someone so small could have so much strength." He whispered to me as he turned my hand around and examined it where it laid dwarfed in his own.

"I'm only small in comparison to you." I let out a breathy chuckle.

"You know, when this is all over, you should come to California." He said, squeezing my extremity. "I think you'd like it there."

"Yeah," I smiled at him. "I might just do that. I've never been to California before."

"You'll always be welcome at my home, Jo." He said as his eyes met mine. "There'll always be a place for you there, if you don't get to go back to your time."

I breathed deep and looked down at the bed as I felt the tears threaten to fall again.

"Thank you." I managed to mumble and I felt Buck rub his thumb over the back of my hand again.

"You're my family now, Jo. It's the least I could do." I chuckled and looked up at him as I bit my lip.

"It's more than I could ever imagine." I replied. I quickly looked around and made sure there was no one looking at us before I leaned in and gently kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you Buck." I whispered into his ear before pulling away.

"I love you too, Jo." His eyes met mine as we held eachothers' gaze for a moment.

"Well," I breathed deeply and stood up. "Let's blow this joint," he managed a small smile.

"Yeah… lets."

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I stood back and watched as Malarkey said his goodbyes to Buck, only joining them when the big man motioned me over.

"I want you guys to look after each other." Buck said to us.

"We will." Malarkey assured him and I nodded.

"You two are the leaders of 2nd now." He said, his eyes were rimmed with red as he fought back the tears. "Make me proud."

"You'll be so proud of us you'll shit kittens." I answered. Buck let out a short bark of laughter and Malarky snorted.

"You're a weird kid," the blonde sniffed. "Keep that humor, both of you."

"Yes sir." I nodded.

"Yeah, we will." Malarkey agreed.

Buck forced a smile and turned to get into the jeep. He stopped suddenly as he was about to climb in and turned back around. He looked at us and swallowed hard before he snapped to attention and saluted us. Malarkey and I were caught off guard for a moment, but we returned his salute.

The Irishman turned away and Buck nodded as gave me a small, watery smile before he climbed in the jeep. Malarkey turned around again as the jeep revved up and sped off down the road out of our line of sight. We both stood there for a moment after he had disappeared, both hoping if we stood there long enough he'd come beach.

Malarkey sniffed and I turned to face him, finally noticing his eye were lined red with suppressed tears. I doubted that I fared any better so I just clapped him on the shoulder.

"Let's get some hot chow, hmm?" I said to him.

"Yeah," he said taking a puff from his cigarette and turning his gaze from the road. "Yeah, let's get some food."


	19. This is War

Saying goodbye to Buck taken more out of me then I could ever imagine. By the time we had returned to the line I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I spent the next few hours just going through the motions. By the time I was finished with my turn at the O.P. I was so tired I skipped dinner and returned to my oversized foxhole.

I stood a moment and stared at the empty space. Thoughts of all the times Buck and I had sat, talking deep into the night and laughing at stories of our childhood adventures flooded my mind and I felt a small, tired smile spread across my face. As I slid into my hole in the frozen earth, I knew that I was going to be fine. I knew that with time, I would no longer need to work myself to exhaustion to force myself into a dreamless sleep. I knew I would find solace in my memories of the laughs and jokes and stories that Buck and I had shared. I knew in time I would feel my heart beat again, I would feel the rush of my blood as it warmed my body. I knew I was going to be okay…

One day.

I yawned deeply and slithered underneath the branches that covered my temporary home. My back hit the cold, frozen earth and I feel into a deep, dreamless slumber.

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"Jo. Oh JoooJooo." I felt something tickle my nose and I reached up and rubbed it before turning over and trying to fall back to sleep. "Wakey, wakey. The sun is shining, the birds are singing… Dike's incompetents is showing through..."

I groaned and buried my head deeper into the itchy wool blanket. George chuckled and slapped me on the cheek.

"Jesus Christ bananas! What was that for?" I growled as my eyes snapped open and I rubbed my stinging cheek.

"It's time to wake up sleeping beauty." He raised an eyebrow and looked me over, taking in my wild hair and disheveled uniform. "Well, maybe beauty isn't the right word." I glared at him.

"Yeah, well… I wouldn't do you either." I muttered as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. He laughed and sat down beside me, covering himself with my blanket. I narrowed my eyes at him and pulled the blanket from his grasp before twisting myself in it and sticking my tongue out at George childishly.

"JoooJooo," he whined and gave me his best puppy dog eyes. "It's cold."

"You're fucking right it is." I muttered as I pulled the blanket around me tighter and snuggled my face into the wool.

"That's cruel, Jo." He narrowed his eyes at me. "I thought we were friends."

"We are." I answered.

"And you would let your friend freeze to death?" He gave an over exaggerated stage shiver.

"Yes." I answered without hesitation. He shivered again and I rolled my eyes. "Here," I unwrapped a corner of the blanket and let him crawl under it. He shoved his cold hands down my back and I jumped.

"Get fucked, " I hissed and shoved his hands away. He laughed and scooted closer to me.

"If I wasn't in the middle of nowhere, I would!" he snarked and I huffed in annoyance. "You've got a blanket again."

"Observant, no wonder you're a paratrooper." He glared at my obvious sarcasm.

"You figure out who's coming and checking on you in the middle of the night?"

"Not a clue." I tried to play it off but Luz could tell I was frustrated.

"You know, Jo, you don't have to know everything." He chuckled and poked my head. "Give it a rest in there, huh? Just be grateful there's someone out there that cares enough to get their ass up in the middle of the freezing cold night just to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, because that's not something I would expect from my best friend or anything," I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Did I not just say freezing cold night?" He plastered an innocent look onto his face. I raised an eyebrow and sighed deeply.

"I pity the poor woman you'll dupe into marrying you," I joked.

"Yeah, well the man you marry is going to have to be fucking crazy," he shot back.

"If he marries me, he will be," I grinned.

"You're an odd one, JoJo." He narrowed his eyes at me. "You know that, right?"

"Takes one to know one, George."

"We are a blessed few, aren't we." He grinned back. We continued to talk and laugh, joking and telling stories until it was my turn at the O.P. He walked with me until I met up with Shifty then left for his own foxhole while the private and I made our way to the O.P.

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The next few days had found me pushing myself to the limit. I patrolled the lines over and over, making sure that there were no gaps in our perimeter. I worked myself to the point of exhaustion so that when night fell I would fall into a dreamless sleep as soon as my back hit the cold, frozen wall of my foxhole.

Someone continued to keep tabs on me through the night. I went to sleep without a blanket each night and woke up covered in one each morning. I tried to force myself to stay awake for as long as I could, hoping to catch him in the act, but I since I pushed myself to exhaustion, I always passed out before he came. I was left to wake up the next morning, covered in a blanket and utterly frustrated which amused George to no end.

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It was January 12th and we were ordered to take the town of Foy at 0900 the next morning. I sighed as Malarkey and I sat next to each other and overlooked the town that laid in front of us. Our attention was brought to Lt. Dike as he walked across in front of us and yawned.

"I wish Buck were here." He muttered to me as we watched the Easy Company CO walk past us.

"Me too." I murmured back with a nod.

"Hey Malarkey, Benny." Lip greeted as he knelt down beside us. "Winters wants you both there when he goes over the plan." He informed us. We glanced at each other before standing up and brushing the snow from our legs. Lipton led us over to the group of Lieutenants. Dike spared us a glance before completely ignoring us for the rest of the meeting.

"Sergeant Benally, Sergeant Malarkey." Winters greeted us. "Alright, let's begin."

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I stood in the dark and overlooked the town of Foy as the first rays of sun peaked out from eastern horizon. We were separated by a pasture of cut hay that had been abandoned when the war had overtaken the town. It now lay yellowed and useless in tall stacks that were topped with white snow. My mind momentarily drifted to the traditional Hogan my shi'nali hastii kept on his ranch for ceremonies. I felt a smile play across my lips as I thought of the winter months when it was topped with snow, a small trail of smoke coming for the center of the wood and clay structure. I remembered the warmth, the dusting of corn pollen and the smell of burning sage that permeated the room as the sound of traditional songs filled my ears and my heart beat in time with the drums. I imagined my shi'nali hastii leading a prayer of safe keeping for myself and my brother before we left for war. I silently whispered the words to myself as I sang along with him in my mind.

"Hózhóogo naasháa doo.  
Shitsijí' hózhóogo naasháa doo.  
Shikéédéé hózhóogo naasháa doo.  
Shideigi hózhógo naasháa doo.  
T'áá altso shinaagóó hózhóogo naasháa doo.  
Hózhó náhásdlíí'.  
Hózhó náhásdlíí'.  
Hózhó náhásdlíí .  
Hózhó náhásdlíí."

"Sgt. Benally." A voiced called from behind me breaking me from the pleasant memories and I suppressed a groan.

"Lt. Speirs." I turned and greeted as the man walked up to me.

"You're company is leading the attack on Foy today, yes?" He asked. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, knowing it was a question he already knew the answer to.

"It is, sir." He gave me a curt nod.

"And you're completely focused on the task at hand, Sergeant?" I felt my temper start to get the best of me. He was insinuating that I would lead these men into an attack without mentally being there for them and it pissed me off to no end. I swallowed back my anger and stood as straight as an arrow.

"Completely, sir." I grounded out through slightly clenched teeth. He studied me for a moment.

"Your platoon, 2nd, it doesn't have a leader, does it." I scoffed and resisted the urge to ask 'Just my platoon?' But I knew questioning my CO would not go over well with the Lieutenant.

"No, sir."

"You're senior NCO, correct?" I was not liking where this line of questioning was going.

"I am, as well as Sgt. Malarkey." He narrowed his eyes at me in the same sort of curiosity a cat has before it pounces on a mouse and tears it apart.

"You'll be expected to keep your men together, to get them through this," he tilted his head slightly.

"1st Sgt. Lipton will be there," my mouth was tight with anger.

"Yes, but 1st Sgt. Lipton has an entire company to look after." He crossed his arms. "Your platoon is going to be looking to you and Malarkey for guidance today. Are you both ready for that?" He didn't mean it as an insult, but it stung nonetheless.

Four years I had trained to be an officer, a combat leader. I was a combat experienced platoon leader and I knew how to take soldiers into war. I was ten times the leader Dike would ever be and I wanted to shout that at him. Shake him until he understood that I was more capable of leading these men then Dike was.

But in this time and place I was a just a Sergeant and he was a Lieutenant. I took a deep calming breath before I answered him.

"I'm ready and I'm confident in Sgt. Malarkey." I replied.

"Good." He nodded. "Let's just hope that confidence isn't misplaced." I felt my jaw drop as I floundered for words. He just grinned and disappeared into the snow before I had a chance to say anything.

"That mother fucker." I muttered. I heard a laugh come from behind me and resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Sgt. Lipton." I greeted as I turned to face him.

"Benny." He returned the greeting. "Have a nice chat?" I groaned and he chuckled..

"Lt. Speirs does seem to enjoy sneaking up on me an inordinate amount." I groaned and Lip grinned.

"You ready for today?" It was nearly the same question that Speirs had asked but he wasn't insinuating that I wasn't capable of leading, just wondering if I was prepared.

"Yeah, I was about to go and check up on the rest of Second before my judgement was called into question." I replied with an eyeroll to which the 1st Sgt. smirked at.

"Good. You know I'm going to be looking to you and Malarkey to help me lead Second." He said as he clapped me on the shoulder.

"As much as we'll be looking to you to lead the company today?" I grinned and he shook his head at me.

"Benny." He said in a warning voice.

"Oh cut the bullshit Lip. You know the only person Easy Company will trust out there is you." I told him, looking him in the eye and crossing my arms as I leant in towards him. "Dike's going to get our men killed out there today. He's not a leader, he's a desk jockey who should have never been allowed to step foot into the field."

"I know, Jo." He rested a hand on my shoulder. "That's why I'm counting on you two to help me with second so I can keep on eye on Dike." He squeezed my shoulder briefly before stepping back. "Get the men ready, Benny." He ordered.

"On it." I nodded and he smiled at me in recognition before we both went our own ways. I made my way over to second and woke those who had yet to stir.

"We ready?" I asked Malarkey as I sat down in the snow next to him.

"Ready as we'll ever be." He sighed and I clapped him on the shoulder before pulling out a map from my jacket.

"Let's go over this once more, make sure we don't fuck this up," I said as I laid it out in front of us and we went over the plan of attack.

0000000000000000000

I sat with my ass in the snow as I prepared my gear for the assault on Foy. George plopped down next to me with his radio on his back and a disgruntled look on his face. I raised an eyebrow at him and continued with my preparations.

"Urgh." He made a sound of disgust and tossed his cigarette butt violently to the ground. I grinned.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I finally said as I placed my last grenade in its holster.

"I've been ordered to stay with Dike." He groaned out and I couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped from my mouth. "It's not funny." He growled and punched me in the arm.

"You're right, it's fucking hilarious, " I said through my laughter as I rubbed my sore arm. "Why?"

"He doesn't want to be out of touch with Winters during the assault." He whined.

"Welp… you're pretty much fucked." I said offhandedly as I stood up.

"Thanks for the support." George grumbled.

"That's what friends are for," I grinned as I held out a hand to help him up. He glared at it and pushed it away and I shrugged as I stood back to watch him try to struggle to his feet with the clunky radio strapped to his back. He floundered for a moment before looking up at me and sticking his hand out.

"Low five." I grinned as I slapped his hand. He glared at me.

"Help me up, asshole." He grumbled and I laughed as I grabbed his hand and pulled him up. I slapped him on the back and brought him closer to me.

"Be careful out there today." I said, all humor dropping from my voice as my tone became dead serious. "Don't do anything stupid. I don't think I could stand losing you too."

"Don't worry, JoJo." George said, squeezing my hand. "You can't get rid of me that easily." I smiled and nodded as I squeezed his hand in return. I wanted to say more to him, but Lip called out to the Company to get ready. I smiled once more at George before dropping his hand and moving over to Second.

"Ready?" I asked as I came to stand beside Malarkey.

"As we'll ever be," he replied. I surveyed the men, taking in the faces of the new recruits. Their faces were pale and their knuckles were white from gripping their rifles so tight. They looked at me, wide-eyed and scared, silently begging me to get them through this.

"Deep breath kids." I said to them as the call went out.

"EASY COMPANY! LET'S MOVE OUT!"

0000000000000000000

Machine guns rang out from around us as we ran through the trees and into the open field.

"KEEP MOVING!" I yelled as Malarkey, Lip and I led second platoon into battle for the first time without Buck. "MOVE IT! LET'S GO!"

Tank blasts and rounds from the 88's started to fall around us as the Germans opened fire.

"KEEP GOING!" I yelled as I pulled up a replacement from Third who had tripped in front of me. "DON'T STOP!"

"EASY COMPANY! HOLD UP!" Dike's cry went out. I caught Lips eye and shook my head.

"HOLD UP!" I ordered as Lip called out for second platoon to hold. "FIND COVER!" We both ordered as the shells and bullets whizzed by us. "FIND COVER!" I yelled until the last of Second had found their way out of the open field.

"The fuck is he doing?" I growled to Lipton.

"I don't know, Benny." He sighed as I ordered the men to stay down. "But let's find out. Herron, Benny, on me. HOLD FAST SECOND PLATOON!"

We ran in a low crouch to the haystack that Dike had taken shelter behind. "Stay on my ass!" Lipton yelled as Herron and I followed along behind him.

"On your six, Lip!" I yelled.

"What are we doing, Lieutenant?" Lt. Shames questioned as we crouched next to Dike who looked lost.

"Why are we stopped?" Lipton growled.

"We can't stay here, sir." I ground out through clenched teeth.

"FALL BACK!" Dike yelled out across the field. "FALL BACK!" Lip pulled him back around so he was facing us and I motioned for the men to hold their positions.

"Fucking useless." I muttered as Lip ordered Herron back to second. He looked at me and I shook my head. "He's gonna get us all killed." I hissed.

Lip nodded once to me and turned back to the Lieutenant. The events that followed were complete and utter chaos. Lt. Foley came on the scene and I watched as everyone started yelling at Dike, asking him what he wanted us to do. He was still the CO of Easy, so we couldn't do anything without his orders and he was about to get us all killed. We were just sitting here, giving the Germans the perfect chance to line up their mortar rounds and zero in on us.

"Lieutenant, what's the plan?" Lipton asked slowly.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!" Dike repeated in a panicky voice.

Everyone was talking at once trying to get Dike to tell us what to do and I watched the shit show unfold before me in disgust. I wanted nothing more than to take control of the company and lead the assault in, but I wasn't a Captain Benally anymore and that had never been more apparent than when Dikes panicked voice rang out over the voices.

"Okay, okay, Foley!" He screamed. "Foley, you take your men, you take your men on a flanking mission around the village, and attack it from the rear!"

We all looked at him in stunned shock as he spouted out a plan that was sure to get 1st platoon killed.

"Dike, we cannot stay here!" Lipton yelled.

"You want 1st platoon to go 'round and attack the village by itself?" Foley questioned in anger and disbelief.

"We will provide suppressing fire." Dike said, getting into the Lt.'s face.

"We're gonna be kinda alone out there, Lieutenant." Foley growled in frustration as Lipton told Dike that we couldn't stay here and Luz tried to get Dike on the phone with Winters.

"We will provide suppressing fire!" Dike yelled and banged his fist on the ground like a small child throwing a temper tantrum. Everything went quiet as Foley made his way back to First platoon. A few steps from the cover of the haystack, the soldier following Foley was shot down by the Germans.

"You need to talk to Captain Winters, sir." Luz stressed as he held the radio to Dike who just looked around us in a state of confusion.

"Suppressing fire, now!" Lipton ordered and we did what we could to try and keep the Germans off of 1st platoon's ass.

"Lip, this won't work. First platoon is gonna be massacred." I said to him as I crouched next to him and fired my rifle.

"I know, Benny." He growled and as we tried to locate a sniper who was taking out First platoon one by one. "There, the building with the caved in roof!" he pointed out.

George relayed the sniper's position to Foley as Lipton and I moved back to where Dike was hidden. The CO was sitting there, staring off into space, I knew then that we had lost him and we were on our own. Lip tried to get him to tell us what he wanted us to do, but he just sat there in silence staring at something only he could see. I turned away from the Dike in disgust and moved over to George, trying to distract the sniper from 1st platoon. I reloaded my gun as I chanced a glance back at our catatonic CO and caught sight of a familiar looking figure running through the haze of dirt and gun smoke.

Lieutenant Speirs slid to a halt in front of Dike and grabbed him by the lapel of his coat.

"I'm taking over," he said to Dike who numbly nodded his head.

"First Sergeant Lipton!" Speirs yelled as he stood up and calmly walked over to Lip. "What have we got?"

I turned my attention back to the sniper's nest, chancing a quick glance at George. A small smile came to my lips and George breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Sir, most of the company is spread out here. First platoon tried and end around, but they're stretched out, they're pinned down by a sniper. I believe he's in the building with the caved-in roof."

"Alright, I want mortars and grenade launchers on that building 'til it's gone. When it's gone I want first to go straight in, forget going around, everybody else, follow me." Speirs ordered as he stood and ran out into the field. I looked once more at George before I sprinted after the Lieutenant.

"Let's go Second! On the CO!" I ordered as Lip ordered 2nd to do the same. "KEEP MOVING! LET'S GO!"

The Nazi army began to scatter as we finally reached the outskirts of the town of Foy. I skidded to a halt and took cover behind a wall as Speirs, Lip and Luz took cover on the other side of the street from me. I glanced around the wall and fired at the Germans as they pulled back. McClung fell in beside me as I reloaded my gun.

"Sergeant, what's going on?" He asked.

"Speirs is in charge now." I pointed my chin across the road.

"Thank God." He whispered as I peeked back around the corner. I pulled my head back around when a bullet whizzed by my face, leaving a cold chill on my skin. I growled and fired my rifle around the corner, pulling back when I needed to reload again.

"What the fuck is he doing?" McClung said in awe. As I turned and glanced around the corner, I felt my jaw go slack at what I saw.

Lt. Speirs was running down the road and straight through the company of Nazi soldiers as if they weren't even there. He ran through the haze of the smoke grenades and past the tanks. The German's were so stunned that they just watched him pass without firing on him. I had never seen anything like it in my life. I breathed deep and swung around the corner to provide covering fire for the Lieutenant as he ran past the German soldiers and hopped over the low fence to connect with I company. It was several moments before we caught sight of the Lieutenant as he hopped back over the fence and ran right back through the German lines until he met back up with Luz and Lipton. I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I turned to McClung .

"What a fucking maniac."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ranslation:
> 
> In beauty I walk  
> With beauty before me I walk  
> With beauty behind me I walk  
> With beauty above me I walk  
> With beauty around me I walk  
> It has become beauty again  
> It has become beauty again  
> It has become beauty again  
> It has become beauty again
> 
> shi'nali hastii- paternal grandfather


	20. Until the End

With the help of I Company we had managed to take the town of Foy and were clearing the town out, capturing German POWs and taking a well deserved break as war correspondents came and filmed the aftermath of our victory. I walked over to Lip with a smile playing across my face and motioned to the cart full of soldiers who were singing and waving to the camera. He just shook his head with a grin. I was about to open my mouth and speak with the First Sergeant when a pop was heard.

"Sniper! Take cover!" Lipton yelled as we dashed behind a wall with several other Easy men. Lipton peaked around the corner and looked for the sniper, trying to find the spark of the weapon as the bullet left its chamber.

"Second floor, building on the right." He said as he turned. "Don't miss, Shifty." Our company sniper just stared hard the Lip. "Go." Lip said as he ran from cover. I watched as pops of dirt flew around the First Sergeant. Shifty stepped around the corner and took aim.

One shot. That was all it took.

A cheer went up from the Company as they poured out from their cover to congratulate the Private. I clapped him on the shoulder before jogging over to Lip and helping him up off the ground.

"Everything still attached?" I raised an eyebrow. Lip breathed hard and patted himself down before turning back and looking at me.

"I think so, Benny." He said with a relieved sigh. I squeezed his shoulder and placed a finger on the side of his face, coming away with blood.

"You need to get that looked at." I motioned to the wound and he brought his hand to wipe the blood away.

"Shit." He muttered. "I'll get Doc to look at it in a while." I raised an eyebrow. "I will." He insisted.

"Alright, alright." I raised my hands in defeat and stepped away from him. "Just lookin' out for you, Lip." I turned.

"Hey, Benny." I turned back around. "Thanks." He nodded his head. I returned his nod and ran over to the cart where Roe was hovering over the wounded. A couple of them men laid still as death, their eyes staring sightless at the sky. At least the sniper was clean. I kneeled next to Roe and ripped oven a bag of sulfa, sprinkling one of the wounded men liberally with it before grabbing a bandage and putting as much pressure on the wound as I could. I motioned for one of the bystanders to take my spot and moved to help Roe with the next man. We worked in relative silence, both of us reading the other's movements and anticipating what the other needed. A jeep roared over and the wounded were loaded onto it, bound for the hospital in Baston while the dead were moved out of the middle of town and prepared for pick-up. I look Doc in the eyes as the jeep pulled away, he nodded to me and I forced a small smile we stood up and walk our separate paths, leaving the used and bloodstained bandages in the road as testament to the men we tried to save.

I sighed deeply as I strolled along the edge of Foy and gazed out over the forest that had not only sheltered us and but had also nearly cost us our lives. I felt the strangeness of walking in the town that I had until this day only glanced at through trees and haystacks. I imagined the Germans standing where I stood, looking out over the same view I was seeing, know that we were out there and waiting for the chance to take from them. And there I stood, looking back at where we had lost so many men… at where I had lost Buck. The cost of taking Foy was great and I felt more heavy than I had in years.

"Sergeant Benally." I turned at the sound of my name to find Lt. Speirs lurking behind me.

"Sir." I nodded no longer surprised or startled at his ghost-like appearances.

"Good to see you alive, Sergeant." He nodded in return.

"Am I alive?" I questioned, mockingly patting myself as Speirs' eyes narrowed at me. "Haven't had a chance to properly check yet, sir." I felt my neck for a pulse, "yeah, still beating." He raised his eyebrow at me.

"Well, now that we've established that," the corners of his mouth twitched and I grinned. He took a couple steps forward until he stood even with me, his taller frame towing over mine, and turned to look at the same forest I had been pondering before. I turned from the Lieutenant and back to the forest, lost in thought.

"I heard Nixon ranting about how McArthur's surgeon was treating you before you returned to the front." Speirs broke the silence but continued to stare into the trees.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I feel he's a bit more upset about it than I am." I rubbed the back of my head, the action bringing his attention back to me. I looked over at him and saw an unreadable expression on his face.

"You don't care how your higher-ups treat you?" he asked.

"No, sir, I don't care how some ass kissing officer who has never know the feeling of dirt under his trimmed and polished nails and whose over inflated ego is only a thinly veiled attempt to compensate for is micro dick, treats me." I spouted off "I have been called worse things by better people than him and I've learned to just let that shit roll off my back. I've more important things to worry about than what Major Fuck Face has to say about me." A half smirk curled itself almost involuntarily around his lips and he nearly failed in stomping his humor back down.

"Besides, the only higher-ups' opinions I give any fucks about are those over Easy and as far as I know most of them think pretty highly of me." I grinned.

"Most, Sargent?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well I haven't the faintest idea what you think of me, sir." I shrugged. "And seeing as you are our CO now…" I trailed off letting him fill in the blank, he cocked his head to the side and studied me for a moment, his dark eyes piercing into mine. Speirs opened his mouth about to say something when he was interrupted by a voice that came from behind us.

"Hey Benny!" I turned and quirked an eyebrow in amusement as I caught sight of Bull carrying Perco on his back. "Lieutenant Speirs, sir." Perco acknowledged as he realised who was standing beside me. He and Bull nodded to the Lieutenant as the stopped in front of us.

"Are we interrupting you, sir?" Bull questioned the CO.

"Not at all Sergeant Randleman." Speirs replied. "I'll leave you to it." He looked back at me and our eyes met for a moment before turning and heading back into Foy. I mentally shook myself and turned back to the two enlisted men.

"Bull." I schooled my face in the most serious expression I could muster and looked the man directly in the eye. "Monkey on your back." Bull grinned at me. "Or did Perco just suddenly get the urge to take up Bull riding?" Bull chuckled and Perco glared daggers at me and the serious look fell from my face as a smirked at Perco's annoyance.

"I got shot in the ass." Perco complained and I snorted. "It's not funny, dammit!"

"But it is." I choked out. Perco reached out and smacked me over the head, sending my helmet askew. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I wasn't.

"It hurts."Perco whined.

"And you want me to do what about it?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you're a doctor, it's your job!" He proclaimed.

"Be that as it may, the US Army is not paying me enough money to even think about looking at your pasty white ass, let alone being forced to touch it." I replied.

"You're a lot of fucking help!" He glared hard at me.

"I try." I shrugged nonchalantly. "Gene should be around here somewhere, and he's the one getting paid for this kind of thing. I wouldn't want to deprive him of treating you. " I pointed out.

"You're supposed to be a God damn doctor!" Perco started to yell, but Bull just rolled his eyes and walked off in search of our company medic while his passenger continued to hurl insults at me. I chuckled and shook my head as he twisted around and flipped me off, throwing him off balance. Bull corrected his grip before he dropped the man and I could see his head turn as he told Perco off.

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January 13, 1945

After we took the town of Foy we were placed in regimental reserve south of the town and had dug in for the night. I had yet to find someone to share my empty foxhole with so I continued to sleep alone, but a cold front had moved into the area and dropped temperatures to 20 in the day and subzero during the night. I shivered and pulled my knees closer to my body. Sleep was elusive and I found myself closing my eyes in an attempt to force it to come to me, but it was no use. I buried my head in my knees and sighed in frustration.

A noise sounded above me and I froze as I held my breath and waited. A body slid into my foxhole and I remained still for a moment before I felt a woolen blanket being draped over me. I slowly peeked out at the man.

"So it's you." I whispered and he jumped. I chuckled and lifted my head from my knees.

"Jesus, Jo, you scared the hell outta me." The Cajun accent of Eugene Roe scolded.

"And you scared the hell outta me." I replied.

"Then I guess we're even." He smiled and sat down next to me. I grabbed the side of the blanket and tossed it over him before pulling my half of it to my chin.

"Why do you go outta your way to check on me every night?" I questioned. "It's literally too cold to function out there. You should be in your foxhole."

"You've been through alot, Jo." He sighed and rubbed his nose before pulling the blanket to his chin. "The few times I was at dat hospital was more dan enough. But you stayed dere and helped those men even though you didn't have to. You nearly killed yourself tryin' ta keep dose boys alive. I thought it was time dat someone took care of you for a change."

"Thank you, Gene." I smiled. "It means a lot to me."

"It's nothin'." He smiled back. We sat in silence and I felt the shivers that wracked my body lessen with the extra added heat of his body. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, burying my face in the blanket.

"How do you do dat?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "How do you sleep like dat?"

"I have absolutely no idea." I laughed. "I guess it's just warmer when you're curled in on yourself."

"You know, the first night I came ta check on you, your teeth were chattering so bad it sounded like tap dancing." He said. "I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not. And when I found out you were, I was impressed dat you could sleep through it." He grinned.

"Yeah, I've never been real good at maintaining my body heat." I shrugged.

"How did you survive this long?" He chuckled.

"See, that's why I shared a foxhole with Buck. You'd be surprised at how much heat he put off." I grinned and Gene shook his head.

"Well, I doubt I put out as much heat as the Lieutenant, but if you want you can bunk me and Heffron for a while." He offered.

"I think I could handle that." I smiled at the medic. "Thank you, Gene."

"You're welcome, Jo." He smiled back at me. I turned my head and stared up at the stars as they twinkled merrily down at me. I felt my eyelids grow heavy and before I knew it, I was fast asleep.

0000000000000000000

January 14, 1945

Outside Noville, Belgium

It had not been easy to reach the town of Noville. On January 14th, Winters ordered Second battalion to maneuver down a deep shoulder that ran along the southwest side of the town but German machinegun fire trapped us as we tried to cross a stream that passed through the shoulder. Speirs ordered our machineguns be setup to return fire and we were able to cross the stream in groups of eight to ten men. It was dark by the time we had reached the southeastern corner of a small town called Cobu. We were ordered to spend the night there but we got little sleep. Lipton, now in charge of Second Platoon, no longer had to worry about watching the Company CO so he was able to give us his full attention. He told us the plan before taking a radioman out with him to scout the town.

"Benny, I want you to cover me." Lipton told me. I nodded and grabbed my gear, following him and the radioman to the edge of town. I hid behind some scrub brush next an old house and watched as the two men made their way into the town and out of sight. It took a while before I saw the forms of two men come running back towards me in the pale moonlight. I raised my gun and aimed at them.

"Flash." I whispered.

"Thunder." Lipton replied and I watched the road until they were safely hidden behind me.

"What'd you find, Lip?" I asked.

"Shermans, three of them, left over from the assault in December." He replied. "And bodies."

"American?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "Keep this to yourself for now, alright Benny?"

"Yes, First Sergeant." I nodded and we ran in a low crouch back to the rest of the Company. I sighed as I set heavily down next to Gene. He raised an eyebrow at me and I just shrugged and closed my eyes, trying to force the sleep that just wouldn't come.

0000000000000000000

January 15, 1945

Noville, Belgium.

As dawn broke, we were ordered to start our attack on the town of Noville. Lipton led 2nd platoon to the center of the town where we came upon the remnants of the three Sherman tanks. They were surrounded by the bodies of the American soldiers that had been left behind when the rest of their squad had pulled out of Noville back on December 20th. We went about our task of clearing the buildings that surrounded the burnt out Sherman tanks when a Panzer came out of nowhere. I dived underneath one of the burnt out tanks beside Lipton and a few others. The Panzer took aim and shot at the Shermans in an attempt to knock out their guns so we could not use them against the tank. The Shermans jumped as they were hit with the shells from the Panzer and I pulled my helmet down tight around my head. Finally, the tank had rolled out and we were able to continue with our mission of clearing the buildings and running the German soldiers out of the town of Noville.

"Sonuvabitch!" I growled as a burning trail of fire swept across my right shoulder. I dropped to a wall and took cover; my teeth were grinding against each other as I reached behind my back and hissed as my fingers came in contact with my shoulder, sending a shock of pain down my arm. I pulled my hand back around saw my hand was covered in my own blood. I growled in frustration and slammed my helmeted head against the burnt brick wall, hissing as pain shot through my shoulder in a sharp, stabbing throb.

Taking a deep breath and gritting my teeth against the pain and pulled myself up to rejoin the attack on Noville. I hissed as I swung my gun around and fired into a building after Malarkey had tossed a grenade into a broken window, forcing the Germans out of hiding and into the open. Once we had disposed of the them, we continued to clear each building as we went.

"Keep it up!"I yelled over the din of gunfire.

It was noon by the time we were able to say that the town of Noville in Belgium was officially under the control of the American Army. I had been able to claim the stain on my coat wasn't mine when asked if I was injured but I needed to get it taken care of as soon as I could. We were given a just a short amount of time for rest before we were to be moved off again and I used that time to locate George, dragging him to a deserted alley.

"I must say, Jo. This is a little unexpected." He joked as I pulled him deeper into the alley. "I mean, I know we're friends and all, but I don't know if we're ready to take this to the next level." He chuckled as we came to a stop, but his laugh died in his throat as he caught the pained expression that fell across my face. "Fuck, Jo. What's wrong?"

"I got shot. I think it was a ricochet." I moaned and pulled off my coat. He was immediately at my side, examining the hole in my shirt.

"Shit, Jo. What do you want me to do?" He asked in a panicked voice.

"First off, calm the fuck down," I hissed and he took a deep breath. "I need you to use all you scrounging capabilities and find me a clean shirt and jacket while I take care of my wound." I sat down by the wall and started to unbutton my shirt.

"Right, I'll be back as soon as I can." He said a moment before he shot off out of the alley.

I removed my shirt, groaning in pain as the movement tugged and pulled at the wound. I reached my hand behind and traced it with my finger. The bullet left a jagged laceration about four inches long across my shoulder blade and had sliced fairly deep into the muscle tissue. A scab had started to form at the ends but had opened up again. I grabbed a package of sulpha from my med kit and covered the wound as best I could, which wasn't great as I could barely reach it without putting myself in more pain. I grabbed the absorbent bandage from the kit and shook it out, awkwardly placed it over the wound, pulled one of the straps over my right shoulder and used my chin and neck to hold it in place while I reached around behind me and grabbed the opposite end. I pulled it underneath my left armpit and around my front. I took a moment to catch my breath as my movements had exacerbated my wound and the pain had caused my breathing to become short and rapid.

Wincing, I grabbed the strap from my neck with my right hand and connected it with the strap in my left, bringing them together to tie them across my chest. I then grabbed one of the other loose straps and brought it around my left shoulder. I bit my lip to suppress a shout of pain as I used my right hand to reach behind me and bring the last strap underneath my right armpit. I brought both straps together and tied them securely across the others. I touched the bandage to make sure it was in place over my wound before I slipped my shirt back on.

I groaned and leant gently against the brick wall closing my eyes and taking deep, calming breaths, trying to fight back the pain and nausea.

"Jo." George gasped as he knelt down in front of me. I opened my eyes and met his worried brown ones. "Here," he held out a shirt that was dirty, but lacked any bloodstains. How he had managed to find a spare shirt in all the commotion, I didn't think I'll ever know, but I knew I would never question his scrounging abilities again.

"Thanks." I mumbled. He averted his eyes as I took off my old shirt and replaced it with the new one. Once I was dressed he helped me to my feet and handed me a new jacket that already had the chevrons sewed on it. I raised my eyebrow in question.

"It's a skill." He shrugged. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked in concern.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I'll be okay. I just need to rest."

But I would get no rest.

We moved out of Noville that day and attacked the town of Rachamps the next. It was a fairly easy mission to accomplish. By the time we had reached the outskirts of town, most of the German soldiers had fled and what was left offered little to no resistance. We were bombarded by mortar fire as soon as we had entered the town but were able to overtake them and declare the town of Rachamps free of Hitler's reign.

That night Speirs set up the Company CP in a convent, It was the first time in a month that we had slept indoors and not in a foxhole. The nuns had brought in their girl's choir and they serenaded us through the night. I sat beside George, leaning my back against him so the wooden back of the pew we sat in wouldn't agitate my wounded shoulder. My mind drifted to the past month, from the night we had seen those men marching past us in a daze and had collected their ammo from them, to the nights spent in the Ardennes forest, to the hospital in Bastogne where I had nearly lost my mind. Then I drifted back to Buck and the jokes and stories we shared. The warmth he gave off in both body and spirit. It still felt wrong without him but I was starting to get used to it. My mind traveled to Guarnere, Toye, Hoobler, Muck and Skip and everyone else who we had lost wounded and dead. All said and done we had lost over half of the Company since we had arrived in Belgium and each of us that were left were exhausted and more than ready for the rest that we were going to get when we were moved off the line and sent to Mourmelon.

"You awake, JoJo?" George whispered. I nodded my head, knowing he couldn't see me but could feel me move. "This sure is something, ain't it."

The choir sang a song so beautifully and between that and the utter exhaustion I felt my vision started to blur with with barely contained tears. I sniffed and wiped them away as I stared at the flames of the candle that burned near me. It danced and swayed with the chorus and my mind drifted in a trance that fell somewhere between sleep and wake. A blurred figure stood up and blocked the space between me and the candle and after a moment spent refocusing my eyes. Speirs had stood up from the pew and was shoving papers into his pocket as he and Lipton spoke quietly with each other about the rumors that circulated around our CO and the leadership that Lipton had shown since Winters had been promoted. Speirs spoke to him about Winters putting in for a battlefield commision for Lipton and that it would be a few days before it was office. The officer turned to leave and caught my eye before doing so.

"Get some sleep, Sargeant." Speirs said as he was walking away, to me or Lip I wasn't sure. Traced his steps until he exited the building before turning my eyes to the soon to be Lieutenant. I smiled as Lipton looked over at me and mouth congratulations to him. He smiled and turned back to the choir as I finally felt myself start to drift to sleep.

The next morning we found out that we weren't going to Mourmelon for rest, we were headed to the town of Haguenau.

We piled into a transport truck, only a few trucks were needed to carry our numbers as opposed to the line of trucks we had entered into Belgium with. I sat on George's left between him and Christenson, using Luz's shoulder to prop myself away from the frame of the truck so I wouldn't bump my wound against the metal during the ride.

"Hey look." George said. "It's first battalion." We all turned and watched them as the trudged through the mud and snow. "Hey." Luz called out to them. "HEY!"

"What do you want?" One of the men grumbled.

"Yeah, thanks for crapping in our foxholes, ya shitheads." Luz called out to them.

"Hey, it's our pleasure!" The man called back.

"Enjoy the walk, boys!" Bull called out as he brought his stogie up to his mouth. The rest of the trip was spent in relative silence. The weariness that had settled into our bones made even the simplest conversation seem strenuous and most if not all of us found ourselves dozing as we were lulled by the rocking of the truck.

The trucks bounced and jolted us down the road to our next destination. We drove through Bastogne on our way to Alsace, passing by the rubble that was once the hospital where I had worked with Renee and Anna. The memories of them and of the men I had tried so desperately save flashed through my mind and I felt an involuntary shiver run down my spine. I closed my eyes and tried to banish the thoughts of being covered elbow deep in blood as ran down my arms and stained my ODs while I tried furiously to save countless men I never even knew the name of.

I breathed deep and forced the pained expression from my face before I opened my eyes and tried to wipe off the blood that was no longer on my hands off onto my pants. George grabbed my wrist to stall my movements and I looked up to find the gazes of men in the truck staring intently back at me. I sighed and gave them a weak smile before I dropped my eyes back to my lap. A large hand reached across the truck bed and rested gently on my knee, followed by another and another. Hands were laid on me from all direction and rested on my shoulders, arms, knees and legs. I forced the tears from my eyes as I looked up at met the eyes of each of the men, their faces showing nothing but support and care. I sniffed and forced a smile onto my cracked lips.

I knew in that moment without a doubt that these haggard and bedraggled men, these tough sons-of-bitches, these bitter battered bastards of Bastogne were my family. They accepted me, worried for me and they loved me in their own way.

And that was the moment that I promised myself that whatever it takes, I would fight to the bitter end for them.


	21. Hurt

We had stopped for the night in a small town I couldn't care to remember the name of. I jumped from the back of the truck, suppressing a hiss of pain as the motion jarred my injured shoulder. It had been days since the battle in Noville and I was worried my wound was becoming infected. It stung like all fuck and hurt to move. I gritted my teeth as we were assigned sleeping quarters then nearly drug George along with me. I closed and locked the door and George said nothing, having read the pained expression on my face.

"I need you tell me what you see." I turned away from him and took off my jacket and shirt. "I think it's getting infected." I winced as I unwrapped the bandage that flattened my chest and covered myself with my arms.

"Jesus, Jo." George cursed as he removed the bandage on my wound. "This is bad."

"How bad is bad?" I hissed as pain shot through the wound.

"I'm not sure." He muttered. "It looks deep."

"How deep?" I turned my head, fruitlessly trying to see the wound.

"I think it might need stitches." He replied.

"Can you do it?" I asked.

"No," he stepped back and I looked at him over my shoulder. "No, no. No." He shook his head as all color drained from his face.

"George, I can't see it, you have to tell me what you see." I hissed in pain again. George paled even more, if that was possible, as he stepped back up.

"I don't know, Jo. This looks bad, so bad. Bad, bad, bad."

"I get it." I growled in pain and frustration. I turned my head back around and rolled my shoulders trying to fruitlessly stretch the pain out.

"Jesus, Jo. Do that again?" I felt him step closer, putting his face right up to my back.

"Do what?" I asked, looking back over my shoulder at him.

"Roll your shoulder again." I sighed and did as he said. "Fuck, JoJo. I think I'm looking at muscle here. I think I just saw your muscle move." He sounded sick.

"Shit!" I spat. "You'll need to put sulpha on it, George. It's too close to the spinal cord to risk infection." I hissed as the powder hit my skin. "Alright, now re-bandage it." I cringed and swallowed back a moan of pain. Once he was done I slowly wrapped my chest and pulled my shirt back on. George came around to lean against the dresser in front of me.

"What are we going to do?" George asked, worried eyes looking into mine.

"I'm going to have to go to Roe." I finally moaned.

"But what if he turns you in?" George was panicked.

"I don't know. I don't fucking know." I ground out, running my hand through my hair. "It's too deep and not healing on it's own. I have to do something." He looked down and toed at a knot in the floor. I stood up and took his hand.

"What am I going to do without you, JoJo?" He asked as he looked up and I saw the worry in his eyes.

"Whatever happens, happens. But no matter what, we're gonna be fine." I squeezed his hands.

"My mom, she'll take you in if they send you back. She loves you as much as I do." I gave a watery smile.

"I love you both too, but let's hope it doesn't come down to that."

0000000000000000000

"Hey Gene, you busy?" I asked as I stepped into the makeshift infirmary. Gene looked over at me and set the box of medical equipment he was carrying down.

"Not very. You need something." He asked as he searched through the contents of the box, counting something and then marking it down on a clipboard and placing it in his medical bag. I winced as the wound on my shoulder caught in the bandage and a slight hiss passed through my lips. It was enough for Gene to set aside his clipboard and put his full attention on me.

"This ain't a social call, is it." He stated more than questioned in his Cajun drawl.

"Not really." I sighed. "Though we can pretend? Hey, Gene! How's you day?" I questioned with fake enthusiasm. He just huffed and rolled his eyes

"What happened?"

"Not a big deal… It just... I was... shot." His reaction was immediate and completely expected. He jumped up from the table he was leaning against and was at my side in an instant.

"Where were you shot?" He gently but urgently grabbed my shoulders and looked me over. I groaned in pain as he brushed against the wound.

"Uh, my back, right shoulder." He quickly glanced around at my back before looking back at me.

"I don't see any blood, when did this happen?" One of his eyebrows raised in confusion.

It might have been… a few days ago." I mumbled.

"What did ja say. Because it sounded like you said a few days ago." I was so close to his face that I could see the fire slowly lick its way into his blue-gray eyes. I winced and this time not from pain.

"I did." He cursed at me in French.

"Why the hell did'ja wait this long to tell me?" He practically growled. "You shudda come to me right away!"

"I was taking care of it myself." I answered, not going to back down to him. I wouldn't let him make me feel like I was a child who had done something wrong.

"Oh, you were, were you?" He glared at me. "Is dat why you're here now. Because you took care of it."

"No, I'm here now because it needs stitching and I can't reach it." I hissed back at him, returning his glare. "If it wasn't for that, then you would have never seen me here."

We both stood there, toe-to-toe, glaring at each other, neither of us backing down. He sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his thick black hair.

"Fine. Take your shirt off." He stepped back and crossed his arms. My anger suddenly dissipated only to be replaced with apprehension.

"Not… here." I looked around the open room.

"What?" He looked at me and narrowed his eyes. "Just take your damn shirt off."

"Not here, Gene." I growled.

"Are ya gonna take off your shirt or do I have ta cut it off?" He growled right back. I nervously glanced around before my eyes landed on a door to a room that sat off to the side of the makeshift hospital.

"Come on." I said as I made my way over to the room. I turned to see Gene glaring at me. "Just… Just humor me, Gene." I pleaded.

He sighed and rolled his eyes but followed me none the less. I stood inside the little room and waited for him to come in. Once he did I closed the door tightly, turned the key and jiggled the knob, making sure it was securely locked.

"What da hell is this about?" He crossed his arms and looked at me in annoyance. I sighed and ran my hand through my own black hair.

"I-" I hissed in frustration. "I-"

"What is it, Jo?" He grumbled. "I haven't got all day ta stand here and play these stupid little games with ju."

"Fine." I glared right back at him. "I can't take my shirt off out there." I finally sighed and sat against the small exam table that had been placed in there.

"Why not?" He leaned back against the wall opposite me.

"Because." I looked down, suddenly finding the dusty floor very interesting.

"Because why." He sighed the words, frustration evident in his voice.

"Because I have a couple of things that might not go unnoticed if I did." I answered.

"Couple of- Jo, what da hell are you talking about?" He nearly yelled and I winced.

Breathing deep I turned my head up to face his. His eyes betrayed his anger, frustration, and annoyance at me. Frustration because I was skirting around the subject, annoyance because I was talking in riddles and anger because I was hurt and I didn't seek his council immediately. I took a deep breath, wishing desperately for a cigarette.

"I'm a woman, Gene." I said with a sigh.

"What?" His arms dropped to his sides and his brow creased in confusion.

"I'm a woman." I repeated.

"Right." He huffed. "This is a waste of time, either you're hurt and you need me ta help you or you're here playing a prank on me when I can be doing something more important."

"Christ, Gene! I telling you, I'm a woman!Une femme! I am of the female persuasion." I stood up from the table.

"Quit wasting my time." He growled and made for the door. I stopped him, wrapping my hand around his as he grabbed the doorknob.

"Gene." I whispered desperately. He pulled his hand away from the knob and I dropped it as he turned his eyes to mine. "Just, let me prove it."

He sighed but nodded and gestured with his hands for me to continue. I took a deep breath and lifted my shirt, hissing as my wound pulled against the bandage. I closed my eyes as my shirt covered my face, then I pulled it off and tossed it to the side. There was a quick intake of breath from Gene as he came face to face with the bandage that I used to bind my breast. I sighed deeply before opening my eyes. As soon as they were open his blue-gray orbs met my own, nearly black with pain and fear.

"Jo…" Roe moved his mouth, but no other words formed. He stood there frozen and unable to speak, staring at me as I stared back at him. I felt the tears start to prickle at the corner of my eyes. I wasn't sure if it was from the physical pain of the wound or if it was from the emotional pain I felt at the look of utter confusion on his face. I turned around, unable to keep looking at him; afraid at any moment I would see a look of disgust pass over his face at the fact that I was a woman. I felt a small tear slip down from my eye as I thought of having to say goodbye to George, leaving him here in danger while I was shipped off to the states to a world I knew nothing about. After everything I had been through, everything I had done this is how it was going to end. Wounded by some German fucker with bad aim. I quickly reached up and wiped the tear off my face before it could reach the crease of my cheekbone.

"Oh, Jo." Gene whispered. I felt the heat of his body against my back as he stepped up and gently placed his callused hand on my bare shoulder. "Look at me." He commanded gently. I shook my head and wiped away another small tear. "Look at me, Jo." He said more forcibly, gently turning me around to face him.

I sniffled and stared at his chest, refusing to meet his eyes. One of his hands left my shoulder and was gently placed under my chin, slowly lifting it so I was staring him straight in the eyes. I breathed in a shaky breath as I saw nothing but worry in his face. He gently brought his hand from my chin and wiped away another tear with his thumb as it fell from my eyes. He placed his hand against my cheek and I leaned in as the warm comfort from it spread through the rest of my body, drying up my tears and calming my shaking breath.

"Let's take a look at that wound, hm." He said and I managed a small, watery smile. He smiled back and then slowly took his hand from my face. "I'll go grab a few things while you take that bandage off."

I nodded and stepped back over to the table. He gave me one more smile before unlocking and leaving the room, making sure to close the door tightly behind him. I sighed and hopped up on the table, my back to the door and carefully unwrapped the bandages that both bound my breast and held the absorbent gauze in place over my wound. I pulled my legs up and rested my chin on my knees, staring blankly ahead at the curtain draped window. There was a gentle knock at the door.

"Jo, it's me." Gene called.

"Come in." My voice was harsh and raspy.

I felt the rush of cool air hit my back as he quickly opened and closed the door, causing me to shiver. I looked over my shoulder to see he had stopped at the door, his hand on the key and was staring at my bare back. He seemed to snap himself out of his own thoughts with a shake of his head and walked over to the table where he set his supplies down on the edge before looking over at my wound. I turned my head back around and placed it back on my knees. I hissed and winced in pain as he prodded at my wound.

"You're right, it needs stitching." He said, touching my uninjured shoulder in a sign of comfort. "But first I need to clean it." I nodded and he removed his hand.

I vaguely heard the pop of a cork from a glass bottle before the smell of alcohol assaulted my nose. The sound of sloshing tickled my ears and a cold cloth was placed against my wound. Almost instantaneously the burning sensation hit my nerves, sending fire down my back and up my spine. I groaned softly as he started to move the cloth up and down, thoroughly cleaning the laceration.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, his hands working quickly. "It's almost over." He assured.

I nodded and bit my lip to keep from making anymore sounds of pain. Finally his movements stopped and it took a moment before the burning subsided.

"It's real deep." He told me. I heard him shuffle through his supplies. "I'm going ta give you some morphine so I can stitch it up." I nodded and felt a sharp poke just a little above the wounds as the needle pierced my skin. I felt it do its work as the pain from the wound on my back lessened, then disappeared completely.

"Is it working?" He asked.

"Yes." I nodded feeling pain free for the first time in days.

He shuffled through his things again before ripping something open. It took a moment before I felt a slight tug at my skin, then another and another. He worked in silence, the rhythmic tugging of my skin the only indication that he was doing anything. I continued to stare at the small stream of sunlight that flittered over the top of the curtains, lighting the room enough for him to do his job. I don't know how long it took, I didn't even realize when the soft tugging had stopped, but I felt a slight pressure as he pressed a clean bandage to the wound.

"I need ta wrap it around you." He informed.

I slid my legs down the table and allowed him to wrap his arms around my chest. He was very careful not to brush his hand against me as he wrapped the bandage around and tied it. Once he was done I pulled my knees back up to my chest and turned my head so that I was looking at him over my shoulder. He cleaned up the bloody, soiled cloths and placed them into a small bag before turning and meeting my eyes. We just stared at each other for a while, too many thoughts running through our minds to speak. I wondered what he would do now. Would he tell Winters and have me sent to the states? Would I be court-martialed? One thing was for sure, if I was going down, I was keeping my promise, I would go down alone. I thought of having to leave George and I could feel the familiar sensation of tears pricking the corner of my eyes. I turned my head back around to stare at the window, fighting back the sadness I felt.

"Jo." His voice was thick with an unreadable emotion. He sighed. "I brought you a new bandage for…" He trailed off but I got the jist of what he was getting at.

"Thanks." I rasped. We were both silent for a moment.

"Do you need help wrapping it." I could tell from his voice that he was uncomfortable with the subject.

"No, thank you." I replied.

"Are you sure. I don't want you tearing those stitched." He said, his medical training outweighing his discomfort.

"I'm sure."

"Alright." I could hear him as gathered up his medical supplies. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He said before I felt the rush of cold air hit my back and the sound of the door being shut tightly.

I sighed and dropped my knees, turning so my legs dangled over the edge and grabbed the clean bandage that Gene had procured for me to bind my breast with. I winced as I carefully wrapped my chest, giving me a less feminine figure. That done, I stood up and gingerly pulled my shirt on not bothering to unbutton it, then I sat back on the table and waited.

"Jo?" He knocked gently on the door.

"Come in." I called.

Roe opened the door and came back in, shutting it tightly behind him. He crossed over to stand in front of me, leaning against the wall.

"So," I looked at him. "What now?" He sighed and looked down, rubbing the back of his head with one hand before looking back up at me.

"Well, I had some time ta think while I was stitching you up." He said, I nodded. "And-" He sighed and pushed against the wall, standing up and taking a step so that he was face to face with me. "You're a good soldier, Jo. You've done everything that was asked of you and more. You helped keep the men sane in Bastogne… you helped keep me sane." He managed a small smile and I returned one likewise. "You saved all those men in Bastogne, I'm sure you saved quite a few lives that would have been lost otherwise and you never complained, not once." He sighed deep. "You've been there since Toccoa, you're one of the few of us that have made it this. I'm not going to be the one to send you home." I took a sharp intake of breath. Could he really mean…

"You're not going to turn me in?" I whispered, gazing at him wide-eyed.

"No, I'm not." I couldn't help myself, I flung my arms around him and hugged him tight.

"Thank you Gene." I felt him still in shock a moment before wrapping his own arms around my lower back careful of my wound. "Thank you so much." I said as I buried my head in his shoulder in relief. I stayed like that for a moment so happy and relieved that my secret was safe with him and that I was going to get to keep fighting alongside George and the rest of Easy. "Thank you." I pulled back but my hands remained on his shoulders.

"Owe." I hissed as my stitches pulled and I had to drop my arms from him. I held my right shoulder and winced. His hands were immediately on mine, stopping me from touching the wound through my bandage.

"Are you alright?" He asked in concern. "Did'ja rip a stitch?" I shook my head.

"No, I don't think so. Just pulled at it." He relaxed and placed his hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eye.

"You need ta be careful, Jo." He said, meaning more than just not ripping my stitches. "Promise me."

"I promise, Gene." I said and he nodded.

"You should try and get some rest." He pulled back and dropped his hands to his sides. "Don't lift anything if you don't have ta. And don't get those wet." I nodded. He smiled and turned to leave, stopping as his hand reached the doorknob. "What's your name?" He asked quietly. He turned from the door to look at me. "What's your real name?"

"Jo." I replied. "My name is Jo."

He nodded at me in understanding and pulled open the door, motioning for me. I walked out the door and looked back at him as he went back to restocking his supplies before we moved out.

"Just, promise me this is it." He said. "Promise me there are no more secrets, Jo." He looked up at me. I bit the inside of my lip.

"A person has a right to their secrets." I replied after a moment of contemplation. "There are some things that people just wouldn't understand about me. There may be a time when I can tell you what that secret is. But it's not today." He knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

"Alright, but you're gonna have ta tell someone sooner or later." He replied. I gave him a small smile and a nod of my head.

"Thank you, Eugene." I met his eyes once more before stepping out into the cool street and shutting the door behind me.

0000000000000000000

"Sergeant Banally." Speirs called out to me. I turned to look at him and he motioned for me to follow him. I chanced a glance at George and saw the apprehension in his eyes before I stood up and followed the Company CO out into the streets of the town.

"Sir?" I questioned as I stepped down the stairs, wincing as the stitches in my shoulder caught the gauze of the bandage and pulled.

"Walk with me, Sergeant." He said after a moment of careful study. I nodded and followed along behind him as we strolled through the town. We walked for a time, passing by soldiers who looked at me as if I were walking to my execution. I breathed deeply, trying to calm my racing heart as we came to the edge of town that overlooked a large lake. He stopped and stood beneath a winter-bare tree, looking out over the glassy surface of the lake before turning his attention back to me.

"Doc Roe has told me of a rather interesting development concerning you." He said as he looked at me for a reaction. I felt my stomach drop to the floor. I had trusted Roe with my secret, and he had said he wasn't going to tell anyone. Now Speirs was dragging me out here far enough away so that when he shot me, there would be no witnesses and he could dispose of me in the lake.

Okay, so might have been overreacting, but I felt as if the world around me had come crashing down. I forced myself to put up a façade, letting nothing of my true feelings of fear and anxiety show through.

"Sir?" I question with a raised eyebrow as the storm swirled deep in my chest.

"He says you were wounded a few days ago and didn't come to him until today." I let a whoosh of air and struggled to keep my jaw from dropping to the muddy earth beneath my feet. I was so sure my time here had come to an end, but at that moment I could kiss that dark-haired little half Cajun.

"Yes, sir." I answered and forced the smile of relief from appearing on my face.

"When were you wounded, Sergeant?" He asked.

"Noville, sir. When we were clearing houses," I answered. "It was a ricochet that tore through my shoulder."

"You fought through Rachamps with an untreated shoulder wound." He raised an eyebrow at me but otherwise his expression was carefully schooled.

"I did, sir. But if I thought for one moment that I was putting the men in danger, I would have pulled myself off of the line." I quickly explained. "I know my limits, and I know how much pain I can take before I need to seek help, sir."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Sergeant Benally." He said, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. I was… confused to say the least. We could have had this conversation in front of the men, there was no need to pull me off so far from town, and Speirs wasn't one to waste time and energy on something as whimsical as a quick stroll around the lake.

"With all due respect sir, is that it? Is there another reason for this hike around the lake or did you just need some fresh air and decided to take me along with you?" I asked. He studied me a moment.

"You're a good Sergeant, Benally." He said.

"Uhm, thank you?" Confusion creased my brow as I tried to figure out what he was getting at.

"It's no secret that Sergeant Lipton is going to be promoted to 2nd Lieutenant soon." He stopped and gauged my reaction before continuing. "We're gonna need a good 1st Sergeant to replace him when that happens."

"Yes, sir."

"You want the job?" I was momentarily stunned.

"Why me, sir?" I finally asked.

"You've proven yourself to be a capable leader, Sergeant. The men know and trust you." He paused and looked me over. "I trust you, Sergeant." I was taken aback by that. I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. I was overwhelmed with pride at his praise and knew I would never receive a better compliment in all my life.

"Thank you, sir." I said in more than a little reverence. He nodded at me, the corner of his lips twitching up slightly.

"So, you want to position?" He asked. I chewed my bottom lip in thought for a moment before answering him.

"If Lieutenant Dike was still our CO sir," I said, picking my words slowly and carefully. "I would have said yes in a heartbeat, if I was still that is. But since you're in charge of the Company now, sir, I'd have to say… no."

"No, Sergeant?" There was no shock or surprise that was betrayed on his face, merely a look of curiosity. "Why?"

"You're a leader, sir, a real leader" I answered. "Everyone knows Dike couldn't have lead us out of a wet paper bag and if he were still our Company CO I would have gladly step up into that role for the men. But we don't have Dike anymore, sir, we have you. They don't need me."

"It's a pay-grade increase and a higher rank." He challenged.

"I know sir, but 2nd platoon has lost a lot of good men in the past two months. We have no platoon officer to lead us and with Lipton's promotion, he'll be moved to another unit. Second platoon will be looking to Malarkey and I for leadership and guidance now more than ever. Second needs me and I can't abandon them." I answered.

"And if I offered the position to Sgt. Malarkey?" He raised an eyebrow.

"He would deserve it more then I would." I shrugged and he tilted his head. "If he took it I would be happy for him, but it's not where I'm needed, sir." He studied me a moment before a strange light I had never seen before came to his eyes.

"Good answer, Benally." For the first time since the aloof officer and I had our brief exchange during D-Day and every subsequent run in I had with him in the months since, he smiled a genuine smile. No smirk, no sneer, just a smile. I couldn't help but return it with one of my own.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Speirs. For trusting in me enough to offer me this opportunity."

"You earned it, even if you don't want it." He said and made to go back to the town. "Oh and Sergeant."

"Yes sir?" I asked.

"Roe says you need to take it easy, let yourself heal up for a while. Lipton is sick so I want you to help him out, run his errands until Doc clears you for duty." He ordered.

"Yes, sir." He nodded at me and walked off back into the town.

Once I was sure he was far enough away, I turned to face the lake and mouthed the words, 'OH MY GOD!' That man, he knew how to play with emotions so well I doubted that even he knew when he was doing it anymore. I went from being terrified, to offended, to completely confused, then to… ecstatic. I had never felt so many emotions in such a short amount of time in all my life, and speaking with him left me feeling more than a little weary. I sighed and lit as cigarette before slowly making my way back into town and up to the CP to play errand boy for our sickly First Sergeant.

0000000000000000000

"You're shittin' me." George said as he took a puff of his cigarette.

"No, I'm not. I thought I was dead for sure." I took the cigarette from him and drew deep. "I thought he had found out and was going to kill me." I said as expelled the smoke from my lungs.

"Jesus, Jo. You are one lucky son of a bitch, you know that?" He stole the cigarette back.

"Tell me about it." I scoffed. "I thought I was going to drop dead right there."

"First Sergeant Benally… it has a nice ring to it." He said and grinned at me. "Can't believe you turned it down."

"I've been company leader before. I don't wanna do it again at least not right now. Second needs me, it's where I belong." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but you said no to Speirs." He grinned. "You really do have a death wish, JoJo."

"I must." I laughed as I slid into the small twin bed that was mine for the night. "There's no other explanation for why I do the shit I do." George laughed as he stubbed out his cigarette and slid into his own bed.

"Yeah, there is." He reached over to the small lamp that illuminated the room.

"And what's that?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You're fucking bat shit insane." I laughed as he turned off the light and our little room was thrown into darkness.


	22. Brain Stew

I sat in a semi-conscious state in the back of the transport truck with the rest of Second Platoon. My days spent in the company of Lipton in an attempt to allow my shoulder time to heal had resulted in the good First Sergeant passing on his illness to me.

Malarkey had forced me to sit in the corner of the truck with my legs propped up so I would be more comfortable and could get some rest. It was a nice gesture but the bumping and jarring mixed with the bone-rattling coughs ensured that I would get no rest. I sighed and lent deeper against a thin blanket that Gene has given me to pad my back so the bouncing against the metal frame of the truck wouldn't irritate my wound as much. Malarkey kept checking on me, asking if I needed anything. Not that he would really be able to get me anything but it was something to occupy his time as we traveled to the town of Haguenau.

My attention snapped to the back of the truck as a new soldier struggled to climbed up into the truck bed. He looked familiar, but my fever addled mind refused to bring up a name. Malarkey turned to face me and I raised an eyebrow in question and gestured to the new soldier.

'Webster.' He mouthed. My eyebrows shot up into my hairline.

"Jesus Christ. Where the hell has he been?" Malarkey just shrugged.

Private Webster was a 1st platoon man who had been wounded way back in Holland. He must have stayed in the hospital after he was healed for rehabilitation because he had completely missed Bastogne, while others like Toye and Guarnere, had found their way back to the company.

The doctor in me couldn't fault him for staying and obeying the orders of his physician. The soldier in me, however, was angry that he didn't even try to find a way back to us when we had so desperately needed all the men we could get.

The truck pulled to a halt, jarring everyone in it. Malarkey helped me up from the bench and made sure I didn't hurt myself as I hopped off of the back of the truck. I smiled my thanks to the Sergeant and trudged my way over to the Company CP to check in with Speirs, as per his orders, ignoring the whistling and subsequent explosion as a mortar round landed somewhere off in the distance. I forced myself to walk up the stairs and into the building, reveling in the warmth of being indoors for a moment. I glanced quickly around the room and made a beeline for the couch that housed First Sergeant Lipton. I sat down opposite him, near his booted feet.

"I blame you for this, First Sergeant." I glared at him, though I doubted my menacing capabilities at that time as I let out a deep cough.

"Sorry, Benny." Lipton looked like I felt, completely sick and utterly exhausted.

"S'okay, Lip." I mumbled and tried to bury my cold nose in my shirt.

"Hey! Look who it is! Nice digs, huh Lip." Luz called out.

"Yeah." Lipton answered absentmindedly as George handed him an inventory list.

"Sergeant Lipton, Sergeant Benally?" Webster asked as he looked at us.

"Hey! Look what I found!" Luz said around the cigarette in his mouth and covered Lipton and I up with a blanket.

"Feeling alright?" Webster asked.

"There you go." George tucked it around us and I contemplated stealing his cigarette. "They've got pneumonia." Almost as if he could read my mind, he snatched the cigarette from his mouth and held it just out of my reach. I glared at him and he grinned.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Webster said.

"What are you sorry about, they're alive, they've got as couch, a God Damn blanket, snug as a bug." George grinned as he walked off.

"Yup." Lipton leant back against the edge of the couch.

"Sergeant Malarkey said to check with the CO if I should be in 2nd platoon." Webster explained his presence.

"Have a seat, Webster. We'll get you situated." Lip motioned for him to take a seat.

"How long, uh, have you been sick?" Webster asked from behind me.

"Long enough." Lipton answered and I nodded my head in agreeance. I watched Lipton go over the inventory list intently, mostly because I was too tired to move my head. Lip raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged, wincing as my stitches pulled.

"Is this the Company CP for easy?" I turned my head to the voice and saw a 2nd lieutenant standing in the doorway. Lip made an attempt to straighten himself up, but I really wasn't in the mood to care about playing the good soldier.

"Yes, sir." Lipton answered sending me a glare as I opened my mouth. He had known me long enough to know when I was about to say something I shouldn't and was there, ready to stop me before it happened. I shrugged and settled back down into the couch.

"As you were." The Lieutenant motioned. Lip nudged me with his boot and I closed my mouth again. "Lieutenant Jones looking for Captain Speirs."

"Join the crowd." I mumbled into the blanket and Lip nudged me again.

"He's on his way, sir." Lip answered. "Why don't you sit down." Lipton motioned for the Lieutenant to take a seat. "Can you get me a coffee?" He asked one of the men. "Would you like a coffee, sir?"

"No, thank you." Jones said. Just the way he seemed to dismiss Lipton really put me on edge and I had to clamp my teeth to keep a smart remark from coming out of my mouth.

"Alright. You, Benny?" Lip asked.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"What platoon are you in?" Jones asked Webster.

"Oh, we're about to find that out." The private answered. I noticed Jones pop up from his seat and stand arrow straight at attention as Speirs stomped his way into the room.

"Cap'n Speirs, sir," Lipton greeted. "This is, uh, Lieutenant Jones."

"Listen, for Chrissake, will the two of you go back in the back and sack out?" He grumbled around the cigarette in his mouth. "There's some beds back there with fresh sheets."

"I will, sir." Lipton answered. "Just trying to make myself useful, sir."

"I go where he goes per orders, sir." I wheezed and Speirs just stared at me as if he wasn't sure what to do with me.

"Listen up." Winters called as he walked through the doors. I caught Lipton's gaze and rolled my eyes as Jones popped up to attention once more. Easy no longer stood on ceremony after all we had been through so it was amusing to see a fresh new 2nd Lieutenant do so while the rest of us just remained 'at ease.' "Regiment wants a patrol for prisoners. "

"This one comes straight from Colonel Sink," Nixon added. "So, it's not my idea."

"Since the river is the main line of resistance, we're gonna have to cross it to get to them." Winters said.

"Whadda we need to do?" Speirs asked.

"There's a three story building on the enemy's side." Winters explained. "Up the embankment. We know it's occupied. You can have 15 men. Think very hard about who you wanna lead this patrol." Speirs shot a glance and Lipton and I before returning it back to Winters. "You'll need a lead scout, a translator. I've got the entire battalion on covering fire."

"When?" Speirs asked.

"Tonight, 0100."

"Yes, sir."

"Speirs, I want this one to be as foolproof and as safe as possible."

"Yeah, don't take any chances on this one." Nixon added. "We're too far along for that."

"Speirs, I want to discuss who might go along." Winters said as Nixon walked over to Jones.

"Who're you?" He asked.

"Lieutenant Jones, sir."

"Right, our  _West Pointer_." Nixon stressed the last two words and turned his grinning gaze towards me a moment before looking back to Jones.

"Yes, sir." Jones answered.

"When'd you graduate?" Nixon asked.

"June 6th, sir."

"June sixth," Nixon's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "Of last year?"

"D-Day, yes sir." Jones answered. Nixon let out a spastic chuckle.

"Alright, don't get hurt." He walked over to me. "You hear that Benny, fresh out of The Point." He smirked.

"Yes sir, I heard." I mumbled.

"Let's hope he's better then out last Pointer." His smirk turned to an all out grin.

"Let's hope, sir." I gritted my teeth and glared at the Captain, only succeeding in making his grin grow larger. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Speirs eyeballing our exchange with a lethal curiosity before returning to his planning. Winters walked over and tapped Nixon on the shoulder to let him know that he was leaving.

"Get to feeling better Lip, Benny." The red-haired Captain said before he made for the door.

"Sir, I'd like to volunteer for the patrol." Jones said as Winters passed him. Winters sized Jones up, then turned to the Company CO.

"Speirs, talk to you in an hour."

"Yeah," Speirs answered.

"Lieutenant Jones." Winters acknowledged as he continued on his way out of the door.

"We're short on officers, you think an non-com could lead this?" Speirs asked Lipton.

"I could think of a few." Both of their gazes turned towards me were I laid staring off into space. I felt their eyes on me and refocused my gaze on them.

"I'm sorry?" I muttered. "Did I miss something?" Speirs raised an eyebrow but turned back to his planning session with Lipton.

I drifted off from the conversation as Malarkey's name was thrown out as a potential leader. I felt a pang of self-loathing shoot through me. I knew Malarkey had lost more than I had in Bastogne. He lost all of his best friends. He needed the rest more than anyone else and if I weren't sick he would have be the one resting and I would have gladly volunteered to lead the patrol so that the other NCOs could have the rest they so desperately deserved.

"I'll do it sir, I volunteer as tribute." I muttered as I tried to push myself into a standing position and ended up out of breath.I let out a frustrated wheeze that turned into another cough. Speirs sighed deep and rolled his eyes to the ceiling, looking for all the world like he was trying squash down the urge to put me out of my misery.

"Absolutely not, Benally." He turned his attention back to Lipton.

I grumbled and buried my cold nose into the blanket as I listened to Jones, once again, ask to be on the patrol. He was flat out denied by Speirs and sent to 2nd platoon along with Webster and the names of the men that were to go on the patrol.

I stared up at the ceiling, cracked and discolored by the war that raged on around it. My head suddenly felt as if it weighed a ton and I was unable to stop it from dropping back and landing on the hard arm of the couch. I sighed deep, a loud, wheezy sound that was caustic to my own eardrums. My eyelids fluttered and I fought to keep them open.

But like so many of the battles I had waged against my own body in the past, it was fruitless. My eyelids flutter closed for the last time and I found myself in a deep, dreamless sleep.

0000000000000000000

The strange feeling of being stared at very intently woke me from my sound slumber. I slowly cracked my eyes open and found myself staring directly into the chocolate brown eyes of one Captain Speirs.

"Sir?" I rasped out. He continued to stare at me, studying me as he had done so many times before. I swallowed back a cough and repressed the urge to wipe at the crusts that had formed in my eyes, hoping I hadn't been snoring. I slowly pulled my head up and glanced around at my surrounding. The room had cleared out, even Lipton had retreated to the far corners of the house probably passed out in some warm bed somewhere leaving me alone with the Easy Company CO.

"Benally." Never had I heard my name spoken in such a way that both amused and terrified me. I swallowed hard and eased my head around to look at the Captain, weary of my neck now stiff from resting on wooden arm of the couch.

"Go in the back and sack out?" I ventured a guess as to what he wanted from me.

"Bingo." The corners of his lips twitched upward.

I nodded and struggled as I tried to sit up. I was at the peak of the illness, if I could just tough it out for a few more hours I knew it would be a downhill slope to recovery but for that moment my body was weak from fighting off the illness with little sleep and little food. I was finally able to maneuver myself into a seated position and had to stop a moment to catch my breath which came out in a squeaky wheeze.

Before I could react to what was happening, I felt two strong hands grasp my upper arms and lift me up from the couch. The hands remained there, steadying me as I fought to regain my balance.

"Thank you, sir." I mumbled, once again caught in the chocolate brown eyes of the Captain.

He nodded curtly before turning me and guiding me down a small hall that sat off from the main room, his right hand never leaving my bicep. We passed by a small bathroom and a smaller room with it's door partially opened to reveal a sleeping Lipton. He continued to urge me forward, guiding me into another of the small rooms that was barely big enough to house the twin-sized bed and small night table that someone had managed to squeeze into it. He steadied me against the wall before pulling the covers down the bed and guiding me onto the worn-out mattress. It creaked under my weight as I folded myself in half and lent over to remove my boots.

Unfortunately, gravity decided to take that moment to be a dick.

"Oh, sonuva-" I mumbled as felt myself fall forward.

I closed my eyes and braced myself for the inevitable meeting with the hardwood floor. My nose was inches from contact with the oak when Speirs grabbed my arms and hauled me back up to a seated position. He then lifted one of my legs and rested it against his thigh as he untied and removed my boot before gently setting it down and performing the same task on the other one. That done, he turned my body so that I could lie on my back before he pulled the covers over my shivering form and up to my chin.

"Thank you, Cap'n Speirs." I mumbled as my eyes closed.

I vaguely remember the feel of a calloused hand brush briefly across my fevered brow checking the temperature of my skin, before I heard the creak of the door as it was pulled too and I drifted off into dreamless slumber.

0000000000000000000

My small bed shook and creaked as firm kick was placed against the temporary frame, waking me with a start.

"Wha- What I miss?" I whispered in a sleep filled haze.

"Hersey's bar." Luz said as he tossed the candy at me. I mumbled some sort of unintelligible thanks and turned over to go back to sleep.

_KICK_

"Wha?" I winced at the sound of my own voice as it came out high pitched and squeaky.

"I'm blowing up a building." He said.

"Good for you." I mumbled and buried myself deep into the bed.

_KICK_

"Christ on pole! Stop! You're gonna break my bed." I hissed.

"Get up. I know how you like a good explosion." He grinned. "You are an engineer after all."

"Mechanical Engineer," I glared at him.

"Same thing." He rolled his eyes and my glare deepened.

"I do like a good explosion." I relented.

"Good, now get your ass up, let's go." He commanded as he noticed my struggle to sit up and walked over to assist me.

George helped me put my boots on then hauled me up off of the bed. I wobbled a moment as my equilibrium tried to catch up with the rest of my body. When I had finally steadied myself I nodded to him and we made our way out into the street, stopping to pick up the RPG gun, ammo and Web, Jones and Vest who were all waiting out in living room.

"Your harem, I presume." I mutter to Luz.

"Ugly sons of bitches, ain't they." He grinned and slung the launcher over his shoulder.

"Sir." I mumbled to Jones and he nodded.

"Are you alright, soldier?" He looked me over.

"Right as rain, sir." I nodded and had to fight off a wave of dizziness, "never been better."

"Should you be in bed?" Jones questioned again.

"He's fine sir. Takes more than a little pneumoniae to knock out Jo Benally, ain't that right?" George punched me in the armand I had to take a step to keep my balance.

I glared at him and he just shrugged before ushering us out. we made our way over to the river and I pulled my jacket tighter around my body fingering the new stripe on my sleeve signifying my promotion to Tech. Sergeant and wishing that my jacket was heavier as chills racked my body. We reached the edge of town where Luz set up his gear and the other three men went off to talk to the officers that stood nearby. I found an upturned crate and dropped heavily onto is as I watched Luz load the ammo.

"Where should I aim?" He asked, pointing at the intended target.

"There." I pointed at the position where the main support was likely to be. He nodded and moved off to get into position as I let out a bone-rattling string of coughs.

"I thought I put you to bed, Sergeant Benally." I turned my head and watched as the three officers walked over.

"Yes sir." I answered.

"Then what are you doing up?" Speirs asked.

"Can't resist a good explosion, sir." I pointed across the river just as Luz fired on the building, sending it crashing to the ground.

"Nice call, JoJo." Luz said as he handed the gun off to Vest.

"Alright Benny, you've seen your explosion," Winters grinned. "Now get back to bed."

"Yes, sir." I nodded and stood up.

The combination of motions sent a wave of dizziness through me that was so strong I stumbled backwards and bumped my legs against the crate. I would have met the mud, ass first, if not for the pair of hand that caught me first.

"Whoa there," George said as he steadied me. I looked up to see Winter, Nixon, Speirs and Vest poised and ready to spring into action in case I needed their assistance.

"Sergeant Luz, take Benally back to CP and make sure he gets to bed." Speirs ordered through tight lips.

"Yes, sir." George answered and dragged me back to the building that housed Easy Company's CP and into my small room. I glared at him as he took my boots off.

"You got me in trouble." I muttered darkly.

"You didn't have to come," He grinned. "I didn't force you."

"Yes you did, asshole." I glared.

"I think that's just your fever talking." He chuckled.

"If I had da energy, I'd flip you off." I snarked. He just smirked and helped me into bed.

"Sorry for getting you into trouble, maybe next time stay where the Captain put you, yeah.'" He mocked as he pulled my covers up.

"Asshole." I mumbled. His laughter filled the room and bounced down the hall as he left me to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

0000000000000000000

I awoke to a hand brushing softly against my forehead. I moaned as I opened my eyes and tried to focus them to the dim light.

"Hey, Jo." Gene smiled down at me. "How ya feelin'?"

"I'm okay." I mumbled in a harsh whisper.

"Yeah, you sound okay." He raised an eyebrow. "I need ya ta sit up a moment."

I groaned but pulled myself to a seated position with his help. He maneuvered me so I could lean against the headboard then placed a thermometer into my mouth. I held it under my tongue and watched as he poured a glass of water from a pitcher that someone had brought in and set it on my bedside table. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pill jar, carefully sprinkling the small white pills into his hand and plucked out one before placing the rest back into the jar and stowing it in his pocket. He pulled out another pill jar and shook out two pills, both white but a different shape than the others before corking the bottle and placing it back into his pocket. He set the pills on the table and glanced at his watch. He sighed as he sat down on the edge of my bed and looked at me. Unable to speak, I motioned to the other room that held Lipton.

"He's alright." Gene answered. "He's resting." I nodded my head and he looked at his watch again before plucking the thermometer from my mouth. "103." He shook it and placed it back into its holder. "You're sick, Jo."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "I couldn't tell." He chuckled and grabbed the three white pills.

"Penicillin and aspirin." He said as he handed them to me. I nodded and popped them into my mouth. He helped me hold the glass as I drank every drop of water in it, letting it cool and calm my burning throat.

"More?" He asked. I nodded and he poured another glass and helped me hold it as I drank every drop again. He filled the glass a third time and set it on my nightstand as I slid back down into the bed. "If you're feeling up to it later, Speirs told me to let you know that you could use the bathroom down the hall to shower in."

"Well, that solves one problem." I mumbled. Gene chuckled softly.

"S'pose it does." He grinned. "Though it woulda been interesting ta hear you try ta explain dat one."

I chuckled, which turned into a cough. He rubbed my shoulder until the fit subsided. He brushed a hand across my forehead.

"Dere's a set of clothes at da foot of your bed and I brought you a new bandage. I'll check on your wound later when you've had time ta rest and shower." I nodded.

"Thanks for checking up on me, and bringing me the water and clean clothes. You didn't have to do that." I mumbled.

"Don't thank me." He said. "I didn't do it."

"Who did?" I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion.

"Dunno." He shrugged. "You should ask Sergeant Luz, he's in charge of da supplies."

"Alright," I nodded and burrowed deeper in the covers.

"I'll come check on ya later." He said as he stood up a


	23. Breathe Me

Cold.

I was so cold.

I burrowed as deep as I could into the worn mattress and pulled the covers as tight around me as physically possible, but it still wasn't enough.

" _Joanna."_

"Opa?" My eyes opened and I saw him there, his dark black hair peppered with grey and blue eyes twinkling down at me from the end of my bed. "Opa?" I asked again in disbelief.

" _Oh, my Joanna."_ He smiled down kindly at me.  _"I have missed you so very much."_

"Opa. Are you going to take me home?" My voice was small and childlike to my own ears. His blue eyes turned sad.

" _I'm sorry my Joanna, I can't, not yet."_  He replied, his voice heavy with regret.

"Why not?" I felt tears prickle at the corner of my eyes.

" _You haven't completed your mission yet."_  He smiled sadly.  _"You have to complete your mission."_

"But, what is my mission?" I asked.

" _I can't tell you that."_  He frowned.  _"You're going to have to figure that out for yourself."_

I whimpered as my body became wracked with chills and my muscles strained against my skin. I pulled my blanket up and over my head in an attempt to stop the escape of heat from my body. I closed my eyes curled into the fetal position.

" _Joanna."_  My Opa called.  _"Joanna, you need to uncover yourself."_

"No." I moaned and tried to burrow deeper into the mattress, pulling the covers from where they were tucked into the end of the bed and twisting them around my feet.

" _Joanna, you must."_  He insisted.

"It's too cold, Opa." I groaned. "Too cold."

" _Joanna, you need to cool yourself off, now."_  His voice held an edge of urgency.

"No," I mumbled and curled in on myself even tighter.

" _Joanna Benally that is an order."_  I opened my eyes and saw his figure standing over me, a firm expression on his face. I moaned and kicked the covers from my body. I was hit instantly with the chill air of the night that had settled around the room. I glanced at my watch on the bedside table. 0018.

"I'm so cold." I looked up pathetically at my Opa.

" _Joanna, listen to me."_  He bent over so that we were face to face, his worried gaze fixed on my eyes.  _"Joanna, your temperature is too high, you need to lower it, quick."_

"No," I groaned.

" _Come on, Joanna."_ His voice held an undeniable urgency to it forcing me to listen. I moaned and struggled to sit up. I grabbed my bedside table and used it to haul myself up from the bed.  _"Come on, my Joanna."_ Opa urged and backed out of the door. I followed him, slowly, forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other which had never been harder for me. I grasped at the bed, the door frame, the wall, anything stabled that could keep me from falling.

"Opa." I moaned and reached out for him as he continued to back up, his eyes sad. "Opa, help me."

I tried to grasp at him, but my hand went through his arm and threw me off balance. I landed hard on the wood floor, gasping for breath and reaching for him.

"Opa." I moaned again and crawled towards his form that now stood in the open doorway of the bathroom.

" _Joanna."_ I felt my knees give out from underneath me and I dropped like a stone to the ground.  _"Joanna."_

"Jo?"

" _Joanna."_

"JoJo!" A figure stepped through my Opa and dropped to my side. I groaned and turned my head away from their icy cold hands. "Oh, God! Hold on JoJo. I'll be right back." The figure ran through my Opa again. I looked into his blue eyes and reached for him again.

"Opa." I held my hand out to him, wanting to touch him, needing to touch him.

" _I'm sorry, my Joanna."_  The pained expression on his face and the sadness in his voice told me he couldn't help me. I belly crawled further towards the bathroom but my energy drained before I could reach it.

"Opa."

" _Joanna."_

"Jo!"

"Opa."

"Jo!" I felt cold hands wrap around me and haul me up. "My God, you're burnin' up."

"Whadda we do?" A panicked voice whispered harshly.

"Opa." I reached a hand out over the man's shoulder and tried to grasp at my Opa again.

"No one's there, JoJo." The panicked voice said in my ear.

"Opa."

"She's hallucinating." The first voice said. "We gotta cool her off."

He started to move me towards the bathroom and a glimmer of hope filled my chest as I was brought closer and closer to my Opa. Visions of my childhood spent in the Colorado Rockies on his ranch filled my mind. Riding horses on the mountain trails, playing baseball with the ranch hands, falling asleep in my Opa's arms as he told me great stories of cowboys conquering villains and rescuing damsel then riding off into the sunset. I reached for him, I was so closed to touching him, could already feel the warmth his embrace would envelope me in.

"Opa."

"It's alright, Jo. I've got ya." The man said as he turned and instead of taking me to my Opa, walked into the bathroom door.

"No." I moaned. "No, you're going the wrong way." I tried to struggle from the cold grip of the man. "You're going the wrong way."

"Jo," The man said. "Everything's gonna be alright." I stopped my struggle as a calm settled over me.

" _Don't forget your mission, my Joanna. Only when it's complete can you come home._ "I glanced back at my Opa. He smiled sadly at me before turning and vanishing down the hall as the other man closed the bathroom door.

"Opa." I moaned as tears burned their way down my cheeks. "Opa."

"Shh, it's okay, Jo." The man said as he sat me on the closed toilet seat. He turned his head to address the other man as he held me steady. "Turn da water on in da shower, cool but not cold." He turned back to me and I saw his familiar features for the first time. "Can you move, Jo?"

The words didn't register to me as he slipped a thermometer under my tongue, all I could do was sit and stare at the lovely shade of blue-grey that colored his irises.

"Jo, do ya understand what I'm sayin'?" He asked. I just stared. He checked his watch then pulled the thermometer from my mouth and cursed.

"What's it say?" The panicked voice asked.

"105." He muttered.

"Whadda we do?" The panicked voice muttered.

"Keep calm. Check da water." He ordered. "How does it feel?"

"Cool."

"Not cold?"

"No."

"Good." He took off my jacket and started to unbutton my shirt. "We have ta get her temperature down." He pulled my shirt off and tossed it to the floor. "Come here, help me stand her up."

The other man came over and my mind told me I knew him, but it refused to bring the name of either of them up. The man helped me stand as the other finished undressing me, leaving me in my boxers and the bandage that wrapped my chest. I looked at the second man and tried as hard as I could to bring his name up, but it just wouldn't come.

"Ow." I moaned as the feeling of being hit in the back if the head with a shovel overwhelmed my senses and I dropped heavily into his arms.

"JoJo!" He cried as he caught me. "Doc!"

"It's alright," He grabbed me from the second man and picked me up. I watched his stern looking face intently as he shifted me and stepped into the shower.

Cold, freezing cold like I had never felt before.

I moaned and struggled in the man's arms as he set my feet on the cold porcelain floor of the claw-foot tub. I struggled and pushed myself into his chest as I sought to steal his body heat and get away from the stream of icy cold water that fell on my back.

"Shh. It's alright, Jo. I'm here." He whispered.

"Cold." I cried, the sound muted as I buried my head into his neck. "Opa."

"It's okay Jo." He mumbled into my hair. "I know it's cold now, but it'll get betta, I promise." I moaned again into his neck. "Shh, I'm here. I've got you."

I don't know how long it was, but I finally felt my body start to shiver again, a sensation that I realized had been oddly lacking while I was under the ice cold water.

"Dere we go." He whispered and I lifted my head to look up at him.

"G-G-Ge-ne." I chattered as my mind finally recognized his face.

"Hey, dere you are." He smiled softly.

"G-G-Ge-ne." I said again.

"It's okay, Jo. I've got you." He mumbled as he held me under the stream of water.

"C-c-c-co-ld." I chattered.

"I know, Jo. I know." He said. "It'll get betta, I promise." I nodded, trusting completely in his words and laid my head on his chest. His hands curled around my shoulders and pressed me closer to him. "I'm here, Jo. It's all gonna be okay."

0000000000000000000

I wasn't sure how long it took before the water no longer felt cold against my skin, but once it did I felt my mind start to clear. I heard the soft French words Gene whispered into hair as he traced a line across my back with his callused fingers. I gently eased head away from his chest, blinking at the harsh light that assaulted me eyes. I was finally able to focus and my eyes found Gene's, blue-grey and full of concern.

"Jo?" He asked. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I nodded, my voice a harsh whisper as my throat burned.

"Good," He smiled.

"JoJo?" I turned and saw the worried expression of my best friend.

"George." I answered.

"Jo, if you ever do that to me again, I'll. Will. Fucking. Kill. You." He growled, but his face betrayed his relief.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"I brought you the clean clothes from your room." He said, pointing to a folded pile of ODs that sat on the toilet tank.

"Thank you." I mumbled.

"You're welcome, JoJo." He smiled a tight smile at me.

"Could you hand me that thermometer from my shirt pocket." Gene asked George. I turned and noticed for the first time that he was in a state of undress that was comparable to mine, boxers and an undershirt only. I felt a blush rise to my cheeks against my will.

"Here." George said as he handed Gene the thermometer. Gene unwrapped one of his hands from my shoulder and took the instrument. My arms were still curled between our bodies and his other hand held me firm in place, so I opened my mouth and allowed him to slip the thermometer under my tongue.

"Two minutes." He said to George who held Gene's watch in his hands. I stood there, my eyes darting back and forth between the two as the seconds seemed to tick by at a snail's pace. Gene offered me a small smile of comfort and I had to resist pressing my head back into his chest.

"Alright." George said, lifting his gaze from the watch. Gene nodded and took the thermometer from my mouth.

"101." He said with a sigh of relief.

"Thank God." George whispered as he leant heavily against the bathroom sink, looking utterly exhausted.

"Alright, Jo. Let's get you otta here." Gene said.

"Wait." I mumbled and he raised a questioning eyebrow. "Since I'm already in here, I might as well take a shower."

"I dunno if dat's a good idea." Gene said, a shadow of doubt passing over his features.

"I'm alright now." I replied. "I'll feel better once I'm clean." He sighed deeply and I felt his chest rise and fall against me.

"Alright, as long as you can stand up." I nodded and he gently eased away from me. I instantly regretted the loss of comfort, but scolded myself mentally. Without his support, my legs felt wobbly and burned as if I had run a marathon. In fact, all my muscles were starting to burn but I held my ground.

"Okay." He said dubiously as he stepped out of the tub. "But we'll be right outside the door, just call if you need anything."

I nodded and closed the shower curtain, waiting until I heard the door open and shut before I removed my bandage and boxers and tossed them out onto the tile floor. I stepped so my head fell under the stream of cool water and let the rhythmic beating of it against me skull calm my nerves. I grabbed the bar of soap that hung from the faucet and lathered it into my hair and all over my soiled body. I rinsed off, but still felt the grime, so I lathered myself up again. When I finally felt clean, I turned the taps off and gingerly stepped out of the tub using the toilet tank to help me keep my balance. I briefly dried myself with one of the towels before quickly tying the clean bandage around my chest then pulled on the rest of my clothes. I gathered up my dirty boxers and bandage, the rest having been grabbed by one of the guys and shuffled my way towards the door, holding up my pants as they slid down my hips, the bony crests peaking out through the skin like razor blades. I opened the door and came face to face with Gene who stood on the opposite wall, his face contorted with thought as he rubbed his thumb back and forth beneath his lower lip.

"Gene?" I asked, breaking him from his stupor.

"Jo." He managed a small smile. "Feelin betta?"

"Yeah, thanks to you." I smiled quickly then frowned as I looked up and down the hall. "Where's George?"

"I sent him ta bed." Gene replied. "He looked 'bout ready ta pass out." I nodded and turned to shuffle my way down to my room, Gene gently grabbing my arm and guiding me.

"Did you do that?" I asked as I we entered my room. My covers, which had been knocked to the ground during my fevered hallucination were tucked neatly into my bed and turned back just enough to allow me to slide in-between them.

"Wasn't me." Gene replied as he guided me into bed. George's face flashed across my mind and I smiled at the thought of my best friend. He had taken care of me since my rather abrupt entry into this world and continued to take care of me through all the hardships we had faced.

I pulled my legs up and shuffled them under the covers. Gene handed me a couple aspirin he had pulled from his pocket and helped me hold the glass water as I swallowed them down. I scooted myself down until was able to lie comfortably in the bed. Gene pulled the covers up and around my body, tucking them tightly around my shoulders.

"Get some sleep," He smoothed his hand across my forehead and smiled quickly at me before turning out the light and walking to the door.

"Eugene." I called out.

"Hmm?" I could see his figure, illuminated by the hall light, turn and face me his hand resting on the doorknob.

"Thank you." He nodded and I felt more then saw the smile he sent my way.

"You're welcome, Jo." He pulled the door too behind him as he left and I fell into an easy, dreamless sleep.


	24. You're Not Alone

We all stood around and watched as his body, wrapped in a sheet, was lifted into the ambulance. Suppressed tears shone in more than one person's eyes as we snapped to attention, clicked our muddy and soiled heels together and saluted the young private.

He was a baby, he was someone's baby. Too young to be caught up in this war, too young to have his innocence taken from him in such a way, too young to know the cruel hand of death as it stopped his heart. The ambulance pulled away, leaving a spray of dirt and mud in its wake. We glanced around, looking at faces that were empty of all feelings other than grief.

I had been asleep when he came to me. Cold hands grabbed my shoulder and shook me awake. My eyes opened and the look he had on his face caused fear and worry to shoot through my body, waking me like a hundred cups of coffee never could. My eyes held a desperate question in them as I looked up at his.

"Jackson." One word, so heavy it filled the room like a dense fog.

I sat up, my muscles protested with pain from the fever that disappeared only a few short hours ago. It physically hurt more than anything I had felt before in my life. But I swallowed hard and pushed the pain aside. I pulled my legs up and he dropped heavily onto my bed, his hands leaving bloody stained prints on the white sheets. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. No words past from his lips. No pleas for reassurance or support. No tears, no cries. Just still silence.

He needed it, but he would never ask for it.

I stared blankly ahead as I grabbed his ice cold hand in mine. The only movements in the room were our chest as they rose fell with our breath and my thumb as I rubbed the calloused pad across the back of his hand. No sound but the soft murmur of activity that came from underneath the window sill where the town started to breathe new life as the occupants, foreign to its once fruitful soil, stirred and started their days with military precision. No words of comfort passed my dry and chapped lips. That wasn't what he needed. He just needed someone to be there, to keep him from falling into the dark recesses of his own mind.

I had been there. I knew how hard it was to pull yourself out once you were ensnarled in it, its thorny tendrils wrapped around you as you struggled in silence to free yourself. All he need was someone to light the spark, keep the candle glowing as it flickered and tapered in the wind. I had been there. I had someone there be that candle.

And now I was that candle for him.

I was there to show him that he was not alone.

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I caught his gaze as the ambulance fell out of sight. His blue-grey eyes held mine for a moment and I saw the pain he had held since D-Day, the loss of so many lives that had weighed him down in as he drowned in their blood. For a brief moment I saw it, but it soon flickered like the candle in the wind and it was gone. He turned and walked off. Separating himself from what would tear him apart if he let it.

Distancing himself so the next time his title was yelled out and he fought that losing battle against death, he wouldn't lose himself in the desperation that death left behind in its wake.

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"Sergeant Benally." I sighed and turned to face the Captain.

"Sir." I nodded, wincing as pain shot through my throbbing head.

"What are you doing up?" He questioned.

"I'm feeling better, sir. Just a little sore." He looked me over, studying me intently, trying to figure something out. I could see the cogs turning in his head and I could see them when they caught and rumbled and groaned, trying to turn but wedged and ground to a stop.

"Did Doc clear you?" He finally asked.

"I cleared myself, sir." I answered. "Doc needs some time to himself right now." He nodded in understanding.

"Well, you still need to see a medic," he grinned a predatory grin. "After all, they say doctors make the worst patients."

"Yes, sir." I sighed and resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Well since our medics are indisposed at the moment, you'll have to go see one of the medics from another company." He said casually.

"Where's Spina, sir?" I asked.

"He's down at regimental restocking supplies." He tilted his head slightly. "I believe you know medic Cooper." His grin grew at the shock expression that fell across my face.

"Coop? He's here?" I asked.

"He was assigned to Dog Company after MacArthur's surgeons took over Bastogne." He explained. "He talked about the Sergeant from Easy Company who was the best damn surgeon he had ever seen. How those Harvard grads that trailed along behind the General like puppies couldn't hold a candle to Sergeant Jo Benally." He smirked. "Hero worship." I groaned and dropped my chin to my chest.

"I'm guessing this is an order, sir." I sighed.

"Good guess, Sergeant. OP 8." He smirked as he walked off and left me standing there in the daze that only he seemed to leave me in.

I shook myself and slowly trudged down the street to house that Dog Company was billeted in. I heard laughter coming from a small living room that was crammed with broken and stained furniture. A group of Dog Company soldiers sat around a small coffee table, smoking and playing cards. Almost as if he could sense me, Cooper raised his head and smiled at me. He said something to the men as he stood up and made his way over to me, the rest of the men nodding and waving at me as he did so.

"Is this the famous Sergeant Benally from Easy we keep hearing about?" One of the men called out.

"I'm the only Sergeant Benally in Easy that I know of." I grinned.

"Betta be careful, Sarge! I think Coop done fallen in love with you!" A thick southern accent called out causing the group to break out in laughter. The sound grated against my eardrums as I was still stuck in the somber atmosphere that fell over Easy.

"Thank you private, I'll be sure to keep my back to the wall." I replied. This caused another raucous burst of laughter that filled the room as Coop clasped his hand on my shoulder and led me away from the men, whistles and catcalls following our departure. He rolled his eyes as he urged me up two flights of stairs and into his room.

"What can I do for you, Jo?" He asked.

"Our medics are otherwise occupied and Speirs needs me to get an OK from someone before I can return to duty." I explained.

"What happened to you?" His eyebrows creased in confusion and worry.

"I got pneumonia after playing errand boy for Lip." I said with a shrug and winced as my stitches pulled against the fresh bandage. Luckily Coop was nowhere near as observant as Gene and my momentary slip went by unnoticed.

"Why were you playing errand boy?" He asked.

"I was shot in Noville." His eyebrows shot into his hairline.

"Where at?" He questioned.

"My shoulder." I briefly touched the area.

"Who took care of it?" He asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Gene," He cocked his head to the side. "Uh, Doc Roe."

"I wish you'd have come to me." He sighed deeply as he leant his lanky form against the table that sat in the middle of the room and rubbed a hand through his curly, dark blonde hair.

"Why, Gene's just as capable of taking care of my wound." I wanted to say, 'more capable,' but I did still have some tact.

"Because, I could have saved you a lot of explaining," He said.

"What the fuck does that mean?" I asked slowly. He stood up and walked in front of me, invading my personal space. A shudder ran through my body, an unknown primal response to something I wasn't aware of.

"I mean…" He looked to make sure there was no one around. "I know your secret."

"What secret?" I played dumb, though I could feel my adrenalin coursing through my body.

"I mean I  _know_." He said and leant his head in, forcing me to pull my back or he would have been close enough to know what I had to eat the day before. "I know,  _Everything._ "

"Everything?" I mocked and took a step back.

"Yes, everything." He repeated and stepped closer.

"Right…" I said slowly. "Look, just give me the okay so I can get back to work." I crossed my arms in an attempt to ward him off.

"I told you, I know." He stressed.

"I don't have time to play these games," I sighed in frustration. "I'll just go find another medic." I turned to leave but his hand grasped my arm in a bruising grip.

"I know you're a woman." He said. I forced my breathing to remain steady.

"That's fucking ridiculous." I spat and struggled to free myself.

"I also know that you are from the future." I stopped struggling as my stomach hit the floor.

"Listen to yourself." I muttered. "The future? Are you trying to get out on a Section VIII?" I twisted my arm from his grasp and stomped towards the door

"I know, because I'm from the future too." I stopped short, my breath catching in my throat. "I know you don't belong here. I also know I'm the only one who will ever truly understand you. You're not alone, Jo."

"How the fuck-"

"How do I know?" I stared hard at him. "In Bastogne, you used medical techniques that won't be invented for another hundred years. You used medical terms to describe things that haven't been discovered yet." He stepped up to me and ran a hand down my cheek. "And I knew you were a woman because your body is full of soft curves and angles, or at least it was. You need to eat more, Jo." I knocked his hand from my cheek and took a step back in effort to distance myself from him.

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"I'm from the USA." He smirked. "Just like everyone else."

"When are you from." I growled.

"2034."

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I sat down on the stone wall that separated the town from the river and puffed the cigarette in my mouth like a chimney as I tried to calm my frazzled nerves.

Cooper was from the future…

I wasn't alone.

He didn't know how or why he was here, but he was here. Just like me.

I wasn't alone.

I winced as the cigarette burned down to my fingers and singed my skin. I flicked the butt to the ground and glared at it as is this whole thing was its fault.

I wasn't alone.

There was another time traveler here and he had been under my nose the entire time.

I had walked out after a brief exchange with the medic, unable to fully comprehend what had transpired. He was from the future, eight years before I would leave my life behind for this.

I wasn't alone.

"Benny!" Luz yelled in my ear, causing me to jump. "Christ JoJo, I've been calling you for ten minutes." I raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Alright, so it was only a minute." He rolled his eyes. "What's with you?"

"Nothing." I answered a little too quickly. "I just, want to see the building blow up." I nodded across the river.

"Right." He wasn't convinced and it read across his face like a cheap comic book.

"I…" I sighed. "I'll tell ya later."

"You better." He glared which quickly turned to concern. "How are you feelin'?"

"I'm alright… been cleared for duty," I answered.

"Really?" He looked shocked. "What about what happened last night?"

"Shh," I hushed. "Nobody knows about that but you, me and Gene." I hissed.

"But JoJo, you were hallucinating!" He exclaimed and I hushed him again.

"I know, but it's over. I'm all better now." I stood up and spun around. "See?" He didn't look convinced.

"What's with the lying to me, JoJo. I thought we were friends." He muttered, crossing his arms.

"We are!" I exclaimed. "I'm just…" I didn't know what I was doing… floundering? "Figuring out a few things." I looked him in the eyes. "When I know, you'll know. I promise." He sighed, but nodded his head in agreeance.

"Fine." He grumbled. We were silent as we stared across the river, both lost in our own thoughts. "What's an Opa?" He finally asked.

"Huh?" I was startled out of my musings by his voice.

"Opa," He repeated. "You kept saying that over and over again, what's it mean?"

"Oh," I sighed. "Opa means grandpa in German." I answered. "My grandparents on my mother's side are German."

"So, you speak German and never told me!" He raised an eyebrow.

"No," I answered. "I speak a phrase or two in German."

"But your grandparents are German," He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "So?"

"So, your other grandparents are Navajo and you speak fluent Navajo, but you don't speak German?" He questioned.

"My means grandma, Oma, tried to teach me." I shrugged. "It didn't take." I smiled as a memory came from the depths of my mind. "But my Opa, he said the only words I'd ever need to know in German were the curse words and how to ask where the crapper was." I chuckled.

"Well, as long as you know the important things." George laughed as he lit a cigarette.

"Exactly my Opa words." I grinned and stole the burning nicotine stick from his lips.

"Hey!" He yelled. "I was smokin' that!"

"Now I'm smokin' it," I laughed and took a long drag from it.

"Fucker."

The sound of the explosion brought our bickering to a close. We both whipped our heads around to watch as the building fell to rubble and dust. A small thrill ran up my spine and an involuntary smile crept across my lips. I turned to George and found the exact same expression mirrored on his face. It was demented that we derived such pleasure from the annihilation of what was once someone's home. But after seeing the world around us exploding and tearing apart everything in its wake, it was nice to be on the sending side of such destruction instead of the receiving.

As I caught the eye of my best friend and we stood there staring at each other with identical grins of pleasure and excitement on our faces, I realized that what Coop had said to me didn't matter. The revelation that I was not alone in the endeavor to fit in and survive in a time that was not my own didn't matter.

As long as I had George, I knew that I would never be alone.


	25. This is Home

"Jesus fucking Christ bananas!" I exclaimed as the sound of the door crashing against the wall startled me from my thoughts. I dropped the equipment that was in my hands and spun around to glare at the grinning face of Captain Nixon as he leant casually against the door. "What the name of all fuck was that for?" I growled adding a "sir," as an afterthought.

"You know Jo, you really need to work on cleaning up that mouth of yours." He grinned. "With as often as you blaspheme you are guaranteed a one way ticket to hell."

"My fucking cussing is the least of the things I've done that will send me to hell." I muttered as I reached to pick everything up from the floor. "Did you just come in to scold me on my mouth? Thanks dad." I glared at him.

"Actually no, I thought you would want to know that Speirs suspects something is off about you." He grinned as he lit a cigarette.

"Really? I wonder why?" I asked sarcastically. He raised a questioning eyebrow. "'Hear that Jo, a West Pointer.'" I mimicked his words from the day before with a sneer. He chuckled and drew deep from the cigarette.

"For spending most your time with Luz, you're shit at impressions." He grinned as I fought the urge to send a rude gesture in his direction.

"So, is that all you're here for? To annoy, scold and insult me?" I rolled my eyes.

"For someone who just found out one of the most dangerous men in the company suspects something is off about you, you seem overly calm." He replied.

"Well, the fuck am I supposed to do about it?" I crossed my arms.

"I don't know." He shrugged.

"Then why tell me?" I asked.

"Just thought you should know." He took a puff from his cigarette.

"So, what does he suspect?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Dunno, he just suspects something."

"How's that supposed to help me?"

"It's not."

"You're doing this just to mess with me, aren't you?" I sighed in frustration and rubbed my temples.

"It's possible." He grinned.

"Oh for fuck's sake." I groaned. "Can you at least tell me how you know he suspects something is off about me?"

"We were having a friendly poker match," I snorted but he ignored me, "and he happened to mention you and how odd you are. He asked Winters is something about you felt off."

"And what did Winters say?" I sighed.

"That you were a good soldier and the he couldn't imagine what you had been through in Bastogne," he shrugged. "Speirs dropped it after that."

"That man never drops anything," I rolled my eyes.

"True." He smirked. "But if he gets too close, I'll steer him in different direction."

"Thanks, sir." I said with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh yeah, anytime… Captain Benally."

I whipped around and glared at him as he laughed and beat a hasty retreat from my room. I followed him to the door and checked the hall, making sure no one overheard his comment as his continued to chuckle until he was out of sight. I grumbled under my breath as I jammed things into my pack, trinkets to send home to Luz's mom and Buck.

Home. That one word stopped me in my tracks.

For the first since before I was thrown into a time that was not my own, I had used the word home.

And it felt… right.

"Whadda you grinnin' about?" George asked as he stepped into my room. I jumped up and gave him a quick hug. He raised an eyebrow as I pulled back, "Da hell was that for?"

"Nothin'… Just figuring some things out." I grinned.

"Oh, care to share?" He sat down on my bed and looked up at me as I leant against the wall.

"Maybe later." I smiled as he rolled his eyes.

"I don't get you sometime, JoJo." He rifled through my pack and picked up a pair of earrings. "Oh, JoJo! You shouldn't have." He exclaimed in an over exaggerated female voice. I chuckled and took them from him.

"They're not for you." I put them back in the pack.

"Oh, yeah?" He grinned. "Got a girlfriend I don't know about?" He teased.

"No, I just figured I'd send them to your mom." I replied.

"Yeah, mom would like this." He said as he rummaged through some of the other trinkets.

"So, did you need something?" I asked as I slapped away his hands.

"Yeah, you're going to help me carry supplies off the truck." He said as he grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the building.

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"I never agreed to this." I said as Luz loaded my arms down with crates of supplies from the truck.

"Who says you had too?" He shrugged and lifted a single crate into his own arms. I looked down at the three in my arm and turned my glare to my friend. He just grinned and made his way into the building and I struggled along behind him muttering my dark thoughts about how I was going to kill him out loud.

"Is that even possible?" George questioned as he set his crate down.

"I'll make it possible." I glared at him.

He grinned and helped me set the crates in my arms down. I rubbed my sore arms and resisted the urge to slap him upside the head. Vest came over and started unpack the crates and take inventory while George stood back and watched.

'Lazy fuck,' I mouthed.

"I'm management." George gave me a shit-eating grin.

"Bullshit." I laughed.

"If you're so concerned about it, why don't you help?" He asked.

"It's not my fucking job." I grinned and settled down next to him as we watched Vest go about his duties.

"Look who's back." George said and nodded towards the living room. I caught the eye of Lieutenant Welsh, who nodded in greeting.

"Just keep 'em comin', Luz." Vest said as he gathered the unmarked tins into his arms.

"Yeah, whatever." Luz said as we watched the going-ons in the other room.

"Look what we have here, boys." Webster said as he sauntered in a started to rummage through the crates.

"Hey pal." Luz greeted absentmindedly as he leant into me so he could see around Webster. George and I watched intently as Winters presented Lipton with the gold bar that signified his new rank as a Second Lieutenant.

I thought back to the Ardennes Forest when Lipton had come to check up on me after Buck had been sent home. I thought of all the times I had watched him as he mothered the men in a way that would have been almost comical if it were someone else. I thought of the comfort he sought to bring all who were suffering, how he took care of us and led us when we had no leader. He was a pillar of strength for us when all the world had come crashing down on our heads. There was no one who had deserved to be promoted more than him.

He turned to look at us, face threatening to split in half his grin was so wide. We smiled and nodded our congratulations to him. I stood back and watched Winters give Jones his promotion and new assignment as George finally decided to help Vest unload the crates.

"Looks like you lost another platoon leader." George remarked to Webster and I.

"I think Second might be cursed." I grinned and pushed off from the wall I had been leaning against.

I waved to Luz and the rest of the men before making my way out into the cool morning air. I closed my eyes and felt the sun warm my exposed skin, contradicting the chill of the air. It filled my heart, lighting corners that had lain barren and in shadow. I could hear my shi'nali hastii as he recited the morning prayers, giving thanks and praying that we walked in beauty wherever we may go. I opened my eyes and felt a small smile creep across my face.

"Hey, Benny!" Someone called out. I turned and caught sight of a group of officers that congregated just outside of the C.P. "Good to see ya again." Welsh grinned as I walked over.

"Good to see you again too, Sir." I greeted with a nod. "I take it your wound is all healed?"

"Yeah, thanks to you." He slapped me on the back.

"I didn't do anything. Just stitched you up and checked your pressure bandage." I shrugged.

"No need to be modest, Benny. I was there at that hospital. I saw what you went through." His eyes darkened for a moment before clearing and shining brightly with good-humor again.

"Congratulations on your promotion, sir." I turned and grinned at Lipton.

"Thank you, Benny." Lipton couldn't keep the smile from his face.

"You deserve it, sir." I smiled wide.

"Here, here!" Nixon grinned and took a swig from his canteen. I had a feeling it wasn't water he was drinking.

"The First Sergeant offer is still on the table, Sgt. Benally." Speirs remarked. and I smirked slightly as I turned to face the E Company leader.

"And my answer stands, sir." His lips twitched upwards as he nodded his head and I smiled as I peeled off my jacket, the sun warming my body making my skin flushed with heat.

"Jesus, Benny," Welsh exclaimed as he looked me over. "You don't look like you've had anything to eat since the last time I saw you." He stepped over and grabbed my shoulder, giving me the once over.

"I'm fine, sir." I raised my eyebrow as felt the rest of the officers eyes landed on my skinny form. I cursed under my breath as they scrutinized me. Welsh's comment had forced the officers too look at me with fresh eyes and they saw the toll that everything had finally taken on my body.

"When  _was_  the last time you had anything to eat, Benny?" Lipton asked, his brow creased in worry.

"This morning, Sir." I answered, neglecting to tell them that my breakfast consisted of a Hershey's bar hastily wolfed down as I made my way out to see the body of the dead Private off.

"I want you do go to Doc Roe and let him give you a once over." Winters ordered. "You are looking a little… thin."

"Come on Dick, the kid looks like skin and bones and nothing else." Nixon added with a grin. I resisted throwing a glare in the Captain's direction.

"Yes sir." I nodded in affirmation. I smiled and squeezed Lipton's shoulder briefly in congratulations. He returned the smiled, but I could still see the concern in his eyes as I made my way to house that doubled as a makeshift infirmary. I trudged up the steps and opened the door that was once a brilliant red, but now was chipped and dulled by the world around it. I felt a brief pang of understanding for the inanimate object before I stepped into the house and pulled the door closed.

"Hey Sergeant!" Spina called out as he took inventory from an open box of medical supplies. Gene looked up at the sound of his voice and creased his brow. I smiled at the medics and nodded a greeting. "What can we do ya for?"

"Winters wants me to get looked over." I said as I caught Gene's eye. He nodded and set the box of supplies he had in his hands down.

"I'll do it." He told Spina who just shrugged and continued with his counting. Gene motioned for me to follow him up the stairs and led me into a small room that had been set up to double as an exam room. He closed and locked the door, crossing his arms as he stared at me. "This 'bout last night?"

"No, Coop already cleared me for duty this morning." I answered.

"Coop?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Medic Cooper from Dog." I explained.

"Why dinna ya come ta me?" He asked, his mouth set in a stern line.

"You needed some time, so Speirs sent me over to Coop." I answered. His eyes hardened for a moment before a cold mask set over his face.

"So wadda you need now?" His voice distant.

"Welsh mentioned that I was looking a little underweight and Winters wanted me to get checked over." I answered. His eyebrows creased as he uncrossed his arms and ran a hand through his coarse black hair.

"Alright, take your shirt off and lemme take a look." I raised an eyebrow at his all business attitude, but brushed it off as I dropped my jacket on the table and unbuttoned my shirt. I slowly slipped the material from my shoulders and saw his frown deepen. He stepped up to me and lifted my arms up to gain better access to my ribs, then he walked around to look at my back. He cursed in French as he prodded my shoulders and spine, before walking back around and feeling my boney hips.

"Christ," he removed his hands from my hips and looked me in the eye. "How could I notta noticed this last night?"

"Well, we were a little preoccupied with more important matters, like trying to keep my brain from being fried like an egg." I grinned slightly.

"This isn't funny, Benally." He glared. "What da hell happened ta you?"

"What's with the 'Benally,' Gene?" I asked, ignoring his previous question.

"It's you name." He deadpanned.

"It's a little formal, don't you think?" I raised an eyebrow. He didn't reply, just stared hard at me.

"Why did'ja let yourself get this bad?" He asked, his voice hard.

"I didn't 'let' myself get anyway, Roe." I growled at his accusation. "You think I fuckin' did this to myself deliberately?"

"I'm beginnin' ta wonder." He stated.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you Roe, but you're being an asshole." I glared. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I'm bein' a medic." He replied. "How'd this happen?"

"How the hell do you think it happened?" I rolled my eyes.

"Why don'ja explain it ta me?" He replied as he crossed his arms. I pursed my lips together. I wanted to yell at him, shake him until he snapped out of whatever pissy mood he was in.

"Bastogne," His face hardened as that one word brought memories that flitted across his eyes like a horror movie. "The hospital ran out of supplies. I had to make a choice. The men needed the food so that their bodies had energy to start the healing process, so I only ate enough to keep me going and the rest went to the wounded."

"And what 'bout when you came back." He said.

"When I came back, we were still low on supplies." I answered, skirting around the truth.

"Not for long. Patton brought food with him." He pursed his lips. "Why didn'ja eat then?"

"I did." I glared.

"You wouldn' be this underweight if dat was true." He growled.

"Drop it, Roe." I said through clenched teeth.

"I won't."

"It's none of your business."

"When it concerns da health of one of da men, it is my business." I sighed and rubbed my eyes as visions of being covered elbow deep in blood played in my memory. I saw the men as they reached out for me, screamed for the mothers. I felt their hearts stop beating as I tried to staunch the flow of blood, felt their chest as they let out that one final breath. Their blood soaked my skin even now. Their screams fill my nightmares all black and white and stained with crimson.

"I… fuck," I breathed deep and forced the bile from throat. "I couldn't get my mind off of that hospital." I hissed. His eyes softened momentarily. "Then, when I could finally eat without feeling sick to my stomach again, Buck…" I trailed off as his brilliant blue eyes flashed across my mind. His face, haunted and broken as the snow fell down around him filled my thoughts. His voice, raspy and unsure, scared as he reached to me for comfort. I shook myself out of my own memories and looked into his eyes that were once again hard.

"You love 'im." Gene sighed.

"Of course, he's my brother. I love him like I love any of my family." I replied. He furrowed his brow and was quiet for a moment.

"So what 'bout after?" He finally asked, his voice softer and less harsh.

"I ate until we started running low on supplies again." He opened his mouth but I cut him off before he could ask the next question. "And then I got sick and it felt like I was eating shards of glass every time I had to swallow."

"I have ta report this." He sighed.

"If you report this, they take me off the line and send me to a hospital where they'll find out that I'm a woman and I'll be sent back to the states… or worse." I retorted.

"Maybe dats not such a bad idea." He said as he caught my eye.

"You're not serious." I demanded.

"War's no place for a woman." He crossed his arms. "All da guns, and da explosions and da death. It's no place for woman, even one as strong as you."

"Look," I hissed. "I have seen and been through worse fuckin' things in my life than this. I don't need you to protect me."

"Someone has ta." He countered.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my fucking self." I growled.

"Well, dat's apparent." He sneered and gestured to my emaciated form.

"Fine." I hissed and put my shirt back on. "Do whatever the hell want." I finished buttoning my shirt and got into face. "But I swear to God I will never forgive you if I get sent home." I grabbed my jacket and stomped out of the room.

"You okay, Benny?" Spina asked as I passed him on the stairs.

"Peachy fuckin' keen." I grumbled as I brushed past him and made my way down the stairs and out into the bitter winter air.

0000000000000000000

I made my way into OP 2 still reeling over my fight with Gene. He was different, he was distancing himself from everyone around him and he was trying to push me away. I knew I shouldn't have lost my temper with him, he was fighting an internal battle his base instincts that craved human socialization fighting against the part of him that wanted to push the world away so it didn't hurt the next time one of us ended up bleed and dying in his arms. Unlike myself who had voluntarily became a surgeon, he was plucked from the company and trained as a medic without any say in his own future. I was prepared, in a way, to deal with death, he was not.

I had experienced what it felt like to feel a person's life force drain from them as you held them, as you did everything in your power to save them long before I had ever landed in this time. Knowing you're the last face that that person will ever see, that your words were the last they'd hear, your hands the last comfort that they would ever feel, it's enough to break even the strongest person. If you distance yourself from the world, if you don't allow yourself to have someone or something in your life that can pull you out of that sick and twisted darkness that befalls your mind, you'll lose yourself. I couldn't let Gene lose himself like that.

"Hey Benny." Malarkey greeted as I walked through the back door of O.P. 2 and into the kitchen area. "You're lookin' better."

"I'm feelin' better." I replied. A small smile crept across the Sergeant's face as he stirred the pot of unrecognizable goo that sat over the small burner. My stomach gave an involuntary rumble as I sat at the high-top table with the rest of 2nd platoon. Malarkey dropped a tin cup in front of me and slopped the goo into it.

"What is it?" I asked as I sniffed at the food.

"Do you really wanna know?" Malarkey asked as he finished serving the others and himself before taking the seat next to me.

"Nah, I'm good." I grinned and spooned the concoction into my mouth. I chewed at something that resembled meat for a moment. "Not bad." I said through a full mouth as I shoveled in the stew-like food and reveled in the feel of it on my tongue like it was buttery lobster tail.

We sat in companionable silence as we consumed our meal. I was the first one to go back for seconds and the first one to finish. My stomach still grumbled in hunger as I watched the men eat.

"Hey." A soft voice called from the door.

"Hey Doc." Ramirez greeted. I spun around to face Gene as he forced a small smile.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" He asked as he caught my eye.

"Sure." I spun back around and gave a single forlorn look at the empty pot that sat in the middle of the table before standing up and stepping outside. The air was cool, but the sun was enough to heat my skin as it shone down from the bright blue sky. "So?" I asked slowly as I watched a cloud pass lazily through the sky. I heard Gene sigh deeply.

"I'm not gonna turn you in." He said. I dropped my gaze from the sky and turned to face the medic. I opened my mouth to thank him, but he held up a hand to stop me. "But, you're gonna have ta start eatin' more. No more excuses and I want you ta come see me at least four times a week 'til I'm satisfied you've put on enough weight."

"That's reasonable enough." I smiled slightly.

"Good, I'll see ya in a couple'a days then." He said as he turned to leave.

"Gene." I called out. He stopped and turned to face me. "You can't distance yourself from everyone around. It's not healthy." He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "The human species is a social animal. We need contact with other people, it's in our DNA. Isolation is a form of mental torture. I know it's hard, getting close to people only to have to watch them die. But it's better to know them, to carry them on and let survive through your memories. If they die and no one knows their story, then it's like they never even existed. As long as one person remembers them, even if that memory is of you fighting to save them, then they'll live on." He was quiet as he absentmindedly played with a string from the frayed hem of his jacket sleeve.

"Do you remember them?" He finally asked in a voice so soft I wasn't sure if he had even spoke.

"Every one." I felt tears sting at the corners of my eyes. I swallowed hard and pushed them back.

"How do you live with it?" His voice was almost a whisper.

"You know that as long as you remember them, then they will never truly be dead." I bit my lip as I stared into his blue-grey eyes. "Death isn't just the absence of existence, true death is being forgotten."

He stared at me without seeing me, lost in memories and nightmares. His eyes refocused and he nodded once before turning and continuing on his way back to the infirmary. I watched him until I could no longer see him, then took a deep breath and walked back into the kitchen.

I sat down, lost in my own thoughts of death and struggle, before shaking myself mentally. I grabbed my cup, intent on washing it in the sink, but felt a warm liquid slosh over my thumb. I looked down and noticed my once empty cup was filled with the stew-like substance. I glanced up at the men; they all had little grins of satisfaction on their faces. I turned a questioning gaze to Malarkey who just shrugged.

"We heard what Doc said." He grinned. "You've taken care us, now it's time for us to take care of you." His statement was met with nods and smiles of affirmation. I smiled brightly at them all as my heart swelled with gratitude and I dug into the bowl while the men finished off what was left of theirs.

Yes, this was definitely home.


	26. Weight of the World

We ambled onto the trucks, our loot weighing as heavy in our bags as our minds weighed on our shoulders. We had been in Belgium for so long, lost so many men fighting the Germans in uneven fights under terrible conditions.

I could still feel the blood of the wounded and dying. It caked my hands and seeped into my skin, becoming one with my own cells. I still felt them, felt their eyes on me as they looked to me to help them, to heal them. The bitter lies still sat heavy on my tongue, promises made in times of desperation. 'You're gonna be okay,' 'I'm gonna help you,' all lies as I tried my best to comfort and ease the suffering, giving them peace for their final journey into the abyss of death. The screams still reverted through my skull, calling out for me, begging me to make the pain go away. The shouts of 'Jo, we need you!' still haunted my dreams to the point that I would wake up from a sound sleep and go running for the door, even make it out into the hall, before I realized that I was no longer in Bastogne, that it was just a nightmare.

The men gave me sideways glances, pity and concern marring their features as the latest midnight escapades of Jo Benally flitted through the Company like the flu. But every word they kept to themselves, none of the stories ever reaching the ears of the officers or the medics. I was no danger to the Company or myself so they kept quiet, only stood by me stoically when the worst of the nightmares came.

I fought back my inner demons, put on a mask of ease, a smile that only Luz could tell was faked. Soon the stories, the pitying looks, the sideways glances all stopped. I still woke up and ran for the door every now and then, but it was getting less and less. The dead still weighed me down, still brought me to my knees as they overwhelmed my emotions with their grief, but I fought back. I got up off my knees, forced the tears back down and carried them onward.

The revelation that we were moving out of Belgium brought an odd sense of peace to me. To be moved out of the country that brought so much pain and suffering to those who were foreign to her soil lifted a weight that had settled down around my heart. I felt lighter, my smiles were less forced and more genuine. The nightmares stilled, I could distinguish their voices as dreams… for the most part. I still woke whenever my name was called, but I stopped running. The move from Belgium into Germany brought a new sense of peace I never thought I'd ever have again.

George smiled over the top of his truck at me as we approached the Belgian/German border. I smiled toothily back at him, the weight I carried becoming less and less the closer we got to leaving Belgium. I looked down around the men and saw their smiles, their relief, the shedding of the sorrow that was Belgium leave their bodies.

I took them in, really took them in, something I hadn't done since we left US. They were older, harder, they literally carried the weight of the world on their shoulders and it aged them, aged us. We were old beyond our years, wise beyond our knowledge. No one but those who surrounded us would ever know what we went through in Belgium, in Holland, in France. No one would understand what we did or why we had to do it. None of us would speak of what happened to here, of the horrors we faced and dealt. Only the person sitting next to us would ever understand what the rest of the world could never even begin to imagine.

I closed my eyes and let the sting of the cool air bite at my face. I felt the men as they all stood up around me, bouncing and jarring in the back of the truck bed. I opened my eyes as we crossed the border. We all turned and watched as Belgium drew farther and farther away. It drew the sorrow with it like one would draw venom from a snake bite. Luz turned around to look at me as the men dropped back onto the hard wooden benches.

'We made it.' He mouthed to me, a smile so bright it could block out the sun. I nodded and smiled back. We had made it to Germany, our intended target. We were no longer knocking on Hitler's door, we were inside his home, and now we were waiting for him to come out and greet us.

0000000000000000000

March 11, 1945

"So, Doc. Give it to me straight." I smiled as I slipped my shirt back on. We'd been moved into Sturzelberg Germany the day before and I was in with Gene for one of my routine check-ups.

"You still needda gain weight." Gene said matter-of-factly. He was still determined to distance himself from those around him. I tried to bring him out of his shell at every turn, but he was one stubborn half-Cajun.

"So, am I good to go for now?" I asked and buttoned up my shirt.

"Yeah, jus' come back in a few days, Sergeant." He said as he wrote something down on a small notepad he kept in his pocket. I raised an eyebrow.

"You know," I began, a mischievous grin forming on my face. "It used to be that when I took off my shirt for a guy, he did more than just write things down in his notebook." His head snapped around so fast that the notepad fell from his hands. The look on his face threw me into stitches and I had to catch myself on the wall to keep from falling.

"Wha-?" He questioned with a confused look across his face.

"Oh, Gene, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about." I grinned as I raised my eyebrows.

"I-I-" He flounder.

"I'm kidding, Gene… well, sort of." I laughed.

"Dat's not funny, Jo." He glared as I stood up and headed for the door.

"Yeah it is." I stepped out of the room and turned to face the medic. "Besides, it got you to call me Jo again." I smiled wide before disappearing down the hall, leaving a very confused Gene staring after me.

0000000000000000000

I was still laughing to myself as exited the makeshift infirmary and bumped right into a tall, hard body.

"Sergeant Benally." The voice of Captain Speirs filled my ears.

"Sorry, sir." I said as I fought to contain my grin.

""I take it you're feelin' better, then." He raised an eyebrow.

"I am, sir. Thank you for inquiring." I said as my grin fell to a smile.

"Good to hear that, Sergeant." He quirked his head slightly. "I made Talbert First Sergeant."

"I heard, sir." I raised an eyebrow. "He's a good choice. Tab's got all the qualities needed to be a great First Sergeant."

"You really didn't want that job, did you?" His eyes narrowed.

"No sir." I answered with a smile. "I'm content staying a lowly platoon sergeant for the time being."

He was quiet as he looked me over. A light suddenly came to his eyes and he took a step back. His eyes darkened and his eyebrows knitted together, a look fell across his face as if he was mentally fighting with something he had just figured out.

"What are you Sergeant Benally?" He asked.

"What am I, sir?" I raised an eyebrow, keeping a cool face even though I felt my stomach drop to the ground. I fought hard to keep my breath even.

"Yes Sergeant, what are you?" He frowned as if he could see my internal struggle.

"I'm…" I struggled for an answer. "A soldier?"

"Not that," he stepped closer to me. I looked down the street, desperately trying to find some out, some way to distract him.

"Navajo?" I tried again as he continued to step forward, trapping me between the wall and his body, cutting off any escape route I had. He bent his head down, his arms going on either side of my head.

A scene from one of those old documentaries popped into my head, the one where the lion chased the gazelle and cut it off from the rest of the herd. Without the protection of the herd, the poor little gazelle was doomed. It ran left and sprang right, but there lion was there, anticipating it's every move. The lion played with it, toyed with it before he took it down and ripped through it's jugular, effectively ending it's life. In that moment I knew a kinship with that gazelle.

"What are you?" He whispered, his forehead nearly touching mine.

"Want do you want me say, sir?" I said and cursed myself as it came out in a breathy whisper.

"Tell me what you are." He said, pulling his lips back and exposing his teeth like a wolf about to attack.

"I'm Tech Sergeant Jo Benally of Easy Company, second platoon. I'm from a small town in the Northwestern corner of New Mexico and I'm half Navajo and half German." I answered truthfully as I tried to fight back the shaking the excess of adrenalin had caused as it shot through my body. "That's what I am, sir."

"That's not all." He growled as his eyes dropped down to take in my form. I clenched my teeth and balled my hands into fists, trying to do anything to keep from letting him know how he was affecting me.

"What else is there, sir?" I forced out.

"I don't know." He whispered harshly. "There's something there, but I just. Don't. Know"

"Well, sir. We are in a fairly compromising position at the moment. Perhaps you could figure out what else there is at another time." I pointed out as I glanced past him and out into the open street.

He growled in frustration as he pushed himself back from the wall and stepped away. I hadn't realized how thick the air between us had become until I was able to feel the soft breeze against my skin.

"I will find out, Benally. I'll find out what you are hiding from me." His piercing gaze roved over me once more before he stalked off down the street and out of sight

I stood there, too shocked to move as I sorted through what had just happened. My brain tried to work, firing again and again like a truck's starter trying to turn over. I just couldn't comprehend what had transpired in that moment. I knew Speirs was a smart man, I knew he was observant and intelligent, but I was careful. I never let anyone but George and Gene see me as anything more than a man. There's no way he could have figured out what I was hiding…

Could he?

"Jo?" A hand fell onto my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I sucked in a deep breath, only then noticing that I had forgotten to breath during my exchange with the Captain. I gulped the cool air into my burning lungs and fought the wave of dizziness that overcame me. "Are you a'right?"

"I-" I stuttered as rubbed my temples.

"Jo." I felt an arm go around my shoulders and I jumped backwards, losing my balance in the process and landing on the cold ground. I looked up from my spot on the ground to see a startled looking Gene staring wide-eyed down at me. I groaned and dropped my head back down to the hardened dirt road.

"Ah, for fuck sake."

0000000000000000000

I clenched and unclenched my fist, a stinging sensation shot through my hands as the dried blood and mud mixture cracked and reopened the wounds from where my nails had dug into my palm.

"Stop dat." Gene scolded as he brought over a warm bowl of water and a bar of soap.

"Whadda we gonna do about this, JoJo?" Luz asked as he chewed on his nails.

"What can we do?" I asked in frustration as I ran a hand through my hair and hissed as the strands drug through my cuts.

"I said stop." Gene scolded again and grabbed my wrists, effectively stopping me from performing any of my nervous twitches. He sighed as he grabbed a cloth and swirled it around in the warm water before rubbing it into the four matching cuts in my left hand. George and I silently watched him as he dropped the cloth back into the water and squeezed out the excess, tingeing the water murky brownish-pink color, before scrubbing at the cuts again.

"He doesn't know for sure." I finally said, my eyes locked onto Gene's skilled hands. "If he did, I don't think I'd be here still. I'm not even sure if he knows."

"Then what was that about?" George asked.

"I think he just suspects something and he's frustrated that he can't figure it out." I sighed as Gene grabbed my other hand and repeated his actions. We were silent again as we watched Gene gently scrub at the cuts in my palm.

"So, what now?" George finally asked.

"We just… go about our day as usual." I answered with a sigh. Gene grabbed the bar of soap and ran a corner of the cloth over it until it was covered in foam. "I can do this myself, you know."

"I'm sure you could," he spared a quick glance up at me. "But I doubt you'd have da sense of mind ta do it." Gene answered as he brought the cloth to my palm and rubbed the soap into my cut. I winced as the suds caused a burning sensation to shoot through to my wrist. We once again fell into silence as I watched Gene's soft, swift hands clean the dirt from mine.

"He brought you that uniform when you were sick, you know." George said.

"Who did what, now?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Speirs, he's the one who came and got that uniform for you." George said, his eyes staring intently at Gene's hands. "You might have said something in your sleep. You were hallucinating, after all."

"Maybe." I shrugged as I mulled the new bit of information over.

BANG

"GEORGE!" We all jumped and whipped around to glare at the intruder. "There ya are. I've been lookin' all over for ya."

"Jesus Perco." George growled. "Whadda you want?"

"We're gonna go look for some eggs, remember?" Perco rolled his eyes. George glanced over at me and I waved him away. Gene glared and pulled my hand back down.

"Alright, let's go." He sighed as he grabbed his helmet.

"What happened, Benny?" Perco asked as he looked around George.

"I fell." I deadpanned. He shrugged and left the room. George rolled his eyes as he followed, pulling the door closed behind him. I sighed and turned my attention back to Gene as he resumed scrubbing my palm. "We've got to stop meeting like this." I grinned.

"What?" He raised an eyebrow as he looked up at me.

"Seems the only interaction we've had lately has been you treatin' me for something or another." I replied.

"Well, if you're more careful and took betta care of yourself I wouldn't have ta keep fixin' ya back up." He sighed.

"You make it sound as if I'm a burden on you." I raised an eyebrow. He was silent as he focused on my hand. "Ouch, Gene. That hurts." I pulled my soapy hand from his and placed it over my heart. "That really hurts."

"Do you wan' me ta finish or not?" He growled. I shrugged and held my hand out to him. He grasped it tightly to keep me from moving it again. As we fell into silence once again I found myself unable to resist twitching my hands. Gene sighed and stopped his task as he looked up at me, frustration written clearly across his face.

"Sorry." I mumbled. He glared at me a moment more before returning to cleaning my hands. After another stretch of silence I found myself humming a song that my mother used to sing to me when I was young as tapped my toes to the beat and closed my eyes as the memory of walking around in the mountains with my mom.

"Never heard that song before." Gene said absentmindedly as he wrung the cloth out.

"One more thing to add to the pile of mysteries about me." I grinned. He rolled his eyes as he tossed the cloth to the side and walked over to grab a couple of clean bandages. He sighed as he sat back down and then looked me in the eyes.

"Can I ask ya somthin'?" He looked pensive.

"You can ask me anything you want, Gene." My eyebrows shot up. "I can't promise I'll answer."

"Those tattoos on your shoulders. I ain't never seen anything like them." He mumbled as he pulled a loose thread from the bandage in his hand. "Do your women all have 'em?"

"No, they don't." I answered and smirked. "Actually, the elders frown upon tattoos, it's a social stigma."

"Den why do you have 'em?"

"Gene, has anything I have said or done up to this moment indicate that I would follow social norms or edicates?" I raised an eyebrow.

"No. Not at all." He grinned and grabbed my hand and started to cover the cuts. "What do dey mean?"

"This one," I rolled my left shoulder indicating which one I was talking about, "is a bear. Bears are representative of power and courage. I got it just before I joined the Army." I rolled my other shoulder. "This is a ts'aa'. It's a duplicate to the basket my grandfather uses in his ceremonies. He's a medicine man. It has many meanings depending on it's use, but the center represents where we emerged from the world, the black indicates the darkness, the struggle and pain of life and the red indicates family leading you from the darkness."

"But dere is more black." He pointed out.

"Yeah, but it is interspersed with white. You learn and grow and then the outer rim of light represents spirit world where this no darkness only light." He looked at me wide eyed.

"My grandmother was a healer." He mentioned as he tied the other hand. "She was a faith healer, a traiteuse."

"We've got a lot in common," I smiled and he returned it with one of his own.

"Yes we do." He finished wrapping my left hand and held onto my wrist. He pushed my sleeve you a little higher tracing the permanent ink on my forearm. "What 'bout dis?"

"Broken arrow," my eyes traced the final tattoo I had gotten before I woke in this strange place. "It means peace. Kind of a… hopeful wish."

I watched as his thumb traced the simple yet meaningful design.

"My grandpa was there for each one I got, he wanted to make sure the artist got everything just perfect. He's always been more open-minded than most of the elders." I smiled at the memory of him hovering over the tattooist, correcting the artist before any mistakes were made. "He told me if I was going to go to the Creator with art all over me it had better be accurate."

Gene smiled as he dropped my arm, tugging the sleeve back down as he did.

"All done." He announced and stood up. I followed suit and before either of us knew what was happening, I threw my arms around him and gave him a quick hug, taking him off guard.

"Thanks for taking care of me, Gene." He raised an eyebrow at me as I grabbed my helmet and stuck it firmly on my head before spinning around. Being the graceful person I was I promptly tripped over my own two feet and fell to the floor, laughing up at the ceiling as I did so. His grinning face blocked out the knotted wood as he held his hand out to me and I grabbed it before he pulled me to my feet.

"Be careful or you're gonna put yourself inta traction." He rolled his eyes as a smirk fought it's way across his lips.

"Me? Never." I grinned. He shook his head and smiled as I opened the door and stepped out into the hustle and bustle of day, all dark thoughts lost and replaced with the happy memories of my past.


	27. Cat and Mouse

I spent the next few days flittering from doorway to doorway, room to room and bolting for cover every time I caught sight of Speirs or heard his voice or very distinct stomping coming my way.

George found this to be ridiculously hilarious.

"Shut up." I hissed as I smacked him over the head before peering out of the cracked door to see said Lieutenant standing just outside my current hiding spot, turning his head to and fro. I knew he had spotted me, our eyes locked over the crowded road just before a truck drove past, blocking his view of me and giving me the opportunity to grab George's arm and bolt to the nearest hiding spot. I gently closed the door and leant my forehead against it as I let out a groan. I smacked my head against the frame once, twice for good measure.

"Hey!" A voice yelled, startling me. I jumped and whirled around, nearly colliding with George in the process. "Stop dat, you're gonna give yourself a concussion."

"Jesus Christ, Gene." I growled as I tried to calm the rush of adrenalin that was coursing through my body. "You scared the hell outta me!" Gene raised an eyebrow and looked between me and George, who had fallen to the floor clutching his stomach and wiping at his eyes.

"It's not that funny." I growled and nudged him with my toe.

"The fuck it isn't." He managed to wheeze out before collapsing into a heap of uselessness. I contemplated what the repercussions of giving him a good hard kick would be before settling on just giving him a death glare that was sure to leave scorch marks on his head.

"Do I even wanna know wat you two are up ta?" Gene asked. I sent one more scathing look in the direction of my best friend before turning to the medic.

"It's nothin'." I grumbled as I moved over to take a seat on his makeshift exam table.

"Bullshit." George laughed. "She's been playing cat and mouse with Speirs for days now."

"Why?" Gene raised a questioning brow.

"Because he's stalking me," I rolled my eyes. "And I'm not comfortable being around him right now."

"Now you know how everyone else feels around him." George grinned.

"Why? Are the rest of you all hiding breast underneath your uniforms as well?" I glared. Gene muttered something in French and looked away, but not before I could see a slight pink color spread across his cheeks.

"You mean you don't know?" A mock surprise look fell over George's face. "Underneath this shirt is a pair of tits so big it's a wonder I don't knock myself out when I run."

"That's it." Gene growled as George and I laughed. "OUT. Both out you. OUT!" He shooed me off the table and towards the door.

"But what if Speirs is still out there?" I asked, trying my best pathetic look, which he was apparently immune to.

"Well, you're jus' gonna have ta deal wit' it." He said with a suppressed grin slowly snaking itself onto his face.

"You're so cruel." I faked a sob as he shoved us both out of the door.

"Sgt. Benally." A hard voice greeted me. I made a move to dive back into the room, but Gene firmly planted himself in front of the door, his arms crossed. He wasn't even trying to suppress the grin anymore. The bastard. I glared at him before slowly turning towards the officer and dropped my face to a neutral expression.

"Cpt. Speirs." I greeted.

"Cpt. Speirs." George greeted with too much glee for my liking. I stepped closer to him and discreetly grabbed the back of his shirt, effectively keeping him from bolting and leaving me to face the lion alone.

"Luz, Doc." Speirs nodded a greeting to each of the men before turning his piercing stare back to me.

"Was there something you needed, sir?" I asked slowly. Luz made a noise in his throat and I looked over to see a minute shake of his head.

"I think you know why I'm here, Sgt. Benally." Speirs said. I paused for a moment and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just a lowly Sergeant, sir. I couldn't begin to understand what would be going on in the head of such a well respected Captain like yourself." I replied.

"Kiss ass." George mumbled just loud enough for me to hear.

"I'm not one of prissy ass officers at Regimental, Benally, flattery won't distract me." The corner of Speirs' lip twitched.

"What will distract you sir. Gunfire? Because if it is gunfire, then I'll happily shoot Luz here." I motioned to said person with a tilt of my head.

"Hey!" Luz cried.

"Oh, quit being such a baby, Gene's right there." I motioned to the Cajun man who stood silently with a look of amusement on his face.

"Oh no, don' be draggin' me inta this." Gene shook his head.

"You would really shoot your best friend just to save your own ass?" George asked.

"Fuck yeah." I answered as he scoffed. "You know you'd do the same."

"Well, yeah, but I would never tell you that to your face."

"You just did."

"Only because you made me."

"I didn't make you a fucking thing." A throat cleared, breaking us out of our argument. We both turned to a slightly bemused, slightly agitated Speirs.

"I'm still not distracted." He deadpanned.

"It was worth a try." I sighed.

"How long are you going to play this game?" Speirs said, a hint of exasperation coloring his voice.

"What game, sir?" I asked.

"This mind game." He answered.

"I'm playing a mind game, sir?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You are and you know you are. And you are damn good at it, Benally." He stepped closer and Luz reflexively stepped back. I stood rooted to the spot, determined not to let him see how much he was affecting me. "I could just order you to tell me what you're hiding."

"You could, sir." I answered staring right into his piercing brown eyes. "But I don't think you will."

"You don't, do you? And why is that?" He stared right back into my own dark eyes, almost as if her were trying to look into my very soul.

"Because you haven't yet, sir." I said in almost a whisper. He stared me down for a long moment before leaning back slightly.

"I will find out what you are hiding, Benally." He whispered.

"I don't doubt that, sir." He nodded to me once, then spun on his heel and stomped away. I turned around to find both George and Gene staring at me in shock.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You must have a death wish." George shook his head.

"I agree." Gene mumbled as we all looked after Speirs retreating form.

"So do I." I mumbled as I breathed a sigh of relief that I had eluded certain death for one more day.


	28. Mad World

It always amazed me, the cruelty of men. How one person could hate another for something so trivial like differences of faith or something that one cannot control like race. It wasn't until I joined the Army that I knew just how cruel those people could be. Ignorance and hate… that is what a soldier is truly up against. Hate is the enemy of all. Hate starts all wars and brings about all murders. I was not ready for the extent that one group of people would go to just because they did not share the same point of view as the others.

I hoped with everything that was in me that I would never have to see such horror again in my lifetime, that I would never see another person so hurt by another's ignorance and hate.

But hope was worthless these days.

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It was a beautiful day. I spent the morning sitting on the roof of a war-torn building, allowing the sun to soak into my skin as I enjoyed the sound of life going on around me. The shouts and laughs of men as they played and talked in the street hummed pleasantly against my eardrums. I felt more like myself then I had in months. My belly was full of food-like products, my body freshly cleaned in a warm shower… I had even managed to gain a few pounds.

I breathed in deep. The smell of spring was in the air…

But there was something else. Something familiar and sinister that kept me from completely relaxing. Something I knew, but that was so deeply buried in my mind it refused to be brought up.

"Have you seen Winters?" A heavily accented and breathless Illinois voice asked beneath me. I opened my closed eyes and crawled over to the edge of the two-story roof. My eyes locked onto the dark hair and short stature of Perconte.

"No." Someone answered back just before Perconte dashed off, yelling at people, asking them if they had seen Winters or any of the other officers. I drew my eyebrows together before sliding back up the roof. I tried to relax again, but that smell kept tickling my nose and Perco's breathless voice refused to leave me in peace. I closed my eyes once more, no longer enjoying the day, but trying to bring up the repressed memories that held the answer to the question: what was that smell?

"Benally!" Speirs voice called out, shaking me from my own head. I twisted until I could see the window that the Captain was leaning out of. His lips twitched in what I had come to recognize as amusement. "What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking." I answered automatically. That smell…

"Something you couldn't do on the ground?" He questioned. I raised an eyebrow.

"I could, but I find the threat of impending death really gets the creative juices flowing. " I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up in a similar fashion to his.

"Haven't you experienced enough impending death to last you a lifetime? "

"

"You would think, sir." I grinned. "How'd you find me, sir?" I slid over and sat cross-legged in front of the window.

His eyebrows rose, the expression on his face answering my question, suggesting that he knew I was up here the whole time. If he were any other person I would have rolled my eyes, but somehow him knowing I was up here made sense.

"Find anything good?" I nodded to the helmet full of pilfered objects that he held under one of his arms. He opened his mouth, about to answer when Lipton's voice rang out.

"Captain Speirs!" I exchanged a glance with the Easy CO, before standing up and walking over to the edge of the roof to peer down.

"He's up here, Lip!" I called and waved at the new 2nd Lieutenant. Lip looked up before dashing into the building. I turned and raised an eyebrow at the Captain who, in turn shrugged. I slowly made my way back over to the window and crouched down as a breathless Lip skidded to a halt next to Spiers.

"What's wrong?" Spiers asked.

"Sir, first platoon found… a… a…" Lip sucked in a deep breath. "Well, sir, I don't know."

"Does this have to do with Perco?" I asked. "He was looking for an officer earlier."

"Yeah," Lip nodded as the ruckus started a new down on the street. I stepped back over to the ledge to see the men had stopped what they were doing and where running around, gearing up for something as Winters yelled out orders. I turned back around to report what was happening to Speirs, only to see an empty space where his overbearing frame once stood.

"What's going on down there, Lip?" I asked as I walked over to the window and slithered in through the frame.

"I don't know Benny, but you better get with Doc and Spina. Perco says we're going to need you." With that he turned and jogged through the hall and back down the stairs.

0000000000000000000

The truck flew through the trees. Spring had arrived early to Germany and it seemed as if the world was waking up around us, greeting the new season. It would have been almost picturesque if not for one thing.

"It's so quiet." I said to Gene who nodded, a look of apprehension marring his face. There was nothing, no sounds of animals waking up from their winter sleep, no sound of birds singing. It was as if the world went still.

We soon found out why.

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The smell hit me like a ton of bricks long before the tall barbed fence floated into my vision.

The smell.

I knew that smell.

_The arid desert air gave the feeling of being locked in an oven and a strange smell tickled my nose as I stepped out of the Humvee. I held my rifle at the ready as I quickly scouted the area out. I saw no one. It was completely deserted. I noticed the buildings had multiple padlocks on each door and the windows had been covered with steel plates that were bolted in place._

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard as the memories that I had buried so deep in my mind made their way up from the depths they were locked away in.

Death. Decay. Torture.

That smell.

"Benny?" Spina nudged me. I opened my eyes and looked up at him and Roe.

"Do you smell that?" I rasped out.

"Yeah," Roe nodded.

"What is that?" Spina asked. I didn't answer. I pulled out the stethoscope that Speirs had pilfered from one of the homes and slung it around my neck. Doc gave me a questioning stare but my mind was focused ahead of me, preparing myself for the horrors to come.

Camps. They called them camps.

Camps are where children go for the summer to play and socialize with others of their own age, where laughter and songs and ghost stories were traded. It was where you went to play games, make macaroni art, and cool off in the murky lakes as the summer sun beat down on your skin.

But you add one word in front of camp and it can change that image of happiness into one of unimaginable horrors.

Concentration Camp.

The trucks rolled to a stop in front of the large barbed wire fence that was topped with vicious, razor sharp wire, waiting to tear into the delicate flesh of those it kept at bay.

It was so quiet. Like the world stopped in its tracks to mourn, silently weeping for the souls that stood staring back at us with such hope and uncertainty.

"Open it up." Speirs ordered. I jumped from the truck and pulled my med bag with me as I marched past that unassuming gate. It should have been made out of black rod-iron, curled and twisted in sinister ways, not like the gate that I crossed every summer to visit my shi'nali hastii that kept the horses at bay and signaled the beginning of a summer full of happiness and love.

I jogged over to the first man I could and checked him over. He was almost unrecognizable as a man. There was no fat to his body and his muscles were eaten away as his body cannibalized itself, fighting for survival. His eyes held such hope at seeing us… seeing me. Like I was his savior brought to him to pull him from the belly of hell. I suppose, in some twisted way, that I was his savior. I had pulled out my canteen and held it to his lip when I felt a shadow fall across me.

"Give them water, small sips only." I ordered. Gene's shadow nodded as he relayed my orders to the rest of the medics. "Hinsetzen. Ruhe. Sie sind jetzt sicher." I said in broken German, cursing myself for not paying more attention to my Oma when she insisted on teaching me her native language. The man mustered a small smile, showing me the rotting and decaying teeth that sat inside his mouth. His gums were inflamed, dried blood crusted around his teeth. Even the simple act of that small smile must have caused him so much pain. I added antibiotics and morphine to my mental list of supplies as I smiled back at him and gently placed my hand on his back. He pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Danke." He whispered into my hair. "Danke." I felt his tears as they dropped down the collar of my shirt. I gently rubbed his back. "Danke." He whispered once more before he lifted his embrace. I nodded to him and moved on to the next man, knowing my task was just beginning.

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Time started to blur together for me once more. Like Bastogne, I treated man after man, their faces mixing and melting into one emaciated body. I stop seeing their faces after a while, stopped hearing their voices. It was a coping mechanism that I was able to perfect, one that saved me from the heartache that presented itself to me over and over again as I treated each abused and starved man.

"Sergeant Benally." A voice finally broke me from my work. I looked up to find one of the new replacements standing over me, clutching his helmet in his hands and suppressing his tears.

"What is it, Private." I sighed as I wiped away the beads of sweat that found home on my brow.

"There's something you need to see, sir." He gulped.

"Sirs are reserved for officers." I grumbled. "Do you see bars, leaves, birds or stars on my chest?"

"No si-ergeant." He stuttered.

"So don't call me sir." I snapped harshly, gaining the attention of those around me but no longer caring what they thought. I was too tired, too bone weary and heartsick to deal with the emotions of some sniveling replacement. "What did you want to show me?" I motioned for the properly chastised soldier to lead me on. He jumped and spun around before leading me deeper into the camp. I followed along beside him, taking in the utter devastation as I did so until the first of many small huts came into view.

My heart dropped to my feet when I saw Luz's face as he and Bull sat crouched down in front of the small door. I stopped short, already knowing what would greet me before I even entered.

"Private." I barked causing the replacement to jump. "Get the other medics over here… now." I ordered. His hand raised towards his head as his body drew straight and stiff. I glared hard at him, stopping him before he could throw me a salute. He gulped before dropping his hand and beating a hasty retreat.

I breathed deeply, nearly choking on the smell, and turned my attention back to the hut as I steeled myself for what was to come.

"Jo." Luz's hand shot out and locked onto my wrist, forcing me to turn my attention to him. What I saw in his eyes will haunt me until the day that I die.

I had never seen him like that before. The man I knew and had come to love, the one who always had a joke and a smile playing on his lips, was replaced by a man who looked lost and confused. He looked like a man tortured by a war that was not his making, who had spent too long away from his home and had seen more horrors than anyone his age should ever have to see. "Jo… they-"

"I know." I clasped my hand over his and squeezed it tightly as I forced a smile of comfort down at him. "I know."

He swallowed hard and I gently pried off his hand. He nodded once at me as he pulled his hand back to his side and stared down at the hard packed earth. I took a deep breath and entered the structure.

The putrid air was the first thing that hit me, a smell so foul that it nearly knocked me to my knees. I closed my eyes tightly, forcing the nausea back. I heard the grunts, groans, moans, and coughs of the men before I mustered enough courage to open my eyes once more. I blinked several times before I could focus my sight to the darkness that engulfed the hut.

"My name is Jo Benally." I spoke in a voice more gentle than I had ever used before. I knew it was unlikely that any of them would understand what I was saying, but I spoke anyway, softly, reassuringly. The men quieted instantly, those that were strong enough turned their heads towards me, their eyes lighting up in a way that I didn't know was possible. They squinted their crusted eyes as they stared at my form, illuminated by the light that glowed from the open door. I unwrapped my pilfered stethoscope from my neck and walked deeper into the room.

"Don't be afraid. I'm here to help you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations :
> 
> Hinsetzen. Ruhe. Siesindjetzt sicher – Sit down. Rest (peace). You are safe now.


	29. Fix You

"Listen up!" I called out to the group of Easy men that stood in front of me. "You'll be working in groups of three. We need to get these men out of these huts and into the fresh air. I want you to check each and every man before you move them. No sense in moving a dead man, our focus is on the living right now." A murmur of assent tickled my ears as I continued. "The easiest place to check for a pulse is the jugular, here, or on the radial side of the wrist, here." I demonstrated each site on my own body and saw many of the men practice on themselves. "If you don't feel anything, move on to the next man. If you're not sure, get me or one of the other medics to double check.

"Now, respiratory infections are our biggest concern at the moment. That is why we are going to separate these men into three groups. Those who you are sure have respiratory infections over there." I pointed to an open space far away from the huts and tucked into a corner away from the main throughway of the camp and down wind. "Were looking for hacking coughs, wheezing or raspy breathing, fevers, golden or rust colored phlegm and shallow, rapid breathing. Any of these men show these signs, bring the right over and the medics or myself will take it from there.

"The second group will be those who possibly have an infection. If they have one of those signs or symptoms and you are not sure, then bring them over here," I again pointed out the spot, far enough away from the last place and once again away from the main throughway. "One of us will triage them and send them to the appropriate location.

"The final group will be those that have no signs or symptoms of infection. We are trying to stop the spread of infection. No one here should be at risk as our immune systems are fairly strong, but still keep an eye on yourselves and each other. We can get over a cold fairly easily, but anything that comes from us and transfers to them can mean death." I sighed deeply.

"Soft hands, gentlemen. If you're not sure about something, find me or one of the medics. Got it?" Nods and grunts of understanding answered my question. "Good. Let's move it!"

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I stood up and cracked my back before rubbing out the kinks and knots that had settled into my spine after what seemed like hours of stooping over patient after patient. I sighed as I looked over the men that littered the ground around me. Over half of those that we had rescued from the huts showed clear signs of respiratory infection and we still hadn't completely finished emptying the other huts. Progress was slow, there were just so many men, so many bodies that needed to be moved. It felt like a never ending task and I felt whatever hope I had start to dwindle and burn out like a candle at the end of its wick.

"Benny." I turned to Tab walking over to me and nodded a greeting. "Winters wants to see you."

"Lead the way." I sighed as I caught Gene's eye in passing. He looked as tired as I felt. "I'll be over there if you need me." I told him, pointing in the general direction in which the new Company First Sergeant was leading me. He nodded and continued his work as I passed him by. I casually slung the obsolete stethoscope around my neck, grabbing onto either end of it and letting my tired arms hang from it as we approached the group of officers.

"Gentlemen." I greeted before turning my attention to Winters. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Yes, Benny, this is Major Kent, the regimental surgeon." I nodded my head in the general direction of the major as something caught my eye.

"Nice to meet ya, sir." I said absentmindedly as my eyes trailed after one of the 'displaced persons' or DP as we called them in the army. "Where did that food come from?" I questioned as I knitted my eyebrows together.

"We gave it to them." Speirs answered.

"You should have checked with me first, sir." I sighed and rubbed my tired eyes in frustration.

"You didn't know about this, Sergeant?" The Major asked, looking over me with a critical eye.

"No, sir." I answered with a frown.

"What's so bad about feeding starving men?" Welsh asked.

"Sergeant." The Major turned the question over to me, almost as this were a classroom with he being the teacher and I the student he was testing.

"Because their stomachs can't handle it, sir." I answered Welsh before turning to address the rest of the group as well. "All the bacteria that aid in the breakdown, digestion and absorption of food are either dead or dying and there is very little acid left in their stomachs, not to mention the fact that their body has most likely shut down digestion completely in order to save what precious energy and resources it has left to keep the more vital organs running. Their bodies are craving nutrients, vitamins and minerals, fats, protein, all sorts of thing that they have been deprived too long. Without acid and bacteria in their stomachs, they won't be able to break down the food properly, or at all. Without absorbing nutrients, their bodies will continue to tell the brain to eat. With no impulse control, they will literally eat themselves to death before they will ever feel full."

"Jesus Christ." Nix murmured.

"They need to rebuild the that acid and bacteria. Yogurt, sauerkraut, fermented milk, whatever we can get that can aid with bacterial growth will be the first things that we should feed them. It needs to be rationed out until their stomachs are turned back on, so to speak, enough to handle the breakdown of other foods." I sighed and scratched the back of my head before continuing. "Not to forget the risk of diarrhea, which will further dehydrate these men even more than they already are and that will kill them faster than anything." I finished.

"Impressive." Major Kent nodded. I forced a small smile as I unconsciously started to fiddle with my stethoscope, catching the Major's eye. "Where the hell did you get that?" He nodded to the instrument.

"Captain Speirs found it for me, sir." I answered. He looked me over with a critical, calculating eye before finally speaking once more.

"I'll get you a real one." He finally nodded. "Do you need anything else?"

"Besides the obvious, sir?" I asked.

"Of course, I'll work on water, food, morphine and antibiotics." He nodded.

"Tent's, sir." I answered. "At least six or more… and bedrolls or blankets." I explained my infection control techniques to him.

"Very good, Sergeant," a small smile crept across his lips. "I'll get you your tents and as many bedrolls, cots and blankets as I can. I'll also send you some relief as soon as I can round some up." He looked me over once more. "You're the Sergeant that treated all those men in Bastogne, aren't you?"

"Yes sir." I answered with a slight grimace and subconsciously scratch the back out my head. "That was me." He was quiet for a moment.

"I treated some of those men that you were able to evacuate. Without you, a lot of them would have never made it to my table."

"I uh… I don't know about that, sir."I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"I hate false modesty, Benally." He rolled his eyes.

"I don't think it's false modesty, Doctor." Winters interjected. "I don't think that Sergeant Benally knows just how invaluable he really is." He clapped me on the shoulder and I bit my lip, not sure if the praise was really warranted.

"Well, in that case, I'm a real fan of your work Sergeant." The Major nodded. "I'll get you what you need. And as far as I'm concerned, you are in charge of anything medical here. I'll let my doctors know they're to report to you."

"I don't think that will go over too well, sir." I hesitated.

"Bull shit." He grunted. "They need to be knocked down a peg or two anyway." He grinned and I forced a small smile back. "I'll get you what I can."

He stuck out his hand and I only hesitated slightly before taking it. He gave my hand to firm pumps that were liable to rip my shoulder from its socket.

"Keep up the good work," he added before dropping my hand and turning to address the officers. "Gentlemen."

He nodded in farewell before walking over and jumping into his jeep and speeding off down the road. Once he was out of sight I turned back to Winters and the other officers and excused myself.

I thought about what the major had said, about the men I operated on. I wondered how many of them had survived, how many of them were able to go back home to their families, hug their mothers, kiss their sweethearts. During those weeks in Bastogne I had never been more in doubt of my skills as a doctor before in all my life. I worried that my skills were too dependent on the technology of my time and that the next patient would present me with something that I couldn't fix without those machines. But with each patient, I was able to dredge up things I never remembered learning and some things I knew we never went over in medical school because the techniques were so obsolete. I racked my brain, trying to remember where I learned them, but just when I got a grasp on the location of those memories, they drifted through my fingers like smoke.

"Jo?" Gene gently laid his hand on my shoulder. I blink several times as my mind finally focused on the present. "You a'right? You're starin' off inta space."

"Yeah." I nodded "I'm fine… just thinking." I waited for the smartass retort I had grown so used to from George and Buck, 'Don't strain yourself,' but it never came. He just nodded and squeezed my shoulder before going back to his work. I watched his hands as he gently laid them on the cheek of a man who was gasping for breath. The man instantly calmed his breathing as Gene set to checking the man. His hands ghosted over the emaciated form as the man stared at him in something akin to awe. It wasn't everyone that had hands like him, hands that could calm and ease the soul.

"Jo, could you take a look at this guy?" Spina asked. I tore my eyes away from Gene's hands before settling them on the other medic.

"Sure." I said tiredly before following the medic over to a man who was laid in the fetal position.

"It's ok." I whispered as I gently touched his shoulder. "I'm going to help you." He uncurled himself as I set to work checking him over.

"Don't worry 'bout nothin'." I heard Spina's voice as he talked to the man. "Jo here will fix you up."

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True to his word, the Major sent along tents, blankets, bedrolls, cots, medicine, water and food rich in live cultures along with a brand new stethoscope worth what I estimated to be at least three times my monthly earnings. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship, silver plated, binaural and worked so well that I could clearly hear the crackling of the tiny infected bronchi of my patients without trying to mentally drown out the background noise like I did with the pilfered one.

I delegated tasks to all the medics, everything from caring for the patients to passing out rationed food, water and medicine. Once the large tents were constructed, we set about the monumental task of carefully moving each of the bedridden patients into them while keeping the spread of infection to a minimum. After what seemed like too many hours to possibly fit into one day, each patient had at the least their own blanket to curl up in if not a bedroll or cot as well.

"Gene." I called over to the medic, my voice heavily laden with absolute exhaustion.

"Yeah, Jo?" He answered, his face mirroring the exhaustion that I myself felt.

"Take the rest of the medics and whatever Easy men are still here and go back to town. Y'all need to get some rest." I ordered as a jeep full of fresh faced medical personnel finally pulled up to the camp.

"What 'bout you?"He asked as his brow creased.

"I'll be here for a while longer. I gotta get the new guys up to speed before I leave." I answered.

"I stay wit ya." He replied.

"No," I shook my head.

"Jo-"

"Gene, I'm going to need you well rested for tomorrow." I said, cutting him off before he could protest.

"But-"

"No buts, please." I almost pleaded in my exhaustion, too tired to try and argue. Gene sighed deeply and rubbed his hand across his forehead.

"A'right, Jo." He relented. "Don' stay here too long." He squeezed my shoulder. I nodded to him before he turned and went off to do as I asked. I contemplated the big hearted Cajun as I watched his dark head bob off into the crowd to relay my orders to the rest of the men. I thought about all the lives that had been saved because he was here, about how my life had been saved because he was here.

"Where do ya want me?" an all too chipper voice broke me from my thoughts.

"Coop." I answered in surprise. "What are you doing here, I thought you had been transferred to a different regiment?"

"I was, but when I heard you needed help, I jump at the chance." He smiled at me.

"I'm glad you came." I forced a small, tired smile as I looked behind him at the fresh medical personnel that were milling about. Their eyes held a horror to them just like ours had when we first came upon the sight that we now had become somewhat accustomed to.

I briefed the group on what we had set up and the layout of the camp before assigning them to their tasks.

0000000000000000000

"The next wave is here." Coop said as he stood up from the patient we were working on together. Night had fallen hours ago on what had to be one of the longest days of my life.

"Good." I nodded. "Gather the rest of the men and hop onto one of those trucks." I ordered as I stretched my aching back.

"What about you?" He asked in concern. "You've been here all day."

"I'm waiting for a doctor. I won't feel comfortable enough to leave and get some shut eye until one shows up, this isn't like what the medics have dealt with during battle," I answered with a weary sigh.

"Alright," he nodded with a jaw-cracking yawn. I forced a smile as he gathered the men and herded them onto the trucks. I walked over to meet the new group of medics.

"Are you Sergeant Benally?" a man with Captain bars and a caduceus displayed on his lapels asked.

"Yes, sir." I answered.

"Major Kent said I was to… report to you." He barely suppressed a sneer as the words poured from his mouth like a bad taste. I was too tired to care anymore, so I briefed him and the group before having the Captain follow me around as I explained everything I had done and what else needed to be done.

I stayed for a couple hours more until I was sure that the Captain would follow my direction, which he did so albeit begrudgingly.

"You did a good job here, Sergeant." He sighed as he and I finished checking out one of the DPs that had a severe infection.

"Thank you, sir." I nodded as I stifled a yawn.

"Go get some sleep." He nudged me in the direction of a waiting jeep. I nodded to him and made my way over to the vehicle, finally comfortable enough to leave him on his own until the morning… or at least until later that morning. I jumped into the waiting jeep and the driver took off, speeding deep into the night towards the town that I had left just the morning before but felt like I hadn't seen in a week.

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"Sergeant Benally." A voice called out to me as the jeep that brought me back to town sped off into the night. I looked towards the voice, the streets dark except for the slow burn of a cigarette as it briefly lit up the face of Captain Speirs.

"Sir," I answered as I made my way over to him with a weary sigh. He scrutinized me for a moment, started to say something, then decided against it and took another long drag from his cigarette.

"We moved your things into OP 1 with Doc Roe." He announced.

"Thank you, sir."I nodded as he looked me over a moment longer. My eyes finally adjusted enough to see his slim form in the moonlight. He reached into his pocket and produced a cigarette which he handed over to me. I took the cancer stick with a grateful smile and placed it between my chapped lips. He whipped out a lighter that he no doubt 'procured' from one of the homes and lit it. We stood in companionable silence as I drew deep from the cigarette, letting the hot nicotine burn away at some of the stress the day had left weighing heavy on my shoulders.

The night was clear and beautiful. Stars twinkled down at us a little too merrily and I was reminded of the night in Bastogne, the first one I spent alone in my foxhole without Buck there. I glared up at the stars, wishing them to dim and reflect the mood of the world around me. But despite my best efforts, they continued to twinkle brightly and happily down at me, mocking me in their cheerful existence, rubbing in the fact that they had not a care in the world while I had to stand day in and day out in this hell.

I sighed as I felt the familiar burn at my fingers indicating the eminent death of my nicotine filled coping device. I dropped the butt and watched it burn quietly in the road before snuffing its life out with the tip of my scuffed boot.

"Get some sleep, Jo." Speirs ordered in a voice much softer than I had ever heard come from the imposing Captain.

"Yes, sir." I answered and made my way over to OP 1. I climbed up the stairs to a smallish room marked with a make-shift paper red cross. The gesture brought a tiny smile to my lips as I quietly pushed open the door and slipped inside.

My eyes quickly adjusted to the low light that was streaming through the uncurtained window, allowing me to see the sleeping form of Gene curled up in one of the two beds. I sighed in exhaustion as I dropped onto the opposite one. I removed my boots, socks and uniform before slipping into the PT shorts that I so often slept in and that someone had so kindly left out for me. I made a mental note to thank George in the morning as I stood and pulled the covers back. I suppressed a moan as I crawled into the soft mattress and wrapped the covers around my worn and weary form.

"G'night Jo." Gene's sleepy voice called to me as my mind danced on the edge of consciousness.

"G'night Gene." I whispered back as I took the plunge and dropped into the blessed darkness of sleep.


	30. Lonely Soldier

_"Captain," Will greeted me. I smiled and nodded at him to enter the clay hut I called home. "Orders?" He asked as he stood beside me and studied the map I had pulled up on my tablet._

_"Yeah." I pointed to a satellite picture of a very large building. I pinched and zoomed in on the building to show it was surrounded by a fenced in area and several other buildings ranging from small to large. "We've been ordered to check out this area and find out what it houses. They think it might be a huge weapons cache."_

_"I'll go get the men ready." Will nodded and made his way out of my temporary residence. I studied the map once more, embedding the location and route in my mind._

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_My body bounced and jerked from side to side as the Humvee I sat in rocketed down the dirt road. We were two clicks from the supposed weapons cash and we had yet to meet any resistance. I was on edge, we should have been fighting off insurgents right and left, but the way was clear and easy._

_Something was horribly, horribly wrong._

_"Will." I called out over the radio._

_"I know Captain." His voice was heavy. "Where the hell are they?"_

_"I don't know, but I want everyone to be on their guard. There's something going on here." I relayed. I received various confirmations from Will and the men in the other vehicles as we finally pulled up to our intended location. "Stay in the trucks until I give confirmation." I ordered. I tapped the gunner on the leg. "Eyes on the prize." I told him before I opened my door and stepped out into the arid desert air, a strange smell tickling my nose. I held my gun at the ready as I quickly scouted the area out. I saw no one. It was completely deserted. I noticed the buildings had multiple padlocks on each door and the windows had been covered with steel plates that were bolted in place._

_"Clear. Let's move out, keep your guards up, boys." I relayed through the radio as I stood at the main gate. It was moments later when I was joined by Will and my other NCOs. "Get this fucking gate open." I ordered. The titanium plated locks proved to be somewhat of a hassle, but five minutes and one ounce of c-4 later we were maneuvering our way through the deserted compound. We still met no resistance, no one, not even a kid with a hand full of rocks… nothing._

_"No one's home, Cap." Will reported. I nodded my head._

_"Are all the building sealed?" I asked._

_"Every one." He confirmed._

_"Well," I turned to look him in the eye. "Let's see what all the fucking fuss is about. Blow one open."_

_"Yes ma'am." He grinned and relayed my order. I pointed to one of the smaller buildings and watched the men as they lay the c-4 on the lock. "We're ready." Will informed me._

_"Get it done, Sergeant." I ordered and he nodded. I stepped beside the door as Will and I looked at each other. "I'll go in first, the rest of you follow, hoah?"_

_"Hoah." I turned my face from the door as Private Reeds blew the lock, then turned and signaled Will to open the door. He nodded._

_"US ARMY!" He yelled as he kicked the door in. I swung my gun around the corner and enter the building._

_"US AR-" The words died on my lips as I took in the sight that greeted me, "Holy fuck."_

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_I forced the bile from my throat as my men carried out my orders and blew open the rest of the locked buildings._

_People, the buildings were all filled to the brim with civilians who had been starved, beaten and tortured. The buildings themselves were closed up in an almost airtight seal that had acted like ovens, cooking the people inside… alive. The smell of human waste, sweat and de-comp filled the air, making it unbearable to breath. The people that were still alive, and there were some that were still alive, were moved out as quickly as possible. All were unresponsive and barely breathing. I knew the majority of them would not last the night._

_"Cap." Will called as he came up to me, remnants of this morning's breakfast still clung to the corners of his mouth and on the sleeve of his uniform where he had wiped after regurgitating his meal. "We're ready to blow open the big building."_

_"Alright." I gazed at the men as they pulled the few living Civs from the buildings. I shook myself out of my stupor and turned to my friend. "Alright, let's do it."_

_We made our way to the building and I stood beside the door, signaling for the Specialist to blow the lock. He did so and I kicked open the door and entered the building in a slight crouch. The rest of the men followed suite and the stench of death and decay hit my nose for the umpteenth time that day. The building itself was separated into several different rooms with a long hallway that ended with an airtight door. I motioned for the men to start clearing the rooms._

_Each room housed a different source of incomprehensible torture. Blood, body fluids, bones and flesh littered the walls and floors of each room. Rotting corpses laid sprawled out in chairs and on metal beds, festering and putrid, their mouths open, their dying screams frozen in time for all eternity._

_We cleared each room until all that was left was the airtight room. Bones and ash and flesh were all that remained in that room and a glass wall separated a control room from the chamber. I walked out of the room and into the control room, running my fingers over the labels that indicated what the knobs and buttons controlled._

_Gas. Fire. Decompression. Acid. Then an entire set of biological weapons that would ensure the people that had been locked in the chamber would suffer a horrific and slow death. I closed my eyes and steadied myself against the console._

_"Captain." One of my NCOs called as he entered the room. "Captain, we need you outside. We've removed the living and they need care." I breathed deep and opened my eyes._

_"Yeah." I nodded and made hasty retreat out of the building and into the dry, hot air. There was no reprieve from the smell as it poured from the open buildings. I walked over to where they had grouped the survivors._

_I knelt down by the first person, a young boy, his flesh had been chemically singed from his body in places. His rib bones flashed yellowish brown where his body was lacking skin and muscle. His pink lungs could be seen moving slowly and irregularly through spots in his ribs. A small raindrop fell onto his abdomen and I turned my head up to the sky, but there were no clouds, only sunshine. Confusion marred my face as Will knelt down in front of me._

_"Are you okay, Jo?" He whispered._

_"Fine." I muttered back. "Why?" He reached over and rubbed a finger across my cheek before holding it in front of my face. I screwed my eyebrows together as I brought my hand up to my cheek. It came back wet and I realized, it had not been a raindrop that had landed on the boy's stomach, it had been my tears. I swallowed hard and pulled out a small handheld device from my pocket, a biometric scanner that displayed a person's biometric data when placed on their chest. I listen to the boy's heart beat as it echoed from the device. His heart was slow and barely beating, his breath was shallow and uneven. He had to have been in unimaginable pain. I knew he wouldn't make it and I knew I couldn't do anything to help. I pulled out a syringe and a strong sedative from the med kit Will had brought me. I stuck the needle deep and drew back the plunger, then tapped the air bubbles out. I injected the medication into his small and fragile veins, twice the recommended dose for a healthy man. I watched the data on the device change, listened as his heart slowed even more, then stopped altogether. A steady and prolonged mechanical beep came from the biometric scanner as the boy flatlined. I swallowed hard, pushing the bile back down as I removed the scanner from his chest and moved on to the next patient._  
  
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_Night had fallen before our relief had arrived with a medical team. Many of the men, women and children we had pulled from the buildings had died sometime during the day, only a few more by my hand, the rest had just given up. I pulled myself from the side of a small girl who had been the only one to wake up during the day. She stared off into the sky, no words passed her lips, she just stared. I ran my fingers through her hair, but had to stop when I came away with a clump of the dark mass. I resigned myself to just rubbing my thumb over her small hand._

_I gave my report to the Colonel who was in charge of the medical unit before making one final walk of the perimeter. Once I was far enough away from the lights and the hum of voices had become but a whisper on the air, I dropped to my knees and unleashed the tears that I had kept bottled up all day. I screamed into my hand over and over, the faces of each person, living and dead, that we had come across flitted through my mind, their mouths opened in silent screams that died in their throats before the world had the chance to hear them._

_So I screamed for them._

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I woke up, a cold sweat making my sheet cling to my skin. I brought a shaking hand to my face and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to control my labored breathing.

"You a'right?" I jumped and pressed myself into the corner of my bed, eyes wild and searching the dark. I heard the rustle of sheets and the padding of bare feet on the wooden floor but my eyes refused to adjust to the dark. My bed creaked and dipped down as the weight of another body pressed into the aged mattress. Gene's pale face finally came into view, illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the open window.

"Hey, 's okay, Jo. It's just me." He spoke soothingly, softly placing his calloused hand on my shoulder. His touch, his healing hands, broke me from the grips of my nightmare, bringing me to the present. I jumped from the bed and dashed out of the room.

"Jo." Gene called after me, but my single minded mission urged me onward until I reached the bathroom. I burst through the door and threw myself towards the porcelain bowl before emptying the contents of my stomach. I vaguely heard the door close quietly before I felt a warm hand pressed to the back of my neck in comfort. Once the pitiful amount of food I had consumed the previous day had been expelled I continued to purge every drop of bile from my stomach until I was completely empty. But I couldn't stop. I dry heaved until I was afraid I would crack a rib, the force of my body trying to purge everything was so great.

"Shhh, it's okay. Everything's okay." Gene whispered as he rubbed comforting circles around my back, calming my body's violent reaction until I was able to stop heaving and catch my breath. I stood shakily with his help and flushed the toilet before hobbling to the sink. I turned on the taps and splashed cold water onto my face, then grabbed some toothpaste from the cabinet and used my finger to brush the taste of bile from my mouth. I rinsed and spat the minty paste from my mouth before splashing my face with water once more.

I lifted my head from the sink and caught sight of my reflection. Staring back at me was a person I no longer recognized. Their face was gaunt with malnutrition, hair was short, limp and clung in clumps to ashen skin. Their eyes were sunken and surrounded by dark circles, all life they once held was long gone and only her dark orbits stared back at me, so haunted by the past that it seemed as if a hazy film had settled over them. I licked my dry, cracked lips and they did the same, the only indication that we were indeed the same person.

"Here," I turned away from the pitiful face in the mirror to see the kind face of Gene as he handed me a towel. I dabbed the water from my face and dropped the towel into the sink, refusing to meet eyes with my own reflection again.

"Come on." He gently ordered me as he led me through the hall and back into our shared bedroom. He gently pushed me until I dropped onto the bed, then took a seat next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I found myself leaning into his warm and comforting embrace, trying to hold my tears at bay as his other arm wrapped around me and pulled me into his chest. I buried my head into his shoulder and forced myself to breathe deeply as I fought against the demons of my past. Gene gently laid his cheek against my head as his hands softly rubbed up and down my arm.

"It's okay, sha." He whispered into my dark hair as he brought a hand up and ran his fingers through my short locks in a comforting gesture. "Tout va bien se passer."


	31. Little Talks

I stared up from my bed through the uncurtained window, slowly watching the night being chased away by the sun. I was unable to find rest after the past had forced its way into my thoughts, poisoning my mind with the horrors of living nightmares.

The birds began to sing their praise for the new morning as the first rays of sunshine crept over my weary eyes, burning them and causing me to close them for the first time since my rather abrupt awakening the night before. I sighed and pushed my protesting body to a seated position then brought my hands up to my eyes and rubbed the crusty feeling from them before forcing them to open once more. As my sight focused I zeroed in on the lump of blankets that covered Gene's sleeping form, the gentle song of his breathing and soft snoring had been the only thing that had distracted me during the night, keeping me grounded so I did not lose myself in my own past.

The gentle half-Cajun had sat with me until I had calmed. He never once asked what I had dreamt of and never spoke more than a few soothing words in heavily accented French until I was able to assure him I was fine. He had returned to his bed and I laid in mine, staring mindlessly out our window. I felt his blue-grey eyes as they burned into me for nearly an hour before the rhythmic breathing of his sleep became the music that calmed my mind and kept the nightmares at bay.

I shook my head and grunted softly, forcing myself into the present and pushed my weary body into a standing position. My joints popped and snapped in protest and I winced as the arthritis I had developed over years of adjusting my own body made it hard for me to move. I rolled my shoulders and stretched my body before quietly grabbing my shower kit and my semi-clean uniform from where it fell on the floor in my haste to lose myself in the land of dreams the night before.

I made my way into the small bathroom I was in last night and glanced down at the toilet in disgust, more of me than anything, then stripped down, folding my clothes neatly and hiding my bandage within my shirt. I turned on the taps and winced at the pipes creaked and groaned. The water spurted out of the shower head and splashed against the cold porcelain tiles of the shower box. I stepped in and closed the dark curtain, feeling the icy water hit my skin. I sucked in air through my teeth, making a hissing sound as my body shivered and grew rough with goose pimples. I allowed the icy water to splash down my back and wake my mind completely. A few moments later the hot water finally made its way through the pipes and mingled with the cold and warmed the temperature of the water considerably. I moaned quietly in pleasure, enjoying the feeling as it loosed my tight muscles and eased the ache in my joints, before grabbing the soap and lathering it into my hair. I rubbed it in, massaging my scalp as I did so clearing away all the dirt and letting it wash down the drain along with my dark thoughts.

An insensate knocking interrupted my shower.

"Hey Jo, ya in there?" George asked and knocked again. "Jo?"

"Yeah, George." I called and heard the door open.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"You already have." I said, rubbing the soap across the rest of my body.

"Good, 'cause I gotta piss like a racehorse."

"Thanks for sharing." I muttered as I rolled my eyes.

"Anytime, JoJo." I ignored the sound of him finishing his business. "Flushing." He warned just before the water's temp skyrocketed. I managed to step aside just in time.

"Thanks for the warning." I grumped.

"Not a problem." I heard him drop the toilet seat then smelt the familiar smell of burning tobacco.

"I'm sorry if the pipes woke you." I said as rubbed soap up my arms.

"Nah, I've been awake for a while talkin' to Perco." He assured. He was quiet for a moment. "But I did hear someone retchin' their guts out in her in the middle of the night last night."

"Did you?" I asked in mock curiosity.

"You alright?" He asked after a long moment. I ducked my head back under the water and pressed my hands to the wall. I watched my dog tags sway back and forth as the thrumming and warmth of the water eased my muscles and chased everything away, leaving my numb and unfeeling. I reveled in it, wishing it could last forever.

"JoJo." I jerked out of the water, shaking my head and bringing myself back to reality.

"Yeah," I answered as I wiped the water from my face. "Sorry."

"You alright?" George asked again.

"I'm alright." I answered as I turned the taps off before I could lose myself in the water again. George slid a towel through the shower curtain.

"I don't know how you do it, JoJo." He said as I dried the droplets from my skin turned pink from the heat of the cascading water.

"Do what?" I asked. He tossed my skivvies and my bandages over the shower rod.

"How do you treat people here and in Bastogne, and not lose your mind?" I finished tying my bandage around my chest and slipped on my skivvies before stepping out of the shower.

"That's easy." I answered while slipping my pants up over my boney hips. "I've got you."

George and I grinned at each other.

"And that statement just about sums up how far gone my mind actually is," I deadpanned. "Sad, really." George glared at me before grinning.

"Yeah it is." We both chuckled. I turned and grabbed my shirt from the cabinet. "Your bullet wound is healing well."

I reached behind and felt the jagged, puckered wound, tracing it from my shoulder toward my spine.

"Yeah, Gene did a good job at stitchin' it up." I commented as I grabbed my shirt and slid it up my arms.

"Jo?" A voice called through the door. George stood up and swung it open.

"Hey there, Doc!" George greeted. "Your ears must be burnin!" Gene raised a confused brow and I just rolled my eyes as I continued to button up my shirt. He looked back and forth between George before shaking his head.

"How's ya shoulder?" he asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but George beat me to it.

"Beautiful, Doc," he grinned. "Just beautiful." I heaved an annoyed sigh and slipped my socks on. "You're an artist, Doc. You really are."

"George." I admonished.

"No, really," He continued. "We should take a picture of your handy work and hang it in the lube."

"Louvre," I corrected as I bent down to tie my boots.

"That's what I said." I looked up to find Gene looking perplexed at a grinning George. I shook my head and punched George playfully on the arm.

"It's healing just fine." I said, ignoring George's pouting face. Gene nodded.

"There's coffee downstairs." The half-Cajun informed us.

"It's about fuckin' time." Perco groused as he pushed his way passed Gene.

"Christ, what is this, a convention?" I rolled my eyes at all four of us crammed into the small bathroom. George grinned as the three of us made our way out, leaving Perco alone to do his business.

"What can we say, JoJo," he shrugged. "We all wanted to watch you shower." I shoved him playfully and Gene huffed and rolled his eyes.

I let my nose guide me downstairs and into the kitchen where I zeroed in and focused on one thing…

"Coffee." I dashed over to the percolator, grabbed a cup and filled it with the bitter liquid. I took a deep sip from it and swallowed the scorching hot liquid.

"Smooth." I choked.

"You're gonna burn yaself." Gene scolded. I shrugged and blew on the coffee before taking another sip to appease the Medic. He ignored me as he and George poured themselves a cup. We sat in silence as we all drank our sludge, putting off what the day was about to bring to us.

"Sgt. Benally." A voice called sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. I knew who the voice belonged to before I even saw the owner.

"Sir." I answered as I grabbed another cup and poured coffee into it. "In here."

We all heard his boots as they made a beeline for the small kitchen. I turned and held the coffee cup out at the same time he appeared in front of me. He took the cup with a raised eyebrow and I just shrugged in answer.

"Walk with me." He said as marched out the back door.

"Just a moment, sir," I said as I turned to refill my cup, he nodded and continued out the door.

"Da hell do you two do that?" George asked as he and Gene eyed me.

"Do what?" I asked, confusion written clearly across my face.

"You two always find each other and know what the other needs without saying a thing." I raised an eyebrow and paused.

"You're just making shit up, George." I answered with an eye roll.

"He's right." Gene jumped in. "I've seen it."

"Ya see! You and he, with the cigarettes and the coffee," George went on.

"Everyone needs cigarettes and coffee… they're the staples of life." I scoffed and pushed myself away from the counter. "And we don't always know where the other is. In case you don't remember, we spent almost a whole month playing cat and mouse."

"Which only worked because you and he always knew where to find each other," George threw in.

"You're outta your fucking mind." I glared. "And I'm going to go follow our CO before he comes in here and shoots me."

"He'd never shoot you, JoJo." George said his voice heavy with something I cared not to identify at the moment.

Instead, I made my way out the door, flipping him the bird as I went. I sipped my coffee as I stepped down the stairs and walked over to Speirs who had found a seat on a concrete bench just a few feet from the house.

"Sir," I greeted as he motioned for me to take a seat next to him. We sat side by side for a time, just sitting and drinking coffee, watching the world pass us by.

"How ya feeling, Sgt. Benally?" He finally asked. "Because you look like shit." I bit my lip and tried, really tried, but I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips.

"Thank you, sir." I glanced over and saw a small smile curving its way across his mouth. "I'm better now that I've had coffee." I answered. He nodded.

"You gonna tell me what you're hiding yet?" He asked.

"Not yet, sir," I answered. "You gonna order me to tell you?"

"Not yet." He threw my own answer back at me.

"Good to know we're on the same page, sir." We both took a sip of our coffee.

"Hate to be contradictory." He agreed and I laughed outright, earning several strange looks from passing soldiers. But one glare from Speirs sent them careening off far away from the intimidating Captain.

"You'll have to teach me to do that." I told him as I watched them scurry off like rats.

"You just have to shoot a few people." He said flippantly.

"Is that all?" I asked in mock shock. "Well fuck, I think I start with Luz." The corner of his mouth twitched.

"Someone needs to."

"I let him know you said so." I grinned.

"Oh, I have something for you." He reached into his pocket and produced a rectangular box. "Here," he tossed it at me and I caught it against my chest with my free hand.

"What's this?" I asked with a raised brow. He nodded at it and I used my thumb to pop it open. "Well, that's a bit absurd..." I mumbled.

"The Army thanks you for your service… blah, blah, blah." He sipped his coffee.

"Really?" I muttered. "Why?"

"You were shot, Sgt. Benally." He said wryly. "That earns you a Purple Heart."

"Where should I hang it?" I raised an eyebrow and looked over at him. "Somewhere where the snipers can get a good look at it," I joked and held the box up so the medal hung over my heart. He rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly while I snickered and closed the box, sliding it into my pocket. We sat in companionable silence for a while finishing off what coffee we had left in our cups.

"You gonna be ok today?" He finally said all trace of our previous banter gone. I sighed deeply and ran my hands through my still damp hair.

"I have to be." I said. He turned his head towards me and I met his steely brown eyes with my own gaze. "I don't have a choice."

He cocked his head slightly in the way I had become so used to, the way he does when he calculates what I say and do. I felt my pulse as it jumped a notch but forced my breathing to remain calm and steady.

"You're a mystery, Jo." He finally said as he narrowed his eyes before returning his gaze to the world in front of him, "One that I intend to unravel."


	32. Weight of Living

I sighed deeply and stood up, stretching my back as I did so. The day had been long, made longer from the lack of sleep I had been suffering from. I groaned as I made my way out of the quarantine tent and breathed the cool air deeply forcing myself not to gag on the smell of rotting, burning flesh. I watched the townspeople with indifference as they walked past, some with shovels in hand. The officers had forced them to come in and clean up the camp in an effort to make the living conditions more suitable until better ones could be found for the liberated persons.

"How could they not notice the smell?" Lip asked as he came up beside me. I shrugged.

"I'm sure they could smell it, but what could they do?" He looked at me. "Had they said or done anything against this place or the Gestapo that ran it, they would have ended up dead or worse, a prisoner here themselves."

"They could have told us the moment we entered the city what was here." He replied.

"They should have, but you also have to think that these people have been taught to be terrified of any military presence. It's a fine line, Lip. I'm not defending them, but I can't just out and out condemn them either. You're a God fearing man so you believe they'll face their judgment one day, isn't that enough?"

"You don't believe in God, do you?" he asked.

"I'm open to the idea, but I'm not going to live my life as if it is dictated by some invisible presence," I shrugged. "If I'm going to be forced to live this shit filled life, I'm going to live it the way I want."

"And if there's no God then what punishment will these people get?" he asked, more curious than anything.

"They have to live with knowing they could have done something to help these people but chose to turn a blind eye to their suffering. Living with this is going to be so much harder than dying for it."

Lip shook his head and slapped my back.

"If only we could all be as forgiving as you are, Benny." We watched as Webster shoved passed the baker, causing the old German to fall to the ground.

"It takes a lot of practice, Lip." I shrugged.

I hit my fist against the wall and watched as the blood seeped from the broken skin. The physical pain was much easier to deal with then the emotional. I sat alone in my temporary quarters as the day turned into night. But the scene of the past day kept playing over and over in my head. I saw the children I had tried to comfort slowly die in my arms over and over again. I wanted revenge, I wanted to kill. Blood filled my mouth as I continuously bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying out in rage and sorrow.

I picked up a book from my desk and hurled it against the wall, leaving a dent in the crumbling clay. The pages flew open and spilled the contents hidden within. Treasures of no importance to anyone but myself spilled like secrets from a mouth. I walked over and gathered them, pictures of my brother and I with our father, my mother cradling me as an infant, my Opa spinning an eight year old version of me around in circles as my Oma looked on and laughed. Then there was one taken just before I left for my tour. It was one of my father and I meeting with my grandfather in his full ceremonial regalia. He presented me and my father with an eagle feather, a symbol of the warriors that stood strong in a tribe of peaceful people. I placed the pictures back into the book and found the feather. I ran my fingers over the soft down of the bicolored plume. Light and dark, peace and war, life and death, the story of life written on the wings of creature that traversed both worlds.

I sat down in the center of the room and closed my eyes, listening to the steady drum of my heart as I twirled the feather in my fingers. I breathed deep the air, filling my lung and holding it in as I cleared my thoughts. I exhaled, expelling all the bad thoughts and pent up anger within me. I had to go on, and the only way to do that was to forgive… even if I could never forget.

"Holding on to that much hate and anger just kills you from the inside out." I imparted, pulling out of my revelry. I felt the eyes of the newly anointed lieutenant as they bore into me, studying me as if I were a strange species he had never encountered before.

"When'd you get so smart, Benny?" I shrugged nonchalantly. "Why do I get the feeling you're holding something back?"

"I have to get back to work, typhus isn't going to cure itself." I redirected as I walked away from Lip over to the supply crate and grabbed as much penicillin as I could handle before I made my way back to the quarantine tents.

"Sgt. Benally." I turned to find Speirs standing behind me, his ability to sneak up on me still intact.

"Sir." I greeted. He raised his eyebrow at me before grabbing a few of the bottles from my overfilled arms.

"Thank you, sir." I nodded and ducked into the first tent as he followed with the vials. I walked up to the medic who had been watching over the men and handed him a few of the small glass containers filled with life saving medicine. As I instructed him on the proper dosing instructions the young man kept stealing sideways glances at my Captain, forcing me to repeat myself more than once. One glare from said Captain had the medic to diverting his attentions from the imposing man to me and I was able to finally relay the instructions to the corporal who wrote then down word for word. Satisfied, I turned and left the tent before making my way over to the next one, giving the same instructions as Speirs silently trailed along with me. I grinned as I took the medicine bottles from his arms, the medic unwilling to come near him as we reached the final quarantine tent.

"Is there anything I can do?" Speirs asked.

"Yeah," I paused as we exited the tent and turned towards him, nearly colliding with his chest, he followed so close behind me. I grabbed onto his shoulder to keep myself upright as I lost balance at the same time his hand grabbed my forearm to do the same.

"Are you alright, Sergeant?" He asked, his eyes betraying no emotion as I dropped my hand from him and took a quick step back.

"Fine, sir. Just wasn't expecting you to be following that close." I raised an eyebrow, a motion he mirrored before clearing my throat. "Right, I… what was I saying?"

"You were about to tell me what I could do to help." He the corner of his mouth twitched.

"Help… yes…" I breathed deep, trying to remember what I was going to have him do. "Oh, yes. Their clothes, they need to be burned."

"Burned?"

"Yeah, typhus is spread by lice."

"Lice."

"Yes, lice. The men have been cleaned, but their clothes just need to be burned. We've scavenged what we can from the village and the Colonel has promised to bring more. We need to burn everything that could be infected with lice… probably away from the camp is best."

"Anything else?"

"No… Yes! Whoever does it needs to make sure they are protected so that lice can't infect them. Arms, legs, necks and head, all covered." I added. He nodded in affirmation.

"How do you know all of this?" He asked and a momentary shiver of panic shot down my spine as I tried to explain.

"I'm an A+ student?" I copped out. He rolled his eyes and produced two cigarettes from his pocket, offering one to me. I smiled as I took it.

"You're full of shit, Sgt. Benally." He replied lighting the tobacco and inhaling deep. I tucked mine behind my ear for a later.

"So I've been told, sir." I retorted.

He shook his head and walked off towards the townspeople, no doubt finding them to be more suited to the task I had asked of him then our own men. I grinned as I watched him walk off, thinking about the rather unusual friendship we had struck up. He was the one man I knew who would send me home for sure should he found out my secret, yet I found myself growing more and more comfortable around him. It was the mark of a good leader, even when danger is lurking in the shadows, he made you feel safe. Even if said danger was him.

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"You need anything, Jo?" I looked up from the man I was treating straight into the concerned blue-grey eyes of Doc Roe.

"Nah, I'm okay. Thanks." I nodded and padded my patient's shoulder before standing up and stretching my back.

"How's everything goin'?" I asked.

"Good," he shrugged. "Your infection control seems ta be workin' well," he pointed to the tents. "Da Major's got food comin' in." I nodded.

"What about finding these men anywhere to go?" I asked and shrugged in response.

"Don' know yet." He grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn and look him in the eyes. "How are ya?"

"Fine, Gene." I smiled as I turned to leave, but he stopped me once again.

"You're not fine," he stressed. "You can talk ta me."

"I know, Gene." I sighed and covered his hand with my smaller one and squeezed it tightly. "Thank you." He nodded and our connected hands dropped. We walked together, observing the small world that existed around us in the camp.

"That dream you had…" Gene began.

"What about it?" I snapped, knowing this conversation was coming but not looking forward to it. "Sorry," I amended at his raised eyebrows. "Not much sleep."

"Did ja get any last night?" he asked in concern.

"A bit," I lied even though I knew he would see right through me.

"Come on, Jo," he sighed in frustration and played with the frayed ends of his coat sleeves. "After everything we've been through, don' you trust me?"

"It's not a question of trust, Gene," he gave me a look. "It's not. I trust you with my life."

"Then why won' you tell me what's botherin' ya?" He asked softly. "Because I know it's not jus 'bout dis."

"Because," I stopped, as did he. I regarded his eyes that were so soft and caring, so eager to heal, but I knew, what I had seen and been through couldn't be healed by him. I was too damaged. "My burdens are my own, Gene."

He was quiet for a moment as he mulled over what I had said. His sharp eyes roamed over me in the same way I had seen them roam over a wounded man or a sick patient. He was trying to find some way to help me, to heal me, to ease the pain that he could see constricting me from the inside out.

"Ya know," He began, his eyes finding mine once more. "Ya don't have ta carry the weight alone. I can help ya, da same way you helped me; if you'll let me."

"You do help me, Gene." I smile gently. "More than you can possibly know." His face lit up slightly, a smile curving along his lips. "But this, this I have to deal with on my own. Alright?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "A'right." I squeezed his shoulder briefly.

"Thank you."

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I sat with my head resting against my folded knees, dozing slightly as the days and sleepless nights finally collected their toll. The quiet roar of the world around me lulled me into a state between sleep and wake, where every sound added to my foggy dystopia, the icy fingers of a nightmarish land moments from having me in its grips.

"JoJo!" a hand slapped my back, startling me back into reality. I slowly raised my head to peeked my eyes open at the grinning face of my best friend.

"Heya George." I sighed deeply and rubbed my eyes. "Great timing, as always," I mumbled as the stars cleared from my vision.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Never mind," I smiled. "What's up?"

"I thought you might need some coffee." He sat down next to me, his shoulder against mine.

"I would kill for some coffee." I groaned.

"Now, now, no need to get homicidal." He laughed. "Here it comes."

I looked over and saw a young boy bringing over two steaming cups a large grin threatening to split his face in two. I glanced over at George, my eyebrow raised.

"Here'a go." The boy voiced in slightly broken English.

"Danka." I replied.

"Thanks kid." George rubbed his stubbled head. The kid bared a wide, gapped toothed grin at us before running off towards a group of Easy men. I turned towards my friend my eyebrow still cocked in silent question.

"What?" he shrugged. I took a gulp of my coffee and balanced the warm tin on my knee, my gaze still cutting across to George.

"Fine! He's a kid from the camp," he explained. "Me and the fellas figured since he's speaks English pretty well and all, he could, you know, run errands around town for us. Get 'em outta this place for a while. "

My gaze left my best friend and moved to track the young boy as he laughed at the group of men he stood with. They chuckled and took turns rubbing his head 'for luck' I heard one shout.

"You know," a small smile played at my lips, "You ain't so bad." I looked at him as he grinned in delight. "For a lug head."

"Hey!"


	33. It's a Lovely Day Tomorrow

Word came through the line, Hitler was dead. A strange feeling washed over me at hearing this. I had spent so long now with these men fighting what felt like an invisible hand that kept throwing everything that he had at us. The gravity of the situation didn't really hit me until we were on our way to Berchtesgaden. Leaving the camp was harder than I expected it to be. I thought I would feel the burden of all these lives lift from my shoulders, but the opposite occurred. I could feel the heavy weight of the newly liberated people who had not only no place to go, but whose families may now only consist of just them. The illness and disease that swept through the camp and the relief efforts of the red cross nurses. I wondered if it would be enough. I wondered if it would ever be enough.

I wondered if we were ever going to get moving…

We were stuck on the mountain road. The Nazi's in their infinite wisdom and petulance had caused large rock slides in an effort to keep us out of Berchtesgaden.

I rolled my eyes as another shot from the rocket launcher screamed out and hit the rock slide with a deafening blow.

"That's never going to fucking work." I groused as I watched Webster join in the fun loading up a bunch of live grenades just as Sink's truck came rolling up.

"Oh ye of little faith," I heard Malarkey tease.

"Yeah, if nothing else, the shit show afterwards should at least be entertaining," George added. I glared at him and quickly snatched the cigarette out of his mouth. "Hey! I was smokin' that!"

"Have any of you ever had fireworks before?" I asked ignoring George as a much louder explosion rocked the street.

"Yeah, what's that gotta do with this?" George asked as he tried and failed to take his cigarette back.

My eyes rolled as I tried to explain the fundamentals of clearing a path.

"Look, you place a firecracker on your hand, palm open and what happens?"

"You burn your damn hand," Webster offered.

"You burn your damn hand." I affirmed. "Now, you take the same firecracker and put it in your hand, but this time you close your fist tight around it." I mimicked the movements using my own hand and the cigarette in place of a firecracker. "Now you light it and what happens?"

Blank looks stared back into my dark eyes. "Anyone?" I sighed. "You-"

"You blow your hand off." The men were on their feet in an instant as I casually glance up from my shady spot near the truck's wheel and I grinned up at Speirs, his eyebrow lifted as did a small corner of his lips.

"So, in order to clear this road of the debris, we have to first dig into the debris, then place the explosives and poof! No more hand, no more roadblock."

"So, why aren't we doin' that?" Liebgott asked.

"Are you an engineer?" I retorted.

"Well, no."

"Do you have machinery capable of digging straight into the middle of that rock slide while not only calculating the exact position but just the right amount needed so that another, more massive slide does not occur?"

"N-no…" he stuttered.

"No. That's why we need those lazy asshole engineers that never show up when you need them."

"Yeah," George grinned down at me. "Those lazy asshole engineers with their fancy learning and college smarts." I glared harshly at him.

"I would ask where this conversation is going, but we have orders from Sink to take the the town. Assemble down on the Autobahn." I looked up at him as he towered over me from my seated position in the partial shade and squinted up at my C.O. with a grin on my face.

"Well, it's about damn time," I could hear gasps as I spoke so casually and flippantly to the captain. "My ass has started hurting just sitting around here doing nothin', Sir."

The sound of silence was so deafening you could hear the dropping of the small rocks from where they were dislodged by the blasts. The men looked from me to the captain and back, all waiting on bated breath for what would certainly be my murder. My eyes locked with Speirs as a slow grin lazily made its way across his lips.

"Well, we need your ass up on that Mountain Benally, best to get off it." He held his hand out to me and I grasped it tightly as he pulled me firmly onto my feet.

"As you wish, sir." I grinned back at him and released his calloused hand. He turned to the rest of the men and barked a few quick orders at them, sending them scattering like roaches from the light. I rolled my eyes and helped prep 2nd for departure as we made our way up to the town built on the fundamentalist idea of Aryan supremacy.

"This is more than a little quiet." Malarkey whispered to me as we made our way to the town of Berchtesgaden.

"Everyone who lives and works here is a Nazi," I replied. "If you were part of a town full of Nazis and you know that a bunch of American soldiers were going to come parading up your street, you'd have high tailed it out of here too."

We spent the next hour or so clearing the buildings for our own use as the officers searched out for a place for the colonel to stay at his newly won prize city.

"Benny, Malarkey," The copper haired man jumped as Speirs barked his name. "Get 2nd ready, we're going to take the nest."

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Malarkey and I were the first to jump off of the trucks, others followed in our suite and before we knew it we were looking down on the convoy as we jogged up to the Eagle's Nest. We stopped every once in awhile to yell and wave at the men still on the trucks, but continued our quick ascent to Hitler's favorite gift. We cleared the area when we arrived and waited for Speirs to join us before breaching the house. The view was incredible as the five of us got our first look at the nest. I grabbed anything that was silver or gold and stuffed it into my bag, grabbing a flute of champagne along the way. I saw Speirs leaning over something and I curiously made my way over. It was a Nazi who I could quickly see had taken his own life rather than be captured by us. Speirs grabbed his gun just as Malarkey opened another bottle of champagne, the cork sped free from the bottle and caused a sound not unlike that of a gunshot. What I saw cannot be unseen and if I ever told anyone they wouldn't have believed me! The sound of the cork popping and echoing off the stone walls caused him to jump…

Captain Ronald Speirs nearly came out of his skin in a very rare moment of weakness.

It only lasted for a blink and he was back to himself, with just a bit more annoyance than usual written across his face.

"Here's to him!" Malarkey exclaimed as he took a swig of champagne.

"Hey!" I called and held out my now empty flute. "Don't be greedy."

Malarkey dumped a quarter of the bottle into my glass and I held it up to him in a salute as he did the same with the bottle before we both took a swig of the sweet, dry sparkling beverage. Malarkey wondered off in search of more treasures as I walked over to Speirs.

"Little jumpy, sir?" I questioned, barely holding back my shit eating grin. He leveled me with a glare that could have melted the flesh off my bones… but had little effect as I swigged the rest of my drink in one go and locked eyes with the Captain.

"You can glare at me all you want, sir." I waggled my finger at him, already feeling slightly tipsy. "You've glared at me so much that it doesn't even bother me anymore. I'm immune to it!" I chuckled and the look of annoyance increased on his face ten fold.

"Don't worry, sir, your secret is safe with me." I play whispered as grabbed another bottle of champagne and handed it to him before ditching the flute and grabbing my own bottle.

"Zum Wohl!" I hoisted my bottle in toast before popping the cork and taking a swig. Speirs rolled his eyes at me but drank heavily from his own bottle. I nodded in approval and joined Malarkey as we combed through the rest of the house, taking the best trinkets for ourselves.

I stood in the garden of the eagle's nest letting the sun soak through my clothes down into my bones as the cool air breezed past my face and I took in the view. I had never seen anything of the like before.

The mountains in Colorado were different, they were wild and the peaks gnarled and untamed. The mountains here were soft and capped in snow, like a painting come to life. They stood tall and proud and I was thankful that I had the chance to witness them. The sound of the breeze whistled through the mountains, covering the sound of troop movements as I myself was tasked with watching over the castle on the mountain per Speirs' orders. I glanced and nodded my head as Winters and a slacked jawed Nixon walked past me. Winters returned my nod with a great smile as he hopped into the jeep and sped away.

I sighed and walked over to the courtyard, taking a seat on the sun warmed brick wall that matched the rest of the house that blended into the granite of the mountain. Just as I had found a comfortable spot on the stone wall I heard a commotion coming from inside the house. I jumped up and made my way inside, curiosity getting the better of me. I followed the sound of voices until I found myself standing on a balcony looking over one of the most beautiful and vast vistas I had ever seen.

"You okay, sir?" I asked Harry as he shouted out in glee, his voice echoing off the mountains. The only answer I got was another excited shout as Harry let go of Lip and turned towards the mountains. I looked between the three officers Speirs, Lip and Harry and shook my head in amusement before taking one last look at the view and walked back inside.

As I made my way back to the entrance I heard the pounding of hurried feet on the stone floor. I turned towards the sound and saw Speirs barreling toward me and I stopped dead in my tracks, bracing myself. I held my ground with my eyebrow quirked in something akin to amusement.

"Sir?" I asked as he came to a stop in front of me. His taller frame towered over me and I looked up at him. His eyes held a swirl of emotions that changed so fast I felt dizzy... or perhaps that was the fumes of the numerous bottles of champagne that he and the rest of the officers had imbibed, my proximity to the man was so close I could detect the scent of the soap he washed with this morning under the alcohol. His hands came to either of my shoulders and held firm as I imagined he was trying to keep whatever wave of dizziness that came from the swirl of emotions and alcohol at bay.

"It's over," he said in a deep voice.

"Sir?" I asked again, confusion evident in my eyes and voice. He glanced down at his hands as they gripped my shoulders.

"The war," he raised his eyes to meet my gaze once more, "it's over."

When what he said had finally penetrated my fogged mind all I could articulate was a dumbfounded,

"Huh."

I glanced anywhere but at him. I was at a loss. I always thought that there would be a tremendous amount of relief that would wash over me when this day came, but all I felt was numb. I had spent so much of my life at war, waiting to hear those words in both the future and the past and now I felt empty, lost.

Flashes of my life raced through my mind, the war at home and the war here. Will, my dad, my brother, George, Buck, Roe, Nix, Winters, all them men from my present and future came to my mind. These men from the past had become family and now that the war was over what would I do? How could I get back to my future… did I even want to go back? Without my knowing I began thinking of home as a place that included the men of Easy, without realizing it my time became the past.

What would I do without war? It was my life. I didn't know if I could be a civilian after everything I had been through. I didn't know if I could be a doctor after all the blood and gore I had seen and been the cause of.

"Sargent." Speirs squeezed my arms and his strong voice brought me back to the present and to his concerned brown eyes that looked over me in disquiet. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, sir," I don't know. "I'm just…" lost, worried, happy, terrified, "in shock." He smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes as he squeezed my arms one last time before letting go.

"You need a drink." He announced as he scanned the room. "I need a drink," he mumbled to himself as he procured two bottles of champagne.

"I think you've already had a drink, sir." I quirked an eyebrow at him as he stumbled slightly back over to me.

"I need another," he grinned and popped the cork from one bottle followed shortly by the other. He handed one to me and raised his own.

"Happy VE day Jo." Speirs took a deep swig from the bubbly wine.

"Happy VE day, Captain Speirs." I took my own deep drought.

"That's the spirit!" Harry yelled as Lip guided him in from the terrace. "Happy VE day!" He tipped his head back and drowned the rest of his bottle, nearly throwing both himself and Lip off balance.

"Oh boy do I need a drink," I mumbled.

We loaded up the last of the alcohol that we could fit in the trucks, my head already spinning from the impromptu private celebration between the officers and I early in the day.

"I think I'm becoming an alcoholic." I said to Luz as we pulled out our poison of choice before closing the bed of the overloaded truck.

"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em." Luz said as he opened the corked bourbon. I followed suite with my own and we toasted each other.

"You are aware that this means we are now an occupational force, right?" I asked as we watched the truck make it's way back into town.

"I am," we made our way over to the jeep where O'Keefe was waiting for us in the driver's seat. Before jumping in George turned to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. "Happy VE day kid," he whispered to me. "We made it."

My own arms came around to return my best friend's tight embrace.

"We did." I whispered back, feeling for the first time a sense of relief. He had made it through the war, we both did. We were alive and we would be going home…

Whatever that meant.


	34. Whispers in the Dark

"I've always wondered what Austria looked like before the war." I breathed as I soaked in the picturesque landscapes that surrounded us.

"Whatta mean?" Malarkey asked as we bumped around in the back of the transport truck. "This place looks virtually untouched."

I shot a smile to the redheaded man in return as several tall blonde women made their way over to the road, waving and cheering the trucks full of Easy men. In a truck surrounded by 2nd platoon men I had never felt more keenly alone than I did at that moment.

In 2043 I had been deployed to Austria, one of the major battlegrounds of the 3rd world war. What was once these lush, panoramic vistas straight out of a fairy tale I now found myself in had be absolutely decimated, ravaged by a war that left no country untouched. Bombs lobbed towards the mountains where civilians took shelter had destroyed the towering mountains, sending rocks and debris spilling towards the foothills and landslides laid waste to the towns and cities. The Austria I knew was painted in a palette of browns and greys, not the multifaceted vista I now observed. Never had I seen anything so majestic before. Nor had I ever felt such pain at what was to come of all this splendor in the future.

"Hey Benny!" Web nudged me, bringing me out of my thoughts. He pointed to a very lovely looking young woman. "I think she likes you."

I followed his gaze to the women in question and smiled politely as I waved at her. She ducked her head and giggled, whispering something to her friend.

"They probably ain't ever seen anyone who looks like Benny before." Liebgott laughed and slapped me on the back.

"Well, to be fair, there aren't many women that look like them on the reservation either." I joked back. I watched the men as they waved and shouted at the beautiful Austrian women, laughing at their antics as they vied for their attention.

"The war is over!" Malarkey exclaimed as he slung his arms around Liebgott's and my neck.

"Yeah," I breathed deep the fresh clean air. "It is."

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We were called into the mess to watch the mandatory newsreel that replaced our promised movie night. The marines on the screen fought against the Japanese army in heroic videos as the annoying old timey reporter voice told us about the fight in Okinawa. I could sense the frustration and tension in the room as the men realized they were going to be shipped to the Pacific. I saw George glanced over at me out off the corner of my eye, a question clearly written across his face. I stayed facing the screen but shook my head minutely. We would not make it to the Pacific, the war would be over soon. I felt him as he sighed deeply in relief. The lights flipped on and everyone filed out of the mess grumbling about the points they needed to go home. I lingered behind, letting the room clear before stepping out into the brisk evening air. I lit a cigarette as I walked along the path, contemplating my place in this world now that the war was over.

"Benally," a voice called and I came to a halt, turning towards the unmistakable figure.

"Captain Speirs," I greeted as he fell into step next to me. He motioned and I continued my stroll with him beside me.

"Interesting movie night," it was not a question.

"I've seen better," I shot back and glanced towards him. A grin grew across his face and we walked in silence for a time. The evening sky quickly grew dark and millions of stars twinkled down at is. We stopped and leaned over a chest high stone wall that ran along the side of the lake. The water reflected the stars and I found myself more at peace than I had been in a very long time. The chirping of crickets surrounded us like a nighttime lullaby. I felt those piercing eyes as they turned from the lake and bored into me.

"How many points do you have, Jo?" I was slightly taken aback at the question. I shifted so my back was leaning against the wall and turned my head so I was eye to eye with the taller man. I stared him in the eyes for a while, not saying anything. He sighed and turned away, clearing his throat as he did so.

"Do you want to transfer? I'm sure Winters could get you a cushy job at Command," he dropped so his elbows rested on the wall.

"Wow, I didn't know you wanted to get rid of me so much, sir. If you want I could just go for a walk into the lake." I turned and jumped up on the wall and made a move as if I was going to jump.

"Benally." He growled and grabbed my trouser legs, pulling me back down off the wall. "If you weren't such a damn good NCO I would shoot you." A surprised laugh fled from my chest and he rolled his eyes.

"Nothing's stopping you, sir." I leaned back against the wall again and gestured around us. "We're kinda alone here." He glared at me. "I'm not afraid of you, sir."

His glare melted from his face and was replaced with a genuine smile.

"I'm well aware of that, Sergeant." He sighed. "You still haven't answered my question, Jo."

"No, I haven't." I grinned and he rolled his eyes. "Why're you asking, sir?"

"I'm not going to lie to you. I need you." He turned to look back at the lake. "Winters already has plans to get some of Toccoa men out of fighting in the Pacific." He pulled at the thread in his sleeve. "You've been through a lot already, I won't push you if you don't want to do it, but I need your help keeping these men alive when we ship out to Japan."

A small smile crept it's way across my face without my permission. I glanced around at the mountains until I could face him again.

"Can't say I want to stay in this war any longer than I have too." A low sound, almost a growl came from him as he rubbed a hand through his hair. I continued on casually "But, I don't have anywhere near enough points to even think about leaving, what with only being shot once and all."

He snorted and turned to look at me. I met his eyes with my own.

"And George isn't going anywhere soon and I promised his mom I'd keep him alive, so it looks like you're stuck with me, sir."

Another smile found itself crossing the Captain's face and I felt myself returning it with one of my own. He shook his head and grabbed my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. He paused as his dark eyes met mine and his eyebrows knitted together momentarily. I felt my heart jump and had to take a deep breath to calm it, sure that it was an evolutionary reaction to his predatory state of being. He stared into me shifting a bit before jerking his head slightly like he was trying to clear away his thoughts. He grinned and squeezed my shoulder once more before dropping his hand back to his side.

"Good man, Benally. I knew I could count on you." I watched as he walked away and sighed as I turned around to look at the lake once again.

"Outstanding."

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We stood in formation as Speirs informed the men about the lottery. I had spoken with him earlier in the day as he discussed the lottery with Lipton and I and decided to rig the drawing. I fought a grin as I watched Harry make a show of 'mixing' the hat to give the illusion of a random draw.

"For easy company the winner is," Welsh fought a grin as he handed the slip to Speirs. "Serial number 13066266, Sergeant Darrell C. Powers."

We cheered and whistled congratulating Shifty on his 'luck.'

"Sergeant Grant will see to it that second platoon takes over the crossroads checkpoint beginning at 2200." Speirs was back to business mode. "General Taylor has announced that the 101st division will definitely be redeployed to the Pacific."

I watched the grins fall from the faces of the men and wanted so badly to assure them their fight was over. They were exhausted and homesick, they missed their families and they had no idea when their war would be over. A heavy filling settled on my chest and continued to grow with each word Speirs spoke.

"So, beginning tomorrow at 0600 hours we will begin training to go to war."

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"Can't say you're the most popular man around here today, sir." I raised an eyebrow as I addressed Speirs. He glared momentarily at me and Lipton fought of a grin as the rest of the senior NCOs looked frightened for me.

"Well Benally, that's why I've got you," he grinned, putting the rest of the NCOs at a slight bit of ease as they were now assured they weren't going to witness my murder. We sat in a room along with Easy Company's officers as Speirs laid out plans to get us battle ready. He assigned each NCO duties to get their squads back into shape for the war in the Pacific. We were handed out schedules for checkpoint duty as well as other tasks designed to keep the men busy and out of trouble.

Not that would be of much help.

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"So Doc, How'm I doing?" I asked Roe as he finished what I hoped was my final exam.

"You've gained weight." He answered.

"Are you calling me fat?" I shot back. His head snapped up and he stared at me in shock.

"I… I… No, I was just-" he stammered.

"I'm just fucking with you, Gene." I grinned at his glare.

"Why do I even bother," he muttered.

"Cuz you like me." He couldn't hold his glare as I chuckled and a smile fell across his face.

"I guess I do," he snorted. "God knows why."

"I'm just special."

"Yes you are, sha." He sighed. "Promise me ya'll take care of ya'self from now on, huh?"

"Scouts honor," I held up my fingers in a scout's salute.

"You weren't in da scouts, were ya," he raised his eyebrow.

"That's beside the point." I waved away the comment. I grinned and wrapped him in a one armed hug. "Really Gene, thanks for everything."

He blushed as ducked his head before slinging his arm around me to return the hug.

"I'm always here for ya, Jo."

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"So, it's all over." George sighed as we laid side by side on a grassy patch by the lake sharing a smoke.

"Yup," I blew smoke as I passed him the cigarette. "All over but the crying."

"So when the hell do we get to go home?" he growled and took a puff.

"When the Japanese surrenders in four-ish months," I shrugged.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do?" He rolled so he was propped on his elbow looking over me.

"Go home with you." I answered. "Go visit Buck in California maybe."

"Not that I'm complaining about that, but what about going home?" I breathed deeply.

"I don't think I'm going home, George." I said after a moment. "I don't know why I'm here and I don't know how to get back… I don't think I can get back."

We were quiet for a while and I thought about my family and friends. It hurt to finally say I wouldn't see them again, but it was a reality I had to face.

"You'll always have a home with me, JoJo." I grinned up at Luz ruffled his hair.

"I know," I pulled his hair slightly before dropping my hand. "I love you, George."

"I love you too, JoJo."


	35. Remember Us

_ Dear Jo,  _

 

_ I hardly know how to start this letter. I've written and rewritten it so many times now I've lost count. Writing to Malarky was so much easier and I hope you can forgive me for writing him but not you.  _

 

_ Jesus, I can hear you as if you were sitting on my bed as I write this telling me to just “get the fuck on with it, Buck. We don't have all damn day.”  _

 

_ I miss you Jo. I miss talking with you, I miss giving you shit and you giving it right back. I didn't tell Malarky this but everyone walks on eggshells around me like I'm going to break at the slightest mention of the war.  _

 

_ Granted, I was a mess when I first got home, but I felt so much guilt leaving the men… leaving you. I feel like you've been by my side my whole life and now when I turn you talk to you, you aren't there. I feel like part of me is missing without you here. Everyone thinks they're protecting me by not mentioning it or changing the subject when the topic is brought up. I don't want them to. I want to talk about it, I want to tell them about you. _

 

_ Shit, I'm starting to sound weepy. But fuck it, I'm not starting this letter over again. I have to get it to you.  _

 

_ You told me when I left that you were leaving me alone to face a world that wouldn't understand what we went through, what I went through. I thought you're just trying to ease my guilt for leaving but now I know you were right. It's a different battle altogether and this time I don't have you by my side to help me get through it. God I need you Jo. I need you because you know everything I went through and you're the only one who won't look at me with judgemental eyes. You'd be the first one to send a glare at these people. I'm sure you'd scare them off too, you know your eyes turn black when you're mad, right? All these God fearing people would think you're the devil and you wouldn't correct them because you have a sick sense of humor like that. Sometimes, when it gets real bad, I imagine you're here doing just that and it helps me get through whatever I'm doing with what little sanity I have left mostly intact.  _

 

_ God I miss you.  _

 

_ I've already said that. But I do.  _

 

_ I don't care what you say, you are coming to California after all this is over. I'll drag you here myself if I have to and you know that's true.  _

 

_ I love you Jo and I need you here with me. Please keep yourself as safe as I know you're keeping the men.  _

 

_ I'll see you soon.  _

 

_ Love,  _

 

_ Buck _

 

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I felt a sing in my eyes, the telltale sign of repressed tears as I reread the letter from Buck for the umpteenth time. I still missed that giant blonde idiot and I still felt his loss keenly. 

 

I rubbed my nose in effort to keep the tears at bay and folded the letter, carefully stashing it in my front pocket. I looked over the lake once more, the deep orange of the sun just rising stained the lake and I  breathed the fresh air deep into my lungs, clearing my mind and preparing myself to lead early morning PT before breakfast as the men slowly started to make their way sleepily out of our temporary barracks. They readily fell into formation and we got the morning underway as Buck's words replayed on a loop in my mind. 

 

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I stopped short as I stepped into the room. I expected to only see my Captain in there, stalking around like normal but was met with not only Speirs but Winters, Nixon and another captain and major I had never met before as well as a private who stood quietly on his own with his head bowed. I cast my eyes about the room at the men before zeroing in on my CO. He looked angrier than normal which was saying a lot. 

 

“Gentlemen,” I greeted and everyone's eyes landed on me. “I was sent for.”

 

“Benny.” Winters greeted. “Have a seat.” 

 

He gestured to the chair at the head of the table closest to where I stood and I hesitantly sat as everyone else took their own seats. I glanced over at Speirs who sat next to me on my left. He kept his gaze from mine and glared harshly at the table in front of him. I felt my heart leap into my throat and was sure my heartbeat could be heard bouncing off the walls it's whooshing sounded so loud in my own ears. I took a deep, slow breath to try and calm my nerves and forced a neutral mask over my features.

 

“Sir, have I done something wrong?” I questioned openly but stared at Speirs. He briefly glanced up at me and his face softened for a moment before setting back into a glare directed at the wooden surface. “If my performance is not up to satisfaction please-”

 

“Benny, your performance is not in question,” Winters cut me off.  “You have served above and beyond what has been expected of you.” 

 

“With all due respect, sir, why was I called here if not due to my performance as an NCO?” I again looked to Speirs and he again kept his glare directed at the table. 

 

“Relax Jo, this isn't a tribunal,” Nixon spoke up, looking me directly in the eyes. He raised his massive brows slightly and I felt myself relaxing somewhat at the deeper meaning in his words.  _ It's okay Jo, it's not about what you think.  _

 

“Jo, this is Major Adams with army intelligence,” Winters introduced the blonde haired major who nodded politely to me. 

 

“Sir,” I greeted. 

 

“Sergeant Benally, I've heard great things about you,” Major Adams smiled. “This is Captain Puck, also with intelligence.” He gestured to the red headed Captain who all but sneered in my direction. 

 

“Good to meet you, sir,” it was nearly dismissive as I turned back to Winters. “Permission to speak freely, sir.”

 

“Granted Benny.”

 

“Sir, what does this have to do with me? Why am I here? I was pulled from training the men who need to be battle ready for the Pacific.”

 

Speirs finally looked up and I could see a proud glint in his eyes.

 

“The army believes your talents are better suited elsewhere, Benally,” he said short and gruff.

 

“I don't understand, sir.” I looked towards him. “Am I to be transferred out of Easy?” I remembered the conversation we had just the other night. “I thought I was to stay with the company.”

 

He looked me in the eyes and open his mouth to answer. 

 

“You speak fluent Navajo, is that right Sergeant Benally?” Major Adams cut the Captain off before he could speak and Speirs refocused his glare onto the blonde man. 

 

“Yes sir,” I answered somewhat hesitantly as things finally started to click and my presence here started to become apparent.

 

“Your kind,” Captain Puck nearly spat, “are being used to code messages in the Pacific theater.”

 

Speirs gaze fixed on the Captain and his eyes darkened. He was not the only one leveling a glare at the man. Winters and Nixon both bristled as the Captain’s tone. 

 

“Am I going to be trained to be one of these men?” I was, sadly, used to the inherent racism of this time that still held roots in my own and ignored the Captain’s tone with a practiced ease. 

 

“Yes. You and Private Bitzoo here,” Puck glanced and the silent private, not even attempting to hide his distaste. The private kept his eyes on the table where they had been since we had sat down. 

 

“Bitsui,” I corrected without a second thought. The private raised his eyes for the first time and looked at me. His dark eyes, much like my own, met mine and a small smile crossed his face. I nodded slightly in acknowledgement and turned towards Winters. “Am I being transferred, sir?”

 

“Not for the time being, Benny.” He answered.

 

“But it's a possibility in the future,” I said what he didn't want to say.

 

“Yes Sergeant,” he nodded with a sigh. 

 

“You're still one of my men,” Speirs barked glaring at Puck, the Captain shrunk slightly at Speirs’ heated gaze.  The CO turned to look at me, his eyes softened as did his voice. “You'll still be expected to perform your assigned duties but you'll also report the Captain Puck,” he spat the man's name with a glare, “to train in codes and translation. ”

 

“When do I start, sir?” I asked focusing on him. 

 

“ASAP,” Puck grunted. Speirs’ eyes held murder in them as he was cut off by the other Captain.

 

“You'll finish with your training duties during the day. Malarky will relieve you at 1500 each afternoon and you will train with Captain Puck until-”

 

“Until we're done,” Puck cut in once more and Speirs teeth clenched as he glared harder at the Captain then I'd ever seen before. Puck winced and shrank away slightly before coughing in an attempt to cover his fear. “You may be kept well into the night.”

 

“Yes, sir.” 

 

We discussed details of where and when we would be meeting as I felt the beginnings of a headache coming on. The officers stood from the table and I followed suit. Winters, Nixon and Adams nodded to me as they exited the room while Puck sneered and stomped out. Private Bitsui lingered for a moment but one glare from Speirs, not even directed at him, sent him scurrying after the officers. 

 

I sighed and sat heavily into my chair, dropping my head into my hands and rubbing my temples. The chair beside me scraped against the floor and groaned as a body dropped weightily into it.

 

“This feels like a huge clusterfuck,” I moaned and was rewarded with a derisive snort. 

 

“No shit,” Speirs grunted in agreement. I raised my head and looked at the Captain. He met my eyes and I could see how tired he really was as his defenses dropped. “Jo, don't think because he's an officer that you have to take any shit from him,” he leaned forward so his face was closer to mine. “If he does anything to you, you tell me. You are still my Sergeant.”

 

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. 

 

“You're not getting soft on me are you sir?” I joked, breaking the tension that had settled over the room and made me feel more than a little uncomfortable. 

 

“Do you ever take anything seriously, Benally?” he sighed in frustration. 

 

“I try not to, sir,” I shot back with a grin. 

 

“I will shoot you,” a laugh escaped me and he rolled his eyes but a grin crept its way across his face. He straightened up and the smile fell away. “I'm serious Jo. I just got you back into fighting shape-”

 

“Doc said I was fat.” He ignored me. 

 

“-and I don't want you or anyone else to jeopardize that,” he finished with a glare. I held up my hands in surrender. 

 

“Yes, sir. If anything's fucky,” he sighed and rolled his eyes, “I'll report it directly to you.”

 

He narrowed his eyes at me and stared at me for a moment before realizing that was the best he was going to get from me. 

 

“Benally.”

 

“Sir.”

 

“Get back to training.”

 

“Roger that sir.”

 

“Where's my sidearm.”

 

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Thank you for taking the time to read and if you enjoyed this have suggestions on how to improve please leave a review and let me know!


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